Not Sure What's Going On

[Gocaps14]

Recently, times have been pretty tough, and I have found myself looking inward and gaining a bit of self-acceptance. I have realized what CD'ing is for me and thus, I have purged. I believe for me, CD'ing is a fantasy, an escape from reality, much like a drug. And right now, life is very serious. While I say, that CD'ing is no longer for me here I am.......now what?

[Joanna41]

Many here I'm sure have had rough patches of life, went through the purge process and have come back to where they feel comfortable. My advice is take one day at a time...focus on getting your current situation taken care of, and while your doing that you can still come here and keep in touch and still seek out more advice, there is plenty of it here. Good luck.

Joanna

[Kate Simmons]

Now what? Here you are among friends Hon. Simple as that. No one here is going to judge you one way or the other and you will be appreciated for who you are as a person.:)

[Cynthia Anne]

There is an old song about a cat that was a pest and the owner did everything he could to get rid of it, even shot it to the moon! But the cat came back! Just like c-ding no matter what you do it'll come back! So you might as well accept it as a part of who you are and enjoy the ride! Hugs!

[Foxglove]

I used to be into fantasizing about CDing, like a drug. Then I made CDing a reality. It's no longer a fantasy, no longer a drug. Then I discovered that it's not even CDing. It's me. My clothes express what I am.

You have to find out what it is for you. If you eventually decide that CDing is you, it won't be the end of the world. It might be the beginning of a new one, like it was for me. Good luck with your search.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[docrobbysherry]

OF COURSE CDing is a fantasy, Gocaps! For many of us it is, anyway. And, yes! It can become a compulsion! As it has for me! But, that's NOT why u and I r here. It's because of the cd.com MEMBERS!

Whatever dressing is to/for them, THEY R ALL COMPLETELY REAL! I know. Because I've chatted with countless of them here and met many in person!

Anything that u can imagine or experience, Go, u can be certain someone here has BEEN THERE BEFORE U! And, can relate to whatever you're going thru! Hope your life improves and to see more of u here!

[Tina B.]

Maybe you are not dressing right now, that does not make you any less a member here. When times got tough, and the presser was on, I gave up dressing, lost interest in it completely, to busy with the battles of life, but then things settle down, get back to a More normal pace, and the desire creeps back upon me, Then if I try to ignore it, it hits me in the head with a hammer, until I go out and start collecting, and wearing all that pretty stuff again. After a couple times of doing that, I learned to pack it away, then I got older, and just left it in the closet, but now days, I try to use it as often as I can with out apologies to anyone for doing it. maybe just being here among friends will be enough for you, if not, no one here will hold it against you either way, what ever works for you, is great.
Tina B.

[Sarah Doepner]

I've seen a lot of posts (even written a few) that allude to the escape aspect of cross-dressing. It can provide a nice quiet time where the biggest problem you have is which skirt goes best with that top. It can be like a mini-vacation where you leave all your pending stresses on the doorstep and try to rejuvenate just a little. I don't see a problem with that. I've found that during extended times of stress I could have an evening or a weekend en femme and return to my problems with a clearer mind and better focus. And that's the other part of it, if you don't scratch that itch it becomes a bigger problem than what you are facing in the rest of your life. You being here after your purge seems to say that you still have that need. I know I do and this helps, but not as much as actually getting dressed and pushing all the "serious" stuff aside for a while as I pamper myself just a little.

[Jenniferathome]

Life is serious for us all. Most of us take a vacation now and again. When I was in Hawaii a few months back, eating out at 5 star restaurants nightly, having my room cleaned daily and with a pool waitress bringing drinks at my beck and call, I never thought, "this is my life." It was a vacation. Cross dressing is a mini vacation from times of stress or when I just want to look and feel different for a few hours. Purging, as you have read on this forum many times, does not stop cross dressing. I believe it actually increase the stress in your life.

Is your situation related to a relationship where cross dressing is a potential problem?

