Plateau?

[Lorileah]

I have been going out on my own for months now (8 to be exact...but who's counting...well I am). I don't mind it and I usually meet people when I do that. I have met some wonderful people out there; friendly, kind, sweet people. It can be fun.

This weekend is Memorial Day Weekend. Three days of not going to work. Three nights of getting out on the town. As many here know we don't just grab things out of the closet, throw a little rouge on and head out the door. It takes time (at least 45 minutes for me but I stretch it to 90 usually). And most of us like to look well made up. In other words we don't just wear sweats and a tee.

The last two nights I got all dolled up. And went out. And sat there alone. And wondered "why?" Why do I spend so much time to go out and then go home and take it all off? The thrill is gone (OK not really I still LOVE getting dressed up and going out). But it isn't as much fun the last two nights. Maybe it is the holiday? Things are just different. So I believe I have hit a plateau. Not a wall but I have suddenly got to the point where I wonder what is next.

[April_Ligeia]

Funny, I went to the movies with my SO today wearing nail polish, eye liner, mascara, lipstick and a lot of jewelry, but clothes-wise in "boy" mode. I just wore what I happened to be wearing and went out to see the movie, I wasn't feeling like I was going out crossdressed. Maybe that's just the natural progression, I also don't know the answer.

[Alice B]

I think that just happens once in a while. Two weeks ago I did the same. With wife's OK I got fully dressed and went out to SRO in San Diego. I know many people there and am always comfortable, but that night I stayed only 45 minuets and went home. Just did not feels like it once there. I'm sure it will pass.

[paulaprimo]

i'm sorry that you feel this way, i'm hoping its just the weekend or brief phase for you. i've admired you and followed your progress since joining in jan. and you (among others) have been a big inspiration to me. as i'm still in the closet, my confidence has been building by reading about the progress of others. yesterday was the closest i've come to going out for the first time, but chickened out at the last minute. its gonna happen and its gonna happen soon!
i'm kinda at the point you are, i love dressing, spend hours getting all dolled up, then...nothing!! so i do house work and it just doesn't make any sense in 5" heels...:eek:lol
i am so jealous of all of you girls that can go out!! that is my goal even if i do sit there alone.
as for you, i'm sure the feeling will pass. as an outsider, i think you are one lucky lady. i know you have friends and it would probably be more fun going out with them. and the fact that you have been hit on, would make me go back there everytime i went out.:devil: i only wish i lived closer to you and i would gladly go out with you...:battingeyelashes:paula

[GBJoker]

The only thing I know about metaphorical plateaus are the ones found in exercising and weight lifting. The cure was to radically change what you're doing, and force muscles to work completely differently than they had gotten used to. The reason the plateau is hit, is because the muscles got into a pattern, and adjusted to minimize work.

Maybe you can do the same with CDing? Go to a different place than your usuals, or drag friends along to goof off? Do stuff, like... Mini-golf, or bowling, or something...? I dunno... I'm just throwing ideas on the table now.

[mbmeen12]

Cross dressing is like a walk up stairs for some of us. You reach the first loft then you metaphorically level off. If you progress or continue to go to next level, i.e. second level, one can say, could/ can explore their sexuality. Then (3RD) I guess HRT, then SRS etc etc in ones life. I think this is very normal in whats happening to you. I too have journeyed up the stairs and now leveled off. My SO now wonders why I don't dress on certain days. I gone out dressed by myself, as with you etc. My work, hobbies don't help with my cross dressing not to include outside maintenance. I find undressing works sometimes but still a level. So a question back at you Lorileah. Have you walked through the pink fog and are NOT happy?

[Beverley Sims]

Just like a tire on a car just flat on the bottom.
Another week another time and it all gets good.
I have flat spots like that sometimes Lorileah, and I wonder where do I turn next?
Chin up, back straight, tomorrow in another day.

