Closet CDs, do u live in a fantasy world?

[docrobbysherry]

I'm wondering if there r many others out there like me? :eek:

My life has become one part real world and MANY parts fantasy world. Here's what I mean:

For over 10 years I dressed in the closet in a vacuum. With fantasies of having real breasts and maybe becoming female one day. I dressed on occasion. But, I had a real life that consumed me. Filled with work, family and friends. :)
My dressing/fem fantasy was like a casual hobby in the back of my mind.

However, lately, I notice things have changed a lot! Ever since I came out on line 4+ years ago. Most of my friends r on line. Sherry has become an all consuming entity! Everything is about her! We go to conventions so she can go out! We're always shopping for things for her! I dress up all the time at home so she can show off! She's even become my girlfriend!:doh:

And, SHE'S NOT REAL! Simply an illusion!:brolleyes:

My real friends r not as close as my on line ones. Because I can't discuss ANYTHING about my "hobby" with them! The same with my family. Only my friends here know and care about the things I do now!

Sometimes I'm scared about the fantasy world I'm living in! And, what it will lead to next! Do u ever feel that way?:straightface:

[natacsha]

I feel like thats what keeps me in the closet....the actuality of goin out in public terrifies me because of how much i know ill like it. Im working on it though. I think its unhealthy to keep her in the closet. Too stressful and the fantasies should be our reality....and can be. So what gives? Lack of courage? Doubt it. Fear of liking it? For me, yes.

[JenniferR771]

Yup! All the time. Crossdressing is such an all-consuming hobby. At least you look good doing it. And there is no hangover to worry about--next morning.

[sissystephanie]

DocRobby, I never thought that you would actually be in the closet!! A lot of things that you say make it seem like you are always out and about!! Of course I have been wrong many times!!

The fantasies exist only in your head, as they do inevery crossdresser who refuses to go out in public! People this forum talk about the bad things that will happen to then if they do go out! That is nonsense! It may happen on an extremely unfortunate condition, but it certainly is rare. In my over 60 years of crossdressing I have never heard of a single negative comment made to me, or about me!! The vast majority of people just don't care!! Unless of course you go dressed like a very sexy drag queen!! People probably would notice that! If you dress like a normal female, and are reasonably good with makeup and fixing your wig, the vast majority won't look at you more then once!!

I go out all the time, and since my dear wife has passed on I wear no makeup and no wig. So I am definitely a man in feminine clothing!! Ladies do sometimes ask me where I got my skirt, dress, or top, and I always try to tell them!

So put on your pretty things and get out there in public and be real. Not in fantasy land!

[Lesley_Roberta]

"Closet CDs, do u live in a fantasy world?"

No you live in a closet. Might as well change CD to mean that, Closet Dresser.

Sorry I mean no offense, I am in a foul mood here is all.

Might as well stop fussing about clothes, I have no time to go anywhere in them, too busy being a housewife.

Do I have to do everything around here!! Al get off your ass and help me.

[AllieSF]

Since I am out I do not live your closet fantasy. However, I probably have some similar dreams and fantasies when thinking about wish lists and what could have been. That being said, I think that it is my constant going out that brings me back to reality, if an old man dressing as a women and going out talking to complete strangers can be considered a reality. By going out a lot, a lot of my wish list and bucket list activities have also been accomplished with new ones taking their place. So, I do not have a fear of a fantasy being proved just that, I am more concerned that I let this activity dominate too much of my other real world as a man. Balance is the key here and I am only partially the way there. Thanks for asking, because it make me think a little more seriously.

[darla_g]

My answer is definitely not. When i started here I think all i wanted to find out was why i did the things i did. I never got my answer. I just decided it was something that i enjoyed doing. I wasn't hurting anyone and it was interfering in my life. I think i had a good sense of what my degree of transgender was. That was the extent of the fantasy.

I don't want to have breasts permanently. Nor do i want any permanent changes. Its fun to pretend to be a woman in my time online or when i do get an opportunity to dress, but the rest of the time everything is pretty much back to normal male behavior. I recognize for some it is quite different, but speaking for myself I know that is my limit.

[pacificblue]

I have precisely one person who knows the real me so I suppose that I'm mostly a Closet Dresser living in a fantasy. What a happy little fantasy it is, though.

