Problem with my name.

[jer88]

Hey gals, so I've recently come across a problem. My wife and I have talked about the fact that I want to cross dress and the possibility of me being transgender, she's ok with it in principle but we are unsure, one of the first humps I've come across about this subject is when she asked me what name I wanted I told her and she had some deep rooted discomfort with the name because she associates it with someone in her past that kinda screwed her over. It's the only name I've been attached to but I'm up for thinking about a new name. I just don't know how to handle the situation.. any ideas?

[Sarah Doepner]

One fun thing we get to do when we finally accept our feminine side is to pick a name. We didn't get that opportunity when we were born, so it seems very special to be able to find something that, in one word, can offer up our self image. However, you've found that our vision of our name doesn't necessarily translate to others with different life experiences. Your wife has a valid connection with that name and it's one that disturbs her. If it means that much to you, you should take some time to explain the reasons you feel that name fits you and how you want it to mean something new to her. If she can't get over that past experience, you should probably work together and find a name that means something positive for both of you. And in the process of picking that name together the two of you share just one more experience as you walk this path together.

[BRANDYJ]

To me this is a no-brainer! You have an accepting wife that you need to cherish for loving you enough to support your need to dress. Do you realize how lucky you are? She is uncomfortable with the name you chose. So get rid of it! Ask her to give you a name. Let her be a part of this. it would be very selfish for you to hang onto a name that makes your wife uncomfortable.
I cherish the fact that my SO cared enough to want to give me a name. I could care less if I really liked it or not, but I do like it. I am happy she wanted to be a small part of me by naming me.

[Lesley_Roberta]

It's just a name.

I actually like my name as much as hate it. Leslie does NOT find it funny to get mail addressed to Mrs Leslie. What guy would.
But it is also handy that I don't really need to change my name. Les Leslie Lesley whatever, society thinks it's a girl's name.

I HATE Lester though. At my brother's stag party I made it clear, MY NAME IS NOT LESTER, IF YOU CAN'T CALL ME LESLIE THEN CALL ME ASSHOLE, BUT NOT LESTER!.
So all night it was 'hey asshole, want another beer?' hehe.

I have known soooo many people that married a person by the name xxx and then divorced only to go hitch up with a person with the same name. My neice is going out with a guy that has the same name as her father. She despises her father though so you would think a boyfriend with the same name must be something else eh. Makes for annoying conversations.

With soooo many names out there, I'd be inclined to just find something you like that the wife enjoys too. Hey approach it like naming a child. Remember, you is going to be stuck with this name ya know.

[sandra-leigh]

when she asked me what name I wanted I told her and she had some deep rooted discomfort with the name because she associates it with someone in her past that kinda screwed her over.

Yes, names can be tricky. See my thread on WRONG names (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?169016-on-not-choosing-the-WRONG-name)

[Beverley Sims]

Just don't call me "Late for Dinner".:)

[carhill2mn]

My advice is to pick a name that is acceptable to both you and your wife. Having a fem name with which your wife is uncomfortable will not be good for you.

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree! Let your wife be a big part of this! When you were born your mother named you and now who better then the one who loves! Hugs!

[Mistybtm]

Let your wife pick out your name, Keep her involved :)

[NicoleScott]

Keep the peace and change the name. Many of us have - I did because of a home computer security breach. No big deal.

[darla_g]

My advice is to pick a name that is acceptable to both you and your wife. Having a fem name with which your wife is uncomfortable will not be good for you.

Totally agree! We will all get used to you having a different name here.

[sterling12]

You have an opportunity! If you can get her to give you a new name, tell her "how much you love that name, and how happy she has made you." Then, it would be very difficult for her to do a scenario that we often hear about. She will have a hard time "taking it back," and shutting down your new TG Life. Man, I'd Play out that scene right damn quick! You have nothing to lose, (But a set of letters) and everything to gain.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Karren H]

If that's her only concern hen you should get on your knees and kiss her feet! Lol.

[reb.femme]

Your wife's concern must be paramount. This could quickly go from minor to major if you stick with the problem name.

As Karren said,

If that's her only concern hen you should get on your knees and kiss her feet! Lol.

Rebecca