[Kate Simmons]

It tends to become a part of us Lori and we just take it in stride, seems natural, no? Sometimes these days I don't have the luxury I used to have when it comes to going out though. Since my grandsons live with me now, I will not dress in front of them. So, the past two weeks when I went to the club, I had everything shaved but planned it all and took all of my clothes, makeup and jewelery up to the club and changed in the restroom. No 90 minutes for sure, more like 15-20 but I've learned over the years to be focused and organized. I had great fun socializing and dancing most of the night.

Why do we do it? The answer is simple: Because we can!:battingeyelashes::)

[Laura912]

I agree a lot with what Paula said about you. Consider this: nearly any activity that we do, regardless of how much we enjoy it, has periods of down time. This applies to our careers, our play times, our hobbies. I haven't been flying for two weeks and today is beautiful but just do not want to go. Why should CDing be any different? It is an activity that requires effort and brings us pleasure but sometimes the reward does not seem worth the effort. You will be back, glamorous as ever! :)

[Launa]

I'm sure sometimes these things will happen. They happen to us when we are doing things as guys don't they? I've planned to do things before and then when it came time to do it I either don't go or its not as much fun as I thought.
I've only been out twice dressed as a girl, once was with the SO. She got me dressed and all done up, we went to the bar and had an absolute blast.
Then out about 4 months later I planned to go out and she said why don't you go alone? I'm just not into it this time. So I went alone and it was great but was only about 1/4 of the amount of fun I had with the wife. So there will be highs and lows for sure.

[liz.thomas]

I have been going out on my own for months now (8 to be exact...but who's counting...well I am). I don't mind it and I usually meet people when I do that.
...
The last two nights I got all dolled up. And went out. And sat there alone. And wondered "why?" Why do I spend so much time to go out and then go home and take it all off? The thrill is gone (OK not really I still LOVE getting dressed up and going out). But it isn't as much fun the last two nights. Maybe it is the holiday? Things are just different. So I believe I have hit a plateau. Not a wall but I have suddenly got to the point where I wonder what is next.

Not as much fun because as you said, you've been doing it for 8 months. It's become familiar or "normal" and as such maybe a bit less exciting? Possible. Maybe it was less fun because you had no one to share with or enjoy it with?

Liz

[Rogina B]

Seems to me that you need to mix it up a bit more socially in the mainstream world,as you are single.Perhaps you will find someone that really wants to spend time with Lorileah...and I mean good time..

[cassandra54]

i don't know if there is a next. i have the same experience in a sense. i don't know if you would call it a plateau, but i call it just a normal life, part-time as cassandra, and part time as my guy self. i hear what you're saying, there should be some excitement, but once you've reached the point where it's normal to dress and act like a lady, then it's normal to dress and act like a lady.

in the last two months, i bought new amoena breast forms and two really nice wigs along with about six new bras.. you would think i would be just bouncing off the walls with delight. in a way i am, because now i will be better prepared to go out in public. as an aside, the self adhering breast forms that aren't sweaty and stick to your body are just wonderful and i look forward to entire days wearing them.

but this is what it's like for me. i dress about four or five days a week. some nights when i come home from work. on weeknights, i usually don't wear makeup. i usually wear shorts or capris, and tank tops or something casual. on the weekends, i usually wear dresses or a skirt and a blouse in the afternoons. the garter belts are still very nice, but thigh highs are quick and convenient.

i don't know if it is plateau, but it is very nice and comfortable. my SO is cool with me dressing anytime i want to, i can go out whenever i want to and i feel like a lady whether i am wearing a dress, a tank top and shorts and with or without makeup. and makeup is sometimes just lipstick.

i am looking forward to lots of fun times ahead as cassandra.

[Jenniferathome]

Lorileah, perhaps it has become "normal" ? Sometimes, normal can be great. I'm not 100% there, but I'm getting closer.

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like "someone" needs a few girlfriends! Personally, I don't see the point of going out at all! Unless it's to meet other dressers!

[RenneB]

Wow great thread girl. I hear you about the plateau. After I got over the butterflies, it started to feel .... well ... just natural that I get dressed up and go out. I stopped taking the 'trophy' photos and started to do errands. From grocery shopping to clothes shopping, pick up something from the hardware store to going out to the local campground's beech and just having lunch. I must say that the just over 2 hours of prep time has gotten down to a little under an hour which seems to be a good number to stick with.

