Couldn't get wife to go along tonight

[Michelle Crossfire]

i was completely dressed up today, including my nails, as I have the next two days off. wife came home from work and we had dinner. she then decided that she wanted to go out shopping with some gift cards that she got at work. while she did not want to go in area with me dressed, which i understand, i did offer to go somewhere further away. she thought about it, and even helped me change clothes, including my bra. she told me to wear flats, says i still walk like a dude in heels and still look like a dude (i dont thimk i look that bad, but i am a big person (6" and 250lbs). anyway, she could not pull the trigger and go out with me dressed tonight. not sure if i will be able to convince her. she says that dressing is my thing and that she supports me doing it, even buys things for me, and even asked if i needed any makeup the other day when she went to walmart. this is tricky to type, as i have nails on and it takes some getting used to. anyway, she decided to go to the store by herself to get a white skirt and shoes for a wedding that we are attending this weekend. what shall i do? does anyone think that with time, the wife might come around?

[Jenniferathome]

First, remember that you are so very fortunate that your wife accepts and participates! Do not push. It is is fair to ask if you are going out or if you are making a plan, but do not "expect" her to join. Remind yourself every day how lucky you are.

And yes, I am sure she will go out with you soon enough

[cdtraveler]

What you may want to do is count your blessings Crossfire! I understand the desire to have her treat you like a girlfriend but even if she did most times, which it sounds like she does the majority of the time when you're dressed, the fact is don't we all just want to go by ourslef every once in a while?

My point here is don't be thin skinned and keep things in perspective. In fact this might be a terrific time to tell her you respect her wishes to go out by herself at times like tonight and want her to know how much you love her for accepting and loving you for who you are. period.

[STACY B]

Hey it happens ,, Ya gotta wait till she thinks you look like a real gurl ? An dont yall jump on me ,lol,,lol,, Im just sayin mmWhen shes ready an thinks he blends well enough she will go .. Only bad thing with the SO ,, Is they see ya everyday an dont see the drastic change that all others see ,, One day she will look up an say,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Ohhhhhhh Nooooooo its a girl !!!! Then she will go .

[Krista Doll]

I understand what you are going through and you are very lucky to have an understanding wife. but what are (YOU) going to wear for the wedding maybe you should have asked her to get you a nice dress or skirt suit. lol just enjoy what you have in a very loving and understanding wife. as there are alot of other people on here who wish they had it as good as you.

[Michelle Crossfire]

First, remember that you are so very fortunate that your wife accepts and participates! Do not push. It is is fair to ask if you are going out or if you are making a plan, but do not "expect" her to join. Remind yourself every day how lucky you are.

And yes, I am sure she will go out with you soon enough

i do know how lucky i am. i read the other threads and can only wonder after reading some of them. thanks for the input


What you may want to do is count your blessings Crossfire! I understand the desire to have her treat you like a girlfriend but even if she did most times, which it sounds like she does the majority of the time when you're dressed, the fact is don't we all just want to go by ourslef every once in a while?

My point here is don't be thin skinned and keep things in perspective. In fact this might be a terrific time to tell her you respect her wishes to go out by herself at times like tonight and want her to know how much you love her for accepting and loving you for who you are. period.

she wanted me to go shopping w her, just is not in a place where she can deal w me dressed in public. Heck, other than a walk some time ago, i have never been out en femme anywhere


I understand what you are going through and you are very lucky to have an understanding wife. but what are (YOU) going to wear for the wedding maybe you should have asked her to get you a nice dress or skirt suit. lol just enjoy what you have in a very loving and understanding wife. as there are alot of other people on here who wish they had it as good as you.

wedding is purely en drab. yes my wife is very understanding. i can say that from experience. my first wife was a freaking nightmare to deal with. and crossdressing was not even a part of that marriage

[AnitaH]

I don't know when, or if, she will go out with you dressed but I would echo what others say, count your blessings their are many on here that would give anything if the SO would just be somewhat accepting. Don't push her too hard she may come around but she could become very resistant if you push too much.

AnitaH

[litlejohn]

To go out shopping or anything with my SO is my altimate dream but like what others have said it has to be thier choice. Most of us brought this on our SO after the fact and that is huge for them to deal with in the first place. Keep up the good communication and what will be will be.
Best of luck

[Barbara Ella]

I can see that you know how wonderful your wife is, and how good your situation is. In our minds, regardless of how good the situation is, there is always that one more thing that could be done. It nags us and nags us, but really isn't a big thing usually, just something on the road to be dealt with. Keep on doing what you are doing, your wife seems at ease with it. She cannot do things out of her comfort zone, and it is her mental state that decides what that comfort zone is. Eventually, if you behave and be a good girl, she will recognize quite suddenly that she is comfortable.

Barbara

[kendra_gurl]

crossfire you have received some great advice so far. my wife was like yours for a very long time. What changed more than her becomming more comfortable with my dressing was my own reality check and listening to her advice. The Pink Fog plays tricks on our vision and we sometimes do not see what is obvious to others about how we look as a whole. I's so easy to only see what WE want to see in the mirror.

[Abby74]

Crossfire,
Are y'all sports fans? Or make bets? Hint make a bet maybe your wife would be ok if she won the American idol picks last night. At least it would make her feel better maybe if she had a quick out. "if he didn't do the dishes I told him he would get a real feel for heels" or something like that.
But yes feel lucky your wife is ok with it. Did you get to dress sexy in the bedroom?

