Why do you want to?

[Kate Simmons]

My next logical subject question is why do You feel like you want to look and be like a woman? What is it you perceive about women that you want to be like them? Is it something mysterious or something ordinary or a combination of the two? We seem to be unique individuals who usually begin by emulating girls and women but if we get in touch with the feelings we come to being our own person and expressing our feelings in a way that is pleasing and comfortable to us. Why is it that we want to do this? I know sometimes it may be a fetish and done for pleasure but for others it is something else entirely. Does this bring us closer to women and people in general? Motivations vary from person to person. What do you feel yours is?:)

[kimdl93]

The ultimate "why" for a transgendered person. I know I am fundementally the same person wearing male clothes as when I'm en femme. So why dress otherwise? I certainly like the clothes, I know I enjoy presenting the illusion that I'm a female, and I believe that by presenting as a woman, I'm bringing my inner workings and exterior into closer conformity. That last element seems to resolve the conflict I've harbored within for most of my life.

[sonna]

there is just something so satisfying. maybe even a stress relief no matter bad my day,week or month is
dressing up makes me feel better.

[JenniferR771]

I cannot even begin to explain it, Kate. I am a crossdresser. I love to wear women's clothes. And hair, and makeup and pretty, cute shoes, especially tall sexy heels. I am sure I was born this way. Why do women like high heels? (At least for special occasions.)

Its something inside of me. Brain sex. Why do I like women? Say as compared to hunky-looking men? Or as compared to a curvy ewe? Or a slender, but young and svelte elm tree? Nothing against Ulmus americanus. Something inside my head decides. I love the way they sway in the wind, though.

Did you ever look at porn when the women's faces were plain, or their hair was a mess--me neither. It just doesn't work.

[suzy1]

I don’t think this question applies to some of us does it?

I don’t want to or not want to. It’s just a part of me. It’s who I am. Its not a lifestyle choice.

[Marleena]

Another great question Kate!:)

In my case I'm not trying to emulate them, I'm being myself. Due to life circumstances I can only be me part time. That said there is lots to learn about being female after being raised male and living as one for decades. In my case it's a need not a want.

[suchacutie]

Kate, I didn't want to. I spent 55 years just being a guy and thought that was just fine.

And then my wife and I were just kidding around...no intent at all...but there I was in clothes of hers that she was likely to discard and, as luck would have it, fit me as I had lost a bunch of weight just before that point. A bit more joking and a few more of her things and suddenly we both knew something had changed. She just blurted out "we need to buy you a dress".

So why did it continue at that point? This one is pretty simple at one level: We both wanted to know who the devil Tina is!!! Clearly this feminine part of me was there, had always been there, and was not likely to go away. What part has Tina played in our lives? What part will she play? What is she like? What interests her? The list goes on and on.

We had discovered a new person and it was important to know all about her. It still is important. So, we knew we needed to let her develop and we've helped her to do that. After 6 years the journey is very much not over, but is only beginning.

[Karren H]

If I knew.... I wouldn't be hanging around here. I'd be writing a self help book and makin a friggin fortune!! Lol.

[Kate Simmons]

If I knew.... I wouldn't be hanging around here. I'd be writing a self help book and makin a friggin fortune!! Lol.You could do it Karr. Many folks look up to you and appreciate your example Hon, including myself. Sure life would have gone on without knowing you but it wouldn't be as much fun.;):)

[Nikki A.]

Good question, I for myself don't wish to become a woman but I do dress and I do feel very comfortable dressing as such. I do think I have a strong fem side that I need to express to keep a balance.
I do like the clothes, I do like ability to look be able to alter my look using make up and undergarments. Best of both worlds to me would be able to wear whatever I want, but still be me. Unfortunately I don't feel comfortable, nor do I think society in general feels comfortable with the "man in a dress" so when I do dress it is either mildly androgenous or dressed fuly enfemme.

[Debra Russell]

All of the above and .. uh I don'no why can't explain - just do and enjoy .....................Debra

[Stephanie47]

Personally, I believe my inner soul is accepting of being a man and a woman. If I recall my biology, sex is determined during the course of fetal development and not at inception of life. I was raised as all boy. I did all the scrappy things little boys do. I played sports. I got into trouble. I liked girls, exclusively and still do. Frankly, I think the scale of my soul tipped into balance somewhere along the line. I fought against cross dressing. I viewed myself with self loathing, disgust, all the negative thoughts society told me to accept. I participated in manly activities. I went to war. I married. I raised a family. Yet, my inner soul encouraged me to accept her presence. No matter what I did as a teenager or young adult, I could never increase muscle mass. I could get really good muscle tone, but, eating a lot of protein and weight lifting did absolutely nothing to increase muscle mass. Slowly she has emerged and co exists with HIM. I like being a male. I like being a female. SHE wants to wear a dress! So, why should I deny her?