I'm not board, I'm just living my life as my inner self.

Renne.....

[Prissy Linda]

Lorileah, I wonder how many GG's have experienced the same thing. Getting all dolled then going out somewhere then just sitting alone, I'll bet it happens more often than we think, it's not exclusive to TG's.

Linda

[Stephanie47]

I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing to reach your plateau. You may have achieved the level of true self acceptance. If you are comfortable and interact with the general public, then clothes are truly what they are: Just Clothes. Is it bad to no longer feel a rush when en femme? You really only entered your comfort zone. I have not reached the point of going out in daylight or interacting with humanity. My comfort zone is to keep it private. That's my choice. However, within that choice, when I am en femme, I truly forget what I am wearing. Now, I only wear dresses. I coordinate my undergarments, hosiery and heels to the dress. After putting on my wig, That's It! I spend my day in my self imposed limited surrounding totally unaware of my attire.

I think you have reached your natural state of being. I see loneliness here. The only problem I see is a lack of a group of friends, who enjoy the same activities. I do not necessarily means other cross dressers. Just other humans. My wife and I enjoy simple times of eating lunch or dinner together, sipping coffee and tea are a Barnes and Nobles, chatting on a park bench overlooking the water during a sunset. All people need to interact with others. It's natural.

[KellyJameson]

I like the experience of reading a favorite book with someone I love nearby, it is a solitary experience but not a lonely one because I do not feel alone.

This sense of being alone cannot be remedied by strangers, associates or friends but only by someone who I'm part of and who is a part of me.

Yours words carry wisdom, decency, sensitivity and certainly you have an adventous spirit however softly it may be expressed.

Perhaps what's next has little to do with clothes and everything to do with love.

[Dawn cd]

Lorileah, the phrase that jumped out to me was that you "sat there alone." Sounds like you went to a club or bar each time. Maybe it's not the dressing that has plateaued but the activity. Why not try a concert, or a show, or the beach, or some other event? A different social context may bring new energy to your presentation.

[Kate Simmons]

Perhaps the next step is not to "sit there alone" Hon. I am never alone for long when I go to the club. Invariably someone comes up to chat with me or ask me to dance. My club persona, Ericka, is very much a part of my social life, even more so than than my easy going guy side.:)

[Barbara Ella]

I am an undeserving youngster as it comes to going out, but why let inexperience stop a conversation, right? After only three outings, I can see the normalcy setting in and merely dressing and going out to shop for a dress will not be something to do over and over, OK, I will go it over and over and over..still (never mind the expense). Dressing to go to a club week after week cannot continue to provide the same reinforcement time after time, and down times are to be expected. I like the idea of group outings, and different events.

One thing you cant do, is to stop.

Barbara

[Karren H]

If that's the case girlfriend.... My wife plateaued decades ago... I do know the feeling. When you dress for your self and all of a sudden you don't really care.... Boom.. Plateau! I hit it last December and could care less if I get dressed up or not.

[liz.thomas]

If that's the case girlfriend.... My wife plateaued decades ago... I do know the feeling. When you dress for your self and all of a sudden you don't really care.... Boom.. Plateau! I hit it last December and could care less if I get dressed up or not.

Say it's not so! You?! The Karen?!

Liz

[liz.thomas]

Say it's not so! You?! The Karen?!

Liz

I'm not making light either. You're one of the most upbeat people here.

Liz

[rachaelsloane]

Have you been going to the same places? If so, try some new ones.
As the others have said, going out seems normal after a while and although you do meet and talk with others while out, it is definitely more fun having a friend with you. I've been going out about the same amount of time as you, but always with a friend I met on this forum. It has now become more than just getting dressed and going out, but a game of who we will meet and where the conversations go.

[NathalieX66]

Plateau is when I want to be a girl, and not give up my guy self. I try to improve my game when I'm out in public, and keep my weight down ( yeah....that old struggle).
Meeting those who are CD/TG/TS, including those I've met on this forum has been a trip. It makes me feel like we are part of a community.....a sisterhood.