I think that most people put off going out in public as something much more difficult that it is. I've been out a few time in locations away from my hometown and it wasn't bad at all. Sure I got some stares and ordering food in my masculine was a little awkward but the fact is most people [a.] Try to avoid confrontation and [b.] Don't care as long as it doesn't effect them. They may say things in their heads but hey, who cares. That's their problem to deal with, not yours. If you walk confidently most people won't even take a second look. Going out is a fantastic experience and it does wonders to boost your confidence. I would suggest avoiding large gatherings of teenagers, however.

As far as consuming personalities go, as long as your family doesn't starve for that little black dress, I don't see the issue in indulging yourself in something that makes you happy.

[Barbara Ella]

I am sure there are those who fantasize about having real breasts etc. And some really do that at some point. But for the majority those are not the fantasy, but that is not to say there is no fantasy. Whether in the closet or going out, I believe we all have the same fantasy. To dress in women's clothes and appear as a beautiful woman, then it is a cute woman, then it becomes passable, then it becomes a blending woman, and then we realize we are what we are, and we will do what we want...lol

Seriously, whether in the closet or going out, we must have a bit of a fantasy present, whether we want to pass or not, it is our fantasy to just be accepted as we present.

And who is to say fantasy cannot become reality? I read it here all the time, and it feels so good to read it and to try to achieve turning fantasy into reality.

Barbara

[busker]

Sherry, it could be the time NOW for that 1-month hiatus you mentioned a while back. I don't have any fantasies per se but sometimes I get caught up in spending time on line "window shopping" for clothes, which I don't need because I have all I need, and I don't go out. There is certainly something about being a CD that promotes "wants" of various kinds, but I'm glad it hasn't reached the all-encompassing stage yet. It could be age that is driving us farther, faster, higher, IDK. Maybe it's time to get the Tux out for a while and get yourself a real date, live it up a bit and see how the "other side" lives.

[docrobbysherry]

I feel like thats what keeps me in the closet....the actuality of goin out in public terrifies me because of how much i know ill like it. Im working on it though. I think its unhealthy to keep her in the closet. Too stressful and the fantasies should be our reality....and can be. So what gives? Lack of courage? Doubt it. Fear of liking it? For me, yes.
Actually, with the number of CD/TG conventions, vacations, and sneak outings I've had recently, DRESSING in the closet is the LEAST of my concerns, Nat!
I simply ENJOY myself dressing in the closet more than going out!:D

What bothers me MUCH MORE is all the real world responsibilities I shirk, include missed time with family and friends! While I spend,(waste?), my time on Sherry, her needs and desires, and on line discussing it!:sad:


Sherry, it could be the time NOW for that 1-month hiatus you mentioned a while back. I don't have any fantasies per se but sometimes I get caught up in spending time on line "window shopping" for clothes, which I don't need because I have all I need, and I don't go out. There is certainly something about being a CD that promotes "wants" of various kinds, but I'm glad it hasn't reached the all-encompassing stage yet. It could be age that is driving us farther, faster, higher, IDK. Maybe it's time to get the Tux out for a while and get yourself a real date, live it up a bit and see how the "other side" lives.

Yes! u definitely understand, Busker!:thumbsup: And, you've some excellent advice for me, too!
I've been online dating like mad the last year+. I think I've been realistic in looking for someone who will simply be interesting company! So, far, I've found a couple worth seeing again. But, no keepers yet! If I go on looks or sex appeal alone, they just can't compete with the girl hidden in my closet! But, I don't think I am!?:brolleyes:

I like your comment about taking my yearly vacation from "everything CD" rite away. I'd do it now, except I haven't been able to dress because of medical reasons for over a month. I KNOW if I don't get dressing out of system BEFORE I break, Sherry WON'T GIVE ME ONE!:Angry3:

[KellyJameson]

Hi Doc

Only a sane person is able to ask whether they may be insane.

You are one of (if not the most) unique person on this forum, the imagination you show borders on genius.

The danger of course when you have these powers is that they turn against you and consume you.

Remember that you are more than Sherry and do not lose sight of the valuable person you are. The danger when we place so much of are worth in our image is we forget that genuine affection and love from others must not be for superficial reasons but the person inside the body or behind the mask, insist on being loved for you not only from others but from yourself.

