Feel a little like a coward now...

[Annie M]

"I was living in my own head. With everything I did, from the mundane to the exciting, the only way I was able to enjoy it was if I re-imagined doing it as a girl." A quote from Sarah McBride the American University student body president who came out recently. The statement rings so very true to me but I never had the conviction to act. I chose what I felt was the easier path, but in some ways I feel I should have transitioned perhaps I would not be living in my own head quite so much.
It was good to see her courage and wish her the best. In times to come this challenge I hope will be easier for others to over come.

[Aprilrain]

lately, it seems, I keep reading post after post from people who are planing on, want to, or wish they could transition and it all sounds the same. quiet desperation. Then I read the post from those of us who have transitioned and hear nothing but relief. My life is so much better in so many ways now and I wouldn't want to go back to the walking death that was my former existence. Fortune favors the bold? no not for me anyway, it was that same desperation I keep hearing that finnally motivated me to take action.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It takes courage to say what you just said Annie..

That feeling you have (can i presume you are not a spring chicken??) is what caused me to transition..i saw my future, and it was filled with bitter regret, and i said "not me"...

Living in your head is a good way to describe being stuck in a world where you don't allow yourself transition..its not a fun place to live and it gets less and less and fun...

[Julia_in_Pa]

Anne,

April And Kaitlyn are correct.
Fortune does favor the bold even in transition.
Sometimes you have to take a stand against everyone and everything that you perceive is holding you back.
Life is meant to be beaten, strangled and controlled for your own good not the other way around.


Julia

[Jorja]

You are by no means a coward! Transition takes a lot of thought and careful consideration. You only found that at the time, it was not for you. Now however, it may be just the thing for you. It is never too late.

[Becoming Brianna]

Don't be ashamed... Your experience is not uncommon... I feel the same way sometimes constantly living in your own head Thinking you should start transition but instead choosing what seems like the easier path... I do it all the time and am still doing it... Still fighting to keep things as they are but starting to think that it may be a losing battle... Please know that you are not alone... I hope that you find the peace you both want and deserve!

Brianna

[RachelOKC]

Annie, I've largely lived a life of doing the so-called safe, easy, normal, respectable things...and it still didn't get me where I wanted. I've never been happy and I've never been able to shut up this little voice that kept saying "what if?" At a certain point the "what if" started turning into "I should have" and "why didn't I?" Like Kaitlyn, I started to realize (with the help of a therapist) that I just didn't want to be saying the same things at 60 I was saying at 40.

Truth is, I'll probably always ruminate about things - I think it is my nature. But I also think I've at last made the correct choice in transitioning and maybe just maybe that little voice will finally quiet down to a level I can stand.