Opinions

[Nigella]

I was recently told, by someone who has never met me, knows me only through the medium of cyberspace, that
I don't like you, never have, never will

This came as a surprise, not that it bothers me, that someone can make a judgement based upon such flimsy knowledge.

I have a simple philosophy in life, if you have no impact on my life, then why worry what your opinion is.

How would such a statement affect you, if at all? Does the opinion of, in effect, total strangers matter to you? Who's opinions, again if any, do you listen to?

[Bree-asaurus]

Opinion of someone I don't know? I could care less.

I've manage to offend people on this forum who I know nothing about. I'm pretty sure they were bothered by it far more than I was ;)

This also begs the question: Why do some people feel the need to get offended by and judge people they don't know... when they have no impact on their lives?

[RachelOKC]

I *want* to be liked, or respected, or have people have a good opinion of me but it's not always going to be the case, no matter what. Oh well c'est la vie.

I won't say that it doesn't hurt when a stranger is disrespectful, but it's not going to bother me near as much since there's nothing invested with them. When it's a friend, it's a very different story.

[Jessica_Grl]

I was recently told, by someone who has never met me, knows me only through the medium of cyberspace, that

I don't like you, never have, never will

This came as a surprise, not that it bothers me, that someone can make a judgement based upon such flimsy knowledge.


i know people wont like me, and to me thats a strong thing to admit, i also cherish the fact that i will never go out of my way just to make sure people like me

they either will ---- or they wont

when its all said and done, i still get a good nights sleep every night

Be True, and Be Yourself -- :)

[Marleena]

Opinions are like a$$holes, everybody has one. There I said it.:D

Seriously Nigella, don't sweat the comments of some cyber person. Their opinion doesn't count for anything. Some are real brave hiding behind a computer, some have nothing better to do than stir up $hit. We've seen lots of quarrels started here and it's usually started by the same people. It's just nonsense.

[kimdl93]

a wise person once advised me that "other peoples' opinions of me were none of my business' I guess its another way of saying - don't live trying to anticipate or influence what other people think. Its both liberating and sobering. Liberating to the extent that I really don't let derogatory remarks bother me much anymore, and sobering, to the extent that I realize some people may think poorly of me, and there's darn little I can do about it.

[Traci Elizabeth]

To me it is healthy to live your life the way you want to and to ignore those who try to hurt you one way or the other.

It is true that the world is made up off all kinds including the assholes and those who believe their thoughts and beliefs are the only righteous ones and everyone else who does not fit their mold are doomed and unholy.

And we do not have to look far - same-sex marriage is just one of billions of examples.

[AllieSF]

From one side, a third person's honest opinion can be a godsend from the point of view that it is honest and from someone not under our own influence of friendship or whatever. It may be something that we truly need to know and were totally unaware of, and by now being informed of it can help us in so many ways. However, comments and opinions like the one you received are another story. On one hand it is good, because now you really know where that person stands and on the other, there probably was no reason for that person to tell you except to try to upset you. So, I take third person comments by listening to them and then deciding if they are something that may help me, or are they something that should just be ignored. It works for me. I hardly ever get upset with the negative comments.

[Lorileah]

that person doesn't put food on my table or air into my lungs. It is confusing and hurtful for a small time but I just go on and it does not seem to effect the world spinning at least so far.

I like to say "I don't like you and I always will" It makes them think a bit :)

[elizabethamy]

Fortunately, the converse isn't true -- that is, there are many people on this forum I deeply admire, respect and, yes, like, even though I have never met them in person and perhaps never will. You can learn a lot about a person and connect with her online. Just because it's electrons doesn't mean it's not real.

