Request to Dress as Bride at an Engagement Costume Party

[heatherdress]

I never heard of this before - but we have been invited to attend a costume engagement party. My wife suggested that we attend the costume party for her niece with us dressing as a bride and groom. She is very supportive of my CD and very excited about the opportunity to CD openly together. She wants to me to buy a gown, shoes, etc and she is going to get a tux. Sounds great but I have concerns. Is it appropriate to dress as a bride and groom at an engagement party or would it look like we were upstaging the future bride and groom to be? It seems to be a terrific chance to dress up fem at a large party. I have rarely been out in public thus far. If I go all out for this party (heels, full make-up, shaved legs etc) would it raise suspicions from her family members who will be there? If I can walk in heels, dance in heels and look too comfortable, will I send signals to my inlaws? I am not sure about Uncle Tony transitioning to Aunt Toni but it seems like a great opportunity.

[MandyGG]

I agree, the bride and groom costumes would be a little much. I would be pi$$ed if I was the real bride!

However, you can still go both crossdressed! Lucy and Ricky, Marilyn and JFK, Romeo and Juliet, Jack and Rose (from Titanic), Fred and Wilma...the options are endless! Just remember to laugh and trip a few times. No one will know the difference!

[heatherdress]

Thanks Mandy - that's what I felt too.

[MandyGG]

Oh! I forgot to say that the leg hair can easily be brushed off as "Would you wear this skirt looking like a wooly mammoth?!" The full makeup is expected if you are playing a role, and the technique cred can go to your wife, even if you did it yourself. Costume situations are perfect for crossdressers to go all out.... the guests will feel like you put a lot of time and humor into your "persona". You will do great. POST PICS when it's over! I wanna see you two together! OH! And let me know who y'all go as! I will be wondering!

[Raychel]

I too think that Bride and Groom would be not really proper. My wife once went to a Haloween party as an old man and an old woman. She wa sthe man and I was the woman. (see my avatar). It was a blast.

[Cheryl T]

A bridal couple might be a bit too much. Stealing the thunder from the real couple being married. You could do the same thing in a different vein though. Tone it down and go as an usher and bridesmaid. Maybe you will get an invitation to be one in a future wedding.

[mykhelee]

YES...you will have to be careful about how "natural" you appear to be.
My first time out was to a Halloween Party, the explanation was, "I forgot my costume at home". I won best costume, but several of the women claimed I must do this all the time as I walked in 4inch heels, shaved neck down. Luckily, only the hostess and her GF knew the truth. I dressed at their place on a regular basis.
Stumble a little, complain about your feet, sit like a man on purpose a few times in front of your in laws and give the old "oops" an assume a more ladylike posture.
This will give you the chance to strut your stuff a bit, go ahead and go all out.
Why not go golden era Hollywood for your couple, that way at least you could still rock a formal.
Khelli

[Babeba]

Ooh, I like the usher and bridesmaid idea. Same lines but too fun!

I think you could go with B & G if the couple were really laid back with a good sense of humour. You would have to get creative with your outfits though - I'm thinking goodwill dress and suit, secondhand tophat, that sort of thing. Look up what brides wear to bachelorette parties and go with that level?

[Lesley_Roberta]

I support the sentiment, you might be upstaging the bride. Especially if you end up looking better :)

I like the idea of dressing the part of support outfits like best man and bridesmaid. Because then you become something the couple can look back on and smile about that added to the thrill of them getting married. Not sure though the real best man and real bridesmaid would be happy as well.

You could go as catering, a maid outfit and a butler would be fun.

[TxKimberly]

Honestly, I dont know. If you were showing up to the wedding itself cross dressed, thus taking attention away from the bride on her day, I would see a major problem with it. Showing up to an engagement party that I assume is probably months away from the wedding itself doesn't seem to me like you are stepping on the brides toes.
There is no way around the fact though that two GG's have replied here and said it's a no-go. . .

I've got to admit that I don't think I'd have the will power to turn down a chance like that though. The chance to spend an entire night being beautiful in an awesome wedding gown. No way in hell that I could turn that chance down . . .

I gotta ask though - you're talking about wearing a wedding dress, more than likely with a very long skirt on it, so why are you worried about shaved legs? Just who would see them under all of that?

OK, so I commented on the "Is it a rude thing to do" aspect, so now onto the "is it a bad idea" question. Years ago I went to a Halloween party at a coworkers home as Kimberly. It was a fairly big hit with the women, but most of the guys were distinctly uncomfortable around me. The problem is, people DID definitely act weird around me for at least two years afterwords. Use your own best judgement . . .

