Is It Confidence

[AnitaH]

So in keeping with my new years resolution I've been making an effort to let Anita get out fairly often, about once a week. It is great to finally be living a decades long dream and I wrote about this in another thread some time ago. In the last couple of outings It appears to me that I have been treated much nicer by SA's and other people than previously. Lately I have had waitress call me ma'am. The other day a gentleman held the door open for me as I was entering a store. A sales lady at a nail kiosk treated me just like a lady, of course I know she was just trying to sell me nail care products, but it was good to be treated so nicely. Last night on my way home from an out of town TG meeting I decided to stop at a Walmart to pick up a couple of items. At the register I was putting my change into my wallet and then into my purse when the SA Picked up my two bags, walked around the counter and put the bags in my cart. I was shocked but kept the presence of mind to thank her greatly. I've never had such things happen to me in male mode.

Several thoughts come to my mind. being a pessimist the thought occurs to me that they all just wanted to get a closer look at the freak in a skirt but that must likely is just my pessimism showing. I do believe, and my wife would concur, that I am better at dressing in clothing that better hides my maleness. Perhaps I'm getting better at my application of makeup, I'm not sure how valid that is.

What I'm really wondering could confidence be playing the major part of how people have been treating me. I know my therapist made the comment a couple of weeks ago that my confidence was improving. I have been reminding myself of some of the things I have read here. Keep your head up and be proud of who you are, you have the right to be out and to be here. I do believe that my confidence has improved greatly in the months since I've been making the effort to get out regularly, I am enjoying being Anita and enjoying how I've been treated.

AnitaH

[RenneB]

Anita, it truely is all about the 'tude. That and the right clothes and the right makeup and the right shoes and the ... well you get the point. As I am a contanstant people watcher, I'd say about 80% of the GGs and GMs don't pass as Barbie or Ken dolls ....that is to say that most of the humans on this rock don't fit the 'look' that is portrayed in the media. One trip through the great w*lmart ought to convince you of that. So when I get dressed, I put on my 10 'tude and my moderate clothes and head on out to the real world looking around a 6 or maybe a 7 on the ol lady scale....

Then again, most people don't care and don't look. Fine by me.

Renne.....

[Barbara Ella]

Congratulations on keeping the resolution active. This is likely one of the few really fun resolutions going. And yes, the attitude does play a role, and the way to get it up is to keep going out like you are. The more you keep doing it, the better the treatment will become, I do believe this,and hope someday to be able to put it into practice also. thanks ever so much for sharing this.

Barbara

[Lesley_Roberta]

Confidence works wonders, if YOU don't believe, it will show.

[AllieSF]

Yes, shyness and fear can be dead give aways that a person is not totally confident in their surroundings. Confidence takes away most if not all of that obvious fear, and you then become one in the crowd. If you add a nice smile to that and a happy positive attitude too, you are home free.

[JessHaust]

I say it all the time here and elswhere, passing it such a second seat to attitude. Act like you belong, and everyone will believe you belong.

[RainyNightGirl]

Act like you belong, and everyone will believe you belong.

Jess, that is a great mantra and if you do not mind I would like to borrow it on occasion....Hugs

[Sally24]

Confidence CAN make a big difference how people perceive you. If you don't have confidence, at least smile and pretend you do.:heehee:

[JessHaust]

Jess, that is a great mantra and if you do not mind I would like to borrow it on occasion....Hugs

Oh, please do!
Years ago I worked with a guy 15 years my senior. I was in my late 20's and our job put us on military bases, the pentagon and various 'Beltway bandits' around DC. At first I was very intimidated you the official surroundings, but this was his mantra and he showed me how well it worked. I have kept it ever since and applied it to almost every situation in life. I works especially well in a skirt and heels!

[Karren H]

I've found that it doesn't really mater what clothing you wear... Or what mode your in.... Confidence in yourself earns people respect... And attention...

[carhill2mn]

The way you were treated is one of the pleasures that I receive from being out en femme. I have had much better experinces at stores, etc, when I am presenting as a woman.

[AnitaH]

Thanks everyone for your replies, it certainly helps. And yes Jess that is a good mantra that I too may borrow from time to time.

AnitaH

[Rogina B]

I think that exuding confidence gives people the idea that you know and feel that you are right in being there. As a result,you aren't going to run away,and[in the case of merchants and restaurants,etc]you will most likely return[like anyone else]if treated properly. And I believe this is important for real acceptance in the mainstream world. I enjoy being out there where you have to give it your best..Love to give em something to talk about after I leave..but they felt my confidence while I was there and that's what is important to me.

[Roberta Marie]

I've found that it doesn't really mater what clothing you wear... Or what mode your in.... Confidence in yourself earns people respect... And attention...

Absolutely, Karren. And that confidence comes from respecting yourself. If you believe in yourself, respect yourself, you will have confidence in yourself. Then others will begin to have respect and confidence in you.

[Jenniferathome]

No, I do not believe your confidence has anything tod o with how people treat you but it does affect how you perceive the experience. "It's all in your head," works here. People generally just don't care but when they notice you, and there is a 99.9% chance every woman knows you are a man by looking, if you are confident (you simply feel good about yourself) YOU don't care. That makes the experience a good one. Good experiences stack up making for an expectation that the next time out will also be good. It's a snowball.

[katie_barns]

I agree it is all about confidence. But do not neglect appearance. I am conservative by nature and when dressed I am a conservative middle age woman. That along with my confidence makes my outing enjoyable. I still get funny looks now and then but I just smile and move on. A Smile goes a long way in putting people at ease, even when your clocked.


Now if you plan on showing up at WalMart in a miniskirt and 6 inch hooker heels.................. Well; all the confidence in the world will not overcome that. :)