[Kate Simmons]

I can't deny that I like looking pretty, in fact I love it and actually have a lot of different femme looks. I do not despise my looks as a guy though. To me it's definitely an art form as a block of marble. The sculpture is in there it just needs to be brought out and honed by artistic expression. Somewhere along the line something happens though which I have yet to explain. I actually fit into the skin of my own creation. Not necessarily as a different person but a female expression of myself. Self made clone? Who knows. All I know is I get my money's worth when I undergo this process and have fun with it.:battingeyelashes::)

[BRANDYJ]

I had spent a good part of my life trying to figure out why. I have some theories and opinions as to why, but I'll spare you the book iot would take to write it. I will say that in being TG/CD, I honestly think it made me a better man...a better person. I truly believe it gave me a much higher respect and regard for women then the typical non-CD man.

[Cheryl T]

The ultimate "why" for a transgendered person. I know I am fundementally the same person wearing male clothes as when I'm en femme. So why dress otherwise? I certainly like the clothes, I know I enjoy presenting the illusion that I'm a female, and I believe that by presenting as a woman, I'm bringing my inner workings and exterior into closer conformity. That last element seems to resolve the conflict I've harbored within for most of my life.

I agree with Kim. It brings about a balance that I achieve no other way.
Also it's not that I want to be "like" them. In many ways I Am like them, but can only demonstrate that in this way. For me it's not emulation, it's self-expression.

[phylisanne]

this question has been asked thousands of times and i myself still dont know.we have many guests coming to our meet up meetings here in new york and they always ask how we got started and what prompted it.when i am getting dressed i am in my feminine mode and it just feels right ,like the inner woman of me comes out of her cocoon.

[Simply Joslyn]

Its a tough question, I remember my first urge to go find some stuff, my older sister and mom had just finished putting some old clothes in my closet (what do I need a closet for anyway I'm a guy) and something just said in my head go do it, it may have been me remembering when I exchanged clothes with my twin a couple times when we were younger and playing around, but something there just clicked and it started a long string of fighting with myself and loving how I looked, I purged quite a few times in an attempt to rid myself of this "disease" as I thought and eventually I gave in and couldn't fight it and began to open my mind to something more something that could have stayed hidden but didn't want to, I felt beautiful, I felt better about myself, and I felt like someone I wanted to be versus the timid tall guy noone wanted to talk to, but even if they tried I couldn't bring myself to trust most people. Nowadays I'm alot more communicative, and accepting of others, so I suppose Joslyn made me instead of the other way around. Of course it could also be that I see woman as works of art, rounded and curved, like a fine vase, aswell as the clothes they wear making each one more beautiful the flow the shape and the vivid colors showing their personality. What do guys have to show they're personality? their cars, maybe... I don't think so, don't drive a souped up prius eater or suv, your a wuss get out of her. Men remind me of the music video for pink floids the wall, all the children with masks that look alike showing how they all must be uniform, just saying as a guy you can either be manly or your screwed up in the publics eye. Ok my little rant is over, just trying to say when I look like Joslyn it doesn't feel so much as a mask to hide behind as a piece of me thats there to let me be myself and not have to worry what the world thinks of Josh.

[Antoinette]

I respect women a lot and most definitely look up to them. I was raised by women with no father figure so I couldn't really relate to any males. I had to teach myself to be a man. I kind of look at it as dressing up as your favorite character for whatever occassion. Let's say batman. Why would anyone dress up as him, well because they look up to him, they want to be him, they can relate, there's so many reasons. Well for me dressing as woman has been like that. I love how women present themselves and express themselves. I've also grown to accept my feminine side and let her be a part of me. It may sound weird but those are my reasons.

[Antoinette]

Where in new york do you meet, if you don't mind me asking?

