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Sarah Sometimes
05-09-2012, 01:51 PM
How did I get here? Took a left off Denial Drive onto Acceptance Avenue and kept on going till I hit this wonderful village.
I know, its corny but its how I feel.

Hi, my name is Sarah. Ive been a member of the forum for a while but my first post was yesterday, a small bit in the introductions forum. I feel like I was born yesterday!

I wanted to get out a bit more about myself, hence this thread. Its going to take a while so grab a glass of wine, or a cup of coffee if its a bit too early for the wine, and make yourself comfortable.

I grew up in a predominantly female environment. My dad left when I was 3 (this will become very relevant later on), I had no brothers or grandfathers. So I was brought up by my mother and grandmother. As is the case with most of us I tried a little crossdressing while I was a child and into my teens, borrowed mum's stuff out of the wardrobe, that kind of thing. I distinctly remember one time I was about 14 and I dared myself to borrow a bra, hide it in my room till my mother came home, and then put it on under a sweatshirt. There were no forms or padding, it was just the bra. Then I went and sat downstairs in the living room where my mother was. I was convinced she knew and could see the bra straps but if she could she never said anything. And with a strong catholic upbringing I think she would have been too ashamed of me to admit to knowing.

When I left home I couldn't really dress anymore as I simply didn't have any clothes or money to buy anything.

After a couple of years I met the woman who would become my wife. She is a fantastic woman, a wonderful wife and a perfect mother to our kids.

We began to get 'adventurous' in the bedroom and one night she dared me to wear a pair of her panties. Im up for most dares, especially this one. It felt so good. After that I think I ended up with a couple of pairs of her panties as mine, not much, but a couple.

Fast forward a few years and I told my wife I wanted to buy some of my own panties (the other ones were long gone). She was a bit apprehensive, after all I hadnt worn any for a long time, maybe a decade. She asked me why and we had a good and frank discussion about it. One of her issues was that she thought maybe I was gay. This is where my dad comes back in. We had not long found out that after my dad left he came out to his mother as gay, sometime later contracted HIV and died in the 80's. We only found out about this more than a decade after his death. His sister, my aunt is also gay. My wife worried that maybe this was step one to me coming out as a gay man. I convinced her that I was completely straight, still madly in love with my wife, not gay, not even bi-curious and it was just about me wanting to wear the panties. She agreed under certain conditions
There were to be no 'girlie' colours, black being preferable
There were to be no bras, stockings etc
There were to be no outer clothes
There were to be no shoes
I agreed to it and she allowed me to order panties from mail order catalogues over the internet. I built up a selection. Purely by chance I ordered a pair and out came a double back; one satin black with a big pink bow and one pink with a big black bow. She asked me why I had ordered them and I said honestly that I hadnt realised it was a double pack and I thought I was just ordering the black pair. She allowed me to keep and wear them both.

Over a period of time I was able to order tights/pantyhose and then my favourite purchases, bodysuits, not the underwear ones with the cups but the t-shirt type ones that you could wear with a pair of jeans. I found them so comfortable to wear, even with the popper gusset fastening. I would regulary wear them under a sweatshirt or jumper with my wifes knowledge amd acceptance. I also started wearing them to work as they kept me so much warmer than mens t-shirts.

Then for some reason 6 months ago I took it upon myself to throw them all away; panties, bodysuits, the lot. I think it was after a long period of denial. I made the impulse decision and binned the lot. A tiny little part of it was that I started to lose weight. I was a UK sz 32 and maybe beyond that but the give in the fabrics accomadated it. But mainly I was in denial. By this point I had joined the forum but had stayed away for a long time, returning only yesterday with my first post. Now Im regretting that decision. I so wish I hadnt acted on impulse, but the attempt to ‘change’ myself and deny who I am was overwhelming.

Fast forward again to the last couple of months. I have always been able to laugh and joke with my wife. We were talking out my weight loss and I ‘joked’ that once I lose the weight (I want to lose about 280lbs/20st) Im going to put on one of her corsets and wear it. She laughed and said yeah right. Since then I have also joked about buying a suspender belt and stocking and wearing them under my jeans. I think deep down she knows Im serious, but she laughs it off.

