Very, very stupid: Does a dress really bother you so much?

[Foxglove]

Hi, All,

As some of you may know from my earlier posts, I rent a flat in the top part of a house, and the landlord lives downstairs. He doesn’t know anything about me, of course. It’s my business and nobody else’s, right?

Now I work at home on my computer, so there’s no reason I can’t get all dolled up in the morning if I feel like it before I get at it. Lots of days I do feel like it, and this morning was one of those times. I just pretend I’m a really smart-looking office girl.

I was working away at about 9 when suddenly my doorbell rang twice in quick succession. I ignored it. I could hardly go down in the state I was in. Then it rang three more times and that’s when I said, “Well, *****!” Because that could only mean one thing: the landlord had locked himself out.

He’s mid-seventies and fairly forgetful and he does lock himself out from time to time. And that’s not the worst of it. It’s happened at least three times that he starts to boil a roast or something and then leaves the house, forgetting to turn the cooker off. So all the water eventually boils away and the roast starts burning and filling the house with smoke. And there’s nothing I can do about it, because when he leaves the house, he always locks the kitchen, so I can’t get in. (I’ve always wondered why he locks it. I do respect his privacy, and I would never go in there for any reason except to save our home. I wonder what sort of valuables/illegal items he has stashed away in there.)

When he does leave something on the cooker, he’s generally not too far away. He’s a farmer and has land just outside of town, so if I smell smoke, I phone him and he’s always back within ten minutes. So we’ve never been burned out.

But I’ve been wondering what I’d do if he locked himself out when I was dressed. It’s not like I can just go down and let him in. And I’m certainly not inclined to change my clothes, remove all the make-up and fingernail polish—which would take me a while in any case. And above all, I’m not going to stop dressing just because he’s a senile old eejit. So what can I do? It was time to find out this morning.

At first, I just ignored the bell. I had no choice there, and it would serve him right to be locked out for a while. I was hoping maybe he’d just leave, thinking that I was probably gone and would be back later and meanwhile he could get a bit of work done on the farm or something. Fortunately, I hadn’t yet turned on my phone, so he couldn’t phone me to tell me to come down.

After about an hour, I knew I had to do something. He’d phone a buddy and the two of them would try to figure out a way to get in. Maybe they’d break in if they had to, and he wouldn’t be pleased to discover that I was in the house the whole time and didn’t let him in. If they were making a big racket, I couldn’t pretend I didn’t hear it.

So I was going to have to go down the stairs and leave the door slightly ajar. No danger in that. This is a safe neighbourhood and we wouldn’t have any intruders. Problem was, I couldn’t be sure that he’d gone. He might be sitting in his car outside the house, and how could I explain why I didn’t open the door earlier?

Well, nothing for it. That’s what I had to do, so I did it. Sneaked downstairs, then back up and locked my own door. And about ten seconds later, I heard his own doors opening and closing downstairs. For Pete’s sake, was he in the house all that time and I’d imagined the whole scenario?

So I turned my phone on and called him and he had in fact been locked out. And he was a bit puzzled to find the door ajar. Here I made a mistake. I told him I’d been out myself and mustn’t have closed the door firmly when I got back. He said, “I thought maybe the fairies came along and opened it. I was sure I pulled it to. You must have slipped in just ahead of me.”

I saw my mistake. He may have been sitting outside the house the whole time and never saw me come back because I hadn’t in fact come back. He must have been outside, because how else could he have been in the house within ten seconds? And right beside the door there’s a fairly big frosted-glass window that I couldn’t avoid. He may have actually seen me going to open the door.

I should have told him I was just out of bed. Sure, by then it was 10 o’clock, but in Ireland, there’s nothing outrageous about somebody in my circumstances being in bed that late, even on a weekday. It’s a slow-moving country. So I suspect that he suspects that there’s something fishy going on, but he hasn’t a clue what it is.

People, this situation is obviously no good. I’m going to suggest to him that he leave a spare key somewhere, out at the farm if nowhere else, on the grounds that “I’ve been in and out a lot lately.” But it’s something I’d like to avoid in future, and there’s really only one way to do that. As some members of this forum know, I’m very eager these days to come out of the closet. I’m trying to size things up, figure out a strategy for coming out in this little town I live in. I honestly don’t know how well that’s going to work.

But it would be helpful to be out to my landlord, even if I never set foot outside the house, precisely so we can avoid little incidents like this, which really are very, very stupid. I was thinking about sitting him down and having a friendly chat with him, something along these lines:

“It’s like this, you decrepit, old fool: I’ve decided I want to be a girl. You don’t really mind having a girl in the house, do you? Almost seven years I’ve been here now. That’s as long as Jacob agreed to work for Rachel and he still didn’t get her. But we’ve always got along fine, and think about it: have you ever got along with anyone else better than you have with me? You see, I do know a little something about your reputation in this town and county.