[BRANDYJ]

Why not respect your wife's wishes to not go with you? Be happy she accepts and supports what you do, but she has reasons that she is not comfortable being seen with you in public. Honestly, if you are not 95% or better, passable or blend able, I don't blame her. Not all of us, be it a wife or a CD, are comfortable being a public spectacle. And if you don't pass, that's what you are. I know there are some here that are OK being pointed at, laughed at, ridiculed and otherwise put in a position to be humiliated. I'm not one of them even if I thought I passed. Hate to say it, but if I had a very close CD friend that thought they passed, and they wanted me to go out with them while I'm in male mode or even in fem mode, I'm not going!
So why ask your loving and very giving wife to do something she is so against! MY SO hate golf and fishing, so why would I ask her to go with me to fish or play golf?
Find other CD's to go out with and respect your wife's reasons for not joining you. Trying to convince her to do something she has no interest in, or fears, could be the start of the end of her support. Just be be clear, I am not talking about events for us that are TG or night clubs known to accept us, I'm talking about other very public places. My SO has no problem going to places known to accept us. Funny thing is, she would go out in very public places with me if I wanted to go. She's not against it as much as me! But she also has the good sense as to not push it or try to convince me to do something I do not want to do. I just have better sense then to risk the humiliation or a host of other things I do not wish to deal with. Bravo to all of you that don't care what others say or think. I'm not one of them. The OP's wife might be the same way as me.

[DonnaT]

does anyone think that with time, the wife might come around?
It's hard to say, not knowing her.

Heck, when I looked my best 30+ yrs ago, my wife wouldn't go out with me. She did, finally, a few years ago, but now she won't any more.

Maybe if you find a support group she'll go with you and see how she feels. Otherwise, based on my experience, I have my doubts.

[RADER]

Crossfire;
Maybe do some practice in walking, LOL Yes you walk like a dude because you are a dude.
Females walk a little different because their hips are different then ours.
So just be happy she lets you dress, and do not try to push the envelope.
Rader

[Anise Lectum]

First, remember that you are so very fortunate that your wife accepts and participates! Do not push. It is is fair to ask if you are going out or if you are making a plan, but do not "expect" her to join. Remind yourself every day how lucky you are.

To echo what some people are saying, time helps a lot with these things. From what you have said she has been supportive so far. Most likely if you give her time she will either come around to your side of things, or you two will find a middle ground.

As in many aspects of relationships, I've found that stressing out about a single night when (from what you said) things are going smoothly, is just going to create problems when previously there were none.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

You are miles ahead of most of the girls on here, accept what you can and hope for more. My wife has to be in the mood to go shopping with me as Sandra, and that is just fine. It is a treat to be able to be with the one you love while girl shopping, hope you get to experience that someday but if you don't you shouldn't worry about it.

[~Joanne~]

First, remember that you are so very fortunate that your wife accepts and participates! Do not push. It is is fair to ask if you are going out or if you are making a plan, but do not "expect" her to join. Remind yourself every day how lucky you are.

And yes, I am sure she will go out with you soon enough

Jennifer says it best. You have a supportive wife and that alone is a lot better than a lot of us have so pushing it makes very little sense. In time she will probably go out shopping with you enfemme but at her own pace. She will probably be curious as to if you can pull it off or not but isn't to that point yet. Just relax and wait for it. I am sure it will happen in the future but enjoy what you have now :)

[Beverley Sims]

Yes go out by yourself, it is great that you have a supporting wife.
Just leave her with the knowledge that you are out en femme as well.
When my wife has reservations I skip around the problem and let sleeping dogs lie.
Treat it as a natural occurrence as you will get questions later like "What did you buy?" "What did you do?" etc. Just reply naturally and WITHOUT embellishment as to the circumstances and more questions and discussion always follow.

[Rebecca Star]

I feel for you sweetie.
Your wife is a pretty cool lady.

However we both know not too many partners can handle their SO CDing. Take a look around here and you'll soon see people who have told their SO and it has ended in tears, break-ups etc...etc. What I'm getting at, maybe you should be thankful your wife is accepting and gives you her support. It may not be to the extent you would like; going out as girlfriends shopping and what not, but possibly what she's given so far is all she can give right now. Maybe that's all you'll ever get from her.

Without offending you, it sound like she doesn't feel comfortable being seen in public with you.
She told you, you "still look like a dude", to her.

If her comments hurt you, maybe ask for her help, ways to make your look less dude-like in her eyes. Maybe if that hurdle can be over-come, she may get the courage to venture out with you enfemme. But, again maybe she'll never feel comfortable doing that. As she also said to you, dressing is your thing, which indicates to me, it's her way of saying it's not her thing, no matter how much she is prepared to support your crosscressing.

IDK, maybe in time things will change. But try not to get disapointed. Accept that she's giving you support. Consider yourself fortunate that you have such an understanding and accepting SO.

Your wife obviously loves you very much but don't push the evelope here. Give her time, as much as she needs. Don't pressure her, in fact I'd stop asking her to accompany you enfemme. She probably still needs time to get her head around it.

Your SO has expressed strong statements to you. These messages are very clear in what she will and wont do right now!

hugs

Rebecca

[Michelle Crossfire]

Thank you for all the kind words about my SO. she is really something special. It may not be her thing right now, if ever, but she is supportive and participatory to an extent.