The problem is that I dont want to stop there. I have accepted who I am now and I want to fully dress. I want the whole experience. I want to be able to try make-up, buy shoes, buy clothes, underwear. I want to be able to go out as Sarah and experience the world through a new set of eyes. I just dont know if I could take it that far with my wifes consent. I am so scared of losing her over this.

I do intend to purchase some more panties soon. Im just deciding which dress size to get down to before buying them. I would like nothing more right now than to be wearing a matching bra and panties, a big baggy jumper that comes down over my bum, a pair of leggings and some flat ballet slipper shoes. But it all seems so far away.

Well thats a bit more about me. If you are still reading I thank you and commend your staying power.

sierra_g
05-09-2012, 02:18 PM
Hi Sarah,
First of all, welcome.
You are so lucky that your wife is very understanding. She sounds great.
You said that you want to lose 280 lbs? That is a huge task. I wish you luck! Fitting into a cute outfit has always been a good reason to lose.
The best way to find out about what your wife is comfortable with is to ask her. I know it sounds foreign for some people, but it really is that simple, as long as your marriage isn't like an episode of Lost where communication is completely broken and deception is running strong, but it doesn't sound like that is your situation. It sounds like you are able to openly talk.
Maybe you can show her this forum and let her talk to some of the GG's in the FAB forum.
One thing I do not recommend is hiding crossdressing from yourself and lying to yourself about it. You've spent long enough denying yourself to yourself. It's time to accept and embrace it, on whatever level you choose.
Again, welcome. Stick around, we are nice girls, for the most part. ♥

Kimberlyfaye
05-09-2012, 02:28 PM
If I had known you were heading that way I would have asked for a lift. I walked all the way down Acceptance Av. in 4inch heels.

I would think it might be best to sit down with your wife and talk it through. But you should think first about whether you just want to present as Sarah or actually transition and become Sarah. I'm only speaking from my experience as I can never seem to figure out which I want. And that has only been the case in the last year or so. I've no doubt you love your wife and if you ever did transition you might feel like I do. Personally if I were to go that far I would become a lesbian as I have no attraction to men whatsoever.

But at the end of the day you should probably talk it through with her. That's just my opinion though Sarah :-) I hope it offers you some help...

Mikayla x

Sarah Sometimes
05-09-2012, 03:10 PM
If I had known you were heading that way I would have asked for a lift. I walked all the way down Acceptance Av. in 4inch heels.

I would think it might be best to sit down with your wife and talk it through. But you should think first about whether you just want to present as Sarah or actually transition and become Sarah. I'm only speaking from my experience as I can never seem to figure out which I want. And that has only been the case in the last year or so. I've no doubt you love your wife and if you ever did transition you might feel like I do. Personally if I were to go that far I would become a lesbian as I have no attraction to men whatsoever.

But at the end of the day you should probably talk it through with her. That's just my opinion though Sarah :-) I hope it offers you some help...

Mikayla x

I KNEW there was more I wanted to add before finishing that OP.

As far as I can understand myself right now I am happy with the masculine parts of my life, and want to embrace the feminine side through dressing.

I know this is a silly question, and please excuse my naivety but by transitioning do you mean the whole going under the knife thing, or is transitioning going as far as dressing 24/7?

In either case I dont think that is what I want, certainly right now.

My world of work is a very male dominated area, and I wouldnt want to be Sarah at work, though oddly I have been told that there was a CD at work some time before I started there. Its just not something I would consider. Saying that, I have underdressed at work, until 6 months ago when it all went in the bin, and I would continue to after buying some more underwear and possibly some more bodysuits. But I wouldnt be interested in presenting as Sarah at work.

Outside of work I wouldnt be Sarah around my kids ( we have screwed them up enough already), and maybe not even around my wife depending on the results of any conversation.

I think right now I am just looking for opportunities to dress more and eventually get to a level where I could maybe spend a weekend away as Sarah.

