First time at Gender Identity Therapy, any suggestions?

[sierra_g]

Wednesday morning at 10am I have my first appointment with a therapist that specializes in GI. Kind of surprising to find since I am in a smaller close minded LDS area. I guess there is a need for all types in all areas.
Anyway, besides going to a standard run of the mill marriage counselor, I have never been to a therapist. My wife wants to go to, is this a good idea for our first time? The therapist wants to do marriage counseling as well, but this is a meeting for me.
Are there certain things I should mention to the therapist? Certain things I should request or anything like that?
I am going in 100% drab, as I have never been out in public en femme. My wife isn't ready for that one yet.

Thank you all.

[Kerigirl2009]

I just had my first appt to a GI therapist. I would go by myself the first time unless you can open up infront of your wife. The first time I saw a therapist that specialized in gender I would usually go by myself and tell my wife all about it. Some things she was not ready to hear and some things I would have been afraid to say with my wife around, this is why I would go to a therapist to also help learn how to talk about issues with my wife. Once it is said its almost like it is etched in stone and she cannot forget, even though it may only be a passing thought at the time.

When I filled my wife in on what we discussed it was usually right after the appointment and I know I upset my wife more than once about some of the issues that we talked about. I would try to avoid that and maybe bring her with every other appointment but I would also suggest that your wife go by herself too so she can discuss some things that she might not want to mention around you at the time.

[arbon]

Having an idea about the area you are in I would be surprised to find anyone with much experience about the issue to.

My wife and I each started with our own therapists, and then did some counseling together. We both needed to work things out on our own for a bit, in a safe place without worrying about saying the wrong thing in front of the other for a while.



Are there certain things I should mention to the therapist?

Be honest with them, you'll get a lot more out of it.

[sierra_g]

Once it is said its almost like it is etched in stone and she cannot forget, even though it may only be a passing thought at the time.

NAILED IT!


Having an idea about the area you are in I would be surprised to find anyone with much experience about the issue to.

I guess she is not from the area, but is from a larger city, I don't remember where she said, but that may help a bit.

[Anna Lorree]

Be brutally honest. They have heard people say anything you might be thinking before, so just say it. It will not be easy, but it is something that you probably need to do.

Anna

[Jessica_Grl]

Be brutally honest. They have heard people say anything you might be thinking before, so just say it. It will not be easy, but it is something that you probably need to do.

Anna

very solid advise -- i remember my first session, it was more of a "TELL ME YOUR LIFE STORY" type of event, but i did have 41yrs of denial and hiding to get out. just be honest, and if your lucky you will achieve the most important thing your first session "TRUST". building that trust between patient and therapist that first session is truly ideal :)

[Kristy_K]

Like everyone else said be very honest about your feelings. If you can't be honest and open up to her about all your thoughts then you are just wasting your time and money.

Good luck and have fun.

[sierra_g]

Be brutally honest. They have heard people say anything you might be thinking before, so just say it. It will not be easy, but it is something that you probably need to do.

Anna

Brutally honest is number one, that is why I worry about bringing my wife. She and I have been quite open about everything, but I don't want there to be a new question that breaks a barrier. I refuse to lie to someone I am paying. It is a quick way to screw everything up.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Talk talk talk and talk some more, blather on and on, include as much info as possible, mention everything including anything you can think of in intimate detail. You won't be saying anything they haven't heard before. Get it off your chest, mention your closest secrets, let it all out.

I'm no pro at this, but I have done the marriage counselling thing for a number of years now (not originally for any of my current issues though), I have been to crisis counselling (when my current problems were overwhelming me), and I doubt I have a single hidden detail anymore.

The more they have to work with, the more they will be able to work with eh.

[Anna Lorree]

Brutally honest is number one, that is why I worry about bringing my wife. She and I have been quite open about everything, but I don't want there to be a new question that breaks a barrier. I refuse to lie to someone I am paying. It is a quick way to screw everything up.

My therapist refuses to see my wife. She gladly suggests other therapists for my wife or for us as a couple, but she will not work with my wife.

Anna

[Lesley_Roberta]

My therapist refuses to see my wife. She gladly suggests other therapists for my wife or for us as a couple, but she will not work with my wife.

Anna

That is odd. In my case, my marriage counsellor figured she was out of her depth, and she offered to let me see someone at the hospital that was better suited. But if I were to ask my current counsellor to let my wife sit in on a meeting, it would happen or I'd be talking to her superior. My wife has been seeing the original counsellor solo for a while, but I had pretty much said all I was likely ever able to say in those meetings. So now my wife is focusing on HER issues with the person.

[sierra_g]

My therapist refuses to see my wife. She gladly suggests other therapists for my wife or for us as a couple, but she will not work with my wife.

Anna

Thank goodness for insurance. If what I think will happen does happen then I will go for my stuff, my wife will go for her stuff, and we will go together for our stuff. 3 separate sessions. Who needs other clients? We are enough crazy for one person, lol.

[Anna Lorree]

Thank goodness for insurance. If what I think will happen does happen then I will go for my stuff, my wife will go for her stuff, and we will go together for our stuff. 3 separate sessions. Who needs other clients? We are enough crazy for one person, lol.

Lol, I understand. I think it's a good thing, though. It gives you a place to safely vent, she has a place to safely vent, and you both get a place to work together toward your future. I just wish my wife would actually take me up on my offer and start seeking help.

Anna

[Jorja]

Relax, be yourself, be honest.

[elizabethamy]

Some therapists can handle joint therapy as well as simultaneously and separately seeing both individuals. Personally I think you have to develop a very trusting relationship with the therapist before you can go there -- they are all pledged to confidence, which isn't the problem. The problem is perceptual bias -- some just can't help but take sides, even wehn they shouldn't. Others can do it superbly well. Be open, be honest, trust yourself. There are things my therapist knows about me that my wife just can't know yet. It's not about secret-keeping so much as it is about knowing when you're ready to bring your SO in on the process and to what degree.

Best wishes -- be honest all the way through. Good therapy can save you years of suffering and ignorance.

elizabethamy

[LeaP]

I'm finding it useful to focus on what I feel more than what I think. Feelings are guides to conflicts and issues. What you think, on the other hand, is often tangled in rationalizations - and will likely shift over time.

[ReineD]

Sierra, who forms the bulk of this therapist's clients? Couples in need of marital counseling, or individuals seeking counseling for Gender Identity Disorder? Is this a family therapist with a working knowledge of gender identity issues, or someone who does, as you say, specialize in GID counseling (with the view of facilitating transition)?

[sierra_g]

Sierra, who forms the bulk of this therapist's clients? Couples in need of marital counseling, or individuals seeking counseling for Gender Identity Disorder? Is this a family therapist with a working knowledge of gender identity issues, or someone who does, as you say, specialize in GID counseling (with the view of facilitating transition)?

In this town, I doubt she could make enough money off of GID, or even LGBT. She seems to treat all sorts of issues, but she actually mentioned that she specializes in GID and treats TS clients. HelpPro says she treats all sorts of stuff though. I don't really know if she has a yay or nay view of facilitating transition, (or if I truly do) but since she is the only one around, I guess it is a start. Healing needs to start and answers need to be found before there is anymore unnecessary damage.