I've learned a lot in therapy (WAIT OMG STOP HER BEFORE SHE STARTS IN ON THERAPY AGAIN!) , ahem, but the best thing ever was that other people's anger, rudeness, weirdness toward you is not your fault and not your problem. It's their own private issues/personal traumas projected out at you. So someone doesn't like you? Whatever. Wish them well in therapy.

elizabethamy

[BRANDYJ]

Funny, I said that to the manager of the last place I worked after she lied and found ways to terminate me. It sure felt good letting her know how I felt. but then again, I am sure she knew all along.
We all like to be liked. I's only human. But as others have said, if they don't impact my life, it's no big deal. I'm sure there are people here that don't like me for my opinions or lifestyle. That's OK. Rest assured, there are people here I don't like or respect. Life goes on.

[Jorja]

How does one know they do not like you if you have never met? I have people that do know me (we have actually met) that do not like me. That is good because I do not like some of them. Life does not stop because of someones unfavorable opinion. I do not have time to waste worrying about it either. Either they do or they don't like me. Move on.

[Sharon]

I have found that it is near impossible to truly know and judge anyone without actually meeting and spending time with them. It is too easy to assume a role on the internet because it only requires a person to behave a certain way for a limited amount of time. I can like or dislike a person by what they write on a forum such as this, but these feelings are very apt to be altered at least somewhat if I get an opportunity to spend time with that person.

Opinions about me on the internet are cheap and, while they can temporarily hurt or bolster me, they are essentially meaningless. ..............(And this, obviously, includes my own opinions towards others. :) )

[Beth-Lock]

I have a certain fear of being hated and do not take kindly to being insulted, and so on, either. I seem accident prone in attracting such negative responses. The result is that I hold back what I otherwise could have contributed. But then that is just me. Everyone solves these dilemmas in their own way.

But it is true that the nasty people do an enormous amount of damage that they are not even conscious of. Indeed, I now have a neat little story illustrating that to tell, when the occasion comes up, but of course I would never tell it here. So many of the stories illustrating life's lessons are never written down, and only come accross, if at all, in personal conversation among people who trust each other. As you get older, you start to have quite a collection of them however. So much of real life is too private for the Internet. And that includes an understanding of the enormity of casual nastiness.

[Lesley_Roberta]

The only time it WOULD hurt, is if I DID know them, and had thought they were a friend.

Not being liked by a stranger I don't know? Can't see the point in caring.

You know, right now, there has to be like millions of people bent on killing me just because I am Canadian, not religious, and have views they consider 'evil'.

So someone says "I don't like you, never have, never will", fine take a number and get in line buddy, the line starts back there about 50 miles down that road. I heard they have shuttle buses though.

[Tamara Croft]

When people say things like that to you, it makes me annoyed when others say 'oh don't sweat it' or 'just ignore it', because even though it's only words on a screen, it does hurt. We are still people, with feelings and when someone for whatever reason says something like that, it's just mean, pure and simple. I've had a lot worse said to me and I come here for advice about it and it pisses me off no end when people say 'don't let it get to you, ignore it'... thing is, until it happens to you, until such horrible things are said to you and believe me, I've been on the receiving end of some outright vicious stuff, ignoring it sometimes isn't an option, it hurts!

The only thing I can say to that Nigella is, think of all the wonderful people on this forum that do like you and try not to dwell on this one twat that doesn't like you, it will grind on you, make you feel like shit and it must bother you a little bit, or you wouldn't have posted about it, hell it bothers me!!!

[kendra_gurl]

Actually I would hate to think that no one took issue with comments and opinions I have expressed on sites like this. Differences of opinion create great debates.

I think its only natural for anyone outspoken to have a few who totally take issue with every word. To literally tell someone I don't like you, never have and never will seems to come from a very closed minded person so consider yourself blessed for at least making an impact on their lives.

I may not agree with you but will fight to my death to defend your right to say what you want. Nigella just keep on keepin on.

[Nigella]

Thanks to all of you who have responded, however, this thread is not about me, Honestly I don't give a toss what this person thought, please take the time to re-read the OP or if you like just answer the questions I posted, that is the crux of this thread


How would such a statement affect you, if at all? Does the opinion of, in effect, total strangers matter to you? Who's opinions, again if any, do you listen to?

