bridging the gap

[natacsha]

I'm hoping I can contribute something to this. Firstly, I love girls. Being that I've spent about half of my life with 4 different girls and I've never cheated (despite countless opportunities and a plethora of girls i pissed off by not giving in) is a testimony of where my respect and moral views lie. Easy? Hell no. Proud? Very. Am I perfect? Ummm....yes! Not really, but i think the universe is perfect and so must be everything in it. :D

I can't go another day without saying something because it kinda bothers me. I haven't been a member here for very long and many may think "who does she think she is"? but I've read enough to understand where many people stand on this and being who i am, i have to let it out. Please don't judge me as this is only my experience and only mine.

I understand there are GG's who are completely ok with it and those who tolerate it and even some who already made their choice. CDers who have not expressed themselves to their SO are getting beat up and for no good reason. Please, please, please don't think I think it's ok to hide it. I don't. I couldn't help but confess, in tears, to my ex, that i had slapped another girl in the ass. I felt that bad.....not what i did, but just feeling that sense of betrayal to the girl who thinks the world of me and wholeheartedly loves me, and i her. But, imagine for a second.....slap on the butt?....crossdressing? Hmmmm.....there are just too many girls that would NOT be ok with hearing their man CD's. To those who disclosed it beforehand, great!! You did the "right" thing. To those who were too afraid to, please don't beat yourself up tooo much over it. I understand the difficulty in fearing the loss...and sometimes worse, the feeling of humiliation that can be demoralizating and can do wonders on self esteem. GG's are a gift to us and should be treated as such and that doesn't mean hiding anything either. But you will, as i, have to face it at some point.

GG's face a very difficult situation here. As some will be completely ok with it, others, regardless of who, what, where, etc etc. will not go for it. Please exercise tolerance and understanding a little more to those of us who are dying inside and need to end the guilt and confess. I feel like many people are walking on thin ice when typing these posts for fear of how the GG's will react to it. "omg, what if my man is like that"? "well, this person sounds like their experience is sooo similar to mine, what if my man ends up like him too? gay...or bi...or...UGH! I don't deserve this!!"
We shouldn't have to sensor our feelings here for fear of how someone else will INTERPRET it. Everyone here shares one thing in common. We dress. That's it! Apart from that, No One here is the same. I hope I'm not being cruel cause that's not me...although I can be forthcoming, I speak from the heart. It hurts me when i see people pouring their hearts out to a seemingly nuetral croud only to be shot down because someone else thinks it's wrong. Help me here...this place has served as a haven for me and in only a couple short weeks, ive learned so much and am continuing to. I'm extremely grateful for this place and my situation doesn't pale in comparison to the next person....but i learn by taking what i need from it. No more, no less. And being the naturally caring person i am, i can't help but speak for myself and whoever can benefit from anything i may have to say. Everyone here is sooo incredibly special in their own unique way and i haven't found any other place where so many emotions are spilled and genuine help and advice may be offered. Hopefully i did something right here. I fear i may have not. Please don't respond with hate.

With Love,
Me xoxoxo

[Simply Joslyn]

Say it like it is hun, this is our haven one of the only places we can go to be essentially free, I don't have quite the balls you have to say something, but I know what your talking about, we need to share ourself otherwise we will essentially rot from the inside out, we have enough hiding it and for those who have come out it is absolutely needed at that point whenever that may be, the problem is some, not all of course, gg's simply don't understand that we all have feelings men just can't always be blocks that fit into the square hole and thats it, we care, we feel, and we have to live as well.

[natacsha]

Hey babe! I think my explanation sounds better lol but the concept is similiar. Hows it goin Josy?? xoxoxo

[Barbara Ella]

I feel that most here do not tread on eggshells when they post. I feel that each of us speaks honestly and openly to express who we are , and our feelings. I do not feel that my opinions get "shot down," only that differing opinions are offered for discussion, just as yours is offered for discussion, honestly and openly. Admittedly, some of my opinions deserve to ge shot down and buried, nonetheless they are mine and they are public. Thank goodness not everyone thinks the same, that would be boring, and is not what you want.

Just as many CDs are getting beat up for coming out to their SOs as are getting praised, so I dont see any disparity here. It is no more right to come out as it is to not come out. Both can be rationalized. All we have are opinions, and the only one who really knows what to do are those involved personally in the individual decision. It is irrelevant what I think about a situation, i can only give my opinion from my experience, and people accept or ignore, or dont even look. No skin off their back, nor off mine. Saying that there are many GG here whose opinion I respect, and that is the crux. Does an individual respect the opinion of someone enough to listen and consider. At that point it is inconsequential what the other viewpoint is.

The important thing that everyone here accepts is that nothing should be taken personally, and all positions should be solicited, and nothing held back. We get into trouble when viewpoints are personalized. And GG are always a vital part of this forum, and their opinions welcomed for consideration. After all is said, they do have a unique position on what it is they would or would not like to know, with a lot more insight into how it affects them then we could ever hope to have.