[Stephanie47]

Based on your picture I'd say you will make a lovely bride, but, I'd save the bridal dress for a rededication of your marital vows with your wife. Never upstage a bride. If I ever had the opportunity of going en femme to a costume party I'd go in the most glamorous feminine attire I could attire. I've never been a fan of going as a witch or female cartoon character.

My recommendation is to go in a delicious sexy ball gown (maybe red). Adorn your creation with a silver tiara and scepter. Invest in a sash proclaiming yourself as "Miss Someone." As to acting too womanly, give credit to your wife who had you practice walking in heels for a month or two and proper female decorum. Acting overly manly in a dress to me is a No-No. Exaggerating femininity is a No-No also. Just act as the natural woman who are!

I guess I forgot to give an opinion as to what in-laws would think, etc. Well, if your wife speaks up for encouraging you to dress en femme, and, you do not show up at the functions they host en femme, I'd say thrown caution to the wind. I think if your wife exhibited disapproval to you being en femme, maybe other people would read more into the occasion than it is presenting.

[Chickhe]

If the theme was for everyone to be a bride and groom I would do it. If not, I don't see much issue, but you never know how people would interpret it. Doing a bridesmaid is probably better and easier. Do the best job you can and just say you stayed at a holiday inn express!... The key to success is being a good sport and not being embarrased about anything...its all for a laugh and a good time for eveyone. Be prepared for the story to get around at the wedding and have some jokes prepared.

[crossdrezzer1]

you both should go as brides maids and maybe she will consider you for the real wedding

[Tina B.]

Come on , it's a costume party, you want a real laugh go as the mother and father of the bride, there are some great mother of the bride dresses out there, and it could be very humerus without stepping on a brides toes.
Tina B.

[suchacutie]

I'm not sure why it is so hard. If you were invited, can't a discussion be had with the person who invited you to clear the air? I'm sure your wife could easily have this discussion, and even put a bit of humor into the situation about talking you into it, making you practice like crazy to pull it off, etc.

communication! :)

tina

[Veronica27]

This is an engagement party. Some engagements are quite lengthy. If it was an invitation to the rehearsal dinner, I would definitely agree that you should not upstage the bride by dressing as one. Take into account if a date has been set and how soon the wedding will be. I agree with suchacutie that communication can provide the answer to this question. If those affected are agreeable, it is the perfect opportunity to fulfill a dream of many crossdressers without necessarily disclosing your CD desires, by using all the explanations provided by the other responses. And it is a costume that fits right in with the theme of the party. If I were the bride, I might be offended by some of the other costumes I can think of, but I assume it was her idea to make this a costume party in the first place. She obviously has a sense of humour and wants to make this a fun and memorable affair.

Veronica

[Launa]

This sounds like it could be a good time. Like Tina said, maybe your wife could say to the bride hey I was wondering about having my hubby come to the party in a dress... and what do you think? She will then give her an honest answer. If the answer is positive then you can let er rip. Just remember if you look way to good, have nice shoes, 400 dollar wig with all the trimmings then it will send some signals.
I saw a pic of a guy that did something similar to this at a costume party, I told my SO that guy in the pic is a CD for sure! She said how do you know. I said because he is enjoying himself too much. So unless your in a cheapo dress from Goodwill and don't look that good then there won't be any signals but that's no fun. I say get permission first then get beautiful and go! Let the signals begin.

[heatherdress]

Thanks for all the great thoughts. My wife is going to talk to her sister, the bride to be 's mom. The wedding is a year behind the party. I think my sisters in law and nieces will be very comfortable. Nieces too, including the bride to be. Three brothers in law might be uncomfortable but I am not able close to them anyway. I will discuss these ideas with my wife, who is the most important consideration. She will have to handle any suspicions. I guess I can expect a million pictures since there will be many younger friends of the bride and groom. Anyone have any thoughts about that? Thanks to all.

[Eryn]

So, perhaps going as bride and groom might be a bit OTT, but what about Bridesmaid and Usher? More practical for a party, as well!

As far as worrying about the family catching on that you're enjoying yourself a bit too much, consider that they will be blown away by how well you pull off the role! I'll bet the comments will be more along the lines of "Wow, I didn't even recognize you until you opened your mouth!" than "You must be a crossdresser." Remember that crossdressing is so far of the mainstream radar that most people won't even consider it. The shaved legs, pretty nails etc. will just be part of of the costume in their eyes.

Have a great time! I'm envious!