[Sandra]

I don't care who online that I have never met dislikes me they have no impact on my life....but of course I always listen to you Nigella don't I :p

[Lesley_Roberta]

"When people say things like that to you, it makes me annoyed when others say 'oh don't sweat it' or 'just ignore it', because even though it's only words on a screen, it does hurt. We are still people, with feelings and when someone for whatever reason says something like that, it's just mean, pure and simple."

Good point Tamara. I consider myself 'unfortunately thin skinned' I bruise so damned easily. I have encountered people in my past while online, that have been very nasty to me, and it has sure as hell hurt, hurt a great deal, and it has actually cost me a lot too in some choices of where I can go. And trying to stick with the attitude 'they are just words' is about as useful as saying 'it's just a knife' while being stabbed with it. Easy to say, but not always easy to employ.

My only reliable defense has been to make it known, if staff on site will not remove/curtail and or in any way prevent mean people from being mean to people, then some times the choice has to be 'well then fine, I will take myself where I am appreciated'. And I am pretty, my leaving has caused some companies some reasonable income, because in most cases, a lot of positive PR is worth it's weight in gold. If you get rid of the people that make a forum work, you risk beating up your wallet.

I never remain anywhere where staff will not respond to pleas for help ..... each and every time help is politely requested, with responses that actually mean something.
And forum rules/guidelines are important, but, it is also equally important, that a site's moderators realise, some people will seek to be 'cleverly' mean spirited and vicious all while being of the belief 'what, I didn't break any rules'. That's garbage.

[JulieK1980]

Anybody that would form an opinion of someone they don't know, (i.e. over the internet) has already said enough about themselves for me to not like them, and thus dismiss their opinion.

[ReineD]

In my personal life I care a great deal about how the people who are close to me feel. I care less about acquaintances, and even less about complete strangers ... as long as I've done my best to take the high road. For example, if I'm rude to someone I don't know and they react out of anger, their reaction will let me know that I might have behaved differently.

Same thing in this forum:

If it's someone I care about or have come to admire through their writings, their opinion would matter to me. In most online forums people remain virtual strangers, but I think this forum is special. Not only do we discuss highly personal stuff, but personalities, goodwill, and intelligence do shine through, at least with people who post on a regular basis. So if someone I admire said this, I would PM them and ask what made them say this, in order to see if I had said or done anything to have hurt their feelings. Hopefully it would have all been a misunderstanding.

If it's someone whom I consider to be an idiot (as I said, personalities and intelligence do shine through :p), then I would feel indifferent over this type of statement or if anything, it would worsen my opinion of them.

[Marleena]

How would such a statement affect you, if at all? Does the opinion of, in effect, total strangers matter to you? Who's opinions, again if any, do you listen to?

My answer to Part 2.

If it was social media like Facebook I'd delete or block them. Strangers comments don't really matter, except comments like that I find irritating if anything.

The only opinions that matter to me are close friends (here too) and family.

[KellyJameson]

I like it very much because I see it as a gift.

They have given me the gift of time that was not wasted in a relationship that would end up being pointless and unfulfilling and they have saved me from expending energy and valuable resources that I could apply somewhere else.

Sometimes always being nice actually causes more harm than being polite but honest.

Life is partly measured in time and when people steal it by dishonest niceties they steal my life. I encourage and even insist on people being blunt about their opinion of me and desire or lack of desire in associating with me.

A gift you can give yourself is always being the same with everybody because this will keep people away who do not understand you and draw into your life those who do. This only works though if you are emotionally autonomous and not co-dependant.

I like your avatar Nigella, you remind me of Fever Ray, here is a link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4F-CpE73o2M

[christinac]

I guess twenty-five (May 20) years of government service has given me a thick skin. I've been called every name and phrase there is in the book especially since becoming an officer because many times I have to be an A-55hole whether I want to be or not. What is being said to or about me doesn't matter to me as much as how it is being said. If a person is just being plain inexcusably rude and inconsiderate than they will be confronted about it. It is inevitable that we are going to insult and offend from time to time either accidentally or deliberately, but there is a very thin line that we must always be mindful of because it is very easily crossed. It is easy to say just ignore it, but actually doing it is a whole different story.