I love the clothes too much to want to give it up. I love the feminine image.

I spent half today dressed a woman, shopping at the supermarket, CVS, sand a shopping mall.....it felt liberating, and always will, mainly because I hate doing these things presented as a guy.

[Eryn]

It is initially thrilling to find that one can get dressed up and go out without bad result, but pretty quickly that thrill wears off and the thought becomes "What can I do with this?" Frankly, I wouldn't go out if there wasn't some social interaction involved. It doesn't have to be spectacular, but sharing the experience with others is far more pleasant than going it alone.

[Lorileah]

and keep my weight down ( yeah....that old struggle).


Gee thanks Nat. I had to read that as I stuffed myself with Ice Cream :)

But seriously all, thank you for the comments and support. I haven't decided to quit dressing yet. I love how I look. And old feelings (no not THOSE feelings) do increase with time. The question of being on the cusp as it were of CD/TS or whatever. It happens as you have pointed out. What is the next level? I don't know. I think I really have reached a plateau where this is who I am. Like Karren I have quit dressing for periods of time (well not totally but externally and blatantly).

Last week I spent Saturday night in a beautiful mountain cabin. There were 10 friends there. Friends who know about me, but I was the one who played it down. I haven't reached the level yet where I am comfortable being dressed in a daily fashion. That is not saying I don't dress daily, I wear 50-100% women's clothing daily even at work. It is just I don't have the confidence to totally be me around friends, even friends who have told me it is OK. I still harbor that little bit of "this ain't right". At the cabin the women all went to the hot tub and asked me along. I didn't have a male swim suit. In my car I had two full bikinis and one extra bottom. They even said "go get them" and I didn't. I just couldn't force that on them and at the time I had on a pair of skinny women's jeans, women's sandals, underwear. The only thing male was the shirt. Funny how there is a limit so far (that and the fact I could lose 10 pounds). I sat there all evening dreaming of being back in Denver and being on the town.

This is just a rest stop I am sure. In a few weeks I will be back out with the rest of the world. And I did meet some very nice people this weekend.

I stopped at the grocery for that ice cream while fully dressed Nathalie. I think I needed chocolate :) Now I need salad

[bobbimo]

I think we all go through these. Its a mini happening before the dreaded 'purge'.
So here is a thing I love to do that always perks me up.
Long before Bobbi appeared, Bob loved to watch girls/women in short skirts walk. If the skirt was just right the back would swing up as they walked and tap them on the behind. Watch some and you will see this wonderful effect. Actually when I get reincarnated I want to come back as a miniskirt.
Anyway the first night I discovered Bobbi and wore an orange tank dress just to be funny with my wife, as I ran back upstairs to take it off, I left the lovely tap of the dress on my behind. What a lasting memory.
So when ever I feel just kinda blah. I dig out the skirt that will tap my bottom and go for a walk. In no time flat Bobbi is happy and smiling and glad to be who she is.

[jillleanne]

I know the feeling, albeit, it has long passed. At the time, I often wondered if it was a part of the thrill of advancing forward in my feminine expression that got lost knowing there was no longer any 'risk' involved. Being out seemed to take away from the 'high' of going through the procedure of dressing, getting out, and getting back to my drab self. Today as you say, you may spend 90 minutes getting ready, and I now have it down to about 20 minutes( assuming my nails are polished) whereby I know what works, I can wear whatever I want whenever I want, and I don't overdue it. It probably takes me more time to figure out my accessories/jewellry than anything. In some ways, I miss the 'super thrill' with getting dolled up but in reality, I dress just about everyday to some degree and the 'thrill' has been replaced by 'normal', or 'natural', and that feels just as good, just different. I suspect you may also just be in a low point and if so, it will pass. You'll know in time. Maybe it's time you stayed en femme for a few days 24/7 to see if that is what's missing. It was for me at times. These days, I just stay en femme as long as I feel the desire to do so which may be a day or two weeks, I just let my inner self decide. Spring fever is out and about as well for many. I get hit by it annually whereby the testosterone kicks in hard and tells me it's time for tuneups, fishing, and all that other guy stuff(yuck! lol). If you have reached a plateau, it's not all bad so not to worry. Just know you have come that much closer to full self acceptance of who you are and have become comfortable with it. Unlike what BB King says, the thrill is not gone, but rather reidentified itself. Just wait until you spot that next sexy halter top or those gold sandals in the display window. Oh yeah, the thrill will be back.

