Am I really that transparent?

[Anna Lorree]

Today I had another session with my therapist. We kind of had it out today. Not that we squabbled, rather today was a lot more blunt than previous sessions have been. She told me she really enjoys how I think, and how deep a thinker I am, but that in this case she thinks it is holding me back. It's okay Julia, you can laugh and say you told me so...

She asked me to define transsexual for her. I told her that I thought it was best viewed as a "verb", in other words that to be transsexual is to alter your body to match your gender. She agreed, then reminded me of my earlier use of herbals (2008-2010). Granted, herbals didn't do anything for me except spend money, but she asked me if I had been hoping for changes as a result of them. Of course I had. About 2 months ago she referred me to a local healthcare provider who does HRT for the local trans people. She said that she wouldn't have done that if she thought I was a bad candidate for HRT. So I asked her if she would give me a letter if I requested it, to which she replied that she would.

She also said she thinks I know what I am, but am afraid to admit it to myself because of my family situation. I actually teared up for the next part. We talked about my family situation, and she asked which gender usually sacrificed their dreams and wants and needs in order to be there for their family. To which I replied women usually did. That part hit me, I must admit. She looked at me with a kind of "Duh" look. So there it is, my therapist thinks I am transsexual, and I guess when you look at my willingness to attempt herbals before, so do I.

I have spent nearly 40 years trying to hide from the world, am I really that easy to read and to see through?

Anna

[kimdl93]

May e its easier for your therapist to see this from her vantage point. You have the burden of making choices and the responsibly for your actions. That makes even fairly transparent motives difficult to perceive from your position. Its time to work this out with your wife.

[sandra-leigh]

Not meaning to derail you, but those who are transgender without being transsexual might also choose to alter their body, and might postpone their wants and needs.

I do not know of any way to distinguish between transgender and transsexual other than how the person self identifies. (Some people use completed SRS as the dividing line, but I do not agree with that myself.)

The important point, though, should not be the label, but rather how you want to live your life.

[elizabethamy]

Anna,

You and I are kind of in the same boat -- surprised by a revelation, but in a complex family situation that makes action very hard. The revelation alone has been a tremendous relief from the sleepless nights and the chatter in my head, so I wish you the same good fortune. What actions you take are at least somewhat separate from what you know about yourself. If I can be of any help...meanwhile, congratulations on your insight!

elizabethamy

[Anna Lorree]

Not meaning to derail you, but those who are transgender without being transsexual might also choose to alter their body, and might postpone their wants and needs.

I do not know of any way to distinguish between transgender and transsexual other than how the person self identifies. (Some people use completed SRS as the dividing line, but I do not agree with that myself.)

The important point, though, should not be the label, but rather how you want to live your life.

That is a wonderful statement, thank you.

Anna


Anna,

You and I are kind of in the same boat -- surprised by a revelation, but in a complex family situation that makes action very hard. The revelation alone has been a tremendous relief from the sleepless nights and the chatter in my head, so I wish you the same good fortune. What actions you take are at least somewhat separate from what you know about yourself. If I can be of any help...meanwhile, congratulations on your insight!

elizabethamy


Thanks, I am very much at the point of asking myself what I feel I need to do, as well as asking what I want to do. Then the negotiation begins with my wife. No matter how it ends up, it should be interesting!

Anna


May e its easier for your therapist to see this from her vantage point. You have the burden of making choices and the responsibly for your actions. That makes even fairly transparent motives difficult to perceive from your position. Its time to work this out with your wife.

We have talked about it a bit in the past. I know she is scared of the word "transsexual". We have also discussed HRT, and she hasn't said no. She does request that she be involved, though.

Anna

[emmicd]

Dear Anna,
It is not an easy decision to make but you are doing the right thing in seeking therapy and you have probably known all along who you are in your heart. it should not be a surprize but hearing it from someone else is quite a revelation especially when that someone else is a trusted therapist who you have confided in. I have had a similar situation which I call my watershed moment. I went to see my therapist dressed as I always am, in male clothing with womens clothing on underneath. This session started like any other and I talked about the importance of family in my life and my internal struggle. I have been seeing my therapist now for close to two months and I like talking to her. As the session moved on my therapist asked me what makes me feel truly happy and allows me to be in touch with my true self aside from family and I asked her if I could step into the visiting room for a moment as I was her last patient for the evening and it was empty. When I emerged wearing a beautiful pink dress with ruffles and a white cardigan my therapist said with excitement, "Look at You!" As I took my seat in my most feminine way she looked at me straight in the eyes and she said "you are like a flower blooming" and your whole aura as a person radiated and she definitely picked up on my true happiness and she affirmed what I knew all along. She said you are a beautiful woman. She made me feel special and she helped me to understand that I can not continue to fight it. I must accept who I am and take the necessary steps to deal with all the important issues such as family and work. She said i have to approach it slowly and with great precision and thought to make it a successful transition with minimal damage. She said there is a right way and a wrong way and she said she will help me do it the right way but she said the decision ultimately rests with me and she would be there to support me through it.
So I tell you you are not alone. I know what you are going through. I feel the same way as you and to me my wife and son mean everything to me. I don't know if I have the strength to transition but i do know I am a woman and I am transsexual just like you and I will always be this way whether I transition or not. My feelings will never change. I have felt this way since I was 5 and my therapist could see this right away as soon as she saw me in my dress. She said I was like a totally different person and she said she like my female side. She said I am much happier and much more comfortable.
I wish you good luck in your life and the decisions you need to make to be your true person and I will pray that you have the love and support of your wife and family. God Bless!

emmi

[Barbara Ella]

Anna, you are not transparent. You just ran into the old mechanics joke. Woman brings car into a mechanic and says it is making a funny noise. Mechanic listens, takes out a hammer and hits the engine, and the noise stops. He then says $125.00 please. Woman says, What for, all you did was hit it with a hammer. Mechanic says, Yes, but you have to know where to hit it.

You have just gone to the expert and been hit on the right spot. your therapist knew, and had to get you to recognize. I am so glad you do.

I am new to accepting transgender and have not had enough time to think beyond that. I cannot imagine accepting transsexual into my life, but who knows. i am continually surprised about where i am now, and cannot think about the future.

The future is yours.

Barbara

[ELIZABETH46]

i agreed with you BARBARA, and i like the "mechanic knows where to hit" ha ha , so is the therapist.
i am happy ( as you ) with showing openly all my feelings about TG, and just "considering" little things in the future ( like a similar wig as i had when single ).
i dont do anything unless my GG is "with me", she can "read me" better than any therapist because YES ANNA we are very easy to see through.
just be happy !!

[Aprilrain]

I would be leery of stereotypes, like, "which gender usually makes sacrifices blah blah blah" Really? Males are incapable of sacrifice? to me that is no different than being "allowed" to transitioning because you have a good build for it. therapist are great and I'm sure yours is right about you just be careful of stereotypes!