Someone I knew found me but didnt know it was me

[cathie pantyhose]

so a few weeks ago i had to kill my prev yahoo, flicker and facebook info as someone I knew had reached out to me to meet me. Ive never met anyone but chatted with him on yahoo chat for a couple of days to get to know him. I dont mind chatting, just no cyber sex for me...boring. Anywho, it turned out he lived in my area in N Boulder and he wanted to meet in a public place for coffee, no games.

I asked for a normal pic and i knew instantly who he was. To be sure, I asked if he he drove a certain car and immediately he freaked out that I knew him. I also mentioned that his house was in a certain neighborhood. He claimed it was a fake pic of a co-worker but i called his bluff and he got very nervous that i knew who he was but he didnt know me.

I never did head shots before nor did i really socialize with him in the neighborhood so he wouldnt know me if he ran in to me. He said he didn't like being in this position (he felt i had the upper hand which i could care less)and would find out who I was based on the flicker pics and yahoo profile. He believed he had too much at risk. That freaked me out as well.

I guess has this ever happened to anyone else? This is one of the reasons i'm scared to meet anyone else, is how some react. Why can't i just meet someone who shares the same interests with out getting all creepy?

[kimdl93]

I think you made a mistake in letting him know you had recognized him. Once you'd recognized who he was, the more appropriate action would simply have been to end the conversation without mentioning his car or home. No wonder he was freaked out.

[Stephanie47]

I've never had such an encounter. Frankly, out of concern for who I am 'hurt' by outing myself, I restrict my activities. You apparently know more about him than he knows about you. What you have not mentioned in your post is your marital status or his marital status. In his mind you possess all the evidence to create mayhem for him. If you know he has no marital commitment you may want to meet him. If you know he is married, I would suggest forgetting him. I would wonder why a married man would want to meet a male cross dresser. We are not a sociology or psychology research study. Your post does not state he is also a cross dresser. If he is I can also understand his concern. I would recommend seeking out a support group in Colorado. From other posts on this site, there seems to be some. I think you would have a better chance of meeting someone who shares your interests without any potential sexual motivations.

[Being Paige]

Yeah you should have kept that to yourself. I have been chatting through yahoo with an old aquantance, it didn't take but an hour for both of us to start to realize that we had already met years ago. Go figure, we discribed a few details about our encounter and boom. He absolutely loves my legs and now he wants to meet again so that he can admire them again!

[RADER]

I have had a face to face meeting with another member on this forum.
We met at a restaurant half way between our homes. We live a good 40 miles apart
so it is a bit of a ride. We E mail each other fairly often, and we have become friends.
We are both married, and the wives know about our dressing, but not about each other.
We have been trying to meet again, but we both have busy schedules.
Rader

[Lorileah]

This is going to be something you have to really start thinking about. Either you are going to be "out" or you aren't. Somewhere somehow someone is going to know you or figure out who you are. Unless you go far away when you dress and only meet people who are from another galaxy.

I agree with Kim that you should have not called him out on things but probably just let it die on the vine. I will tell you that at least half the time this is how cyber meets go. One or the other doesn't show up, mostly because they are afraid they will be shown for what they really are. Now you have a concern because nothing on the internet ever goes away when you delete it.

But the point is that even though we are in a huge fishbowl, there are things that we don't realize point us out. I have vanity plates on my car. It would be silly of me to think that while I am driving to or from some event that someone would not notice. This can even be from things that are not as blatant. Your car is unique (scratches, bumper stickers, even just the plate. A ring you may always wear. Even your laugh if someone pays enough attention) Many a married man has been busted in similar ways. (thus showing that it isn't just a TG issue.)

[STACY B]

Yall made it CREEPY ,,Just go an shoot the Bull an be done with it ,,,Good greef ,, So yall dress in gurls clothes and ? Guess what so do we ,,,Me an my SO ,,An almost everyone else on here ,,,

[cathie pantyhose]

2 of my cars are unique alright....lets just say they too stand out in a crowd.....but you are right, i should have walked away. I should have just not responded when i saw his pic....dropped the line so to speak. is what it is at this stage. I dont want to meet someone who is interested in just the meeting, I only want to meet friends who understand and can help develop this for me personally. I went against my own rules of engagement.

[EllieOPKS]

cathie maybe you should send him an email and let him off the hook. Just tell him the conversation is over and your discretion is assured. If it had been the other way around, that would be what you would have wanted.