“Seven years, and I’ve never once made you wait for the rent or the electricity. I’m quiet and have never caused you any problems. I’ve never been very demanding about the upkeep of the flat, and let’s face it, it ain’t exactly Buckingham Palace, is it?

“And recently I’ve learned to my delight that I was mistaken about one very important point. There’s been legislation in recent times that I knew nothing about (I really should keep up with stuff like that) which is going to make it very hard for you to find legal grounds to put me out. Now if you want to go the illegal route, I’m quite sure that’s a battle you’ll win hands down. But if you get rid of me, are you going to find a better tenant? You know good and well you won’t. Why else have you left that basement flat empty all these years? It’s because you got sick of the types you always found to rent it to, isn’t it?

“And think about it: as long as I’m here, you’ve got a good sum of money coming in every month, regular as clockwork, that you never have to do doodly-squat for. You’ve got somebody to let you in when you stupidly lock yourself out, and what’s more, you’ve got someone to phone you when you even more stupidly try to burn the house down.

“So in view of all that, does a dress really bother you so much? . . . Oh, well, what if it’s a really pretty dress? . . . Oh, come on! I don’t look that bad! You haven’t even seen me!”

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Julogden]

Annabelle, you might indeed consider telling him about yourself, as it could make life a bit more simple for you as long as he's okay with you being a CD. But I think that only you can decide whether that's a real option or not.

Now for a reprimand: as someone who is getting on in years myself, I find your remarks about him being a "senile old eejit" and a "decrepit, old fool" to be unfortunate and sad, doesn't speak well for your attitude towards your elders. You'll be there before you know it. You apparently think that your own old age is far away, but I assure you that life passes way more quickly than you can believe when you're young. You'll be the one locking yourself out some day.

And it also sounds like you're inventing a confrontation where there is none. If you're going to come out to him, get rid of the chip on your shoulder before you discuss things with him. Things may or may not go badly, but try to keep an open mind going into the discussion if you decide to do that.

Remember that a lot of us here are "senile old eejit"'s.

Carol

[Foxglove]

Annabelle, you might indeed consider telling him about yourself, as it could make life a bit more simple for you as long as he's okay with you being a CD. But I think that only you can decide whether that's a real option or not.

Carol

What you're saying is true, Carol, and it's something I've been thinking about.

As far as "decrepit, old fool" goes, if I'm not there yet myself, I'm perilously close to it. There's lots of kids around these days who would call me just that. The last bit of this post was tongue in cheek and not something anybody should get upset about. If I do approach the guy about this, it will be in a totally different spirit. I won't be looking to make it confrontational.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[suzy1]

Who knows Annabelle, he might just grin and say welcome to the club girl. And can I borrow your eyeliner sometime?

Suzy always looking on the bright side of life [Montypython]:)

[Foxglove]

Suzy always looking on the bright side of life [Montypython]:)

I've been thinking, Suzy. Best-case scenario would be this: he was in fact sitting outside the house, and the frosted-glass window I had to pass in front of was just clear enough for him to make out what I was wearing, and he doesn't care. I don't think it is. I'll have to check it. But it would be nice if he knows and doesn't care. When I did speak to him on the phone, he certainly didn't sound upset at all--so maybe we should conclude that he didn't see anything clearly at all.

I do wish the man would remember his keys.

Annabelle

[Lesley_Roberta]

Spare key spare key spare key spare key, did I mention spare key.

Oh and I would read him the riot act about burning the building down. I mean, do you wish to return home to discover you lost everything in the fire because he finally did it when you had reason to not be at home? Screw his need to lock the kitcen door tell him to cut that crap out and to hell with why he thinks he needs to do it. Tell him if he's making drugs you don't care just so long as his bloody roast doesn't some day burn you out.

Oh and make sure you have a back up spare key you can tell him about when he stupidly forgets to put his spare key back where it belongs.

Frankly I'd be looking for another place and not out yourself over this situation.

[Laura912]

Perhaps you would not want this to accelerate you coming out to your small town? Realizing that you were quite tongue in cheek with the end of your post, if there is any senility, he may accidentally out you to another and then the barn door is ajar! Put a spare key someplace where you can tell him over the phone and will not have to come out.

[Foxglove]

Hi, Shared! Now that I think about it, once upon a time he did have a spare key in a hiding place outside the door. Not a very good hiding-place, but still he had a key. I'll have to ask him if it's still there. Maybe it is, and he's forgotten about it.

