Need advice on dealing with my housemate.

[Melissa Jill]

He knows all about my transgenderism and is totally fine with it and everything. Hes gay, so hes been through coming out stuff himself.
But he is a worrier. He worries a lot about stuff. Just this weekend he sat me down for a talk because he was worried about when I get the surgery and everything.
Though that was partly my fault, I forgot to say at any point that the surgery won't be happening for years yet.
Anyway, before I went on hormones I briefly discussed the idea of self-medding with him and he said he would prefer me not to just incase something went wrong. And he would over-worry about me. But I am on hormones. And I feel bad for hiding it from him because hes been so supportive. But at the same time I don't want him to know if he is just going to worry about me. Because I seem to be putting him under a lot of pressure.

[suzy1]

What a lovely friend you have. Deal with him? Just be thankful you have someone that cares so much.
We all worry sometimes about the people we love Malissa.

SUZY

[AllieSF]

I have to echo what Suzy says. Just be very happy that you have such a supporting and accepting roommate. So many girls out there are looking for someone like him where they can live safe and sound with minimal or no hassles. Buy him some flowers and let him know how much you appreciate him. Then you can tell him everything you think he should know so that you do not feel so over protected by him. Good luck.

[Melissa Jill]

I don't mean deal with him to be in a negative way. I meant, do I tell him Im on hormones or not. This debating whether or not to tell him is a situation, how do I deal with it.

[suzy1]

How close a friend is he?
Like most of us we can benefit from a ‘soul mate’ and he does sound like one.

Just trying to help here Melissa but its your call. You know him better than we ever will.

[Aprilrain]

you gotta just tell him, its sweet that he cares but its your life!

[Traci Elizabeth]

What strange bedfellows we make. A relationship based on secrecy does not have a bright future no matter the intend.

[kimdl93]

Its great that your housemate is so thoughtful. What I'd suggest is that you should just tell him that you have started on HRT under doctors supervision. I'm sure he was most concerned about the risks of self medication. Besides, isn't he just as likely to find out by accident?

[Teri Jean]

I have a friend here in MN that was in a gay relationship with her partner for over 11 years and when it was time for her to start her transition he walked out for a year. Not knowing if he would have a change of heart she continued with her transition and then almost a year to date while she was moving from her apt. to a more affordable place he showed up on the door step. It has been a couple years now and he is traveling to PA with her for her SRS, fully supportive.

The fact he still considers himself a gay man he loves her dearly. He needed to first identify his future without her and himself as a gay man, then he needed to come to grips with what the future would be for him and her. He chose to be happily in love with this gal whom he found under a different circumstance but loves so much. Is he hetrosexual now? No, he is still a gay man but is in love with a woman and now has the opportunity to marry the love of his life.

If your partner is a loving man and is really wants you to be happy there are ways for him to show his love and commitment to you. Just remember you have to give some also to make it a joint venture. Only you and he can decide what is the best for your situation. I wish you the best.

[Katesback]

As stated before this is YOUR life. You have to do what you have to do to be happy.

[RachelOKC]

It's great to have a friend that is concerned, but there's little reason for him to be worried about YOUR life especially when it doesn't seem he has any particular stake in it. He's not your partner or family member and it's certainly not his body or his transition.

I worry too about my friend who is desperately awaiting a kidney transplant but there's little I can do for her other than provide moral support and the occasional helpful act. Maybe your friend needs to realize that too? It's great he didn't want you to do harm with self-medication, but he still doesn't need to be a mother hen. Good friend is sufficient, no?

[ReineD]

You should get this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Afraid-Tell-Insights-Personal-Growth/dp/0883473232

If he is your lover, he deserves the truth. If he is your friend, he deserves the truth. By withholding the truth, you are arbitrarily deciding for HIM that he is too weak or that he does not have the maturity to deal with it. This is presumptuous. It is also controlling.

But ultimately, by withholding the truth you are short changing yourself. You are preventing yourself from letting others know who you are.

[Andie Elisabeth]

You should get this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Afraid-Tell-Insights-Personal-Growth/dp/0883473232

If he is your lover, he deserves the truth. If he is your friend, he deserves the truth. By withholding the truth, you are arbitrarily deciding for HIM that he is too weak or that he does not have the maturity to deal with it. This is presumptuous. It is also controlling.

But ultimately, by withholding the truth you are short changing yourself. You are preventing yourself from letting others know who you are.

Thanks for recommending a book :) I added it immediately to to-read list
http://www.bookdepository.com/Why-am-I-Afraid-Tell-You-Who-I-am-John-Powell/9780006281054?selectCurrency=USD (same book, same company, except better price and 0 for shipping)

[Sandra1746]

Hi Melissa,
It is obvious that you don't have to worry about being "outed" by your housemate so regular and open communication is the best path. Having a good friend like that is a rare gift; one to be cherished.

Best of luck in your transition and kudos for choosing medical supervision VS DIY.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[Britney Johnson]

In your situation, I would definitely let him know. He sounds super windfall and is supporting you thru your journey. It is important for close friends to confide within each other. Even though you may think this just a small secret, if and when he finds out, and he will... He will be more hurt and upset that you didn't confide in him. It is very rare to find such a good friend that will be there for you through out the transition, much less one that will even try and undstand what us girls go thru daily.
I am coloring the kettle black as I say this though. I am currently married and she does not agree in any way, but I have started HRT and it kills me that I am so afraid to tell her. This is because I do love her so much, for everything that she does, but already know her stance on this subject. You will put yourself thru more stress by not telling him. And having started your HRT, you will be going thru enough stress with all the changes that will be occurring. There will be no way to hide them all, especially from someone so close. Hugs and good luck girl...

[Julia_in_Pa]

Melissa,

Your kind to consider your roommates feelings.

I don't think you should have to worry about what he's worried about with you.
I'm not going to say not to self medicate because I'm not familiar with transition guidelines in your country.

Just be careful.

Tell him thank you for being such a caring and loving person.
Explain to him that ultimately it is your life and your decision to do what your doing.


Julia