Have fun but keep it real by being accepted at least by one person for the person inside, because from what I have read of your words here and on other forums that person is amazing.

Anything in life can be used as a crutch when we forget the real reasons that make us valuable as human beings and those reasons have nothing to do with how we look on the outside.

I'm terribly insecure about my looks and wonder if plastic surgery is in my future so I have my own version of a mask just as those with anorexia and every other body image problem do, we go insane chasing perfection.

If I throw money at the problem I will do it with my eyes wide open admitting defeat but I will also be sure I have people in my life who care about me for reasons other than how I look, the more superficial I am the less I can afford to be surrounded only by other superficial people because like addicts we keep each other addicted.

[Crissy Kay]

I could say, that yes, I do know that is what I am doing, but so what!! Its my life, as long as I am not breaking the law, its no ones business.

[GinaM]

I'm totally in the closet and noone knows about this except for me. I've kept it secret for many years. That being said I will step outside and go about as Gina but would never tell my wife. If she finds out then so be it but until then she has no idea and hopefully never will. It's a fantasy for me doing this and nothing more. I know most on here will disagree with me on this and I'm fine with that. I'm not ashamed of what I do but I certainly don't want anyone I know to find out.

[Kate Simmons]

Actually RS I live in the "real world" (whatever that is) or maybe more accurately the world where most people come to consensus but engineer my own plans and conditions and follow through with them. I actually have no restraints with this and I'm only as limited as my own imagination as to what I can accomplish en femme or en homme. I honestly play with it Hon. Besides at this stage of the game, I have nothing to prove to anyone so may as well go ahead and do what I want. ;):)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sherry, Yes that's me, (ORCHID in wonderland heading down the rabbit hole.)

[TGMarla]

For me, it's actually become something of the opposite. Whereas once I used to dress obsessively, and fantasized about being an actual woman, out in the world, living the life of a female, life has crept in, and taken over. Once I made the decision to NOT allow gender identity disorder to rule my life, and committed myself to a life as my wife's husband, the crossdressing became something more of a hobby, albeit one that is a bit consuming at times.

My closest friends are the ones I've always had, real people that I see often and do things with. I don't much allow my online life to run out of control. I'm much happier, content, and in control that way, and it makes life better.

[RADER]

Yes, the thought of going out in a nice casual dress, and go shopping is a dream for sure.
I do enjoy under dressing, as a partially fulfillment of that dream. It seems that I am getting away
with something when I do. Under dressing other than Panties, would never happen except for this forum
witch gave me a lot of confidence to even try, much less even do.
For me to go out dressed would only bring a lot of stairs and laughter. I am a real big guy, with
big shoulders and arms, and a mustache that would have to go.
My wife is OK with my dressing. but do not embarrass her, so I stay in the closet. I am happy in here.
Rader

[ReineD]

I've noticed among many of the members here a tendency to isolate, as if their worlds begin to shrink. They do drop activities where they can't dress, they drop people, many of then forego doing things with others in favor of staying home alone to dress. But, they don't seem to be lonely (?) because they get such a kick out of the crossdressing. It becomes a self-focused life.

I suppose some of this happens naturally as we age, most of us do become less active in favor of staying at home. At the end of her life for example, my mother spent the majority of her time on her balcony or watching TV.

I have mixed feelings about this. I don't think it is particularly healthy to isolate since in my opinion, a rich life includes developing and maintaining rewarding relationships with others as well as engaging in a variety of activities and pursuits that ultimately help a person reach their full human potential. But, if the reason for the isolation is an abject need to express a gender other than birth, then perhaps this person is more than a fetish crossdresser and needs to do something other than stay alone behind closed doors.

[docrobbysherry]

No kidding...what did you dress the vacuum cleaner as? :D
Well, I know u think u miss-quoted me, Purple, but in fact, you're rite! I used that vacuum morning and nite for almost a year during my unsuccessful "breast expansion" phase! Lol!


I've noticed among many of the members here a tendency to isolate, as if their worlds begin to shrink. They do drop activities where they can't dress, they drop people, many of then forego doing things with others in favor of staying home alone to dress. But, they don't seem to be lonely (?) because they get such a kick out of the crossdressing. It becomes a self-focused life.

I suppose some of this happens naturally as we age, most of us do become less active in favor of staying at home. At the end of her life for example, my mother spent the majority of her time on her balcony or watching TV.