[Kristy_K]

I myself would try to remember if there was something I did that offended them. It there was, than I would apologize for it. Other wise I would chalk them up to a jerk.

[Jessinthesprings]

Why would I care about the opinion of an insignificant peon like that? I would want to know why cause that seemed very baseless and thats where my curiosity would lie... So I guess I would be curious then.

[Rianna Humble]

Even though you have said that this is not about you, Nigella, I am sorry you had to receive such a rude message.

Like Reine, I believe that we can get to know people through cyberspace if we have sufficient interactions with them. I have been greatly helped by people I have "met" through these forums and some have shown real compassion when I was in a difficult place, so my reaction would be tempered by this.

If it was someone who had never appeared helpful, I would be sorry that they felt the need to be spiteful, but would not let it affect me going forward. On the other hand, if it was someone who was generally helpful, I would try to find out what made them say such a thing and see whether I could use their reasons to improve myself.

No matter what, we cannot help but be affected by spiteful people. In my experience the key has been to use that as a spur to move on and try to becomne a better person. Time and people around me will tell whether I succeed in that.

[Badtranny]

When people say things like that to you, it makes me annoyed when others say 'oh don't sweat it' or 'just ignore it', because even though it's only words on a screen, it does hurt. We are still people, with feelings and when someone for whatever reason says something like that, it's just mean, pure and simple. I've had a lot worse said to me and I come here for advice about it and it pisses me off no end when people say 'don't let it get to you, ignore it'... thing is, until it happens to you, until such horrible things are said to you and believe me, I've been on the receiving end of some outright vicious stuff, ignoring it sometimes isn't an option, it hurts!!

I couldn't agree any more.

As much as I hate to admit it, there are people who I have never met that can make me feel like crap purely on the virtue they've built on this (or any) forum. As I've said before, I'm a big fan of people who can express themselves through the written word and once somebody has earned my respect, perhaps even unknowingly, their opinion automatically carries some weight with me. I've been taken to task a time or two on this forum and most of the time I am really totally unfazed. However, there are people here who make me think and their disapproval hits me pretty hard. I consider that to be a good thing though. It's like I tell my Project Managers who work for me; I'm not always right so don't assume my word is law, because my word is subject to my perspective.

So in answer to the question; it depends. Some people just make me smile when they slam me, but some people make me revisit my perspective. There is a select few who can actually make me rethink my position, but they have earned this by being consistently brilliant and remarkably objective.

[kellycan27]

My opinion is... speak softly, but carry a big stick. Personally.... I don't let it bother me. I have been at this too long to be thin skinned, and I can generally give as good as I get. There are some pretty nice people here for the most part, but there are some dip shits too. The bottom line is that when I log off...it's a done deal and I have better things to do than worry about someone not liking me here. I am sure that there are more than a handful that don't.:battingeyelashes:

Kel

[Nicole Erin]

If someone on the web didn't like me, I would feel so, so, PWN3D 11!!1!!1oneone1!11!!!oneoneone

I mean nothing is worse than getting PWN3D. one one one

One time someone did say they didn't like me. I had a couple of weird poops the next day but I managed to survive.

I know there are plenty of people on the web who probably don't like me. In fact on SL - there is an entire sim that doesn't like me. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I got a perma-ban from that sim.

On this forum, there is a handful that I talk to more than just passing but i think mostly people kind of ignore me.

If someone insults me, I just tell them - I am rubber and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!

[WifeofWrenchette]

I was recently told, by someone who has never met me, knows me only through the medium of cyberspace, that

This came as a surprise, not that it bothers me, that someone can make a judgement based upon such flimsy knowledge.

I have a simple philosophy in life, if you have no impact on my life, then why worry what your opinion is.

How would such a statement affect you, if at all? Does the opinion of, in effect, total strangers matter to you? Who's opinions, again if any, do you listen to?