[busker]

Kate, funny you should ask. It is something I've thought about for a long time, would love to understand the origins but I accept that there is something that motivates that is beyond my complete control. as a kid, I never dressed up for halloween, I have absolutely no theatrical abilities, I'm a pi$$-poor liar so trying to pull off something like passing for a woman is totally beyond my comprehension. The motivation began in my teens 13 or so, and it came like a flash and eventually I was caught in a round-about way. That stopped it cold--for a while--but the die had been cast either by psychology or hormones, and I always had an eye for women's clothing. It only hit me recently that a whole life of shopping in stores started via the women's clothing aisles. I dressed a few times while married but it was not a regular part of my life. I did all the guy stuff, though sports interests eluded me , and does to this day--like watching paint dry.
When I found this site, I had already come to terms in my mind with this thing, I wasn't desperately seeking to see if I was the only one in the world like me. I grew up before Christine Jorgenson has her surgery and certainly saw crossdressing in the movies later on. Some years ago I had cancer surgery which did screw my hormones even more giving me gynecomastia. Everything was boosted at that point, but internally/emotionally I am NO different. I dress now all day, wearing stuff that blends, no wig or anything else--so I look like most women in pants, shirt, bra and jacket to cover the obvious. I don't have two personalities, wouldn't want to have, but I do consider myself generally more "sensitive" than a lot of men, etc. I'd just as soon be one way or the other. I'm more inclined to attribute psychological origins rather than chemistry which would be difficult to prove at best. There is an odd peacefulness dressing but I think I would have no problem putting my stuff away if I had a woman companion because the clothes in my case don't make the person. However, with one foot in the grave and the other already on the banana peel, it is nothing I am seeking.

[Frédérique]

My next logical subject question is why do You feel like you want to look and be like a woman? What is it you perceive about women that you want to be like them? Is it something mysterious or something ordinary or a combination of the two?

I just want to wear their interesting clothes and feel different, in a way distancing myself from the reality of being male. I used to think that females were very mysterious creatures, but, now that I’ve been “run over” by a few of them, I have been cured of that. I often wonder why I still wear female clothes, and construct a female appearance, since I have re-thought, or retro-fitted, my original intentions. My perceptions about women are now nearly equal to my perceptions about men, and, if they are outsiders, they are ALL against me. I now dress to be something I cannot be, namely an approximation of a fictitious idea, or a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in self-imposed ideals I can never live up to. It’s not “Female or bust,” but more like, “Let’s put on this dress, or this skirt, or these shoes, and snuggle up with something forbidden.” I need some comfort these days, so I keep re-shaping myself to fit the clothes I love to wear – it’s still FUN, I'm pleased to say...
:battingeyelashes:

[Sandy Michaels]

when i first started out as a kinky thing i did part of my sex life, which at the time i was in a destructive way. the usual sex, drugs, alcohol, violence. now that i've calmed down a bit. i still have stress and issues to deal with. dressing is my escape and therapy, and its one of the best things for me, along with this site. once my problems are fixed i wont need to dress, but i will. it's part of who i am now.

[STACY B]

Hell this is an easy one ,,They got all the good shoes thats why .

[Organza]

I've been thinking about this for fifty years. In the past two years I think I've reached a partial understanding, but really it applies only to myself, because my style of CD is in a minority here. Mine has a fairly strong masochistic component, but here's the twist. Somehow I feel that women are good and men are not. There are some parts of me that believe that women are "better," based on various kinds of logic and evidence (male strength is an atavistic holdover from the caveman era, men stink, men commit more crimes, the males of many species are useless drones, etc.), but I don't think the feeling is entirely logical. What I feel when I try to look like a girl is that I'm approaching the state of being "good enough." If I'm being a slave as well (doing tedious housework, following orders, etc.), then I'm even closer to being "good." Being abused for the slightest mistakes, and for not being an actual girl, reinforces this even further. I especially enjoy being punished if it's unfair, excessive, and capricious. I suppose I'm really trying to please someone out of my past, probably my mother, although I have no feeling when I dress up that my mother is involved at all. In fact she never ordered people around and she was a wonderful mother, so that line of reasoning doesn't really make sense, but that doesn't mean it's untrue. The bizarre irony is that I'd rather be in this situation, always trying and failing to emulate a girl, than be an actual girl, which would do away with all the fun :) And it would also end my wonderful marriage...
Lisa

[Julia_in_Pa]

Well that's easy, I'm intersexed and I transitioned five and a half years ago so I better look like what I am.


Julia

[noeleena]

Hi,

Maybe i am a woman that would answer the ? , Did i wont to be like no, or even be a woman well still no.i did not have a say. long before i was born what i was was allready programed .

So to being a woman is what i am just intersexed thats all . too many details & things about my self was & is different, ,
The thing is am i happy the way i am. .... YES..... & thats very importaint in being who i am ,

Had i been different & that is really funny because of what iv just said , i would not know what its like to be ether male or female in the true sence of that. as in a all out male or all out female, i really cant answer that ? because i just dont have that expreance . i can look & wonder & thats really all i can do,

Apart from all that im content in who i am .......

