How Do You Respond?

[christinac]

Today I was at lunch at Burger King and the place was packed out as usual and there was this :censor::censor: self-righteous :censor: there and he had the audacity to just as loud as can be say that (something to the effect) that crossdressers and transsexuals are all sexual deviants, pedophiles, and perverts of the worst kind.:eek: Needless to say, I was so shocked and mad that I was speechless which was probably a good thing because I probably would have ended up saying something just as stupid.:angry:

My question is How do you respond to an :censor: that has the nerve to say something so :censor::censor: stupid?:strugglin I wanted to, in the worst way, respond with a right hook to his ugly mug:bigsmack: but I figured the :censor: jerk wasn't worth going to jail over.

[RachelOKC]

I presume he was calling you out? Best not to take the bait - I think your silence was probably the best response. There's a time and place to speak out against his hate, but I don't think that's it.

[AudreyTN]

I would have just said, well, that'll just be between me and God now won't it? Because God is the only one who has the right to judge me. and then I'd have gone back to my meal and ignored him.

http://i1068.photobucket.com/albums/u447/AudreyTN/401696_413316462034099_100000672464018_1245014_607 585018_n.jpg

[christinac]

I presume he was calling you out? Best not to take the bait - I think your silence was probably the best response. There's a time and place to speak out against his hate, but I don't think that's it.

I'm pretty sure that he wasn't speaking to me directly because he was a little ways off and I was by no means dressed fem. I just happened to walk in at the wrong time I guess.


I would have just said, well, that'll just be between me and God now won't it? Because God is the only one who has the right to judge me. and then I'd have gone back to my meal and ignored him.

I'm not a highly religious person, but I can't help but to say AMEN to that.

[Rianna Humble]

Your silence was probably the best response. If I was with another girlfriend I might have been tempted to wonder out loud to her whether the person was speaking from first-hand knowledge or to suggest that even if that is his own motivation, other people don't do it for the same reason.

But then, such a response might well have invited trouble.

[Noemi]

I am so sorry that you had to experience this, such a bad vibe.

What I can tell you is that the @#♦>$ guy is the one who is creating that bad energy. It will hurt him, manifest it self in some evil ways, beyond the help of even Carlos Santana;) He is creating his own prison, limiting the beautiful flow of energy that is the universe, you and me, by throwing up his walls of negative thoughts.

It really has little to do with you. I bet you looked nice. Nothing better than a feminine man, we both know that...really the things I like to wear...

You can let go of this. Think about what happened and breathe and call the experience from your body and it will leave. Bad energy exists but does not have to reside in us, you can let it go and do something positive.

As far as a response, I would not have said anything either. How do have a conversation with some one like that. Plus I am not that into confrontation, some people thrive on them, but me no.

Have fun dressing up and being a cutie!

♥
Noemi

[Sheren Kelly]

If he were not in my immediate company, I would probably ignore him.
If he was close, I would have said "and you know this to be be true from personal experience?" and let him justify his comment. You should be easily able to refute any justification he offers.
I've always been one to question things that others hold "sacred", particularly if they are used to marginalize and alienate others. I have fought against bullies most of my life, and this is bullying behavior.

[christinac]

I know what you mean Noemi, I'm not much for confrontation either. Greenville here has a lot of old old school religious denominations. Church of God of Prophesy seems to be the worst one I've encountered so far, but I've been told that CFM is here also and lord knows I am not looking forward to running into one of those clowns again. I guess BMW also attracts some of these loonies to the area also.

I agree one hundred percent Kelly. I've battled bullies all my life.

[Tara D. Rose]

Yes, Christina, I live in your same area, and I have seeen so many loudmouths here. Some of them get on the phone in burger king or whereever and talk so loud as though they are talking to someone on the othr side if the street, thus making it diffcult for others to have thier own conversations. He is just one of those plain common rude people.
Also his comments does show how a lot and maybe most people still consider us as, with all the negativity and misconceptions. We on here know that we are not like this rude person's understanding of cd's. It is sad for us in a way that for so many people seem to rely on who we are only from watching the springer show.
L&R.........Tara

[SandraAbsent]

Im in the ignore the ignorance camp, but I dunno, I may have asked him if he feels the same way about women and negros? Well...cause with that kinda ignorance, he probably does.

