Venting

[Jodi Lynn]

Hi All, Well just when I was thinking that my wife was getting use to Jodi, she starts up about her again. She was mad at me for something else, when all of a sudden out of the blue she say "Oh yea, I forgot your a girl".
Then she really gets going tell me as far as she is concerned I am dead, that she has no respect for me, and that because of my dressing she doesn't care what happens around the house as far as cleaning, or if we eat dinner or anything else. Then the news was on TV and there was a story on about some new thing that is suppose to make your breast look bigger, and she shout out "Oh yea, make sure you watch that about bras". It just seems that for every step I take forward, she knocks me back two steps.

[TGMarla]

I really shouldn't say this.....but.....

With absolutely no offense intended to GG's as a whole, my limited experience with women and their husbands has been that every sin you have ever committed is conveniently recorded and stored, only to be served to you in a single helping on a silver platter whenever an argument breaks out.

As with any thunderstorm, it will eventually pass.

[DonnaT]

Let her rant Jodi. It may be her only outlet.

I let my wife rant when she needs to. Been more than 30 years :D

Tell her you're sorry she's hurting and seems to have a need to hurt you, and that you love her.

The only time I worry is when she mentions divorce.

[Sarahgurl371]

I agree to let her go on. But.... I agree with Marla as well, its seems GGs have memories like elephants, and when they are upset, it all comes back to ya. I read once or twice that we (CDs),, have some positive and negative traits of both genders. I agree with this, and know that is why I would never do what you wife, or mine, has done to you. Once you make a deal, its a deal, that means you can;t use it against me anymore. Sorry to sound pissy, but I too have been dealing with the "penndellum" effect for years now.

But some love and reassurance may be what she needs, just like we do from time to time. Hope for the best!

[Laurie Ann]

Women keep score men for the most part let it roll off their back. I believe that Women are from Venus Men are from Mars speaks to the score issue.

[nancy58]

About three years into the marriage, my wife and I had a fight that ended with words about getting a lawyer. We went to see a counselor instead and got some tips about how to argue constructively. I can't remember everything he said to us, but one of the things was not to be insulting to the other, to talk about how when she does this, it makes me feel that way. Also, to be willing to do X not because she is right or wrong but as a gift. It took a number of visits, but ten years later, we're still married and happy. I am convinced a divorce would've cost more and wouldn't have solved anything.

If you can manage it, look up a marriage counselor or clergyman you trust and learn how to "fight fair". If you are in the Washington, DC, area, PM me and I'll give you contact info for the counselor we used.

Nancy

[susandrea]

I really shouldn't say this.....but.....

With absolutely no offense intended to GG's as a whole, my limited experience with women and their husbands has been that every sin you have ever committed is conveniently recorded and stored, only to be served to you in a single helping on a silver platter whenever an argument breaks out.

As with any thunderstorm, it will eventually pass.

It's true. Once my Dad told his wife she had gotten as "big as two houses" and I knew he was a gonner. She'd NEVER forget it.

Myself, I genuinely try not to do that-- I think it brings you down as a person, and is a terrible thing to do. I always keep thinking, "What goes around comes around", and if you won't forgive, then you can't expect to be forgiven. I think it comes from things just not being resolved and it sticks in the brain like a ticking clock. Counseling usually works and, as someone mentioned, learning how to "Fight Fair".

Anyone who belittles their partner is just mean, petty, and unfair. I have seen MEN do it, though, especially concerning a jealousy issue.

[Billijo49504]

when I vent, I say excuse me. OOPs, wrong venting, Just remember, when she does something nice be sure to make a big deal out of it. And when she bitches, maybe she is just tired having to take care of a house that just keeps getting dirty. Let her know she is appreciated. It don't cost much, just a kind word or a little bunch of flowers, for just because. You married her because she was special, make sure she knows she still is...BJ
ps. That's how we made it to 21 years.

[Lilith Moon]

Here's a good one that we eventually laughed about when things calmed down:

"You should have married yourself instead of me!"