I have mixed feelings about this. I don't think it is particularly healthy to isolate since in my opinion, a rich life includes developing and maintaining rewarding relationships with others-------------

I'm glad u understand also, Reine! My post isn't about whether u go out dressed or not. It's about the entire change of direction folk's lives may be taking now. The increased isolation from the real world and everyone and everything in it. And, increased interest in a sudo-reality based around your fem persona! Dressing in private/secret. Consumed with planning, shopping, and endlessly discussing details or situations on line about your hidden fem life! In my case, even meeting others where we can actually go out together into the fringes of vanilla society. Supporting each other and the fantasy world many of us MAY live in!

As u said, I think it may be unhealthy. Because we tend to disassociate from others ANYWAY as we age! If it wasn't so much fun, I'd try to force myself out of this odd, living a fantasy, life. Sometimes, it seems like we're little girls playing with dolls! We have our little doll houses, her doll car, her many wardrobes to go out shopping, dancing, swimming, dates, proms, etc. I'll look in the mirror occasionally and think, "OMG! You're turning yourself into a living BARBIE DOLL!"
If you're sane, is THAT even possible?

[katie_barns]

However, lately, I notice things have changed a lot! Ever since I came out on line 4+ years ago. Most of my friends r on line. Sherry has become an all consuming entity! Everything is about her! We go to conventions so she can go out! We're always shopping for things for her! I dress up all the time at home so she can show off! She's even become my girlfriend!:doh:


Sometimes I'm scared about the fantasy world I'm living in! And, what it will lead to next! Do u ever feel that way?:straightface:

One of best things about being CD

'I'm my own girlfriend' lol

Seriously though; I had a point in my life I felt the same way. Scared of what I was, and what I was becoming. What it leaded to next; was a balance in my life where I didn't feel consumned. You will find it also. Just believe in yourself.
Good Luck

[ReineD]

As u said, I think it may be unhealthy.

Here's the thing:

If a person is an identity dresser, then they need to structure their lives like my SO has and go out and just DO things in their day-to-day lives, even if they don't feel they look like their female ideal. This takes courage and effort, and perhaps a lessening of expectations.

But if the dressing is more a compulsion or an obsession with either sex, beauty, or youth (which I suppose is the fantasy element you describe, being in your 60s and wanting to look like a much younger woman) more than a need to express an inherent femininity, then this is not unlike the people who isolate in order to drink, drug, overeat, or any other number of behaviors that cause people to isolate? There is help out there for compulsions that have gone awry and that have taken over people's lives.

:hugs:

[Miriam-J]

I wonder if it's healthy to become so consumed by our crossdressing, to become so obsessed with it that we forego more fulfilling and enriching activities and friendships. If crossdressing is truly the most important thing in your life, then you really haven't found everything that you need. If you need to dress constantly, or grow breasts, or fully transform, then you need to deal with the transexual side of your life, but that must be in addition to finding fulfillment in other ways.

Fantasies are nice, but they can never become a prominent part of one's life. Reality can be great, and it can sometimes suck, but we need to focus on enriching our reality rather than avoid it.

Miriam

[Marleena]

Don't be scared Sherry, you're happy and enjoying yourself.:)

I watched Anderson Cooper yesterday and there was a guy that had a life size silicone doll for sex. He brought her and a few others with him to conventions and stuff. He seemed perfectly happy being on the show and talking about it.

[Barbara Dugan]

I Think I got your point Sherry,more than often I think about the same. I am pretty much closeted, nobody that know me as a guy knows about Barbara or of my sexual preferences.. I think that if I decided I can do pretty much the same things I do as a guy while being Barbara, but The thing that confuses me the most is that even I am not sexually attracted to women the idea of being one sexually is a very strong feeling that make me wonder if in reality is just a fantasy.

[docrobbysherry]

Here's the thing:

If a person is an identity dresser, then they need to structure their lives like my SO has and go out and just DO things in their day-to-day lives, even if they don't feel they look like their female ideal. This takes courage and effort, and perhaps a lessening of expectations.

But if the dressing is more a compulsion or an obsession with either sex, beauty, or youth (which I suppose is the fantasy element you describe, being in your 60s and wanting to look like a much younger woman) more than a need to express an inherent femininity, then this is not unlike the people who isolate in order to drink, drug, overeat, or any other number of behaviors that cause people to isolate? There is help out there for compulsions that have gone awry and that have taken over people's lives.