Also, this is Ireland, and you don't tell someone what to do with their own property. As far as the locked kitchen goes, I suspect he's got a pretty good sum of money tucked away in there. He wouldn't be doing drugs--I'm quite sure of that. But if sometime I find the door locked and he's not close to home, I'll call the fire brigade. They're two minutes away and they can break the bloody door down, if I can't do it myself.

There's a possibility I might be looking for a new place soon--especially if I decide to come out and he can't deal with it. But this place suits me in various ways--the main one being that it's a quiet house in a quiet neighborhood. If I come out and he's cool with that, there'd be no reason for me to leave. This place suits me as well as any place is going to.

Annabelle

And to Laura: the idea of leaving a spare key somewhere myself is a good one. I'll do that, if he doesn't still have his key in his own hiding-place.

And it's like this in this town: when I tell one person here, no matter who it is (with the possible exception of the doctor), everyone in town will know about it. Outing myself to my landlord will in fact mean outing myself to everybody. So before I come out to him, I have to decide whether I want everybody else to know it. That doesn't necessarily mean that I'll start appearing in town en femme. If people know I'm TG but don't actually see me dressed, that's one thing, and I don't think that would be a problem for me. It's if I start appearing in town dressed that things will get interesting.

A.

[Karren H]

Too funny!! I'm betting he knows and he did that on purpose to try to get you to out yourself! Lol.

[Foxglove]

Too funny!! I'm betting he knows and he did that on purpose to try to get you to out yourself! Lol.

Karren, if this were true, I'd be delighted: he knows but he's not upset about it. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know. I've been pretty careful.

I suppose the truth will out some day. Maybe I should be practicing my slap-shots so that I'll be ready when that day comes.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Not sure Ireland owns that attitude, the part about telling a person what to do with their stuff.

But that fire brigade call sounds about right. If he complains you just say 'hey I was only saving your property man, unless you'd rather I had just kicked in the door myself?'.

[Foxglove]

But that fire brigade call sounds about right. If he complains you just say 'hey I was only saving your property man, unless you'd rather I had just kicked in the door myself?'.

Exactly. If the kitchen's going up in smoke and I can't get hold of him, I'm not going to mess around. He can decide whether he'd prefer to repair the door or rebuild the house--and compensate me for all my stuff. (I'll have to decide exactly how many dresses, shoes, etc., I have that he'll have to replace.)

Annabelle

[lingerieLiz]

WOW! You worry about what might be too much. His forgetting and leaving things on the stove is dangerous and you should suggest he leave a key if you smell smoke or the alarm goes off. He probably has a key to your place also.

If he burns the house down how are you going to have time to change before you run out? Or are you going to run out as a damsel in distress?

I've been outed to landlords and neighbors on more than one occasion and have never felt any wrath. I would just let him in the next time he forgets his keys as you are dressed. Don't go into why you are wearing a dress. Let him ask if he wants to know. If you don't act guilty he can't put a guilt trip on you. If he doesn't like it, it is not your problem. The only question I have is, Is this your hometown where everyone knows you and your family? If not, who cares what the neighbors think. You also might find he forgets you're a guy and accepts you as the nice girl upstairs.

[Foxglove]

Hi, Liz. It's not something I dwell on but I have had to consider the possibility of fire. If one does break out in this house, I'm going to be in a bad way. I have no way out but down the stairs to the front door. If I can't make it to the door, then I'll just have to jump out a window. I'd say it's about ten feet, and I'll have my choice--the concrete or the brambles. I'd say I'll pretend I'm in Mordor and take the brambles. Maybe I should worry about it a bit, and see if I can't do something about that.

If there is a fire and I'm dressed, I don't think I'm going to take the time to change. Let's just hope it doesn't happen at night when I'm in my nightie with no make-up. If I'm going to be a "damsel in distress", I want to look good for the part.

If he does have a key to my place, I hope he never uses it--girly stuff all over the place, usually undies hanging up to dry, etc. Legally he doesn't have the right to inspect my place without giving me advance notice. And he's never asked to inspect it before, so I'm not worried about that.

And no, this isn't my hometown and I have no family near. We're all from far, far away. I've been in this area for about 16 years now. I know some people and I get along well with everybody. But if I start appearing in public en femme, they may decide that I'm a total stranger after all.

I've also always got along well with the landlord. But I have no idea how he would react to my coming out to him. If I had to guess, I'd say he won't like it at all. But as many people on this forum have said, people can surprise you.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Karren H]

First ting I'd do is buy a fire extinguisher and then get one of those roll up escape ladders you can let down out of the window in case there's a fire. Or in case you need to leave the apartment enfemme in a hurry! Lol. But seriously. Think about getting the escape ladder. Your safety too important to over look!!

