CHEVELLE
05-03-2012, 04:49 AM
I am new here so I apologize for this post.
I have already mentioned alot of this in the getting to know you forum but I feel this might be a bit heavy for that arena.
I am 35 years old. I am 6I foot 5and inches tall and weigh 210 pounds.
. I am a truck driver
I race cars love baseball and enjoy football and was a 2 time state champion wrestler
. I play guitar and drums and was in several heavy metal bands.
I sound like a man's man right?
Well yes but inside I am a 35 year old nameless female veluptious beautiful with large breasts. The problem is (like that wasn't a big enough problem) I can't kill her.
I have tried since I was a teen and realized this to not be this way. I went out for "manly" sports did my best to ignore her presence and denied everything to myself. But while I was trying to kill the woman in me off I would relapse I would try on my sisters bras when I could and stuff them with baseballs. I would try on my ex wifes bras and stuff them with socks. I would wear makeup like marilyn manson on stage because that was safe or black nail polish and say it was a goth thing. I pierced my ears but went overboard in one so that I wouldn't be called gay because even though I feel I am a woman I only want to be with a woman. I met my current wife almost 4 years ago at a concert. We hit itboff and I knew she was the one. We both play guitar and thought it wouldn't go beyond forming a band. I told her about feeling I am female. Before we started dating. She had hoped that marrying her and giving me a daughter would keep the evil woman in me away. And for the 3 years of our relationship it kinda did. But lately she reared her head again and I couldn't chop it off this time. I went looking for natural ways to grow breasts. I figured if they "popped up" maybe she could deal with them. But being honest to a fault I told her I had started looking. We argued I cried and she realized it hurt me to live like this. She at first relented and said I could but she would probably not find me attractive anymore. I told her that I wouldn't do it then because I don't like being in my body but I couldn't live without her and I thought this would be a safe substitute for a complete gender corrective surgery. She finally said I could as long as I
1kept it away from the children
2let nobody find out
And I think she didn't want to see it either even though she saidbshe would buy my dresses and undies.
Now, before anybody thinks she is being selfish let me say this about my wife: she too is fighting demons. She is fighting being a lesbian. I told her that I thought that would be perfect that she could be with a girl and I could be that girl. But in her eyes I am a man and it wouldn't work in fact she feels it would only confuse her more to the point of being with another woman. She feels that ibis unfair for me to cd but she can't do anything about her demons even though she knows my problem wouldn't cause infidelity. She said I could even grow my breasts but I had to stop when she felt they woukd almost be too big to hide. In my head I am a ddcup but the breast form lady thinks with my body dimensions a d cup is big enough to look natural. My wife says I can do all this and she will purchased tue clothes but I wonder how she will be when I actually start. I know one of her worries is my safety. My occupation is dangerous enough with weather and other driving conditions. It is even more dangerous because criminals have decided its oj to rob and kill drivers. For a gg there is the added risk if rape or other attack and I shudder to think what coukdbhappen if I got caught en femme. I would be careful about what I wore and when like during the day I would probably wear the bra and forms under a baggy t shirt and panties under jeans so I could doth the boobs fast when I need to be out of the truckwork and wear the dress at night. There could be no make up as a quality mirror wouldn't work in my truck. My fear is being asked not to again by the live of my life and she has the right I feel fair is fair and if she feels like she is being cheated I will stop I just pray it wont happen and try to find a female name for the woman who lives inside the male shell of my existence.
My cb handle is the RockstaR that will have to be how I sign this till I either get named or find one I like.
I have already mentioned alot of this in the getting to know you forum but I feel this might be a bit heavy for that arena.
I am 35 years old. I am 6I foot 5and inches tall and weigh 210 pounds.
. I am a truck driver
I race cars love baseball and enjoy football and was a 2 time state champion wrestler
. I play guitar and drums and was in several heavy metal bands.
I sound like a man's man right?
Well yes but inside I am a 35 year old nameless female veluptious beautiful with large breasts. The problem is (like that wasn't a big enough problem) I can't kill her.
I have tried since I was a teen and realized this to not be this way. I went out for "manly" sports did my best to ignore her presence and denied everything to myself. But while I was trying to kill the woman in me off I would relapse I would try on my sisters bras when I could and stuff them with baseballs. I would try on my ex wifes bras and stuff them with socks. I would wear makeup like marilyn manson on stage because that was safe or black nail polish and say it was a goth thing. I pierced my ears but went overboard in one so that I wouldn't be called gay because even though I feel I am a woman I only want to be with a woman. I met my current wife almost 4 years ago at a concert. We hit itboff and I knew she was the one. We both play guitar and thought it wouldn't go beyond forming a band. I told her about feeling I am female. Before we started dating. She had hoped that marrying her and giving me a daughter would keep the evil woman in me away. And for the 3 years of our relationship it kinda did. But lately she reared her head again and I couldn't chop it off this time. I went looking for natural ways to grow breasts. I figured if they "popped up" maybe she could deal with them. But being honest to a fault I told her I had started looking. We argued I cried and she realized it hurt me to live like this. She at first relented and said I could but she would probably not find me attractive anymore. I told her that I wouldn't do it then because I don't like being in my body but I couldn't live without her and I thought this would be a safe substitute for a complete gender corrective surgery. She finally said I could as long as I
1kept it away from the children
2let nobody find out
And I think she didn't want to see it either even though she saidbshe would buy my dresses and undies.
Now, before anybody thinks she is being selfish let me say this about my wife: she too is fighting demons. She is fighting being a lesbian. I told her that I thought that would be perfect that she could be with a girl and I could be that girl. But in her eyes I am a man and it wouldn't work in fact she feels it would only confuse her more to the point of being with another woman. She feels that ibis unfair for me to cd but she can't do anything about her demons even though she knows my problem wouldn't cause infidelity. She said I could even grow my breasts but I had to stop when she felt they woukd almost be too big to hide. In my head I am a ddcup but the breast form lady thinks with my body dimensions a d cup is big enough to look natural. My wife says I can do all this and she will purchased tue clothes but I wonder how she will be when I actually start. I know one of her worries is my safety. My occupation is dangerous enough with weather and other driving conditions. It is even more dangerous because criminals have decided its oj to rob and kill drivers. For a gg there is the added risk if rape or other attack and I shudder to think what coukdbhappen if I got caught en femme. I would be careful about what I wore and when like during the day I would probably wear the bra and forms under a baggy t shirt and panties under jeans so I could doth the boobs fast when I need to be out of the truckwork and wear the dress at night. There could be no make up as a quality mirror wouldn't work in my truck. My fear is being asked not to again by the live of my life and she has the right I feel fair is fair and if she feels like she is being cheated I will stop I just pray it wont happen and try to find a female name for the woman who lives inside the male shell of my existence.
My cb handle is the RockstaR that will have to be how I sign this till I either get named or find one I like.