:hugs:
Thank u for pinpointing my particular concern, Reine! If I was simply a TG or TS trying to free/express my female side, I wouldn't worry the way I do. For most, THAT IS their reality! But, no! I need to have Sherry look like a model or movie star to be satisfied! That's NOT about any kind of reality no matter how u look it!


Don't be scared Sherry, you're happy and enjoying yourself.:)

I watched Anderson Cooper yesterday and there was a guy that had a life size silicone doll for sex. He brought her and a few others with him to conventions and stuff. He seemed perfectly happy being on the show and talking about it.
As creepy as that sounds, Marleena, he could be ME in a few years if I keep going along as I am!


I Think I got your point Sherry,more than often I think about the same. I am pretty much closeted, nobody that know me as a guy knows about Barbara or of my sexual preferences.. I think that if I decided I can do pretty much the same things I do as a guy while being Barbara, but The thing that confuses me the most is that even I am not sexually attracted to women the idea of being one sexually is a very strong feeling that make me wonder if in reality is just a fantasy.
That's EXACTLY what I'm talking about, Barbara! I think MANY of us here may tend to create our own reality! Because what some of us do is partially, or entirely, secret! And, we get so much support here, etc., from others like us, we CAN create our own private world! Much like Purple's Alice in Wonderland analogy.
And, I feel what u do, too! When I look in the mirror I want to share that image with others to see if they find her as attractive as I do? If guys get turned on, it's validation for me! Even tho I have no interest in them, sexually. On line, it's no problem for me. But, I was shocked to have attracted a young man when out in public in Vegas! So, it isn't necessarily just us that live in fantasylands!

A perfect example of the clash between my secret, fantasy woman and the reality of how she mite be accepted in the real, vanilla world!

[ReineD]

Ooops, Sherry I've just read again my post that you quoted and it didn't come off the way I meant.

I didn't mean to say there is anything wrong with non-identity dressers for whom it is a fetish. If it's fun for you, then by all means enjoy! :) I meant if it gets to the point of taking over your life where you isolate and deprive yourself of all the richness the world and other relationships can offer, then it can be problematic in the same way as people who isolate for any number of different compulsions.

[Wonderwho]

Ooops, Sherry I've just read again my post that you quoted and it didn't come off the way I meant.

I didn't mean to say there is anything wrong with non-identity dressers for whom it is a fetish. If it's fun for you, then by all means enjoy! :) I meant if it gets to the point of taking over your life where you isolate and deprive yourself of all the richness the world and other relationships can offer, then it can be problematic in the same way as people who isolate for any number of different compulsions.

Sherry, some of us live in a closet that is by our own design and can never leave but are very happy there, but as Reine points out there are many people who for a lot of reasons isolate themselves to the point of no return. You have created world that can exist in a stand alone situation. Some of my friends don't know i love to sew, others only know me as a car guy, a few know of my CDing, ( that does put a little pressure on those friendships) Embrace the wonderfull worlds you have created and accept each world for what happiness it gives you.
I for one will read your posts and let them brighten my day and will still look at your pictures with envy ( and with the thought that you cannot be older than me your in to good a shape)LOL
Just remember don't fly to close to the sun, ( sorry that was wax not latex and another whole story) Wonderwho

[c2candice]

Clearly you are not alone!

Over the years, I have come closer to accepting this part of me. The best thing is that I would suggest that you just be REAL about who you are. You like to dress up. No shame there.

I like to compare it to being a sports enthusiast. Some play sports, they do it casually or they to it semi-pro. For some, it consumes their life, including their family, they work their holidays around it, etc. For some, they merely watch the occasional game, maybe attend a few live shows. Thats an acceptable, and common hobby. It takes up plenty of time & expenses, and provides only entertainment in return.

Crossdressing, whether you feel comfortable in the closet, or out and about is just the same. If it makes you feel good, do it!!

hugs,
Candice

[suchacutie]

It's never been a fantasy. It was a shock when suddenly it was clear that there is a part of me we named Tina. She's quite real and our adventure is to find out who she is, NOT what fantasy she might be. The more we make time for her to exist the more we find out about who she is.

So, for Tina it's all about reality!