Going full-time female

[rebekkadg]

Alright, my wife and I had a long talk tonight and I will be doing HRT. Doing everything right when a doctor I have to live at least a full time as a female for at least a year. Going to be a really nerve-wracking period for me I think as I don't fully "pass" as a female-though my wife insists I do. I also have to figure out how to work this out with work where most the the people I work with have no idea of my status.

Anyone out there go full time with few people having previously known about their status beforehand? Any advice?

[Sara Jessica]

Stuff like this concerns me, new cd barely 8 months ago to HRT / full time / coming out at a job. That is pretty fast, not to mention the evolution your wife has had to endure over the same period of time (does she understand she is likely to lose sexual relations as she likely knows them now with her husband???). If this whole thing is rooted in you being a transsexual, shouldn't this thread be in that section?

[Barbara Ella]

You will get the posts from those who have gone through this. I have not, but please, clear this with the HR people at your work place. There is a lot of planning that should be done before making this change public. I am sure others will give you much more in depth advice, but you need to be happy, and I support that.

Barbara

[Lyndaloves]

Good luck dear and we are all here for you.
I'm with the wife you look great

Lynda

[christinac]

I agree with Barbara, you should let your work know what you are about to begin so that they can adjust accordingly to avoid any possible future problems if any.

[Badtranny]

. Doing everything right when a doctor I have to live at least a full time as a female for at least a year.

whoa whoa whoa

Are you saying you need a year full time before you can get HRT? Because that is some old school shiz right there.

My advice is don't go full time until you've BEEN on HRT for at least a year and YOU feel comfortable with your presentation. Just my advice, I'm nobody special but I've been full time for exactly a day now and it ain't no joke. (I say a day because though I've been full time since I came back from surgery 6 weeks ago, I didn't walk into my office until today.)

I've been working HARD on my presentation for two years now and that includes HRT and multiple feminization procedures, and I was a wreck today walking in the office. I honestly don't know how long it's going to take me to finally cycle through ALL of my business acquaintances, colleagues and clients. Going full time is a major deal and you need all of your wits about you. For your sake, don't do it until you can't wait to do it.

[Jennifer in CO]

amen BT...sounds WAY old school. In the early 80's when I transitioned I had been on hormones for 7 months when I got outed at work in an accident (at home and everywhere else I was "Jennifer" but at work I was "him") and, with the blessings of my employer, came back to work the following week...as my "normal" self...that being a shirt/jeans dept lead who happened to wear a bra (and as time went on other things) but even the visual transition at work happened over several months (actually close to 5 months) and under close supervision/monitoring by personnel (what we called HR dept in the old days). By the time I actually wore a dress to work I had been on hormones for right at a year and had been "presenting" as a woman for close to 3 months (at work) and close to a year at home/everywhere else so I was very comfortable "in my skin" but that first day at work in a dress was still a bit un-nerving. I'd take is slow Rebekka as many people/employers will work with you when warned but don't take kindly to the "2x4 up the side of the head" type of notificaton...

Jenn

[ReineD]

Has your wife had an about face? About six months ago she did not want to see you dressed, and a few months ago you got stuck in a dress and you were feeling nervous about her coming home to find you in it. How does she feel about you going full-time? Just curious.

Does your employer have established policies for people who are transitioning? Some of the larger corporations do. But if you work for a smaller company I would check with the HR department to see how they might handle this if at all. Some employers are not open to this and transitioners lose their jobs. You're in South Carolina, which is a conservative state? South Carolina is also an "At Will" state, which means that employers can fire employees who don't have employment contracts without cause as long as it is not discriminatory. Unfortunately, gender is not one of the protected civil rights categories:

http://www.llr.state.sc.us/Labor/Mediation/Employment%20at%20Will.pdf

If your employer is supportive, there might need to be some sensitivity training for other employees, together with a letter announcing your gender change and requesting that everyone begin to address you using feminine pronouns. If your employer is not supportive, this doesn't mean you can never transition. You could retrain yourself in a different field as a woman, but this would take financial planning.

Have you been out on a regular basis dressed, doing everyday stuff?

Melissa, is there a possibility that Rebekka's therapist suggested doing things out dressed before HRT because the therapist is not convinced that Rebekka is TS?

[Simply Joslyn]

Hey there Rebekka, its wonderful you decided to take the leap, I hope you enjoy it, I'm thinking about going for it myself once I leave my house and get me a decent job, but I've been dressing since before I was thirteen and have had thoughts about it since then, the only thing that concerns me for you is what Sara said if you've only been at this for 8 months you must be sure what your doing, because there is no turning back, but I'm sure you've thought it all out and I wouldn't want to trample on your parade, I have but one suggestion http://www.tgchatroom.com/wiki/index.php/So_You_Want_To_Be_a_T-Girl_%28Chapter_1%29, try to read the three chapters of that, now I warn you it scared the peanuts out of me but it will tell you some of the most in depth advice I'd ever seen, although it is very mean to anyone who isn't the epitome of a woman in mans body, but I look past that all to find some of the more important information, for some people I know it isn't as clean cut as its written there

[Badtranny]

Melissa, is there a possibility that Rebekka's therapist suggested doing things out dressed before HRT because the therapist is not convinced that Rebekka is TS?

I guess it's possible RD. I don't know much about brain science, but I know at least a little bit about transitioning and based on her past posts she ain't ready, ... in my humble opinion.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Just be careful...

you may not realize that HRT will change your body VERY slowly, and most likely only a little bit...there is no reason to tell anyone..none.

It's not 100% clear from your OP..but it looks like you are saying you are transitioning..
I do fear you don't seem like you have a good understanding of what you are getting into..

the most troubling thing i saw in your OP was the aside about passing... let me clear that up for you... you most likely don't pass... everyone will know...you will fool some clerks and passerbys, but that's not passing ...if you wear a wig, its even more unlikely you pass...

also regardless of laws, unless you have a mission critical skillset your job is screwed...it may be illegal to fire you, but moving up in the world is off the table 99/100 times...
many of us are assured by work to protect them from legal issues, only to find out later that they are a liability to the company...you go from being a valued employee, to an "issue" for your company to "deal with"

there is a chasm between "i'm going to go for it!" and "I choose transition over suicide"... most of us are somewhere in between..

but bottom line this is not a good proposition if you are on the "go for it" path...this is just being honest and trying to focus you on your best quality of life..


in many ways, transition sucks beyond anything you can imagine...it is nothing like what you think.. the benefits are on the "inside" even tho the effects are more apparent on the outside..its expensive, takes forever , and is filled with moments where you feel like the entire world is against you... there is nothing to stop you from trying..but you should have a better idea of what you are doing before you try...