Interesting Dilemma

[Danni Renee]

My Sister asked me a few weeks ago if I wanted to go in on a Mothers Day gift for my Mom. I told her no problem, just let me know how much my share is. She emails me last night and told me the amount and I asked her when she wanted the money. Her money is tight right now so she asked me to mail it to her as soon as I can. Which leads to the dilemma....

When I had my checks made, I had both my male and female names put on the checks. In addition, my checks are "girly" in nature. Although I came out to my Mother (fully accepted), I have not come out to my sister. I know I could get a money order and not have to worry about the problem. I also think that it might be the right conversation starter to tell her about my true self.

To further complicate the issue, my Sisters boyfriend would not accept me at all and could cause a lot of tensions. I am not even sure that my Sister will be accepting (which quite honestly I do not care about) but I am very close to my two nieces and nephew (which in turn are also close with my daughters) and would hate to do something that might restrict the relationships. But I also hate the idea of continued hiding and would like to lay the ground work to stop hiding.

I live 8 hours away from my kids and my sister so it would not be a day to day impact on me.

Thoughts?

Danni

[Joanna41]

While part of says it doesn't matter what your sisters b/f thinks, it does. Meaning he is with her and has some influence on her I would guess and he himself could create problems your not ready to deal with right now. Dealing with children you must tread carefully. If it were me in your shoes I would just send the money order and put the kids first. There will come a time when you can talk to them directly about this side of you. Doesn't sound like this is that time though...good luck

Joanna

[Laura912]

You are subconsciously stating too many reservations. Send a money order or bank check and give yourself time to think this through without a deadline.

[Deana ♥ Danni]

I know you literally just asked me the same question and I gave you my response. I want to put it here also, in case someone else may benefit from it too.

With the events of the past few day, we both realize life is entirely too short. So take a deep breath, pray for your Guardian Angel's help, pray for God's help and guidance, and do it. We must get the truth out and then deal with it as it comes ♥ The truth will set you free.

I LOVE YOU!!!

[Chari]

You always should be comfortable and confident in who YOU are - no matter how you are wrapped! This "dilemma" IMO does not sound like the right time to come out to your sis, as it may only stir up more issues for you. Just send your sis a money order for Mom's present.

[kimdl93]

Do you have a billpay service with your checking account? You could easily send her a check that way. Or buy a money order and mail that to her.

[BRANDYJ]

From what you told us, I'd say get the money order. You said you don't care about your sister accepting. To make matters worse, you say her boyfriend would not be accepting at all. So why stir the pot? I am never concerned with hiding, as you put it, but I am careful about who I have shared this side of me with. Point is, it does not seem important for your sister and in turn, her boyfriend to know. If I am reading you right, it would be a mistake to be out to them.

[Foxglove]

Nobody's ever been averse to accepting $1 bills, and George Washington wore a wig just like all of us. So that would be one way to go.

Seriously, Danni, I'd go along with the majority here. I think maybe you want to wait to come out to the people until you're sure you're ready to. When the time is right and when you know how you want to go about it--I think that would be the right time.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Jenniferathome]

Danni, I take two big assumptions here. 1) If your sister and mother are close, she already knows because your mother told her. 2) Who looks at the names in the upper left hand corner of a check? not me. You are expecting a check, it arrives, you deposit it.

Now, if you still want to be anonymous, just wire transfer the funds. If you have the same bank, you can transfer without a fee.

[Tina B.]

"Won't somebody please think of the children?" That's a favorite saying on a radio show I listen to while on here, I think it applies here. Maybe you don't care what your sister or her boy friend think, but if her kids see your kids a lot, and if you become the talking point, while not around to explain yourself to your kids, could be a problem.
Tina B.

[Kate Simmons]

Most of the others who posted told you about money orders, etc. As far as the hiding, that has to be totally your decision Hon. Just realize that you will have to live with the results of whatever you do decide.:)

[StephanieDragg]

if you are worried about it, spend a couple extra bucks and send her a pre paid mastercard/visa card, she can use it to purchase the gift

[Amanda22]

If you both have PayPal accounts, you could get the money to her in a few seconds. I really like StephanieDragg's suggestion of a prepaid card.

[Karren H]

Go to the post office and send her a money order.

[Cheryl T]

If you are worried then get a money order at the post office and send her that.
If she asks tell her you ran out of checks.

[RADER]

Most Banks will give you a Cashiers Check for free; From your account;
And that is like sending her cash,
That is she gets the money now, instead of her waiting 3 days for a check to clear.
And no one has to know what you have on your checks.
Rader

[sierra_g]

https://www.chase.com/online/services/quickpay.htm

You don't have to have a chase account and you can send money to anyone on any account.

[Chickhe]

You should be able to send it using interac e-transfer. It works with anyone who has an email address and they receive it within an hour or so.

[Eve II]

??? send a money order - everyone takes them - no hold at the bank ???

[Sandra1746]

Either a MO or a Western Union moneygram works. The WU instrument allows you to initiate the transaction by phone and charge it to a credit card, even simpler than a postal MO. Actually I'd go with the check and let it be an opening for discussion but you know the situation best.

Good luck Danni.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[Persephone]

Hi Danni,

I don't have much to add to the majority of opinions that have already been posted to your original thread, except to kinda agree with those who have said that sending your sister the money and coming out to her are really two separate things.

I completely understand how frustrating a situation like that can be. I would love to come out to my older sister but, so far, I haven't. She lives in an entirely different part of the country and I keep asking myself "How will my coming out to her help her or improve our ralationship, or am I just doing it for me?"

Frankly, I can't come up with a positive answer to that question.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[jillleanne]

Send a money order or bank draft.