[Michelle James]

If I had walked in in drab (speaking hypothetically) and overheard that I would have first looked around carefully to make sure a sister wasn't in trouble. If all was fine I would have let the jerk finish and gone about my business. If indeed a sister was in harms way I most likely would have waded in to try to help.


Im in the ignore the ignorance camp, but I dunno, I may have asked him if he feels the same way about women and negros? Well...cause with that kinda ignorance, he probably does.


I think the preferred term in African Americans. I haven't heard that term in years. The OP is from SC and I lived there for a short time and as I remember it many in that area do feel that way. but that's another thread for another forum,

[michelleinktown]

I am sure that others were probably embarrassed by his comments especially since they were very loud comments. I do wonder if most people are against us in today's day and age???? I do think that they who bash us are the minority. It still doesn't make it any easier for us though. Even though they are the minority, there is still lots of them around to ruin our day or week or month.
I guess that is my defence mechanism working, just believing that they are the minority and keep walking with my head up. Funny thing is all I can think of to say back is "your are nothing but a bigot and your own fears is why you are the way you are

[SandraAbsent]

I will defer to the stump speech given by Susan B. Anthony after being arrested for voting. I was paraphrasing from that, and left out the appropriate references. Sorry

Speech reference:
http://www.famousquotes.me.uk/speeches/Susan-B-Anthony/index.htm

[christinac]

Funny thing is all I can think of to say back is "your are nothing but a bigot and your own fears is why you are the way you are

I started to ask him if he went to a special college to be so stupid, but I have to be careful not to create waves with certain issues for the time being. :(

[michelleinktown]

I will defer to the stump speech given by Susan B. Anthony after being arrested for voting. I was paraphrasing from that, and left out the appropriate references. Sorry

Speech reference:
http://www.famousquotes.me.uk/speeches/Susan-B-Anthony/index.htm

Can we adopt that as our slogan, even though it is long? I like it

[Sandra1746]

This likely falls into the category of public speech. Even though Burger King is a private property it is a 'public facility' and it is the responsibility of the management to "regulate" the space, if they choose to do so. The bigots have a right to mouth off in public just as we have a right to dress in public. A confrontation by either side is not likely to be productive and may well be illegal; constituting assault. Note, assault doesn't require physical contact, that is battery.

Free speech is pretty important so it is well protected. Unfortunately the Constitution does not guarantee you the right not to be offended. The best course of action in this case is to ignore the idiot. If however he "confronts" you a 911 call is quite appropriate.

Just MHO,
Sabdra1746

[michelleinktown]

This likely falls into the category of public speech. Even though Burger King is a private property it is a 'public facility' and it is the responsibility of the management to "regulate" the space, if they choose to do so. The bigots have a right to mouth off in public just as we have a right to dress in public. A confrontation by either side is not likely to be productive and may well be illegal; constituting assault. Note, assault doesn't require physical contact, that is battery.

Free speech is pretty important so it is well protected. Unfortunately the Constitution does not guarantee you the right not to be offended. The best course of action in this case is to ignore the idiot. If however he "confronts" you a 911 call is quite appropriate.

Just MHO,
Sabdra1746

I do think you are right, now that I have had some time to think about this situation. Best just to ignore it, makes us better people than what the are

[christinac]

I do think you are right, now that I have had some time to think about this situation. Best just to ignore it, makes us better people than what the are

Ya probably so I guess.

[Krististeph]

If you want to risk some escalation, tell him to "grow up", "get a clue", "deal with it", "real classy there".

Or, just don't respond to him directly. Instead: perhaps ask someone in line next to you (with a noticeable tounge-in-cheek attitude):
" do you think he is talking to me? ";
"is there really a crossdresser here?"
"gosh, since he is so loud, he must be right..."

[Michelle.M]

These are all good answers, but the bottom line is that it depends on the specific situation. And in all cases please be aware of your surroundings and stay out of danger. Better to be embarrassed than hurt or killed.

My experience in nearly every situation like this is that the attack (and it is an attack) is effective only if the speaker's assumption is correct. That assumption is that YOU are WRONG, that YOU know that you shouldn't be doing what you're doing or being who you are and that YOU, in the interest of concealing your wrongdoing don't wish to have any attention whatsoever. That being said, it's a given that you'll be embarrassed, that you'll take the abuse or that you'll run away in shame, because the assumption is that YOU are always on the defense.