[Lorileah]

Its a mini happening before the dreaded 'purge'.


And I am purging. well not everything but I have two closets and more of clothes I just don't wear. It is had to part with some of it though. :) OTOH, there are other CD's out there who will have a field day at Goodwill in a week or so! The worst part is I have to part with a PLeather skirt because the zipper is broken :( and it will cost more than the skirt to get it fixed. It is this skirt 180481

I am so ready to wear minis again. I don't know when I became Ms Classy. I want to go back to Miss Sexy. June looks like a good time to pull out the mid-thigh hems :)

[suchacutie]

Lorileah,

I'm sorry to have to tell you that you are perfectly normal! First of all, you are culling your wardrobe!, not purging! Really, it's all in the attitude as you, yourself, have rightly said so many times. Oh, and that pic is just as incredible as always!

So, what about this normalcy? Everything that we do has learning curves and plateaus, from learning how to walk (in either gender!) to learning to play a musical instrument. You've become good at what you do as you change gender! Please treat it as a success and revel in that success, at least for a bit of time.

Ok, so what's next? You cull your closet. ok...good. Might I suggest that "sitting alone" is a part of the issue. Can you solve that one with a few phone calls? It doesn't have to feel like a date...just a "let's get out on the town" together.

Also, I might suggest separating the feelings you had at a lodge with your friends from heading out on the town. I do think that you are at a bit of a crossroads in the combination of your gendered selves, but instead of solving it all at once, take managable pieces apart from the whole and have fun with them one at a time. Do what is comfortable and happy. Your feminine self is a fun person and she should be treated with respect that way!

Best wishes, and I hope for the best!

tina

p.s. if you really like that skirt...get the zipper fixed and hang the cost!!! :)

[Sam-antha]

It is a tricky time Lori. A time that most of us who have been around a while recognise. Myself, I had it eons ago about four or five years after I found out that I could go out most anywhere I wanted to visit. That was in the sixties when it was a dangerous "hobby". It was also the time when there was no internet and ignorance of the possibility of change was, I think normal.
I seemed to have run out of steam when I reached the level ground. There was nothing new to do and nobody to mix with. Not that I was lonely, cos if you are having fun then you are not lonely. But, the fun had gone out of it.
Perhaps if it had been in this day and age of knowledge I would have gone for those ops.....but then was then and I could not do what has become quite normal for people like us.
I got married instead.
Years later I came off the "plateau" and carried on enjoying myself out in the world. Admitedly in a very time restricted fashion, but I was happy. Time, and inclination reduced my use of make up but I found that I was dressing young again. Nothing below or near the knee and a refound love of the mini. Styles had changed and I changed with them and had fun.
Lately I have gotten to that plateau again and last year I bought or wanted to buy, very little and I was out very rarely, in public or in the country.
I am curious to know what this year will bring. One thing is certain though, I will not be out in the streets much, I do not want to dress my age.
So Lorileah, stop wondering and get on with that cull and see where it takes you.
Huggzzes ~ Samm

[Kaz]

Lori... you know as well as any of us that we 'cycle'... I've been there too and you know it all comes back... why do we do it? Because we can and deep down we need to...

In pics I look OK, but in reality I am probably a bad dog on a bad day... It is all about ups and downs... Years ago I realised that I needed to accept the downs as part of the process and just... manage them...?

OK sometimes the downs may be bigger than others and I don't want to sound patronising... who the hell am I?

But yeah... is it really worth it? Everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that it takes?

There are worse things in life... we could be NORMAL! xxx :hugs::hugs: