How does a woman feel?

[deebra]

This question is for moderator to this forum ReineD, other female moderators and any other genetic female; how do you feel about men dressing in female clothing from every now and then to full time, wheather in the closet, out in drab, underdressed or totally out in public. Wearing a bra with not having natural breasts to put in it, the risk and embarassment of being caught, trying to achieve something you really can't totally master. Why are so many wives so turned off and will not tolerate their husbands wearring/satisfying a need they were born with yet they wear any type of female/male clothing they choose which includes skimpy and revealing. Do they ever consider his needs, wants, desires? Would like to hear how women look at male to female CD's. Thankyou

[Sandra]

People can wear what they want as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't bother me one bit.

Many wives are as you say turned off and will not tolerate it, but for many it is not the fact that their SO wears women's clothes , but the fact that they have been lied to some for many years, in some case money has been spent that was meant to be for housekeeping and families have been kept short of money because of this.

A lot of cders want it all for themselves, and takes all and gives nothing back and expects the wife to be all happy and tolerating.

[Shananigans]

I don't really care how you dress. If this is your form of self-expression...wonderful. I imagine that different people will have different opinions about CDing based on their personal experiences and expectations. So, I can't answer for all women.

I will say that I struggle daily to de-emphasize a primary focus on physical concerns/outward appearances. I believe highly in cultivation of the inner self, so just as I might get annoyed when I am concentrating too much on something purely physical, I might get annoyed with other people that do this too. So, I think if this is something you enjoy, is part of your self-expression, and it doesn't distract from working on yourself internally...that's perfect. Wear what you want. But, if you are using CDing as kind of an obsession, or a distraction from cultivating higher thinking/understanding, or if you place too much focus on it then it is probably detrimental. I have this same line of thinking for any activity or interest. Things are generally good in moderation...but, we tend to place a lot of emphasis on things in our life that are impermanent and not guaranteed to last. (Almost anything can fit into those categories). So, if CDing is your obsession and the main source of happiness, I could imagine a lot of suffering...these physical things are not permanent or guaranteed. (As most CDs are all too aware, if I understand most people).

So, my point is I believe you should wear what you like to wear. However, if you know me on a daily basis (like my SO) and you are placing so much emphasis and focus on one aspect of your life that you begin to be unhappy and consumed by the activity, you will have to listen to me preach to you about cultivation of you inner self and true happiness. Sometimes it is good though because we can all look at things that we are doing that may be causing our unhappiness. I am not perfect...I definitely place too much emphasis and become too attached to things...but, I try to live a certain philosophy. So, that's basically the extent of my qualms. You take it for what you will, but I usually don't surround myself with people that perpetuate their own unhappiness with obsession. It doesn't mean I don't like you, but sometimes lines of thinking can be incompatible and our relationship only goes so far. I highly respect my SO for wearing and expressing himself as he wishes to do, but also that he has perspective on the situation and is able to see when he is the source of his own unhappiness.

In short, what I'm saying is I don't see your attire as anything necessarily negative. However, your behavior and preoccupation with such attire will possibly be seen as either positive or negative to me. But, just because someone is too attached or pre-occupied with CDing at or point in their lives does not necessarily mean that they should respond with total abandonment. Instead, I would be more likely to highly respect the person that found a balance with incorporating their desired clothing in their lives...one extreme to another rarely suits most people.

That's my long and exhausting view on clothing/life/CDing.

[Sindee50]

People can wear what they want as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't bother me one bit.

Many wives are as you say turned off and will not tolerate it, but for many it is not the fact that their SO wears women's clothes , but the fact that they have been lied to some for many years, in some case money has been spent that was meant to be for housekeeping and families have been kept short of money because of this.

A lot of cders want it all for themselves, and takes all and gives nothing back and expects the wife to be all happy and tolerating.

I am a GG with a CD'ing SO. I do so agree with Sandra on all she has stated. I must add to this,, that some
CD'ers have been guilty of spending money which was needed by the rest of the family, what I'm trying to say is when the CD'er spends and hides his purchases. That I could never condone, never agree to, I would be soooo upset and insulted if that were done to me.
All of my SO's purchases are discussed first, we go shopping together and nothing needs to be hidden. Lots of times he spends more on clothes etc. than I do and he feels guilty about this,,, but I have re-assured him that I've had a lifetime of doing clothing shopping and I need little,,,it's his turn!!!!!

[Mimi]

I believe that people should be able to dress or express themselves how they want (within reason, of course--don't wear grungy sweats to the opera, for example). I wish that society was more tolerant of transgendered people and cross-dressing men. I understand the need for some men to cross-dress, and I couldn't imagine forbidding it or being nonsupportive. I see how important it is to my spouse, and I'm happy that she's been able to find some inner peace through dressing. I enjoy going out with her when she's dressed. I just wish it didn't have to be so secret, but in our case, due to our jobs, that's how it has to be.

[ReineD]

It's difficult to come up with numbers, but we have tons of threads here from CDers who say their wives are accepting of their needs. I can't tell you whether this is average or the exception, but I'm prone to believing that if the average wife does not feel lied to, does not feel as if her husband wants to become a woman or wants to have sex with men, nor does he have a shopping addiction, and if she feels in sync with him in their daily lives (i.e. he's balanced ... he's engaged in their lives together and not in a pink fog, revolving his life around the CDing), then she won't have a problem with it.

Admittedly, some cultures are more accepting of this than others, and also GGs who have traditional or religious views might take longer to accept this, if ever.

As for myself, I'm totally supportive. If my SO were to want to transition though, I'd still be totally supportive but our relationship would change. I likely would stop being her lover and I would become her friend. I'm not romantically attracted to GGs. Obviously this differs among GGs ... some of us can and do remain in romantic relationships with husbands after transition.

Have a look at these threads:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/tags.php?tag=accepting+wives

[WifeofWrenchette]

People can wear what they want as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't bother me one bit.

Many wives are as you say turned off and will not tolerate it, but for many it is not the fact that their SO wears women's clothes , but the fact that they have been lied to some for many years, in some case money has been spent that was meant to be for housekeeping and families have been kept short of money because of this.

A lot of cders want it all for themselves, and takes all and gives nothing back and expects the wife to be all happy and tolerating.I feel this same way to an exact T. I can't add to or delete anything Sandra has said.