Good post,

Barbara

[natacsha]

Hi Babara and thank you! I couldn't agree with you more. It's funny, I started the thread with a purpose in mind and I think somewhere along the lines I lost track of what that was. Reading what you wrote reminds me of what it was. The purpose of the post was, if read with an open mind, not judging me, not looking at the words but the overall implied content, I think that reading and understanding this should actually make some people feel more secure about their SO's. In that, if we appreciate everyone's individuality, there should be no need to fear what anyone says in fear of putting "thoughts" into someone else's head. Instead, the idea is to look at the person next to you and realize that persons own uniqueness and how different it really is from everyone else. With that knowledge, it should be more of a reinforcement rather than burden. But again, I can't do anything other than speak my mind and try to speak when I feel the need. I have received a lot of scrutiny throughout my life for voicing my opinions and I am ok with that because I have also been told that people need to hear what I have to say as well. A balancing act was definitely what it felt like when I typed that post. I had to remain as neutral as possible while trying to not to offend and yet still manage to say what I needed to say. XoXoXo

[RADER]

Very well said by all above. This forum has been my escape to to everything I always wanted,
but could ever achieve.
My wife is OK with my dressing, In the Closet, Witch is OK for me. I am not a petite person,
so even trying to pass would be a stretch.
Coming here is a small window to the world of dressing, with so many others out in the world
similar to me in the desire to wear womans clothes, and do not always have the chance to.
This forum as given me much confidence to even under dress, with 5 years ago I would never
dare to do out of the "closet", Now I do it regularly. Natacsha, you speak of loving girls.
I am here to say rite on, Yes I love girls, they are the best thing ever invented in my book, it is
I like to get the chance to wear what they wear. I think they call it equal opportunity.
Rader

[Foxglove]

Hi, Natacsha! You're raising a question here that I've gone over and over in my mind. Like a lot of people on this forum, I went into a marriage without telling the wife. I recognize that it would have been better to tell her, but I also understand why I didn't.

I was aware from an early age that I was "different"--i.e., broken, wrong, shameful. The home I grew up in didn't encourage honesty on an issue like this. Exactly what my folks would have done to me if they had known, I don't know, but I knew I didn't want to face it. So I repressed my nature, went into denial, tried not to think about it, tried to forget about it. I could in fact forget about it at times since, in my youth, my urges to CD came and went. There was never a time when I sat down and had a long think about things. I never tried to figure myself out.

So when I met my wife-to-be, I wasn't thinking about my CDing at all. It never occurred to me to tell her, it never occurred to me that perhaps I shouldn't tell her. I simply wasn't thinking about it. When you're in denial, in hiding, covering up your secret becomes second nature to you. You don't tell your wife-to-be because you don't tell anybody, not even yourself.

It's easy to see why a woman would be upset about not learning about her husband's habits until they've been married for a number of years. After all, this is a big thing, something she certainly would have liked to know before she got married. So I have no trouble understanding a woman's position, but I have no trouble understanding a CDer's position, either. Two wrongs don't make a right, but this may be a situation where two rights make an awful mess of things.

A CDer should reveal his habits before he gets married. But we don't currently live in a society that encourages him to be open and honest about himself. He's often forced to be secretive, and he pays a price for that and his wife does as well. When society becomes more accepting of TGism, when TG people are able to accept and begin understanding themselves at an early age, then they won't have a need to be secretive or deceitful, and they won't have any excuse for concealing their nature from a potential spouse.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[natacsha]

Very well said by all above. This forum has been my escape to to everything I always wanted,
but could ever achieve.
My wife is OK with my dressing, In the Closet, Witch is OK for me. I am not a petite person,
so even trying to pass would be a stretch.
Coming here is a small window to the world of dressing, with so many others out in the world
similar to me in the desire to wear womans clothes, and do not always have the chance to.
This forum as given me much confidence to even under dress, with 5 years ago I would never
dare to do out of the "closet", Now I do it regularly. Natacsha, you speak of loving girls.
I am here to say rite on, Yes I love girls, they are the best thing ever invented in my book, it is
I like to get the chance to wear what they wear. I think they call it equal opportunity.
Rader

Thank you for your kindness Rader! This forum has also given me the confidence to Under dress...I feel like I was missing out on a quintessential part of being in tune with my femme self by always "overdoing" it. Since, I have a much more relaxed demeanor about dressing down or not even needing to dress sometimes and still enjoy myself however I am, however expressive of my femme side I need to be. Nice words by you sweetie!! XOXOXO



Hi, Natacsha! You're raising a question here that I've gone over and over in my mind. Like a lot of people on this forum, I went into a marriage without telling the wife. I recognize that it would have been better to tell her, but I also understand why I didn't.

I was aware from an early age that I was "different"--i.e., broken, wrong, shameful. The home I grew up in didn't encourage honesty on an issue like this. Exactly what my folks would have done to me if they had known, I don't know, but I knew I didn't want to face it. So I repressed my nature, went into denial, tried not to think about it, tried to forget about it. I could in fact forget about it at times since, in my youth, my urges to CD came and went. There was never a time when I sat down and had a long think about things. I never tried to figure myself out.

So when I met my wife-to-be, I wasn't thinking about my CDing at all. It never occurred to me to tell her, it never occurred to me that perhaps I shouldn't tell her. I simply wasn't thinking about it. When you're in denial, in hiding, covering up your secret becomes second nature to you. You don't tell your wife-to-be because you don't tell anybody, not even yourself.

Best wishes, Annabelle

Hi Annabelle! Everything you say is EXACTLY how it was for me. I would quote everything but I wanted to emphasize on this part above. These words you speak of here are words that need to get passed around like shots heard around the world. I was in that same scenario and with the same frame of mind and that's exactly how it played out for me. Again, publish and copyright those words and print them, commercialize them, and take my ad for direct tv while you're at it. 60% is what I require. lol