I need help...to be me

[meghana]

Hey People,
This is Riya, a very young crossdresser i would say. All my life i've struggled to suppress my desires to dressup. During my education and my job pursuits, i put all my plans to dress on hold as i don't have the financial freedom that i have now. Now that i got a job and i could afford things that Riya needs. Previously, i used to treat my alter-ego "riya" like some strange or abnormal person that i haven't fully understood. Lately, i feel this rejuvenated desire about my alternate persona and i can't ignore or dislike it, no matter how hard i try. It's like fire that i can't quench.

And here's my strange problem..when i'm riya, i completely isolate myself form the things of my male persona. Riya lives in a world of fantasies, faraway from the demands of my real life. I cannot concentrate on anything and i'm completely unstable. I just can't balance myself between my two personas. I am not able to concentrate on my work at all. My ratings are going down..I need to work out a way out of it.

Should i set riya some rules for her time. I often feel guilty that i'm overdoing it. Why can't dressing be like "playing golf" or "reading a novel", doing them when you want to, just like a hobby. But i think of riya 24/7. I even, enrolled for a guitar course hoping that it would divert my focus from riya but i failed miserably.

I need some serious advice people. it's really killing me.

Love,
Riya Sofia.

[Kate Simmons]

You need to focus on who you are and what you want to accomplish Hon. Then it will be clear to you how to proceed. You can PM me with any specific questions if you like. I'm no expert, I'm just me but do have a lot of experience in this and life in general.:)

[Foxglove]

I was like that when I was young. When I was dressed, I couldn't think about anything else. I'm a lot older now (sad to say), and being dressed doesn't keep me from focussing on what I need to do.

Maybe you need to dress more often, not less often. Maybe eventually you'll get used to being dressed, and then you'll be able to just go about your business. Of course I can't say for sure that this is true. I'm just speculating here. What's true for me might not be true for you. I think you'd need to decide for yourself whether or not this is a possibility.

But I congratulate you on being young. You'll get this problem sorted out, and you've got many years of fun and pleasure to look forward to.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Dana921]

I think a good many of us go through this, to some level or extent, I know I did. It took a huge amount of time and energy from me and mostly because I felt I had questions I could not answer. This then meant I felt I was unable to choose my path or direction for my life. Being at the finishing end of a relationship (20 years), having to look for work and moving out from where I was living all combined to make me feel like I was mentally at a stand still, not knowing what to do. The answer was a non answer in that I prioritized or sectioned off the needed activities such as work, dressing, or other activities, giving them time slots and then doing them. Interest at work was very difficult but I made it through and as I progressed things started falling in place one by one, some of the questions being answered along the way. I still have questions but through going out and becoming involved I have decided I do not really have to understand the why, (it would be nice but I do not have to know), I just need to accept this is me and how I feel so I can go out and live my life as I choose. Becoming involved in the LGBT community and talking with others has been a huge help for me. Hope this helps in some way!

Dana

[Lesley_Roberta]

Riya you are NOT alone.

I am suffering the same aggro in my own way.

I sit surrounded by HIS hobbies and I try to tell myself, well he is me right? But maybe I am not? So that is on my list of things to figure out.

I look at my models, and wonder, well I still like them don't I?
I have all these wargames, and, well, am I still a wargamer? But I seem to have lost my knack for playing them.
I look at my large library of military history, and I have been wondering, what does Leslie see in all this dreadful misery and destruction and violence? But I remember, the key to avoiding war, is to never forget how it happens.

I have been going from day to day groping blindly trying to find something 'for me' that is really me oriented. And not having too much success sadly. What is Lesley's favourite things to do? And then I start asking myself well how do girls waste their time away? And I think to myself, ok, I once walked in on my neice when visiting family in Ottawa, and she was sitting there like I thought only guys do, nothing on but a top, quite clearly bare assed in her office chair in front of her computer doing whatver she does on her computer. And it was like 'you could have told me you were not ready for your uncle to poke his head in to say hello eh' Saw a bit more of my niece than I needed to see :)

But I just can't reeeeeeally say I know how the average girl spends her day. And my wife is not a very good example unfortunately, and I have no daughters.

I have been trying to get myself 'interested' in Leslie's activities. Just not been easy. And in my case, Leslie simply has abandoned most of the day to me, so I have a lot of day to spend wondering what to do with it. You can only go shopping for so long.

[katie_barns]

Balancing between your male and female identities is not always an easy thing. I use to spend so much time at work thinking of being Katie and spending time on the internet searching for information it almost cost me my job. I was able to find a balance. Mostly by understanding that I am one person. As CD/TG we all face similar issues. How we address them and resolve them can be different for each. What works for me may not for someone else. To this day Katie has her hobbies and Wayne his. They are both my hobbies. Sometimes they can be the same.

I don't know when I found the balance but one day I just realized I did. Thinking back a pivotal moment was when I went to my Crochet group as Katie. I answered an add in the local paper to join a group of women that got together once a month to Crochet and socialize. [I learned to crochet in male mode]. They were a little uncomfortable at first having a man join them. Even though I was in male mode; Katie really came through during the get together. It only took a few months before the girls were comfortable with me. Somewhere around month 6 or 7 one of the girls stated I had become one of the girls the only thing I was missing was a dress. It was a joke, but that was my opportunity. I told them I could do that. The next month I showed up as Katie. Most were ok with it. One quit the group. After that I always showed up as Katie.

I'm not saying to take up Crochet; but for me it was finding something that Wayne and Katie had in common that created the bridge. You will have to find your own balance, it may take time but you will find it. We all do.

Good Luck

[docrobbysherry]

It sounds like u r experiencing what I went thru about 4+ years ago, Riya. I had dressed alone in a vacuum for 10 years. Then, I found this and other CD sites on line! It was like a DOOR OPENED for Sherry! All I could think about day and nite was either dressing or something that revolved around it!
Finally, I just gave in to the impulses! I began dressing whenever I felt like it! After work, lunch hours, after my kid went to bed. Every and all weekend, if I was alone. Finally, after nearly 3 months of this, my desire to dress JUST STOPPED COMPLETELY! It was about 3 more months before it returned. But, it has never returned like it was 4 years ago. I can now clearly think about work, play, etc. without that overwhelming urge to dress or thots of something related to dressing!

U mite try the "over doing it" method I used and see if u can't find a happy CD medium, somewhere in between, "all the time" and, "rarely"!

[TeresaL]

That's the way I feel today. Over saturated the last week with crossdressing all day long. Don't feel like it today. Maybe I'll go water the plants.

[meghana]

Hey, girls thank you very much for all your advice. I don't know whether saturating myself with riya would work. Like sherry was saying, whenever i'm alone i wanna be riya and nothin' else. Gotta find a balance. I'm reminded of a movie dialogue which goes like this " Why you wanna live dual life, when neither of them is complete".

[sterling12]

If you are using Riya to "escape" from your difficult, problem-filled male life, that's not so unusual. Accept it for what it is, and acknowledging the situation does a great deal in helping you to cope with it. The TG won't go away, whether things get better or not. With time, you will find balance, and you will start to appreciate and explore other aspects of Riya's Persona. None of us come out "fully-formed." It takes time for a complete person to develop. Sometimes, it can take a whole life.

My advise is go with The Flow. Work on accepting ALL of your selfs.....and enjoy! In effect, you have been given a wonderful Gift, you get to live your life twice!

Peace and Love, Joanie