First Consultation

[LisaMallon]

Well now we start. I have my first consultation with a Gender consultant in early June. No doubt we will go through all the past ...as I have done a million times myself.

Yep, like so many others I have hit that point. Being older you have so much inbuilt behavioural programming and learned reflexes to overcome.Then you work through all the implications and consequences and work out that you would be mad to go down that route ... and then you start doing it anyway.

Any tips for the first consultation?

[LeaP]

Be wide open emotionally. Hold back nothing.

Your therapist will lead for the first session (at least) for sure as it is an intake process that will involve the gathering of a lot of information.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Try to enjoy it... all that stuff that was so pent up and buried...let it ALL come out... you may be amazed at how liberating it feels....as lea says, do NOT hold back, the therapist has heard it all...your experience in life is valid and real and don't let misconceptions you've built up over decades cause you to filter your story...so many of my friends zigged and zagged through therapy trying to work their agenda with a therapist and they only disclosed what they wanted to do... this only ends up costing more money and time...

Do not expect any resolution or any answers, anything is possible, but keep expectations low..the question "So doc, whats the diagnosis?" is probably very appealing but it doesn't and shouldn't work that way...the trick is to get YOURSELF into a mindset where you can honestly understand yourself with 100% confidence...

[Jorja]

As everyone else has said, let it all come out. Relax and be your wonderful self. Do not try to tell only what you want. That will cost you in the long run. Do not expect the therapist to answer your questions. The answers have to come from within you. They are there to help you get to the answers. Besides, if you ask what the doc thinks they will tell you, you are crazy. :)

[Kristy_K]

I agree with everyone else just be honest and open to the therapist.

Have fun also.

[LisaMallon]

This is cross posted from another thread but is relevant to this, especially the end part:

"As usual this is all more fuzzy than some would have it. I have always thought this as a continuum and where you are on that at a given time depends on a lot of factors.

This is particularly true of older TGs in many places, as when they (and myself) were growing up there wasn't the community acceptance and options.
In some places it was downright illegal and you could be (and many were) arrested for wearing womens clothes.

So you learned to suppress it for survivals sake. And you learned to cope and live as best as possible, or at least some did, others killed themselves. Others got enforced 'treatment' from the State.

That 'negative feedback' meant that on the continuum you would push yourself further into the pure 'male' possibly with occasional crossdresser outings, no matter what your innate 'real' desires were. God I remember my 20's with the clothes hidden in the attic.

I've talked to quite a few long term CDs that have said that if they had grown up in today's time things might have been quite different for them, something I can relate to quite well.

Even as time went by and things in many places liberalised many had built up too many commitments to easily break them.
It's a life and the desire to not hurt the people you love is very strong. Then of course 'little' things like money come into it.
You might be miserable inside, but at least you can be comfortably miserable and your wife and children are happy. Nothing wrong with that it is called responsibility to others. Lots of people have sacrificed their lives to that.

And then there are distractions, activities, work, family, et al, you can distract yourself from anything for quite a while ... except in the wee small hours of the morning or in your deepest, most hidden dreams.

Interestingly some (maybe quite a few) TGs have an 'alpha male' period, super busy, super competent, etc. It is a brilliant smokescreen and a distraction.
When I came out to people they were amazed, "never thought you would be like that" was the usual comment.
As I said to one, actually it was obvious, just my smokescreen hid it well. Like a magician who gets you to look at one hand while the other does the work, some (as I did) become adept at it. They never picked up the other side, the intense caring, the need for closeness, the dislike of traditional 'macho' male social dy7namics, even the odd tear at various times.

And the ultimate personal distraction is simply being incredibly busy. You don't have time to think about anything else, collapse into bed and sleep (except for those annoying dreams sometimes).
It's a life.

I suspect that late transitioners, like myself, become so simply because you just get tired.
You just run out of the steam to run away and distract yourself.

Look on another post I said I'm going to a gender consultant, but I know the answers. There is nothing we will discuss that I haven't endlessly thought over a million times.

I don't need someone to tell me I'm TG (TS or whatever this weeks label is [god I'd love the community to get it's act together sometimes]) I know what I am, known it for years.

I just I haven't the energy left to run away from it any longer. And I suspect I am not alone in this.

There is quite probably quite a few CDs on this website who have a 'deal' with themselves .. such as "if my wife (etc) dies before I do then I will transition" ..... I know I made a 'deal' like that a long time ago. "

So there are going to be no surprises in my 'consultations', I know who I am and I know what I am.
The only real issue is the mechanics of it all and how I do that.

I have no illusions that this will make me suddenly 'happier', or my life is going to be magically happier .. just more comfortable (I hope). And I know it will take a lot of work.
Work to overcome the learned habits of decades.

I went to a party with some friends a few weeks ago, one of those 'kinky' things (but a lot of fun), we TGs tend to be more sexually open than most .
I glammed up for that, but what mattered to me was the next morning, getting out of bed at my friends place and dressed to go home, jeans, top, bit of makeup getting my dog into the car and going home.

I kept asking my fiends 'how did I look', not at the party but it the morning. Finally T* said to me, "I helped you take things out to the car in the morning in full front of my neighbours, gave you a peck on the cheek .. you looked like a tall elegant woman" .. I nearly cried when he said that.