...noeleena...

[Tina B.]

First I agreed with Kim, when she said "That last element seems to resolve the conflict I've harbored within for most of my life" I fought with this conflict for years before I realized it was futile.
Then I agreed with Suzy when she said "I don’t want to or not want to. It’s just a part of me. It’s who I am. Its not a lifestyle choice."
But then I read what Karren had to say, and as usual, her spin while cute, has a real ring of truth to it, after all do any of us really know why we are like we are, I sure don't.

If I knew.... I wouldn't be hanging around here. I'd be writing a self help book amakingkin a friggin fortune!! Lol.
Tina B.

[bobbie c]

easy ...motivation?...balance within myself..a chance to get away from me for awhile...and simply a reason to let it all be free....love the clothes, the feel and look. don't want to be a woman, but relate to them far easier then men, .....much more fun to "get away" for awhile...makes the mundane life more fun!!! it simply is.....yep...hugs and smiles

[CHEVELLE]

To be honest its the breasts. Their curvy bodies and that they got to have the long hair and earrings that I was always denied by parents and employers

[cathie pantyhose]

i want help with makeup...ugh....actually i'd like to have a bit more curves and less of a mans shaped body. I run constantly but still can't get a natural curve on the side

[Joanne f]

It's not so much as why do I want to but more in that if I don't I feel like I am missing or denying part of me that I have to connect with and I get that connection though the feel of things more that the look of them , if it feels or acts feminine then I feel that and it makes me feel feminine even if I do not look it , my male body may take away my looks but it will never take away my feelings. :)

[ArleneRaquel]

I just desire to be as close to the superior gender as possible. Imitation is the best form of flattery.

[Ally 2112]

It is a part of me that will never go away .With the crazy stuff going on in the world this is now my little piece of happiness frustrating at times but happy

[Kate Simmons]

It is a part of me that will never go away .With the crazy stuff going on in the world this is now my little piece of happiness frustrating at times but happyThere is a lot going on behind the scenes that most are not aware of Ally. There is potential happiness out there if we know where to look.:)

[Teri Ray]

gosh this is any easy question...............For me it was too much time watching the Mickey Mouse Club as a child. Darlene mezmerized me into dressing. No wait that wasnt it. It was something that was put into my corn flakes I am sure. This is my final answer ...........No.........I think what Karren said is right. dang.............what was the question again?

[Debglam]

Born this way. . .

Also, I've read that one way of looking at gender is how we interact with the world around us. This seems to resonate true with me.

[sabrinaedwards]

For the older of us, this is the "$64,000 dollar question. I feel so incredible right now. Fully dressed with makeup, polished nails, high heels. I wish I knew the answer to this question. I have tried so often to deny this part of me, only to embrace the feminine even more! I would right now climb the highest mountain in my current state.

[KristyPa]

It just feels right for whatever reason. I started way before I was sexual so it wasn't that.

[sometimes_miss]

I don’t think this question applies to some of us does it? I don’t want to or not want to. It’s just a part of me. It’s who I am. Its not a lifestyle choice.
+1.
While I understand those who think it must be, because I see some advantage to being or dressing like a girl, it's not that at all. I'm simply doing what it feels 'right' to do. And no, there's no sexual component to this at all.

[connie johnson]

I will never be able to pass as a woman. The only reason I want to look like one is so I could go out all dressed up and not get hassled by the closed minded a******* out there. If society was tolerant, I would like to go out as a guy in a dress and heels.

[becka519]

I won't pass either but, it's not cause I don't try!

[Jenniferathome]

Well, this is not a choice. It is who I am. The "mystery" you mention, I think, is why we crossdressers feel the need to crossdress. I've never known why, just that it "is". It makes me feel good, relaxed, and I enjoy the pampering of the transformation.

[Lesley_Roberta]

My next logical subject question is why do You feel like you want to look and be like a woman? What is it you perceive about women that you want to be like them? Is it something mysterious or something ordinary or a combination of the two? We seem to be unique individuals who usually begin by emulating girls and women but if we get in touch with the feelings we come to being our own person and expressing our feelings in a way that is pleasing and comfortable to us. Why is it that we want to do this? I know sometimes it may be a fetish and done for pleasure but for others it is something else entirely. Does this bring us closer to women and people in general? Motivations vary from person to person. What do you feel yours is?:)

To address the specific question of why do I want to look like a woman.
I don't wish to merely 'look' like a woman, I would be among those that believe they ARE a woman, and would rather just look how we see ourselves on the inside even if the mirror can't do us any favours.

