I want to understand

[Marie GG]

I have a question, I am hoping that this does not offend anyone. I guess it is more directed at those who cd, since my husband dresses part time.

Why do you dress? Is it a desire or a need?

I really hope no one is offended. I just really want to understand and thought it would be helpful to get more than one person's point of view.

[Mythic]

Well It can vary for most people in my opinion, but for me I do it just because I enjoy it and see nothing wrong with it. I don't have a need. After all I enjoy dressing like a guy, girl, or a little inbetween.

[NathalieX66]

I started this way when i was age 5 or 6.......long before puberty.

Let's face it: you women have the real of expressing yourselves through any number of things, maybe we want some of that too:


Growyour hair long
highlights,bangs, tresses
Dye your hair
Pedicures
Manicures
shave your legs
Pierce your ears.
dresses
skirts
pants
jeans
shorts
heels
flats
pyjamas
nightgowns
earrings : studs, hoops, dangly

etc.
You girls have all the freedom, and society expects that from you.
I want a piece of it too....without the social stigma.
Ads I'm speaking from someone who is a straight dude....not that it matters.

[aly01]

I dress because I like the way the clothes feel against body, especially shaven legs. Also because I like and want to get/be in touch with that femimine side. They also make nicer clothes for women.

[justmetoo]

A bit of both for me. I also enjoy it and see nothing wrong with it. I do it to express an integral part of myself. When I am unable to do it for some reason or if I try to repress it as I have in the past when I was still struggling with the shame and guilt society foists on those who are different I feel like I'm not being true to myself. I feel oppressed. That's no way to live one's life.

[Barbara Ella]

Can't be offended by honest questions. It started with me at a late age, and just felt right and was the only thing that lessened growing anger issues. Turned into a realization that there was an internal need to present as female that was more than just the peaceful feeling I derived (not sexual) from dressing. The need to present has lessened, but the female presence has increased. It is now just a part of who I am and feels natural to do. It is just me now.

Barbara

[Lorileah]

Why do birds sing?

This is very personal (and I don't mean that as saying you should not ask it, just that every person has their own reasons) I can answer for me. I like the look and I like the feel and I like me in them. Is it a need? Well not really. I don't have to dress up but I like to. It can be a stress reliever and it just feels nice. Maybe I am a little different though because I see it as just clothing, Clothing that I like but clothing none the less. In many cases it "fits" me better. It fits how I think it should fit. I was a young person in the 1970's and the cut and look of women's clothing shows what I like to show. Slacks and shorts are cut better, not all baggy and nondescript.

[Melody Phillips]

I dress because I have very deep feelings inside to. It just feels natural to wear womens clothes.I have always felt a little femine...it just took many years to figure out that I am transgender.

[Cristy98girl]

Hi Marie,

I am 51 years old and have cross-dressed all my life. I am what would be described as the "text book" heterosexual cross-dresser. For us, dressing as a woman is a need not a desire and having our wife's support and/or understanding is crucial for our well being an happiness. It is my understanding that we are born CD and it is not a learned thing as is in the case with fetishes. I have memories of sneaking into my mother's closet to try some of her clothes on that go as far back as when I was about 3 years old. The need to dress has not gone and it was a source of discomfort because I did not know what was going on and used to feel guilty until I learned how things work and accepted myself.

My wife is understanding and has known since before we started dating. She is not thrilled about it but since she knows what it means to me and loves me enough to accept me as I am, she lets me express this need within certain rules that we have agreed on. I understand that it is impossible for other people to understand this "bizarre" impulse and need since it deals with issues associated with sexuality. A heterosexual CD is not gay nor does he wants to become a woman. I guess it would be easier to understand if we fell into one of this two categories but we don't. We tend to be more loving, loyal and faithful husbands.

I hope this sheds some light on you. I have just become a member of this forum but have had over 30 years of experience investigating and dealing with this. Please feel free to contact me if you need me to clarify or elaborate on something that I have said.

[Marie GG]

I am so glad no one has been offended so far :) Everyone has been so nice here, it is the last thing I'd want to do.
When reading many of the posts here I have seen the phrase "the urge to dress" and that is the part that makes me wonder about a "need" to dress. I used to be a smoker so that is the easiest way for me to understand a compelling urge to do something even if sometimes you don't want to.

[April_Ligeia]

After reading so many posts on this topic in this and other forums, I think you will get many different responses because there is a wide variety of reasons people do this. The way I see it for myself, some women like to wear red lipstick, black eyeliner, and nail polish, and some women don't. Nobody ever questions why one woman likes to and another one doesn't. The rules for men are much more rigid. I am a man who likes to wear red lipstick, black eyeliner, nail polish, jewelry, and both women's and men's clothes. I am wearing a skirt and a t-shirt now, I just like it. I tried to list reasons when I came out to my ex-wife (only one guess how that ended!), but, when it comes down to it, I just like the way I look in my avatar photo. I don't think I'm a woman, and I don't even feel particularly feminine most of the time, I just really like androgyny.

