Inna
05-23-2012, 10:32 PM
I write about this particular incident of awakening because I have in the past come across threads which deemed to stipulate clarity and yet my experience was nothing like.
I am writing about the SRS, as many know I have been on transition road for some time however not long enough to call my self an enlightened one nor even experienced traveler but ever since childhood my transsexuality was as gradual of awakening as one can imagine.
Over the course of a lifetime I ever so slowly become aware of first, the essence of gender flux, non conformity and lastly of knowing a mater of fact, who I really am!
But for the longest, even after realization that I AM A TRANSEXUAL Woman, I kept on feeling indifferent about my male apparatus. My concern was with everything else though, and the thought of what and how to deal with this bodily remnant was simply void of resolve. I proceeded with HRT then, despite the short time I was able to be granted mesmerizing opportunity to experience FFS, and amazing of experience it was.
And then it happened, unbeknown to me, in the lest expected manner, it happened!
One night as I was coming back from the gathering at TG support group with my very close friend, we became somewhat infatuated with the moment at hand. As throughout my transition and truthfully way before, my sexuality was rather non existent, but this evening was different. Here I was, my body already feminized by HRT, my face profiled by the best feminizing surgeon I believe him to be, and sensuality I was always aware of, soft and gentle, caressing and yearning for the same.
Our bodies slowly drifted ever so closer, eyes glancing into the soul telling each other of a need and truth, naked of wisdom, vulnerable and eager we touched.
Trembling, blissful, elated we melted into each other loosing our selves into delight.
This moments were the most beautiful moments I have ever been granted to experience, for the first time in my life I knew what it feels to make love, pure, blissful love, the stuff of poems and songs.
Such was immense until the moment I dread ever since. I wanted to please her and what was a natural way I remembered from days gone by, turned to be the most miserable moment within this beautiful night. Right then I felt how this act brought me right back to most dreadful and regretful feeling of manhood!
I started to cry, as the feeling was so overwhelming, coping with it seemed impossible. She held me with warm embrace, I was lost and faint, a shadow overcome my being, dark night of past pierced his sward into my heart.
It took me a while, and when all anguish seamed to dissipate, I realized that this event was a miracle of awakening, and now, for the first time ever, I was certain what resolution lied in the near future as to the subject at hand. I am a woman, and can not see from this experience, retaining a part of past which so reminds me of the dark days of not so distant past.
I am writing about the SRS, as many know I have been on transition road for some time however not long enough to call my self an enlightened one nor even experienced traveler but ever since childhood my transsexuality was as gradual of awakening as one can imagine.
Over the course of a lifetime I ever so slowly become aware of first, the essence of gender flux, non conformity and lastly of knowing a mater of fact, who I really am!
But for the longest, even after realization that I AM A TRANSEXUAL Woman, I kept on feeling indifferent about my male apparatus. My concern was with everything else though, and the thought of what and how to deal with this bodily remnant was simply void of resolve. I proceeded with HRT then, despite the short time I was able to be granted mesmerizing opportunity to experience FFS, and amazing of experience it was.
And then it happened, unbeknown to me, in the lest expected manner, it happened!
One night as I was coming back from the gathering at TG support group with my very close friend, we became somewhat infatuated with the moment at hand. As throughout my transition and truthfully way before, my sexuality was rather non existent, but this evening was different. Here I was, my body already feminized by HRT, my face profiled by the best feminizing surgeon I believe him to be, and sensuality I was always aware of, soft and gentle, caressing and yearning for the same.
Our bodies slowly drifted ever so closer, eyes glancing into the soul telling each other of a need and truth, naked of wisdom, vulnerable and eager we touched.
Trembling, blissful, elated we melted into each other loosing our selves into delight.
This moments were the most beautiful moments I have ever been granted to experience, for the first time in my life I knew what it feels to make love, pure, blissful love, the stuff of poems and songs.
Such was immense until the moment I dread ever since. I wanted to please her and what was a natural way I remembered from days gone by, turned to be the most miserable moment within this beautiful night. Right then I felt how this act brought me right back to most dreadful and regretful feeling of manhood!
I started to cry, as the feeling was so overwhelming, coping with it seemed impossible. She held me with warm embrace, I was lost and faint, a shadow overcome my being, dark night of past pierced his sward into my heart.
It took me a while, and when all anguish seamed to dissipate, I realized that this event was a miracle of awakening, and now, for the first time ever, I was certain what resolution lied in the near future as to the subject at hand. I am a woman, and can not see from this experience, retaining a part of past which so reminds me of the dark days of not so distant past.