[CaseyMarie]

Annabelle,

The behavior you describe sounds just like my dad who I lost last year to the complications of Dimentia. If you can plese contact your landlords family and tell them what is happening. He sounds like he is very close to not being able to care for himself. It is a very sad and very serious condition and one that he will not be able to recognize for himself. If nothing else you are protecting yourself from his burning down his house and your flat. If you cannot get him help, you need to find someplace else to be because he will get worse.

Casey

[Stephanie47]

Based on his remark I'd make the assumption he saw me all dolled up. Now what? The next move is his. Since you do not know what he will do, just sit tight and keep your mouth shut. If he makes an inquiry, then you can have a nice enlightening discussion concerning your "female friend." I am not quite as old as your landlord, but, insulting someone will not get you anywhere. Frankly, I think you handled it poorly, if you have knowledge he is forgetful. There have been times when I have been fully en femme in my home, and, my car has been sitting in the driveway, when the doorbell has rung. Sometimes I know it is just a delivery with the person letting me know a parcel has been left. Sometimes it is a neighbor delivering misdirected mail. If I must open the door it does not take very long for me to undress. Yes, it is inconvenient. My delay in opening the door can be calked up to being in the bathroom or taking a shower.

What will happen if there was an emergency, like the kitchen filling with smoke? Hopefully, if you're going to call the fire brigade you do not have full makeup and nail polish on. I would have taken the time to yell out the window or call down the stairs to say, "I just got out of the shower, I'll be down in a minute!" A minor inconvenience to keep your femme side a secret. Once my daugther-in-law locked her car keys in the house with her and grandchild needing to get to work and school. She called for my spare key to get into the house. I had to remove all my facial makeup and remove my nail polish as well as all clothing. Then I had to drive over to the house. Sure I could have not answered the telephone and let them sit there for a very long time until my son took time off work and drove home from his job. It was just a mild inconvenience of life. Stephanie just had to let her twin brother take over for awhile. They get along fine.

As to the future I'd discuss the hidden spare key, but, if he is as forgetful as you say he'll probably forget which flower pot it is hidden under. I'd just suck it up as a right thing to do for anyone. Don't enter any discussion with anyone with a chip on your shoulder. It will not do you any good, and, you may cause a situation that did not need to occur and escalate after that.

[Kaitlyn26]

I strongly caution against telling him anything. An older person can really surprise you with the amount of bigotry they can spew behind closed doors. What you think of as a simple senile and maybe even generous old man, may turn out to be a truely bigoted person. If you do approach him, best to use a bit more tact than calling him names. I wouldn't even bother. Society sides with the elderly. If it goes to court you may have a truely terrible experience.

You may want to consider the effects it could have on him. If you've been living with this guy for 7 years, he may consider you a friend, or even a loved one. I'm not sure how close you two are, but if he is alone in the world that could be the case. There have been cases of older folks living in an arrangement like you have now, where the older person dies and leaves the tenant considerable assets. I would approach it very carefully, feel out his veiwpoint towards crossdressers first, and proceed accordingly.

He could be more bigoted than you know, or he could care about you more than you know. Elderly are unpredictable as they eventually develope an attitude where they get sick and tired of voicing opinions over and over, and the person you think you know may not exist.

[paulaprimo]

i think that its a very cute story and most of us have been in a similar situation at one point or another. i'm getting up there myself in age, so i'm pretty sure even if he did see you he has forgotten what he saw...now what are we talking about again...:eek:lol oh yeah i remember now, but what i would do is buy a fireproof container and put all of my pretty clothes, shoes and make up in it because i can't imagine trying to replace everything i have!:D

[Foxglove]

First ting I'd do is buy a fire extinguisher and then get one of those roll up escape ladders you can let down out of the window in case there's a fire. Or in case you need to leave the apartment enfemme in a hurry!

I'd never heard of those ladders. You engineering types know all sorts of useful things. I'll have to look into that. Definitely a better option than jumping.


Annabelle,

The behavior you describe sounds just like my dad who I lost last year to the complications of Dimentia. If you can plese contact your landlords family and tell them what is happening. He sounds like he is very close to not being able to care for himself. It is a very sad and very serious condition and one that he will not be able to recognize for himself. If nothing else you are protecting yourself from his burning down his house and your flat. If you cannot get him help, you need to find someplace else to be because he will get worse.

Casey

Hi, Casey! I lost my mother to the same thing last year. I can tell you that this man is nowhere near that point. He gets around OK. He just has these lapses of memory on occasion, though they can be a nuisance.

And I don't know any of his family. He had a brother who died recently. I don't know how many kids he has, but he told me once that they don't talk to him. So I can't go to the family. If I see signs of big problems, I'll go to a doctor or social worker.


Based on his remark I'd make the assumption he saw me all dolled up.

I don't really think we can assume this. If you're referring to his use of the word "fairies", that's just an expression in Ireland. In this case, it doesn't refer to gay guys or TG's, only to real fairies of folklore.


Frankly, I think you handled it poorly, if you have knowledge he is forgetful.

So do I, and I'm quite annoyed with myself. It's not as if I didn't have plenty of time to think about this in advance. But I am going to put a spare key in a good hiding place and let him know where it is, and I'll make sure it's always there. I don't think he'll forget where it is. If he does, he can phone me and I'll tell him (and I will have my phone on).

But there's no way I'm taking off all the make-up and changing my clothes just to go down and let him in. He's a landlord, not family. I'm not the quickest with make-up. I go to a lot of trouble to put it on, and I'm not going to take it off for something like this and spoil my day. Because I look forward to my girl days very much, and I don't give them up lightly. No, I'll find a different solution, as I've already mentioned.

And if I do approach him in this matter, yes, I can assure everyone I will do it in a very different spirit than what I wrote above. That was just a flight of fancy born out of this morning's annoyance. I don't deal with people like that in real life.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Foxglove]

I strongly caution against telling him anything. An older person can really surprise you with the amount of bigotry they can spew behind closed doors.


Kaitlyn, he's a man who's hard to read. What I know of his background (and I won't go into that here) would make you think he's the last person you'd want to come out to. On the other hand, the bit of talk we've had about politics or religion has shown me that there is some thought going on in his head. So this is one I can't call: I don't know how he'd react. We've always got along quite well. But that's no guarantee of anything.


. . . what i would do is buy a fireproof container and put all of my pretty clothes, shoes and make up in it because i can't imagine trying to replace everything i have!:D

Not a bad idea, Paula, but frankly in case of fire, I wouldn't be worried about my clothes. I love my pretty clothes, but I love my pretty skin even more.

I'd also like to say something now, before this thread goes any further. This issue has come up three times now, and I'll try to set things straight. Maybe I'm an odd sort of person and my humor isn't always obvious to everyone. But a good bit, if not most of my OP, was meant to be humorous. As regards calling the man names, that was meant as humor that arose out of a bit of exasperation, some of that exasperation aimed at myself. It was not intended seriously, and I hardly think I'm the only person in the world who might use names in such a situation, especially when the situation did have its funny side.

If I ever approach this man in this matter, I won't do it in that way, nor with a chip on my shoulder or anything of the sort. As I've said, the man and I have always got on well with each other, and if I approach him, I will bear that in mind.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Kaitlyn26]

The hard to read part isn't good. Someone mentioned he's probably soon to leave this world. If I were you I would just deal with it and keep quiet. Maybe find a more accepting roomate in the future and come out to them.

You're so eager to tell him because you feel like you're in a cage. More often than not, when you become eager to leave the cage or the closet, and do so without carefully considering the situation, it ends badly. If there is any doubt, just let things ride as is. Coming out hastily and to the wrong person can destroy your life (speaking from experience).

Again you need to consider his wellbeing also. If you tell this old guy he could become upset. If you upset him, and he drops dead anytime soon his family may become very angry with you. Blaming others for ones death is pretty common, and they may go very far in trying to hurt you. It's probably a remote possibility, but it happened to me based on the actions of another and not my own.

[Lorileah]

I have another idea. realtors have lock boxes in which they put keys to homes so other realtors can get in the house simply by dialing a combination. Talk to him about getting one of those. Of course if he is really losing his memory the combination will be forgotten too.

Now as far as him keeping you out of his part of the house maybe you could gently talk to him about letting you have access just in case he needs help sometime. Remind him how loyal and trustworthy you have been. (so to add to the above he could give you the combination.)

Personally, in your case I would out myself. That way i could relax more when I was dressed. If he knows you won't have to think about him finding out. Yes yes I know that everyone here worries that when you tell someone the next thing that happens is your whole world eds but it doesn't in 90% of the cases. We are so afraid of ourselves that we transfer that to everyone else. If he is as absent minded as you make out he won't remember it anyway.

[Foxglove]

You're so eager to tell him because you feel like you're in a cage. More often than not, when you become eager to leave the cage or the closet, and do so without carefully considering the situation, it ends badly. If there is any doubt, just let things ride as is. Coming out hastily and to the wrong person can destroy your life (speaking from experience).


This is very true, Kaitlyn. I do feel like I'm in a cage, and there's a practical reason for that. A couple of nights ago, e.g., there was a meeting for LGBT people in a nearby town that I would have liked to go to. Now perhaps I'll change my mind on this, but the way I feel now is that if I go to such meetings, I don't want to go in drab. I want people to know me as myself.

But I can't go to such meetings in my present circumstances. You see, my only way in and out of the house is through the front door, the same one the landlord uses. So if I'm going to get out and back en femme without him knowing about it, he has to be gone at the right times, and I have to be able to predict that. Obviously impossible. Another option is to leave the house in drab, get changed somewhere else, attend the meeting, and then change back. Right now, I don't know of any place where I could change. Maybe I'll sort that one out.



Personally, in your case I would out myself. That way i could relax more when I was dressed. If he knows you won't have to think about him finding out. Yes yes I know that everyone here worries that when you tell someone the next thing that happens is your whole world eds but it doesn't in 90% of the cases. We are so afraid of ourselves that we transfer that to everyone else. If he is as absent minded as you make out he won't remember it anyway.

Another reason for coming out to him is that one that Lorileah is pointing out here. If he knew about me, I could be more relaxed. Sometimes, on rare occasions, he calls up the stairs for me. He needs to talk about something or other. As things are now, if I'm dressed, I just have to ignore him. Pretend I'm asleep or in the shower or something.

So there are good reasons to come out to him. Jeez, there's good reasons to come out to everybody. But we can't predict how they're going to react.

Annabelle

[Frédérique]

“So in view of all that, does a dress really bother you so much? . . . Oh, well, what if it’s a really pretty dress? . . . Oh, come on!”

In the “scheme” of things, you aren’t supposed to wear a dress, so this bothers anyone who attaches meaning to certain articles of clothing. A lot is made of a few yards of fabric, arranged to accentuate, reveal, or conceal the human form, and whether or not the legs are either encased or showcased – when a male wears a dress, he effectively throws a monkey wrench into the societal machinery, threatening deeply entrenched ideas of sexuality. By revealing yourself in such a manner, you are effectively “saying” something; in this case something the other person does not wish to hear! If it’s a pretty dress, you’re upping the ante, further violating the boundaries that confine your birth gender. Well done, I say!
:clap:

It’s just a dress, and, since the two genders share certain bodily characteristics (two arms, two legs, a neck, etc.), it’s only natural that a boy would wish to try one on and see (and feel) what all the fuss is about. To me, a dress is a ticket to the other side, a conduit to the unknown, or a portal to a paradise of one’s own making – some people have the courage to dress against their gender, and some don’t, so the latter make a big deal, expressing their disgust in no uncertain terms. I don’t think every male should wear a dress. Only the chosen few who will respect this object of worship should attempt the impossible and slip into something REALLY comfortable...
:battingeyelashes:

[busker]

If there is a window close to the door but above it, why not get an extra key, put it on a string and when he locks himself out, just dangle the key down to him and eliminate the need to explain--at least for he time being.

[Foxglove]

To me, a dress is a ticket to the other side, a conduit to the unknown, or a portal to a paradise of one’s own making . . . I don’t think every male should wear a dress. Only the chosen few who will respect this object of worship should attempt the impossible and slip into something REALLY comfortable...


What you're saying here, Freddy, isn't far from the way I feel about my clothes. I don't think I'd use the term "object of worship", but it's true that they're very precious to me because of what they represent.

Now that it's a new day (here in Ireland at least) and I've had a bit more time to reflect on yesterday's incident, I recognize that I'm in a fairly vicious mood these days. Lately I've had a lot of "girl time", but I can never get enough. Having denied myself for so many years, now I want to make up for lost time. I'm in a state of mind where I don't want anybody or anything interfering with my girl time.

Having said that, though, as somebody else pointed out on this thread, I did handle this incident very badly. The simple thing is to leave a spare key somewhere where the landlord can find it. I do have a spare key, I'm going to find a hiding-place for it and show him where it is. Hopefully, we won't have a repeat of yesterday's events.

But I also need to restrain myself somewhat. A bit of lost girl time here and there shouldn't bother me so much. If I really could have as much girl time as I'd like, I'd have an eternity of it. And since that's not going to happen, maybe I should be grateful for what I have. After all, if throughout my life I haven't had as much as I would have liked, that is kind of my fault. So let it remain a question for me, something for me, not someone else, to deal with.


If there is a window close to the door but above it, why not get an extra key, put it on a string and when he locks himself out, just dangle the key down to him and eliminate the need to explain--at least for he time being.