My tactic is to nullify the attack by either demonstrating that I am not on the defense or by explicitly turning the tables to put the attacker on the defense.

If the comment is apparently meant to be made in private but I overhear (whether the speaker intended that or not), I pretend I didn't hear and thus don't make myself a target because of my eavesdropping.

If the comment is supposedly meant to be made in private but is intentionally said loud enough for others to hear (and usually the speaker is looking at me when he or she makes the comment) I put it back on them. I make a comment to the effect of "Oh? Are you speaking from personal experience? Do you hang out with so many [crossdressers, trannies, or whatever term the speaker used] that you have personal knowledge of this?" At this point the speaker's friends usually look at him while he blushes and stammers and tries to find a witty response.

This is when you just SHUT UP and look at him, wordlessly, for a short while before getting on with your business. It's on him to regain his upper hand, and that probably won't happen.

Then there's the direct attack. The sales associate looks you in the eye and firmly (and often loudly) states that you (a man) can't go into the ladies fitting room. DO NOT GIVE ANY GROUND ON THIS! Assume she is automatically wrong, and odds are she is disobeying her company's policies anyway.

Look her in the eye, lean in a little bit and sniff the air. "Have you been drinking?"

Or look at her like she just got off the last spaceship from Mars. "Have you lost your mind?"

Then move into indignation and reprimand her "How dare you speak to me like that!"

And if it goes on long enough, be insulted "Look, I know I'm not the prettiest girl in the store but I don't deserve to be treated like this!"

Then go find the manager, bring him back to this person's area and make her explain to him why she was rude to a customer.

If you simply act like you are just another gal out shopping or having lunch just like anyone else then it is inherently unreasonable for anyone to treat you as anything else. Sometimes you just have to let people who behave badly know they're wrong.

[Badtranny]

These are all good answers, but the bottom line is that it depends on the specific situation. And in all cases please be aware of your surroundings and stay out of danger. Better to be embarrassed than hurt or killed.

Excellent post M&M

I know that I'm on record that bullies should be confronted, but that is only if you're involved somehow and it should always be appropriate to the situation. In this case, some loudmouth in a public space doesn't warrant any action as long as nobody is in danger. I love what Michelle James said about looking to see if a sister is in the vicinity. If there was, I think the appropriate action would be to go sit at her table and introduce myself. She would no doubt appreciate the gesture of friendship and the loudmouth is less threatening now that she has company. If there was no apparent reason for him to be talking about it, then just ignore him, and use the experience to quiet your own friends down the next time THEY start mouthing off about trannies.

I never risk getting in a physical altercation with a stranger, cuz I'm not exactly Chuck Norris but I would never let my friends or acquaintances get away with bigoted invectives of any sort.

[christinac]

Thank you all for your input. I'm still a little dumb founded by the situation because mainly from what I could see there was no one or anything going on to provoke such a line of bull :censor: out of the guy. It wasn't directed at me for any reason because I was completely US grade A drab and he was clear across the other side of the room. That is another reason I kept quiet even though I had several things in mind that I could have said. Besides, like I said I was so stunned and angry that I couldn't speak for a few minutes.

[Traci Elizabeth]

"I wanted to, in the worst way, respond with a right hook to his ugly mug" That is the man coming out of you. Women do not respond that way. It seems like you have too much "T" running through your veins!

[christinac]

There probably is Traci Elizabeth. I just got back from Afghan and it is taking a little bit to shift out of combat mode.

[CarlaWestin]

Certainly silence was the best approach but wouldn't it have been fun to go sit on his lap, give him a big kiss on the cheek and then explain exactly how he's about to get his azz kicked by a guy wearing pantyhose.

[Lesley_Roberta]

There is no way to reply to someone with the IQ of a bowl of jello.

All you can do is pity the person, it must suck being that stupid.

[NathalieX66]

Christina,, I would have probably quoted the famous "he is wthout sin cast the first stone" line . ... it probably wouldn't have worked, because some folks are too blindly self righteous.
That being said, iI would have probably launched into my life's story, including a deep lecture about Deuteronomy 22:5.

[Rianna Humble]

There is no way to reply to someone with the IQ of a bowl of jello.