Does that make sense or have I confused matters even further? I confuse myself sometimes with all of this :straightface:

RADER
05-09-2012, 03:20 PM
Hi and welcome to the forum;
As for your wife, go and get back into the panties, Try out the girdle if you want, but
first talk with her, keep her in the loop as it where. Go Slow, and if your intentions are to just
wear a dress from time to time, tell your wife that it is just a desire to wear a dress.
IF you want to become something more, You not only have to tell your wife, but you
might consider counseling. It might help both you and her. Good Luck.
Rader

Jenniferathome
05-09-2012, 03:39 PM
Sarah, please do not start buying things in secret. What you must have read, time and again here, is that women hate the lying/secrecy far more than the cross dressing. Talk to you wife and come clean. Every SO asks the "Are you gay/Do you want to be a woman?" questions. She may ask again but don't tell a partial truth. You're 80% down that path anyway.

Sarah Sometimes
05-09-2012, 04:23 PM
Sarah, please do not start buying things in secret. What you must have read, time and again here, is that women hate the lying/secrecy far more than the cross dressing. Talk to you wife and come clean. Every SO asks the "Are you gay/Do you want to be a woman?" questions. She may ask again but don't tell a partial truth. You're 80% down that path anyway.

I would never consider buying in secret because I know she will be ok with me buying panties and bodysuits again and because the mail order account is in her name :-)

What im not sure about is whether to come out to her that I want to fully dress now or to go step by step building from the panties. Im probably not going to be ready to fully dress for at least a yeah while I lose weight.

Kimberlyfaye
05-09-2012, 04:41 PM
If it was my situation I personally wouldn't come out in partial steps. I would just be up front and say this is just how I want to dress. It will only be in private when no one else is around. If it was taken in steps she might start to think "First panties, now bodysuits etc etc. Where will it end?" Whereas if you are up front about it she will know how far you are going from the start. She might not think that way but it is possible. You know her better than I would so that's just my assumption.

As for the transition thing, I did mean going for surgery and becoming female. But everyone is different and you have said you don't want that so it's not really an issue in my opinion. If she knows how you feel and that your limit is just dressing in female clothing then she might be more understanding about it. But she has to know your limit. It's great that you wont keep it secret as that only makes things worse.

And I confuse myself alot too. You're not alone there :-)
Hugs x

Wonderwho
05-09-2012, 06:40 PM
There are some of us that will never go out dressed, we are where we are for a great many reasons, do not feel that you have to go out dressed to find out who your are and how CDing can be a wonderfull place.
Enjoy yourself BUT go slow with your SO, don't rush your life for there are dragons out side the door and you must face them first!
The best to you, Wonderwho

Frédérique
05-09-2012, 09:39 PM
Welcome to the site! Not being married, I can’t offer too much in the form of advice, but I feel compelled to comment on a few things…


How did I get here? Took a left off Denial Drive onto Acceptance Avenue and kept on going till I hit this wonderful village.

I can’t resist adding my own “corny” reply – I never took the exit to denial, staying the course on the highway to happiness! The latter route goes all the way to Paradise, but it’s a long journey…
:)


Fast forward a few years and I told my wife I wanted to buy some of my own panties (the other ones were long gone). She was a bit apprehensive, after all I hadnt worn any for a long time, maybe a decade. She asked me why and we had a good and frank discussion about it. One of her issues was that she thought maybe I was gay.

This “gay” issue keeps popping up, and it’s both eye-opening and disappointing at the same time. On one hand, I fail to see what’s so awful about being gay, apart from not engaging in state-sanctioned sexual practices (for reasons of procreation that perpetuate the state), and, on the other hand, I wonder why ignorance keeps rolling along, unchecked and unchallenged…

Most people fail to understand that there are MANY heterosexual MtF crossdressers, and, for some, it has little or nothing to do with sex – I’m just speaking from my experience, since most people assume we are deviant in the extreme, or that crossdressing represents the first indication of a headlong excursion into willful darkness. It’s not like that, in the vast majority of “cases,” so lets ditch this accepted opinion that bad things are about to happen when a man wears panties…


She agreed under certain conditions…

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – I am SO glad I’m not married! I can’t imagine someone telling me what I can wear, let alone what I can DO. Allowing you to wear panties is a first step, I suppose, but, by reading the “tone” of your post, I can tell its going to lead to more and more in the way of MtF transformation, and trouble is just around the bend. I feel for YOU, my dear…


As far as I can understand myself right now I am happy with the masculine parts of my life, and want to embrace the feminine side through dressing.