The window in question is beside the door, not above it, and in any case it doesn't open. No, the solution is to find a hiding-place for a spare key. That's what I'll do.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Michelle Crossfire]

I don't know how it is in Ireland, but with this scenario over here in the states, it is just a matter of time before the fire department gets summoned for his cooking. If he does not have smoke alarms, that would be a violation of the rental agreement, by law, you are to have working smoke detectors in an apartment. That does not mean that everyone does, but that is an issue. With the fire department, they will get in, one way or another, if they suspect a fire or a life in danger. You say he is elderly, if that is the case, he may not have much longer, and then you get a new landlord. So much can happen given the parameters of your situation. As for outing yourself, that is up to you. He would be a fool to evict you since you are not late on rent or utilities. a good tenant is a good tenant, regardless of how they dress.

[Foxglove]

You say he is elderly, if that is the case, he may not have much longer, and then you get a new landlord. So much can happen given the parameters of your situation. As for outing yourself, that is up to you. He would be a fool to evict you since you are not late on rent or utilities. a good tenant is a good tenant, regardless of how they dress.

When he passes on, the first thing his kids will say to me is, "Out you go!" I've found that right now I do have some security of tenancy, but afterwards I imagine it will be a whole new ball game and I won't have any protection.

I don't know how many kids he has, but I imagine there's going to be a mad scramble among them over his estate when he's gone. Besides this house, he has another one just down the street which he has rented out some of the time. He also has at least two parcels of farmland outside the town, not to mention bits and pieces elsewhere, and I'm quite sure I don't know about all of them. So he's got a fair bit. His kids don't live in this town, and I imagine they're just going to want to sell everything and divvy up the proceeds. So that will leave me out of luck. So it goes. That's a worry for another day.

Given that he has so much, it's a mystery to me why at his age he's still knocking himself out on the farm. I think he's simply one of those people who wouldn't know what to do with himself if he weren't working all the time. Sad, in my view, but it's his life.

He was looking a bit poorly for a while a few months ago--some kind of problem with his arteries. But normally he's a very hale and hearty man, in good shape, and he's doing well these days. I think he'll last a good while yet.

It has occurred to me, though, that one reason he likes me in the house--given that he doesn't really need the money--is that as an elderly man, he likes having someone else around in case of emergencies. It can be scary living on your own if you're old.


Annabelle, I caught the humor in the opening post, very obvious. . .
Also, didn't you mention you had a basement flat? I don't get the going downstairs part to open the door.

Aye, Purple, the incident yesterday did have its funny side, and I was writing partly out of the humor of the situation. But I was also (obviously) writing out of considerable frustration. The more I think about TGism, the more I think it should simply be a non-issue. Why all the fuss? If I want to go into a shop en femme, what's the big deal? My money is still money. If I want to go to the library, is there any reason a dress should prevent me from borrowing a book or a DVD? If you can do your job properly dressed the way you prefer, why should it matter to anyone?

Now clearly, within a relationship TGism will be a big issue. Most people in this world want a normal, heterosexual partner of the opposite sex--and that's not us. So no matter how accepting of us society as a whole may someday be, that issue will always be with us, and it's one that we as TG people will have to recognize and deal with responsibly.

But as I say, as far as the general public is concerned TGism simply should be a non-issue. And between me and my landlord, it should be a non-issue. There are advantages to him in having me around (which I expressed in fairly caustic fashion in my OP), which is why for seven years he's never once expressed the least bit of dissatisfaction with my presence. And so, assuming we're two reasonable people, I should be able to sit down with him and (speaking in a much different manner than I did in my OP) simply say, "The reason I didn't come down straightaway to let you in is . . ." and then just go on and tell him the whole story. And he'd stroke his chin for a minute and say, "Well, it's not my cup of tea, but it's your business"--and that would be the end of it. The fact that I like to doll myself up in no way changes the advantages he has in having me around.

It's just the general lack of tolerance that you so often find with people that's hanging me up. How would he react? I don't know. A simple thing can become a real problem.

As regards the layout of the house, it's divided into three parts: the top floor, which is my flat; the ground floor where the landlord lives; and the basement, a large flat that has been empty ever since I've been in the house. The landlord used to rent it out, until he finally got sick of the sort of people he was renting to. As I said, I don't think he really needs any rental income. I don't think he needs my money. It's just that my being here offers him other advantages that I think he likes having.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Lorileah]

Jeez, there's good reasons to come out to everybody. But we can't predict how they're going to react.

