question???

[Joan21]

Few days ago i posted how ny wife no longer allowed me to dress.. so anyway its been months since i got all done up an its driving me crazy how do i handle this what should i do. Advice please. Thanks

[Kelly DeWinter]

You have more issues then dressing going on. First of all you need to address the 'allowed' portion of your relationship. What kind of relationship will you have is someone can dictate what you are 'allowed' to do. Marriage is about compromise. Not about being forced to go crazy over something as silly as what you wear.

[Simply Joslyn]

You have more issues then dressing going on. First of all you need to address the 'allowed' portion of your relationship. What kind of relationship will you have is someone can dictate what you are 'allowed' to do. Marriage is about compromise. Not about being forced to go crazy over something as silly as what you wear.

Agreed, you need to talk to her, anyway alot of suggestions say you should "underdress" you know female underwear underneath your clothes it apparently a way to sait the needs

[Jacqueline Winona]

Tough call, Joan. Are you sure there's no compromise with your wife? Something along the lines where you dress only if she isn't home? Is she willing to at least talk with a neutral party (like a family therapis)t about it?

[MandyGG]

Joslyn, I totally see how it could suffice for a while to curb the need, it is still considered dressing from our point of view. So he needs to have a heart to heart with her about it. Stating that the need is getting stronger and stronger and something has to be decided soon. It isn't fair for her to say "Never Again". I have said it to Audrey before, and now know how unfair I was being. The conversation needs to have many options for her to choose, but she needs to know that one must be chosen. Do not approach it angry! Very gently ask her opinion. Offer her to come here and see this post from a wife's pov if needed. Offer her a Don't Ask, Don't Tell option. An option where she is 100% included (meaning that she helps pick the clothes, wig, etc...) and even offer underdressing. Please tread lightly, as you do not want to sound pushy, but it needs to be explained that this is not going to go away.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Joan21]

No no an no she just totally is against it the last thread got moved because it turned into a religious discussion but thatss y ther is no compromising w her

[MandyGG]

omg. I cannot believe that I am actually about to say this, even though I am VERY against it.....

You need to do it behind her back.

Just don't get caught if you want to keep your marriage! You do need a long term plan soon though.... but I dont know how to help with the religious aspect of it.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Joan, you have my sympathies, I just wish you the best of luck. You have the toughest desicion to make, and Mandy is telling you what I would as well, under the circumstances. It's just really hard not to continue this track once you start, so be very, very careful.

[Barbara Ella]

I doubt she even knows what crossdressing is about. Her mind has been set by someone, and i will say it again, I do not believe it is her idea in the least.

I see no redeeming value in her dogmatic position. She appears to lack the motivation to understand, and appears to have no inclination toward civility. She may be a wonderful wife, and the love of your life, but she really cares little about you in return for your love.

I can't believe I am agreeing with this, but I feel she will be canning your butt soon one way or the other, so keep your sanity, and dress, and keep it from her. If you don't, you will end up hating her and yourself, and that won't be good for anybody.

Barbara

[PretzelGirl]

I am going to take this a different way Joan. I think the two of you need couples counseling. The other options all spell a major relationship battle. If you decide you will dress in front of her because it is your choice **BOOM**. If you dress behind her back and get caught (and don't most of us?) **BOOM**. Take it head on now instead of making your life, and maybe her's, miserable over possibly many years. You don't state how your relationship is beyond the dressing and that certainly comes into play. But I just can't see the sneaking around being a happy way to go through life. And life should be happy and should not be about walking on eggshells.

[MandyGG]

After what Barbara just posted, I realize that I have no idea of what is going on with you at home, Joan. I didn't see the last thread talking about it. But, after hearing how Barbara feels on the issue at hand, I now stand firm in my opinion that you will need to do it privately for now. If this were a case of "I don't know if I should tell her, because I don't know how she will take it" attitude behind the hiding, then I would be 100% against it. But your case is not one of those.

I don't know how to tell you to hide. But I can tell you that we are sneaky creatures and we WILL find what we are looking for. So:

1) no credit card trail. We will want receipts.
2) no ATM withdrawls. We will want damn good explanations of why you needed the cash. You would need to back up your story, again, with receipts. So get $5 cash back at the grocery store when she sends you for a few things
3) no online purchases
4) do not hide the clothes where we will look. We look everywhere from under the bed all the way into the attic in the Christmas lights box. And everywhere in between.

Now if someone can help you figure out how to pull this off without doing anything mentioned, you may just have a shot.

Remember that she is watching you like a hawk right now. Be careful and be cautious.

Good luck, Joan!

Edited for spelling and to add:

I would never support this normally. I would love to see you go to a therapist and work on this as a couple. If she is willing to try therapy, please do that first. You are at a high risk of losing the trust of your wife by hiding, so always keep that in mind.

[suzy1]

A marriage where one partner says to the other partner “I am not allowing you to do something” is not my idea of marriage.
How about you saying to her she is not allowed to do something [visiting the mother in law?] and see how she likes it!

Relationships like this don’t work long term.