[kimdl93]

Sorry bout the purge. Hope you didn't part with too many things.

If you feel that CDing is an escape from reality, my question would be: "Does CDing only of interest to you when you're feeling stressed or depressed? " And conversely, do you lose interest when you're happy and things in your life are going well?

Bear in mind that you may answer these questions differently from one day to the next. But for a longer range perspective, you may want to ask yourself "Why CDing?" There are a lot of potential fantasies and diversion from reality available and yet you chose one that is certainly not as commonplace as say, a fascination with on-line porn, alcohol or videogaming, to name a few.

Hope times improve for you soon.

[Gocaps14]

Life is serious for us all. Most of us take a vacation now and again. When I was in Hawaii a few months back, eating out at 5 star restaurants nightly, having my room cleaned daily and with a pool waitress bringing drinks at my beck and call, I never thought, "this is my life." It was a vacation. Cross dressing is a mini vacation from times of stress or when I just want to look and feel different for a few hours. Purging, as you have read on this forum many times, does not stop cross dressing. I believe it actually increase the stress in your life.

Is your situatin related to a relationship where cross dressing is a potential problem?

The relationship aspect is an on-going issue that is very painful for me. However, the specific issues that sparked my post are; my wife's health, my daughter's growing up and the death of my cousin(she was the same age as me). I am 46 and looking at how I lived my life.......and not always liking what I see.

[Foxglove]

I am 46 and looking at how I lived my life.......and not always liking what I see.

I can relate to this (although I'm older than you). It was only recently that I finally decided what sort of work I'd like to do in my life. A pity I didn't think of that a long, long time ago. But I've put myself to it now, and I'm much happier. It's a struggle, but I'm plugging away at it.

What you need to do is try and identify the specific things you're not happy with and see what you can do to change them. At the end of the day, you might not get everything you want. That's the case with me. But if you get at least part of the way down the road, it'll make a big difference.

Annabelle

[Dawn cd]

When hard times come into our lives, we have to put other things aside. But that doesn't mean those things were wrong or destructive. Good heavens, rooting for sports teams or going to films are escapes from reality too. They are not real; they are entertainments. But we humans need some entertainments in our lives so long as they don't interfere with the serious stuff. So don't look down on CDing just because it was fun. Set it aside for now, and good luck with your big issues.

[Jenniferathome]

The relationship aspect is an on-going issue that is very painful for me. However, the specific issues that sparked my post are; my wife's health, my daughter's growing up and the death of my cousin(she was the same age as me). I am 46 and looking at how I lived my life.......and not always liking what I see.

I think it is natural to reflect on one's life when issues like Heath and death crop up. You may be thinking, "Am I being selfish and isn't my wife's health more important?". The answer is yes, her health is more important, but no, you are no being selfish by being a crossdresser. Crossdressing is not a hobby. If you were playing golf every day, I'd say you were selfish but crossdressing is like breathing. It's in your DNA to do it. Prioritize your wife's health but be who you are.

[Barbara Ella]

We all must look at our lives and make observations and form opinions about what we see has been accomplished. The feelings about dressing being used as an escape are honest ones and require a lot of evaluation as many others here have mentioned, and everyone's situation will be different. I have only dressed for 8 months so I do not have a lot to look back over, but i see the hurt it has caused my wife, and I anguish. But I can no more stop dressing than i could force myself to stop breathing. Does it get me away from reallife? Yes, to some extent. But am I taking my dressing into real life? Again yes to some extent. I feel it may actually help me deal with real life if I am more feminine and inclusive of Barbara in my real life activities. How that happens is anyone's guess.

You are here because we are the only people living that can discuss this with you in a rational manner and have complete understanding. Try doing this over the back fence with neighbor Bob and a beer. Not gonna happen. We understand, and we are with you. Stopping your dressing does not remove you from our thoughts and community.

Barbara

[Tracii G]

I got to thinking about purging a few months ago but couldn't bare the thought of having two empty closets with clothes and all those cute shoes.