[Lyndaloves]

Lots have different reasons for crossdressing.
Myself if I can't dress the need grows and grows inside me, pushing me further to express my feminine side more.
The clothes feel wonderful, I feel wonderful, and it just feels right.
A stress relief, I totally agree as it seems to take me to a different place away from the daily hassles.
I am married and her acceptance, encouragement, help and companionship would mean so much to me.

Lynda

[GBJoker]

For me, it's definitely more a desire than a need at this point in time.

I do it because female clothes feel far and away more comfortable, but I must state clearly, and admit to myself, that part of it may be simply because they are drastically different than male clothes. I also dress because there are times here and there when I just like pretending to be a female, even though it's exclusively in private. I'm still in that newbie phase where it's exciting and crazy to dress up, but I'm heavily pacing myself, to keep that feeling running, and partly because I have no idea what the next part is.

Third, I just feel more... "right"... dressed up. I know virtually every single TG on this site has said that, almost word for word at times, but... I just don't know how to explain it. Others might be able to.

Plus I'm simultaneously, and forever, still in the phase where I'm trying to figure out just exactly who/what I am, so... Yeah... Hope that helped.

[Delila]

I have a question, I am hoping that this does not offend anyone. I guess it is more directed at those who cd, since my husband dresses part time.

Why do you dress? Is it a desire or a need?

I really hope no one is offended. I just really want to understand and thought it would be helpful to get more than one person's point of view.

No offense here it is a great honest question. That said to me it is a need, desires I can ignore or really just give up when the need calls. When I really feel the pull to dress it is not a desire it is a need to feel like me. Dressing fulfills a part of my person that I can not fill otherwise. I like probably most others including your SO have tried not dressing and a desire is hardly enough to make a person with such willpower stop doing something that they often feel is wrong. We often try to stop dressing if you are around here long enough you will hear of binging and purging. No sane person would throw away what may amount to large sums of money worth of clothing and makeup and then purchase it all again based on desire. In short it is heavily proven that crossdressers dress for a need not because we are perverts.

[Chickhe]

I discovered... its a 'need' as long as you feel repressed. If you are free to explore and learn about it, it becomes more of a passion and something fun to do. The largest fear I had was being seen as someone other than who I am... just because I like to dress up doesn't make me someone else and souldn't change the relationships I have with anyone. My fear was always that other people would make assumptions about me that were not true. The main thing is for everyone to stop thinking of this a a problem to solve...and instead embrace it and have fun with it!

[lynnrichards]

I would have to describe it as a compulsion. I started before I was six years old. Although I was afraid of being caught back then, I felt compelled to do it as often as I could. I'm 71 now and the urge to crossdress has persisted throughout my life.

[Contessa]

I was recently trying to find out what was going on with me, maybe just trying to figure myself out. I had also recently purchased my first purse as I had always wanted one. Why I had waited so long to do it was beyond me I thought. Then when I started to carry my bag people began giving me looks as if I was doing something wrong or I'm gay. I am not gay but I remembered when I was younger I would try on clothes or garments of my mother's and sisters. I didn't tell anyone of course I was the only one who did that. So even after growing up and getting married I had never stopped nor had I told any one yet. But I found this urgent need to tell everyone and show myself who and what I truly am. Now it is somewhat of an obsession. Dressing is what I need to do and what I love to do now my life is so less depressing.

Like others say it is different for all of us. For some it is a need for some it is an urge I just believe it just what our femme side needs to get out. And get some girl time. This doesn't any questions as it as they probably do not need to be answered. There is nothing wrong with wearing clothes. Especially if you purchased them. Life is too short to stop someone who is not hurting anyone from doing something they like.

Tess

[Stephanie47]

Good question, Marie. I dabbled in cross dressing as a teenager. I don't know why. It may have had something to do with sexual relief at the time. Something forbidden. Fast forward a number of years. Cross dressing was not a part of my life. I never thought about it. I had not engaged in it. Stress came to bear. Mental war wound surfaced. How does one relief stress? In my PTSD support group, many wondered why I did not engage in self destructive behavior; drugs and alcohol. How does one tell a bunch of guys he sought relief in cross dressing. Cross dressing allows me to escape my male experiences by letting Stephanie take over for a period of time. It's the best therapy I've have engaged in yet. Not the most inexpensive, but, the best.

[KellyJameson]

Maybe we have been caught in an illusion we are beginning to wake up from.

I do not know what it feels like to be a man or a woman I just know what it feels like to be me.

This "me" lives opposite of how others expect me to be, I can force myself to "be" what others expect because of the body I reside in but it is contrary to "me" and leaves me exhausted.

A mans mind is built from a female template so we are females that have been changed but remain female.

Some females are changed so much they forget that they are female and think they are separate and call themselves male and usually these males have emotional difficulties because they are not able to feel like they are part of life anymore and only exist to serve but not live.