SUZY

[Beth Mays]

Joan:
You are in the same boat I was in about a year ago. We actually split up for several months and she believe I would come begging to move home. well long story short she learn I take my CD just as serous as my being a union steward.
I am now home... I can dress when I want... she wants NO part of it, and will go to mall or what ever any time I want Beth time.... I have learn too she has been here looking to see what I post!

PM me as I can share more with you.

[Kate T]

Joan

I read your thread in the religious forum as well.

You are in an awkward position I feel. I strongly advocate against "hiding" for all the reasons that you will commonly see talked about here. Also I believe that "abstinance" or hiding back in a closet will not be long term solutions.

Firstly please be assured that whilst there are some christians who believe gender variant behaviour (i.e. crossdressing) to be a "sin" this is NOT the position of the MAJORITY of christians or christian churches.

In the short term you need to decide if for the sake of your marriage you will not dress whilst you try and resolve and come to a compromise. If you do that then I would advocate that you NEED to try and engage your wife in a discussion about this and why she feels this way. She has real and legitimate feelings on this matter however it is likely that they are based on fear or misinformation. You will have to do your best to address those fears and help her understand why you feel this way.

I wish you the best.

[STACY B]

I am going to take this a different way Joan. I think the two of you need couples counseling. The other options all spell a major relationship battle. If you decide you will dress in front of her because it is your choice **BOOM**. If you dress behind her back and get caught (and don't most of us?) **BOOM**. Take it head on now instead of making your life, and maybe her's, miserable over possibly many years. You don't state how your relationship is beyond the dressing and that certainly comes into play. But I just can't see the sneaking around being a happy way to go through life. And life should be happy an d should not be about walking on eggshells. I agree ,,Dont waste your life hiding were are all grown ups ,,Get some profestional help ,,Might be more to it than that you never know ,,CDing aint that BAD ,,, GEEZ,,,,

[ronda]

my advice is never distroy your self to do what soneone else does or does not want you to do

[WifeofWrenchette]

If she'll agree to counseling then take that route, if not then it's DADT. But make sure you hide your clothes in a locker or with a friend. You may even have to rent hotel rooms for the day to do it. Just don't get caught.

I hate lying, btw, but your sanity is at risk.

Good luck!

[Brenda79135]

She married you for your kindness and understanding. Most of use are more understand towards GGs than non-CDers. She is using laws from a period that would be fought against in todyas standards. You can use this against her if you like. GGs of that time were treated a little bit better than livestock and GMs could do just about anything they wanted. Several wives and concubines were allowed. ask her if she is willing to go back to living like that. If she says yes, start treating no better than a hired servant. I know she loves having her independence and the things that GGs have gained throughout time, but this would be an eye opener for her. She would see that she is not allowed to have feelings and her only duty is to you. Is the kind of man she wants? Is this how she sees life is supposed to be?

[Karren H]

Of the two options that comes to my mind... One will land you in prison... The other she gets half of everything.... A third option would be to find somewhere else to dress and then lie to her but we all know lying is bad... Bad bad bad! Lol.

[Jenniferathome]

You need to have a conversation with your wife about the rules for your crossdressing. "Stopping" is not a fair request from her. Not participating or not seeing you crossdress is a fair request. You have to talk because you will dress again and you will get caught and she will be pissed.....

[Sandra1746]

Marriage is all about compromise. Your wife can't ask you to renounce cross dressing any more than you can ask her to renounce her religion. If you can both find a middle ground then there may be a way to preserve the marriage. If not then a parting of the ways is what will eventually happen. Unfortunate situation but true.

Hugs and good luck,
Sandra1746

[DeeJayGram]

Well my dressing was one factor that lead to our divorces, she hated that i was pretty than her while dressed and was hit on by more guys while out dressed with her.

[JenniferR771]

I have a domineering wife also--or maybe I should say I am very submissive. I sneaked around for years. Got complacent and got caught wearing her clothes, shoes and wig. Swore like a pirate. Then I kept it out of sight, but gradually she found a few more things, and found a few things on the computer, and found a few of my hiding places. Always angry, but always cooled off to some degree. These days she knows where I keep my clothes (outdoor shed), and she doesn't fuss to much if I go to support group (drab, when i leave the house), and she doesn't mind if I dress while she is gone.

[Joan21]

Thanks all for the advice i have a chance to dress now if i wanted to go behind her back but seein how she got rid of clothez lol nothin to wear but a bikini lol o how u great

[DeeJayGram]

you have plenty to wear if she is away, a closet full of her stuff, just saying

[Debra Russell]

Said it before.....this is toxic.....................Debra

[docrobbysherry]

I must agree with Sue! See if u can get her to counseling with u. Maybe find an experienced open minded Christian counselor? Counseling was working for me and my ex. As long as we concentrated on things I needed work on. When it was her turn, she said, "I'm not changing or compromising on anything"! End of counseling and our marriage!

If your SO refuses, I suggest u see a counselor alone. He or she could help u do what u NEED TO DO next!

[Joan21]

Only like 1???? Or two items that will fit. O well just gonna haver too live with out.