:)

[paulacd]

Myself and my GG SO sometimes go through this 'pendulum effect' also. Usually starting with a completely trivial comment and ending in a full blown argument which inevitably brings up my cd'ing at some point.
Last week there was a program on the TV about unusual people (one with body dysmorphic syndrome, one who modified his body extensively with piercings & tattoos and a Cd'er).
In her eyes I was therefore immediately labelled a wierdo who needed treatment and out came the 'I can't take this anymore comments' and talk of leaving.

Anyway to cut a long story short(er), I let her get it out of her system, and refrained from dressing when she was around for a week. Then yesterday I get the comment 'why haven't you dressed for a while - I know you want to and I don't mind it that much'!!!!!!

I mean - what the f**k am I supposed to say to that?

I put on a smile and kept my searing reply to myself and went & put some tights, a skirt & high heels on!

Women eh!!!

Paula.

[Tiffy]

I do not know first hand how you feel. And I really can not imagine. You have more guts than I for gutting it out. I would never stay around when things like that were happening. My wife supports me in every way and has never said an off color thing to me about my dressing. I could not bare the heart break that would ensue if she did. I envy you guts and drive. To you ladies who live and work thru these things, I bow to you. Here's to doing what a girls gotta do. My heart goes out to you all.

April

[JulieNY]

Then she really gets going tell me as far as she is concerned I am dead, that she has no respect for me, and that because of my dressing she doesn't care what happens around the house as far as cleaning, or if we eat dinner or anything else.

This isn't good. Letting her vent is one thing, but being degrading to you isn't constructive. Instances of past fault should be brought up if relevant. If her gripe is directly related to cd'ing, time to talk. Crossdressing can't be a trump card, though.

If you forgot the anniversery, it isn't because you cd. Don't bring it up.
If she catches you stealing her shoes, that's because you cd. Uh oh.

Don't be walked over.

[uknowhoo]

I'd like to second what Julie just said.

My wife, who happens to suffer from bipolar disorder, used to get quite nasty/abusive when she wasn't feeling well herself. She would always subsequently apologize, and I would accept. I understood it to be a by-product of her illness. I suffered through years of it, because I loved and was commited to her. Fortunately, she was able to learn other coping skills and (mercifully) that type of situation very rarely occurs anymore. In hindsight though, it never was OK when it happened, and that pattern shouldn't have be allowed to continue.

We all need to vent, and sometimes we say things that are hurtful, it's just human nature. And your wife, Jodi is entitled to her "moments." But there's a line which should never be crossed, and it sounds to me as if your wife did cross that line. I would agree that perhaps it would be a good idea to seek some counselling, and hopefully learn how to communicate, get your needs met, yet still be loving and respectful towards yourselves and each other.

Good luck with your marital challenges, and keep us posted (pm to discuss some more if you'd like).

Hugs,
Tammi

[uknowhoo]

"You should have married yourself instead of me!"

Btw, Lilith. Thanks to your wife for that gem. I'll be chuckling 'bout that one all day. :D Hugs, Tammi

[hidden passion]

I feel for you. I've gone through the same kind of thing in the past and it bothers me to see others live with it. It is heartbreaking to think a man could be super-macho, marine, hunter/gatherer, asskicker, defender of the free world, but the second he wants to wear something considered "fem" that man is now, somehow, not a "man" but a wuss, queer, sissy. Society has so much to do when it comes to "equality".


Hi All, Well just when I was thinking that my wife was getting use to Jodi, she starts up about her again. She was mad at me for something else, when all of a sudden out of the blue she say "Oh yea, I forgot your a girl".
Then she really gets going tell me as far as she is concerned I am dead, that she has no respect for me, and that because of my dressing she doesn't care what happens around the house as far as cleaning, or if we eat dinner or anything else. Then the news was on TV and there was a story on about some new thing that is suppose to make your breast look bigger, and she shout out "Oh yea, make sure you watch that about bras". It just seems that for every step I take forward, she knocks me back two steps.