Fear of hostility

[GinaMarie]

I've been thinking to myself for weeks, "When will the rest of my family find out?" Ever since I came out to my mom last month, I had to become more vigilant about what I do at home. I'm scared and feel like I have been backed into a corner. What happens when they find out? What do I say to them, that I've been doing this for years and can't help myself? How do I explain myself? I can't answer my own questions here, can I?

Any advice is appreciated. I need to be ready for when I'm forced to come out. I hope you don't mind my venting and it's necessary so you know how fearful I am.

[Delila]

Congrats? On coming out to your mom. What did you tell your mom? The same explination may be sufficient for the rest of your family. There is the chance that your mom will not tell anyone else due to either embarrassement or respect.

[Joanne f]

It is hard to explain to someone how you feel especially if you think that they are going to be a bit hostile towards you but you do not know that for certain yet , rather than worry about what you are going to say just think on why you like to do it and if any questions come your way just explain that it is a part of you that you like to express as I think in this situation it is better to wait for them to ask rather than you just come out with information that they may not want to hear .

[GinaMarie]

When I came out to her, all I told her is I am neither gay nor bi, or want to become a woman, and that I like to wear female clothes. I kept it short and sweet and continued explaining myself by asking about my sexuality. I did think of becoming a woman at a younger age, something I did bring up at the time. Later that day I was forced to give back her clothes yet I hid some of them in a container in my closet that no one else is aware of. One week later, I continued to talk about it--what my girl name would have been and other things I cannot remember, and that's how I came up with my CD.com alias.

From there on out, we've sworn my crossdressing to secrecy. She won't tell anyone, and neither of us will talk about it in front of my older brother and his girlfriend, and especially my mom's Facebook friends.

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Now that Joanne mentioned it, perhaps I should wait for somebody to ask than exploit myself. But I feel my insecurity has spiked. :(

[WifeofWrenchette]

If your mom knows then it's a good chance everyone else already knows. At least with my mom it would have been like that. The woman couldn't keep her trap shut. Sometimes it's easier that way anyway because they have time to process it before you say anything about it.

[GinaMarie]

There were times when my brother almost overheard our discussion about my crossdressing and the clothes I stashed. She to date has told no one my secret. You know what will make everybody more likely to get outed? If I decide to go for an androgynous look. I may only go as far as growing out my hair. FYI I'm 100% straight and I'm only curious about myself. Why don't I do that; I'd make the rest of them figure it out for themselves. Or better yet, set it up for my 21st birthday!

Another problem just came up. How would my extended family--on my mom's side--feel if someone close to them was gay/bisexual? And my friends? There's no chance of hiding it from anybody. Sooner or later they will find out.

[Joanne f]

People often say one thing when asked about gay/bi people yet act differently when a member of the family are found to be gay or bi, you can get " I have no problems with gay people" yet they find that they do when it is a member of their family , or you can get " I do not like gay or bi people " yet they find that they will accept it when it is a member of the family , it has this funny way of changing peoples minds when it is close at hand so the only way you will ever really know is when they know .

[~Joanne~]

If it comes to that point, if the time arrives, just own it. Your not hurting anyone and it's your god given right to be yourself. Obviously you wanted out of the closet as you told your mom, once one knows, sooner or later many will know. Even those of us that are happy (for whatever amount of time) in the closet, sooner or later someone is going to find out. it's not a matter of if but when. How you take control of the situation at that point depends on how bad it will be.

[Sandra1746]

We recently had house guests and my wife was almost beside herself that they'd find out I CD; so she told them, individually. Their response was a universal yawn, they didn't think it was a big deal. Only one question about whether I was gay. During their visit I wore my usual Fem jeans and plain tops, the purse, hair and earrings are constants; no adverse comments were heard.

Often our biggest worries are the ones we build inside our mind. That was certainly the case for my wife. Life is too short to let trivial issues dominate moving forward. A true friend will accept and understand you, others are not worth obsessing about.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[Christina Horton]

Hey girl friend. I see your only 20. I told my family at 21 or so. It was OK but mom hated it and dad was just.concerned for my safety. It took mom about 15 years to be ok to the point shes ok with me being dressed in front of her. We've gone to supper and once shopping together. If you have a good relationship with family and friends you'll be fine. If you'd like to you can read my storys here. Too many to tell you which ones to read but I was in your place too. I told them when young as well. Good luck.

[GinaMarie]

At least all the responses I'm getting are supportive. Having just woken up at 11:30am HST, I can't think of how to absorb what I'm reading now. But it's a lot for me. You see, it's fear that overtakes me. Fear of others knowing. I don't have many friends since I got out of high school, so I really can't say that they would be supportive of me.

I did not "want out of the closet;" I was forced out of it. I won't state the obvious but my mom isn't the kind of person that would tell others about my private life. Wait until I find myself having a girlfriend, then determine the most suitable time to talk about it. What happens at that point?

[docrobbysherry]

Gina, there must be a jillian threads and posts here on how to tell loved ones and friends about your dressing, etc. I've tried to read them all! Looking for a way to explain it to my kids in case I need to. Unfortunately, since sex is involved with it for me, none seem practical!

I don't know how u can view them, but maybe someone can tell u how!

[MsJanessa]

We recently had house guests and my wife was almost beside herself that they'd find out I CD; so she told them, individually. Their response was a universal yawn, they didn't think it was a big deal. Only one question about whether I was gay. During their visit I wore my usual Fem jeans and plain tops, the purse, hair and earrings are constants; no adverse comments were heard.

Often our biggest worries are the ones we build inside our mind. That was certainly the case for my wife. Life is too short to let trivial issues dominate moving forward. A true friend will accept and understand you, others are not worth obsessing about.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

It always suprised me that most other folks could care less one way or the other---some may be interested, in both crossdressing and you, others(not too many) may be hostile or nasty but most wont care one way or the other and will inevitably be polite

[Lesley_Roberta]

"Fear of hostility"

Going on the basis of the thread title and not so much about the OPs comments.

I have it easy I suppose.

If anyone hurts Lesley, they have to deal with Leslie. I suppose he's like a boyfriend to me in that way.
And Leslie is not the sort you want to make angry.

Sometimes having a spare personality is not all bad.

All the things anyone has ever said about bullying pretty much apply here. Don't give an inch, stand up to anyone that tries to hurt you through word or action. Because if you don't they likely want stop.