[StephanieDragg]

yes it happened to me once kinda like that too,small world

[ReineD]

Cathie Pantyhose, I'm guessing he got freaked out because he keeps his attraction to (or his wanting to meet) CDers a secret? If you're in the closet as well, and you're both available, both wanting to meet, then what would have been wrong with meeting? I'm assuming that he is an admirer. But, if he is a closeted CDer as well who also is looking for like-minded friends, again, what would have been the risk in meeting?

And why delete your profiles if you have no pics of your face and he doesn't know who you are?


I have had a face to face meeting with another member on this forum.
We met at a restaurant half way between our homes. We live a good 40 miles apart
so it is a bit of a ride. We E mail each other fairly often, and we have become friends.
We are both married, and the wives know about our dressing, but not about each other.
We have been trying to meet again, but we both have busy schedules.
Rader

Rader, I'm assuming you're meeting the other member as someone with whom you can be friends. If both your wives know about the CDing and would understand why you'd want to be friends with another CDer, why not tell them about the meeting? I'm concerned that by keeping it a secret, if one or both your wives should find out you've had dinner or met for drinks, they'll imagine a much worse scenario than there really is.

Unless I misread something?

Years ago, someone from this forum contacted my SO to meet for lunch. This wasn't a big deal for my SO who went out in the mainstream often, but I gather it was a big deal for this person who was even shy about meeting someone while he was in guy mode. Anyway they met, had lunch (I can't remember if my SO was dressed or not), and I did not feel the least bit threatened by this. It's not so different than attending TG support groups and making friends there to do things with.

If some of these friendships are more sexual, then I would just hope the CDers are single.

[Badtranny]

Why can't i just meet someone who shares the same interests with out getting all creepy?

I'm afraid you're the creepy one in this case. He was brave enough to send you an actual pic, something you apparently were above doing. So the poor guy wants to meet you but you already know each other? What's the big deal? You should have met him anyway and had a good laugh at the very least. What was his crime exactly?

[Lyndaloves]

I had finally gotten the courage to join a local crossdressers club in my home town.
I went not dressed to my first meeting. When I entered there was a board up with all the members pictures attached.
Didn't I recognized a fellow from work. I was gone before the door opened and before anyone could say hello.
"Did someone leave the window open I feel a draft"

Lynda

[lauren_m]

Lynda, I would have done the same. In a way, it seems silly, since I think we would all like our associates to be understanding...and yet the potential risks would usually, at least in my mind, outweigh the potential benefits

[Princess Chantal]

I had finally gotten the courage to join a local crossdressers club in my home town.
I went not dressed to my first meeting. When I entered there was a board up with all the members pictures attached.
Didn't I recognized a fellow from work. I was gone before the door opened and before anyone could say hello.
"Did someone leave the window open I feel a draft"

Lynda
Was this in Winnipeg? Because Masquerade does not do such a thing. If so, you may have made an error of assuming that the picture board was of Masquerade members. The location that we hold our meetings at do however have picture boards of THEIR OWN directors and members.

[sterling12]

Scarlet beat me to it! If you have a way to contact him through Yahoo Chat, let him know that you aren't going to be "throwing any stones," cause' your glass house could also take a hit!

But, don't be knocking on his door or something similar. If you make it worse, then you have compounded the problem. Since The Poor Guy did nothing to yourself, (that we know of) wasn't obnoxious or rude, I think you owe him some peace of mind.

You both "share a secret." Within The T Community, that means your obligated to protect his privacy. Please let him know that.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Lyndaloves]

It was not Masquerades Princess Chantal
But I have been looking at their website
This is going back years and years ago and and it was just a picture.
I have never mentioned it to him or even hinted about it.
And have never acted differently toward him
He is a friend and he will never be outed by me.

Lynda

[HannahF6]

I don't have an experience quite like the one you report, but getting a little close. One person saw the picture I have on my profile (not the avatar picture) and recognised exactly where the picture was taken. Said he walked there a lot and specifically said, "you were right by the Pat Bay Pottery aren't you". That doesn't identify me or where I live more than approximately so it was fine. I didn't recognise the guy and he didn't recognise me.

I would not have agreed to meet him in person.

Hannah

[Princess Chantal]

It was not Masquerades Princess Chantal
But I have been looking at their website
This is going back years and years ago and and it was just a picture.
I have never mentioned it to him or even hinted about it.
And have never acted differently toward him
He is a friend and he will never be outed by me.

Lynda
The glorification of the story did go against a few practices of Masquerade for bringing in new members. So your post did startle me and had me questioning what may have happened at a meeting I did miss. Now that I know that you are not a new member and haven't attended a meeting (as of yet!!!), I am relieved that our practices did not go to the wayside.
I am sure, the person would definitely give you the same discretion respect if you were actually to attend a meeting and become a member.