Isn't that a little harsh
























On the jello? :heehee:

[christinac]

Christina,, I would have probably quoted the famous "he is wthout sin cast the first stone" line . ... it probably wouldn't have worked, because some folks are too blindly self righteous.
That being said, iI would have probably launched into my life's story, including a deep lecture about Deuteronomy 22:5.

I'm not sure if this guy's issue was out of some self-righteous religious conviction or a Nazi/KKK like hate. Outside of a plot line in some movie or TV show I have never seen or heard someone so stupid and immoral.


Isn't that a little harsh

On the jello? :heehee:

LOL! I think jello has more brain cells than that clown did.

[Janet77]

The best thing to do when dealing with a lunatic is to ignore him. Let's be honest: There is no upside to confronting a deranged stranger. You don't know if he is armed, or on drugs. Chances are, everyone there was disgusted by his ranting and raving.

[Kristy_K]

The best thing to do when dealing with a lunatic is to ignore him. Let's be honest: There is no upside to confronting a deranged stranger. You don't know if he is armed, or on drugs. Chances are, everyone there was disgusted by his ranting and raving.

I do agree that there is really no up side to confronting someone.

Even so I have never had that happen to me I do have a line I would use first to try to defuse it.

I would whisper to him as I was reaching in my purse that I would really hate to break everyone's cover to just arrest you.

[melissaK]

I thought Bob Seeger covered this.

Most times you cant hear em talk
Other times you can,
Same old clichés
Is that a woman or a man
But you always feel out numbered
And you dare not make a stand

hugs,
'lissa

[Bree-asaurus]

I would just look at him, laugh, and walk on by.

[christinac]

Must have been something in the air last week. I hope this week starts out and ends of being A-55hole free. I had to quit asking how stupid can you be because too many people were taking it as a challenge. I think this clown at Burger King took first place for the stupidest!!

[gkihgearh]

Personally, I think you should just leave it be - your boss is probably still getting used to it and he's just a little freaked out. At least he's not calling you names, which is a good sign!

This person I met on chatroulette (http://bazoocam.org/chat/)had a similar problem - he said that his colleagues were a little uncomfortable at first, but after a while everything was back to normal, so it's just a matter of time. Hang in there, everything will work out in the end! :)

[lisagurl]

knowing the bipolar side of me woulda lost my temper :( i am getting better at it, but being from nyc, well we take no shit, BUT you did the right thing, you dont know who he was or what his issue was, he was not worth it, i bet most everyone else in there was thinking what is that nuts problem...

[Traci Elizabeth]

I would just look at him, laugh, and walk on by.

Bree! Who sings that song?

[Rianna Humble]

I might not be Bree, but I still like Dionne Warwick's original (http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzCkD3vRukA), although Aretha Franklin did quite a good cover (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUdux2eQ6Kw).

[Danni Bear]

"I wanted to, in the worst way, respond with a right hook to his ugly mug" That is the man coming out of you. Women do not respond that way. It seems like you have too much "T" running through your veins!

Traci,

that is not always correct. many women will respond with violence when provoked. men just do it by instinct.

danni

[lauren_m]

Christina, thank you very much for your service to our country.

You and everyone else are right that it wasn't worth getting into a confrontation with this guy, and that violence (or the threat of violence) really wouldn't have accomplished much. I am not positive, however, that this guys' comments were driven purely by ignorance. I suspect, though this is purely a guess, that there was a component of guilt and overcompensation as well. His browser history and the IP logs of "deviant" sites may belie his comments.

[Jonianne]

Christina, thank you very much for your service to our country..........I suspect, though this is purely a guess, that there was a component of guilt and overcompensation as well......

Lauren, you covered the two thoughts I was going to add. This quote probably sums up the situation: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

[Dethgirl]

Yo, no religion in the forums. The rules say so. Nah, I'm just messin'.

[Danika140]

My response to such idiocy is usually along the lines of "I've sacrificed blood, sweat and tears with five deployments to the Middle East. I've earned my right to be who I want to be, what have you done for our American people?" That's usually enough to kill the conversation, especially in a crowded public place.

[kimdl93]

I'd ignore the bum. Honestly, we can't change some peoples minds. What would be interesting is if this guy suddenly discovered a gender issue in his father, brother, son or himself. Or perhaps that's why he felt it necessary to proclaim his objections so loudly....as the Bard said, "me thinks he dost protest too much!"