It wouldn't affect me at all. I would just think to myself the person was obviously immature and it was their "stuff" not mine.

Strangers opinions only matter to me if I think they would be a physical danger to myself or my family.

The opinions I listen to are my family's and friends.

[Rachel Mari]

My first response is to stop and see if there was something that I did or say to cause them to say that to me in the first place. It's hurtful to me because I think maybe I hurt someone's feelings.
If I don't know them, how could they know me and what I think. If I figure that I didn't do anything wrong (ie rude, said something mean, etc) then I decide that that's just the way they are, I forget about them and move on.

The opinions that matter to me are my wife's, children friends and family (sometimes friends and family opinions don't matter too much, depending on what they are).
I'm starting to not give some of my wife's opinions of me so much weight and energy as she wants a divorce, is seeing other men and barely talks to me sometimes. We still care for each other deeply but the distance between is increasing, which is heart breaking. We'll see, we're still parents together and are in total agreement on things surrounding the kids.

[Kathryn Martin]

This is the internet, everyone has an opinion and everyone can say whatever they want with impunity.

This is one of the sad outcomes of this medium. While everyone has an opinion most have no judgement. A typical example is a question that asks you to define something. Away we go everyone opines and describes what it means to them blind to the fact that a definition is not a matter of what you think but rather how we as a society have by fiat decreed what the meaning of a particular thing is.

Enormous flame wars are then fought over whether one or another opinion is the definition of the thing, yet it is all meaningless.

Opinions are cheap, they are rendered with impunity and no consequence to the person giving them. They have ZERO weight. I have long stopped caring about opinions of others. When I meet a person with judgement however, I listen up, I will learn something.

[whowhatwhen]

<----- Thin skin here, I put other people's opinions above my own feelings.

I've been called out a few times here IIRC, felt a bit bad but also used it as an opportunity for reflection.
No point in being mad over the internet though, malice is too much effort and I really don't understand why people bother.

[Nigella]

Thank you all for your responses.

There is a saying "sticks and stones ..." and in this case it is very much true. I bear this person no ill will and it will not change the way that I interact with them. I generally try not to listen to others opinions about someone else, prefering to base my relationship with them on first hand knowledge and interaction.

[Barbara Ella]

I try to have the opinion that because they dont know me, they cant judge me, and they have just given me an insight into their personality. I try, but with low self esteem, I tend to over react at first encounter, and take comments to heart, overanalyze, over compensate, worry too much about what I did to cause it, etc. Then, truth sets in, and I can blow it off. But the first overreaction is what has gotten me into trouble, mainly with myself. Sometimes I can't even handle a compliment gracefully.

Barbara

[Kaz]

Thanks to all of you who have responded, however, this thread is not about me, Honestly I don't give a toss what this person thought, please take the time to re-read the OP or if you like just answer the questions I posted, that is the crux of this thread

Online or not I am still me (in that I try to be more open and honest than in my everyday life) and yes negative stuff hurts. I have had some of this on this site and from Mods who could have been a little more sensitive in their remarks... but you learn to develop the appropriate 'skin' if you want to stay around. I had an early issue with one person on the site who is now a valued 'colleague' - I would say friend, but as has been pointed out, we are all virtual in this world.

But I have to say that I really value the relationships I have built here and I absolutely value the friendship shown towards me. Because of this, I can put up with the occasional troll. If I were consistently getting flack, however, I would question my interpersonal skills and there are many here who would benefit from looking into developing these!

[ArleneRaquel]

I don't like to be disliked, but after a brief feeling of sadness I would forget the slight, especially if was done by a person unknown to me, a person who objected to my opinion on something or another. If I was rejected by a friend or by someone I respected I would feel hurt and try to repair the ill feelings.

[Lori Robins]

I saw a good quote written somewhere that I like, 'what other people think about you, is none of your business" In this big wide world there is bound to be at least one person who doesn't like me and I don't care!!! lmao