I don't get it

[natacsha]

As much as I have always loathed the idea of being with a man when I am in guy mode, I have no problem with either sex when I am her....until I discovered recently about my crush for my friend (whom I've known for about 18 years and just discovered there is something overwhelmingly powerful about wanting to be with him either as a guy or girl) So this feeling has me thinking about the possibility of being with a guy, as a guy, but still not feelin it. But this leads to the problem at hand. I feel and am acting out MUCH more feminine now than I ever have. Never really had thoughts as a child, not one of those. Just feelings of being a girl that started early on and suppressed for many years. Now the thought of men. And hating my hair on my legs....and anywhere else it shouldn't be....and my heart is racing constantly, every second of the day and has been now since this whole "crush" on friend thing. It won't go away and I have no idea what's happening to me. My hands feel like their shaking and I feel antsy all the time. Can anyone shed some light on this? I know it may seem redundant from an earlier post of mine but I am trying to understand why this is happening. I've accepted that my friend and I won't be. I can live with that. But I still feel this way...and it's not so much a crush anymore. I feel like this is me now....what ever that is. I also noticed that I don't feel like dressing up as much but I am becoming increasingly feminine on the outside and in public. And when I do dress, it feels more normal than the usual "rush". Sorry for the rant and thanks for listening. ugh

[Kimberlyfaye]

Natacsha, I feel the same sort of way! I've just posted about my problem with this. I feel more feminine now than I ever have. Like I'm somehow becoming a woman! I would love to help and all I can figure out myself is I think it's this forum. Not saying that's a bad thing but I think this place is what is causing me to come out more. I'm starting to feel like I'm a woman who is CDing as a man!

[Deidre]

thats a great way of puting it mikayla better than mine hun Hugs :)

[KellyJameson]

Here is a thought

Some men are absolutely sure they do not want sexual relations with other men and may even consider themselves homophobic but..........

Maybe there is something else going on because you often hear about when they are dressed they fantasize about being with a man.

There is the temptation to say this is nothing but using a man like the clothing to increase the experience of femininity and certainly this is true in some instances but..

What if the actual physical structure of the brain that creates the attraction to crossdressing as an expression of femininity also influences ones attitude toward sex with others.

Women tend to be more selective than men in choosing partners and perhaps it is not homophobia that stops some men from having sex with men but the feminine aspect of themselves that make them more selective about who they have sex with so it is not a lack of desire for a man but the problem of finding the right man.

From my experience most men will have sex with any willing partner but the same reasons some men crossdress could also affect their attitudes toward casual sex making them act subconsciously as women who usually are more discriminating in who they share their body with.

[natacsha]

Mikayla, i totally get it. I think you and i are nearing the same point. what point? no clue. just a point.


Kelly, your words are like roses with poison coursing through their veins lol I do, however, enjoy reading your posts because you have a very candid approach and you sound like you know what you are talking about. And to be honest, hearing the truth is something I may need a little more of. You describe me to the T and that scares me a bit. Again, I wouldn't be here if not to understand what, why, who, etc etc. I am super picky about the girls I've been with. I could've slept with some of the hottest girls out there and I chose to remain celibate with every girl i've been with. always been the relationship type (contrary to all my friends....and most men) Like I said, I can relate to way tooo much on the feminine side of the spectrum. Now, the issue. I was born a man. Had I not been, I would have been born a girl with masculine features. But I am what I've been for 32 years and that isn't goin away...what seems to be happening is that I am exposing myself to being what feels more comfortable inside me and it's become almost self perpetuating. That is, i'm able to switch on and off at will but the poles seem to have shifted/shifting and what was always up has become down and in side out. So, now I am feeeliiing more girly than ever with the desire to express myself 84% of the time. That means it's taking me to a whole new level I'm afraid to enter because I don't know what comes from the other side. I still have the control to keep it from exploding, and though I feel inside, in my heart of hearts, that isn't what I want, it is what I know and what I am comfortable with. But I'm not sure if i can control it. it's begging to be cut free and I'm so confused. Why now? after all these years? why, if it isn't something I was born to be, does it show up now....completely. I've always known there was something missing, I never really fit in society well, mainly because of my eccentric behavior...my closest friends were the coolest guys in school and we loved each other...still to this day...but I could never fit in social gatherings...ie parties, clubs, groups....had some gorgeous gf's and so on....but always out of place. And the kicker. I don't know if this was all drug induced from back when or if it was just expedited because of them. But I was in love with the way certain drugs made me feel more feminine. WOW I think I just answered my own question. I've been sooo depressed since this popped back into my life and I just want some clarity.

[Deidre]

im not good at words but like i said i have those same feelings and am lost thats why im been doin reserch and trying to find out why so i am lost right there with you hugs i love your comments they have helped me to a little my feeling are akward to me but yet it does some how feel right even though i never been with a man i have the fear thatsits not right so im afraid to try it but i still love women more than any thing grrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrr meow.

[NathalieX66]

Natacsha, you are not alone.
Bi cd/tg folks are a dime a dozen, and I have run into quite a few in my forays out into tg events, many of them are my friends. Guys, in any shape or form,whether as guy or girl, is not really my thing, but I get it. The feeling of being treated like a lady is a turn-on for many.
If that's what you're into, I say all the more power to you.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Natacsha, you just about described me! I can really relate to what you're feeling. And know you're not alone on this. Hugs x

[YorkshireRose]

Personally when I am Charlotte, my sexuality doesn't shift in anyway, rather than wanting to be treated like a lady by a guy, as I have read about on here, or as you have said developing a crush on a male friend, for me, I get very in touch with my fem side, but instead I just want to do girly stuff like shop for girl clothes, or act like two gfs chatting when I am with my SO. So I don't really understand this phenomenon, however I can understand your puzzlement Natacsha and its an interesting point you raise.

Charlotte

[Annie D]

Please don't take what I say as an excuse but I am married, have children and grand children but when I am dressed my mind accepts the fact that I am NOT repulsed at being held and experiencing affection from a man. In the beginning of my crossdressing life I was ashamed to be doing what I was doing because society told me it was wrong. As I have matured my feelings about alot of things have changed. Like many people who frequent this site, I have said, "I am a totally heterosexual crossdresser" but the feminine feelings that I experience now are that I love to be held, tenderly touched, admired, complemented on my appearance; all things that my mind associates with being a woman and I can honestly say that I would not mind if those things came from a man or a woman.

That being said, there is the question of fidelity and finding myself at this crossroads, I can honestly announce that I will honor my vows of faithfulness to my wife and remain totally committed to her.