Lesley_Roberta
05-24-2012, 09:08 AM
I grew up with Ward and June Cleaver.
I grew up in a time when a lot of things were the way they were and no one made a fuss.
Today's world, really isn't my world.
And now I find myself on the wrong side of even my world.
I always looked at my father as flawless. I know he wasn't, but he screamed out 'real man'. Real man aka worked hard to provide for his family.
He was an ideal Ward Cleaver. Leslie wanted to be just like him. And when fybromyalgia arrived, everything that meant anything to Leslie just died. I don't blame him for abandoning life. I don't resent him for thinking all he is good for is a romp in bed in the morning. He's lost the option to do everything he valued.
Now he's just social baggage. His income isn't his. He exists thanks to charity.
Everything he owns is basically something someone else bought for him. He doesn't regard his possessions as his.
Where does that leave me?
Good question. Here I sit in his body, wondering, well, what precisely is MY role?
Shit I have even less than Leslie has. Trying to learn to like some of his hobbies, not easy. About all I do is housework. I might as well be June Cleaver. Hell I AM June Cleaver. Well she was more motherly looking, and filled out her apron better than I can. I can likely mimic the wig, and with an apron on, well I suppose I could manage the dress and not look too obviously flat chested.
All I have available, is to emulate June. Ward is just never coming back.
Been several tasks I wanted to get done, and just can't seem to manage it. Either it is my health, or I just can't relate any more. Or both. Likely both.
My mother sometimes wishes she had managed a career. But she decided to be 'mom' instead. She was always there, the home was always clean, and dinner always arrived on time. We always sat down for dinner as a family. You always did what mom told you. Or else no dad time. Dad worked part of the week out of town. No dad time was a punishment we didn't want.
Mom always looked like a mother a housewife and ideal June Cleaver.
And now I am basically my mom.
Heck I am more my mom than my sister in some cases.
My sister has the career, the home life of a mother (2 grown girls). But she's single. Can't find a real man it seems. She tries hard to keep a tidy house, but it isn't easy after a long day's work at the office.
I've never worked in an office. Never needed to wear a suit. And since 94, well I have never had a day when I was 'tired after a day's work'.
I can't even relate to work any longer. Been too long.
All I know is housework, and shopping for the family.
My wife can do as she wishes around the house, but I am just going to stop pretending I can be Ward maybe, if I just try a little harder.
My first female outfit will almost certainly scream housewife. Something easy to do housework in. Functional, not fancy.
Think I am also going to start studying her cook books she never ever uses. Tired of the same boring meals (which I often cook). I can't get excited over spagetti and meat sauce or beff stew indefinitely. Shake and bake chicken or pork has limiations on thrill value.
I think I am just going to give up trying to something other than me.
Hi my name is Lesley, and my hero is June Cleaver.
I grew up in a time when a lot of things were the way they were and no one made a fuss.
Today's world, really isn't my world.
And now I find myself on the wrong side of even my world.
I always looked at my father as flawless. I know he wasn't, but he screamed out 'real man'. Real man aka worked hard to provide for his family.
He was an ideal Ward Cleaver. Leslie wanted to be just like him. And when fybromyalgia arrived, everything that meant anything to Leslie just died. I don't blame him for abandoning life. I don't resent him for thinking all he is good for is a romp in bed in the morning. He's lost the option to do everything he valued.
Now he's just social baggage. His income isn't his. He exists thanks to charity.
Everything he owns is basically something someone else bought for him. He doesn't regard his possessions as his.
Where does that leave me?
Good question. Here I sit in his body, wondering, well, what precisely is MY role?
Shit I have even less than Leslie has. Trying to learn to like some of his hobbies, not easy. About all I do is housework. I might as well be June Cleaver. Hell I AM June Cleaver. Well she was more motherly looking, and filled out her apron better than I can. I can likely mimic the wig, and with an apron on, well I suppose I could manage the dress and not look too obviously flat chested.
All I have available, is to emulate June. Ward is just never coming back.
Been several tasks I wanted to get done, and just can't seem to manage it. Either it is my health, or I just can't relate any more. Or both. Likely both.
My mother sometimes wishes she had managed a career. But she decided to be 'mom' instead. She was always there, the home was always clean, and dinner always arrived on time. We always sat down for dinner as a family. You always did what mom told you. Or else no dad time. Dad worked part of the week out of town. No dad time was a punishment we didn't want.
Mom always looked like a mother a housewife and ideal June Cleaver.
And now I am basically my mom.
Heck I am more my mom than my sister in some cases.
My sister has the career, the home life of a mother (2 grown girls). But she's single. Can't find a real man it seems. She tries hard to keep a tidy house, but it isn't easy after a long day's work at the office.
I've never worked in an office. Never needed to wear a suit. And since 94, well I have never had a day when I was 'tired after a day's work'.
I can't even relate to work any longer. Been too long.
All I know is housework, and shopping for the family.
My wife can do as she wishes around the house, but I am just going to stop pretending I can be Ward maybe, if I just try a little harder.
My first female outfit will almost certainly scream housewife. Something easy to do housework in. Functional, not fancy.
Think I am also going to start studying her cook books she never ever uses. Tired of the same boring meals (which I often cook). I can't get excited over spagetti and meat sauce or beff stew indefinitely. Shake and bake chicken or pork has limiations on thrill value.
I think I am just going to give up trying to something other than me.
Hi my name is Lesley, and my hero is June Cleaver.