This is exactly how I felt at the moment of discovery, but, as you go along, dressing will permeate your soul and change your whole demeanor – oh, the MALE will still be there, but he will be modified in a highly pleasing manner. Others may not be pleased by your “change,” but you have to do things for your “self.” I wish you well, Closet Girly…
:straightface:

Barbara Ella
05-10-2012, 12:01 AM
Another welcome Sarah. Some very good advice going down here. Go slow. Be honest. Keep talking. Be open. Your wife seems to laugh things off, but that may come more from the manner in which you bring them up and talk about them. You say you are a year away from being able to dress fully. You need to get serious with your discussions so she knows where you might be in a year, and you can begin to see how comfortable she is/isn't with what might happen. It can hurt, but adding clothing items in stages can be the best way to build gradual acceptance by your wife

Get serious and honest with your wife.

Barbara

Sarah Sometimes
05-10-2012, 03:15 AM
Thanks for the support and messages everyone. I really do appreciate it. Its still a scary thing now even after a couple of days to get used to it. And seeing my new name being used still gives me a warm feeling inside. Its as if its the next step for me. I've accepted who I am and now I am being accepted by those around me.


This “gay” issue keeps popping up, and it’s both eye-opening and disappointing at the same time. On one hand, I fail to see what’s so awful about being gay, apart from not engaging in state-sanctioned sexual practices (for reasons of procreation that perpetuate the state), and, on the other hand, I wonder why ignorance keeps rolling along, unchecked and unchallenged…

Most people fail to understand that there are MANY heterosexual MtF crossdressers, and, for some, it has little or nothing to do with sex – I’m just speaking from my experience, since most people assume we are deviant in the extreme, or that crossdressing represents the first indication of a headlong excursion into willful darkness. It’s not like that, in the vast majority of “cases,” so lets ditch this accepted opinion that bad things are about to happen when a man wears panties…

I agree with you completely and I wouldn't want you to think that my wife's assumptions are based on any kind of prejudice, far from it in fact. She has never had any kind of issue. However I would like to also defend her assumptions and concerns in another way.

When we are presented with crossdressers in the media they are often also presented as gay. Two examples are the film Too Wong Fu, and the Kathleen Turner character of Chandlers dad in Friends. In both instances the crossdressers were also gay.

Taking the above into consideration my wife had not long learned that my father left the family home when I was 3 because he was gay, and within 10 years of coming out to himself was dead. And here I was, his son, telling my wife that I wanted to wear women's underwear.

I agree that the assumption that all crossdressers men are gay is wrong. And I agree that there is nothing wrong with being gay. Both myself and my wife feel this way. But in a moment of high tension and mixed, confusing emotions on her part it was easy for me to see where her assumption came from.

I've thought long and hard about if I should tell my wife, when I should tell her, how much I should tell her, what I should tell her, how I should tell her, and even where I should tell her. I've come to the decision that I must tell her everything, and the sooner the better. The rest I still haven't figured out. It may even be that its harder for me to say than it is for her to hear if Im honest. We have spoken frankly about lots of things and its great that we can do that. Doesn't stop the anxiety though.

Thank you all for listening to me.

Kaz
05-10-2012, 04:38 AM
Hi Sarah,

I really feel for you having been in a similar place. All I will say is that there are many here who insist on openness and honesty and will give examples of how it has worked for them. There are others who have horror stories to tell. You need to think about what your partner will be prepared to accept, and also be prepared for what you may ultimately lose when/if it all goes pear shaped, which it will in 80% of cases.

SANDRA MICHELLE
05-10-2012, 11:43 AM
Welcome Sarah. I'm with others that say you should be totally open with her about what you want. It is my experience that "it" just don't go away and we need to indulge our needs. You have to ask yourself just how far you want to go and then see if your wife is accepting of that. It is a two way street so make sure you yield for her when she needs you to. Good luck!!!!

Leila Be
05-10-2012, 02:25 PM
Strength, Courage, Acceptance. I wish you all of it. I know it's been a long, strange back-and-forth process for me. We have to follow our hearts, whatever that means to each of us.

Lots of luck, Leila