I feel best, when I can look out my eyes, and not actually see anything that reminds me I am still in a male body. I take bubble baths and the main thing is lots of bubbles and to cover up that damned contradiction so I can relax in my bath and feel like a woman in a bubble bath.

My current fear is looking too much like the over dressed sort that is trying too hard to look like a woman, and in the process going so over the top that you actually become too obviously not a woman. I have often wondered for instance, why is it the gay community often acts like they sometimes do? Because they seem to behave (to my eyes at least), in a fashion I never see women acting like.

[Kate Simmons]

The best thing to do Hon is to show confidence and just be yourself. Then everything else automatically follows.:)

[chrissietoo]

Gosh, everyone's answers here could be mine. Strongest, though, is probably that I just love to feel feminine and relate as a girl, to other girls. I remember in early school, I was totally aware of all the girls in the classroom and everything they did. Now if I go out, even just wearing panties, I feel entirely different toward all the women around me...one of them, aware of their thoughts and feelings. I love it and love how I feel.

Yes, it was before puberty, so it's not sex, but I do like kinky sex when dressed :)

xoxo

[ronda]

simple i feel my best when i am dressed in fem clothing i feel like a hole person. when dress in male clothing i am content but not happy

[Rebecca Star]

Hi Kate, Ladies,

Wow, so many views, stories and such which I can totally relate to. Thanks for sharing everyone :)

Your topic has me pondering the "egg or chicken" dilemma.
Maybe a little bit more insight than was expected yet I feel it defines the whys and wants with regard to Rebecca.

I was born in the 60's into an upper middle class family. An age where rebellion against establishment was not only in the USA but Australia too. Resentment to the Vietnam war fuelled further discord. However it was also a time when the majority embraced specific gender roles and attire to match. Even through to the mid to late 70's here in Australia, it was just how things got done. Whilst I did boy stuff, I always felt a little different.

As far back as I can remember, going to the hairdressers with mum or my sister was a treat not a drudgery. Watching other women, dressed in heels, nylons and pretty dresses having their hair set in rollers. While I sat there memorised flicking through those glossy women's magazines - it kept me entertained for hours.

Every opportunity I got I'd hang out in my sister's room or watch mum dress when we were going out somewhere; she always dressed with syle and a refined elegance; Chanel, Dior and Louis Vuitton were a few of labels I still remember vividly. When dressed mum would then sit at her dressing table and apply make-up. Then, just before heading out, a subtle spray of perfume to finish.

All those little idiosyncrasies of my mothers regimented routines and that girly girl style of my sister, I'd say produced a strong influence in my formative years. So much so that I've adopted them when I commenced CDing. Even though I resonate to a modern day style, I still follow and essentially cling to those fundamental dress codes I studied with gusto all those years ago.

I CD because it feels natural to me. Definitely am aware of a female and male person living within me. Before I accepted all this, I would go through bouts of anger and a kinda of depression too. All I know, is once I faced the demons my life has been really peaceful, fulfilling and I really enjoy being Rebecca too.

[natacsha]

I think that looking at beautiful girls brought out a side of me that was already there. It just happened that way. In some strange way, dressing and acting like a girl feels natural. I dont really need to force it....kinda like a switch i can turn on or off at will. That said, everything seems to change from my thought process to my actions to how i respond to life in general. When im a girl, im really just like a girl....or at least my interpretation of what girls are at the core. Conditioning myself to accept that this is a part of me is just that. Conditioning. Cant force anything that wasnt there to begin with.

[Ginny]

For me its about finding expression for the inner femininity that I have been aware of since..I was aware! In my everyday life I am easily able to express feelings, but the dressing adds another dimension for me. It doesn't calm me down or make me feel more sexual. Strangely, when dressed en femme I notice my body more. I pay attention to the detail differently and enjoy working to make myself prettier. When dressed as a male I tend not to care. How I look is not really of any interest to me. I experience my gender as including both masculine and feminine traits. I can function very well in either arena, but the cross dressing adds another aspect that was sorely lacking - a physical dimension.

Transitioning M2F would leave me with the same dillemma but in reverse! Finding vent for my masculinity!

[IngeInCO]

If I knew.... I wouldn't be hanging around here. I'd be writing a self help book and makin a friggin fortune!! Lol.

I'd love an advance copy!