Annabelle

That is the point. we cannot predict how anyone will react. And we live in fear of that when in fact it is often a non-event. Most people I tell say "gee that's nice" and then go onto something else. This could either be a "I don't really care what you do" or "I don't need or want to know what you do as it does not effect my life." In this case you are stressing out more often and the effects that you should get from being dressed, feeling calm and more at ease, are not attainable. We always assume that he other person will come un-glued and go psycho ape sh*t nuts on you when they usually just smile say ok and what does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Most the time unless they have issues that include bible thumping or believe that we are all perverts nothing happens except you can relax more. I assume that my whole neighborhood knows because I was "caught" by the backyard neighbor and he doesn't keep secrets (haven't seen him since either) and I leave the house dressed at least once or twice a week in daylight. Has not been an issue, they still wave and say hi. Then again if I went over for dinner it may be different :)

[Foxglove]

It's very unlikely that he would throw you out on your ear...however, as you clearly believe, and I do also, that once out to him, you're out to everyone in the town. That's the real bit isn't it, after all?

His offspring might decide that it was unsavory having 'the likes of that lot' (You), living under the old mans roof and convince him to 'rid the pest'...

Yes, there's little doubt of that, I think: as I've said, once I'm out to one person in this town, I'm out to everybody. The odd thing is, for me there's a difference between people seeing me en femme and just knowing that I'm TG without actually seeing me dressed. I'm not sure that makes any sense. E.g., if I went into the supermarket and one of the girls said to me, "I hear you're TG," I'd just say, "That's right," and I wouldn't worry about it. But to be standing before that same girl en femme--that's totally different. At least in my mind as I envision an imaginary scenario. Does that make any sense?

As for his kids, they don't have anything to do with him, so they wouldn't be telling him anything now. I don't have to worry about them--not at present anyway.


And we live in fear of that when in fact it is often a non-event.

Yeah, I'm trying to convince myself it would be a non-event if I came out to him. I'd love to believe that. It would make things so much easier for me in various ways. I think sooner or later I'm going to have to go ahead and tell him.

I've dealt with the key now. That's taken care of. But when you're in the same house as somebody else, all sorts of things can come up. And it really would be nice to have this issue out of the way.

[sometimes_miss]

Way to easy. Just tell him you tend to forget your keys sometimes too. Buy a lock which can use a key or combination to get in the main door. http://www.amazon.com/Lockey-Digital-Mechanical-Keyless-Deadbolt/dp/B000IBOPAW is such a device with combination for the deadlock, and other companies have all kinds of options for you. Visit your local locksmith. They can help. You don't have to tell them about the crossdressing, just say that he keeps waking you up when he forgets his keys. They'll understand.

[Foxglove]

Buy a lock which can use a key or combination to get in the main door.

Good idea--but if he can forget his keys, he can certainly forget a combination. He has a scanner attached to his computer that he doesn't know how to use. My son, who's pretty good with computers, tried umpteen times to teach him how to use that scanner, but he couldn't get the hang of it. We need to keep things simple here.

Annabelle

[busker]

Hi, Liz. It's not something I dwell on but I have had to consider the possibility of fire. If one does break out in this house, I'm going to be in a bad way. I have no way out but down the stairs to the front door. If I can't make it to the door, then I'll just have to jump out a window. I'd say it's about ten feet, and I'll have my choice--the concrete or the brambles. I'd say I'll pretend I'm in Mordor and take the brambles. Maybe I should worry about it a bit, and see if I can't do something about that.

If there is a fire and I'm dressed, I don't think I'm going to take the time to change. Let's just hope it doesn't happen at night when I'm in my nightie with no make-up. If I'm going to be a "damsel in distress", I want to look good for the part.

If he does have a key to my place, I hope he never uses it--girly stuff all over the place, usually undies hanging up to dry, etc. Legally he doesn't have the right to inspect my place without giving me advance notice. And he's never asked to inspect it before, so I'm not worried about that.

And no, this isn't my hometown and I have no family near. We're all from far, far away. I've been in this area for about 16 years now. I know some people and I get along well with everybody. But if I start appearing in public en femme, they may decide that I'm a total stranger after all.

I've also always got along well with the landlord. But I have no idea how he would react to my coming out to him. If I had to guess, I'd say he won't like it at all. But as many people on this forum have said, people can surprise you.

Best wishes, Annabelle

Go to the nearest ship's chandlery and get a rope ladder or just about 15 feet or so of rope for masting purposes. It will hold your weight, tie it to the bed frame and slide out the window. My mother damned near burned her house down doing the same thing.

[LeaP]

There's a movie script in this somewhere.

[Foxglove]

Yes, and I think it would turn out to be one of those painfully, "unfunny" films, starring someone like Jim Carrey. There's no doubt I made a mess of the situation, and I think that's the sort of film it would deserve.:sad:

Annabelle