This confusion comes from sex because nature changes a female to make reproduction possible leaving this changed female (male) trying to go back to what she (he) really is.

Nature failed with me (which for me I'm happy about in some ways) so I was not removed from what I am (female) to the degree most are changed into (male).

This also left me largely indiferent to sex so I do not sexually respond to myself as a male and find nothing erotic (desire) that is an object, only anothers mind could offer this possible experience.

The "need" to dress is when my sense of self is threatened or needs to be reinforced because I have been pulled into the illusion by being a part of the world that I am male and this removes me from my natural state of being female that nature created.

To understand a man you must remember that they are female first and male second and than it becomes a matter of determining how far removed they are from their female selves.

I admire any man who is able to find happiness being a man because from my point of view it is unnatural.

I'm beginning to think that much of the violence done in the world comes from this illusion that a male is not female. I have never resented women like I see with so many men who must treat them as inferior because I never was separated from my female self and so do not feel that anger and blame it on women.

The challenge for a (female) male is sex because the act is opposite the female energies. All men are vulnerable sexually because they are built from females and so this can create great conflict within the mind which is why you see males doing all these crazy sexual things.

A males sexuality is brittle like glass and can be easily broken and so must be managed by his partner with care.

If it was not for sex males would be females.

Just some random thoughts but hope I answered your questions.

[Joanne f]

Most of the time it is a desire but if that desire does not get seen to after a while then it becomes a need , there are occasions when the need just hits you first .
Although I guess that deep down that desire comes from a need to feel feminine and I once said " It is only clothes" but if you think of it all clothes have a meaning even work clothes so this " It's" only clothes does not work for me any more :D

[cindyc6]

I can only tell you that for me it is a part of who i am. I desire to dress because it makes me feel sexy. I feel very happy when i am fully dress and yes it is also a need that i need to adresss no pun intendent. I feel so relieve when i am dress up and go out either to a club to dance and drink or just go outto the store or do other mundane thing that women do. If i had to tell you why i dress, if it is for a need or for a desire I would tell you that it is for both because it simply makes me happy to do it.

[ReineD]

Hi Marie, welcome to this place. :)

I won't answer your question (I'm a GG), but I want to say that we have a varied membership here, from crossdressers to transsexuals and everyone else in between. Although you've asked your question in the crossdressing section, all of our members are free to post in every forum section, and so if in some of the responses it appears as if the members identify more as women, this is because they are closer to the transsexual end of the spectrum than the crossdressing end. Please keep this in mind as you read all the answers. You're new and although it can be somewhat confusing at first, there is a difference between people who will never plan to transition, and people who do or who might.

That said, carry on folks!

[Kaz]

Hi Marie,

Reine, as usual, is 100% right. We are a very varied bunch indeed and I guess we all have our personal journey to take, albeit we get together and share our stories from time to time like many travellers.

My story is similar to many others... Way before puberty I was interested in making clothes for my 'Action Man' figures and whilst I loved all the male stuff too, I definately was interested in some of the more girly... I remember being very interested in my mother's clothes... nothing creepy, just fascination really. It was like a magical world. The smell of perfume... When puberty hit, I remember thinking 'Oh God' this is it I am going to be a guy... like there was a choice?

So that was it and I have lived as a guy for a long time, have had a few careers, brought up a family... I am not gay, I love women and have had some very intense and loving relationships - still do!

But this enjoyment of expressing a female side doesn't go away. I have tried to get rid of it over the years and it always comes back stronger and more intense. So I have accepted it is part of who I am. Does it make me less of a man? I don't know.. I am not a typical alpha male... I am on the 'creative' side I guess... but I regard it as a need - don't know why.

But I enjoy the feeling of the clothes, the sheer pleasure of having a hair free body, everything! Do I wish I was a woman? Sometimes... Do I wish I wasn't me? No... I have three wonderful daughters, a wonderful wife who I wish I had been more attentive to over the years and less distracted by work and music... No, I don't mean the last bit! I enjoy my music and love my work. And I love all the friends I have made, etc..

So it is... complicated...

I don't know if I am helping. I am the same guy I have always been. I have just learned more about being a person and think I am in a better place for it. More tolerant and forgiving and just plain in love with life!

But I am sat here in a skirt and need to get into male garb and go to work very soon... and I am putting it off... chinos don't feel the same!

[lauren_m]

Ana Cristina Garcia and Chickie are not only unbelievably beautiful, but they each express their thoughts so elegantly that there is no need for me to detail my own very similar (albeit less coherent) thoughts on this subject. Although, as others have pointed out, there is no single correct answer to the question presented in the original post, Ana and Chickie conveyed my thoughts far better than I could have done myself.

[Kate T]

Marie,you have asked the most obvious, and unfortunately most difficult question for all of us. Why? I mean it really doesn't make any sense, and honestly at times it does seem well just a little bit odd, and that's just how I see myself!

Your analogy with smoking works to the extent that yes, there is this strong urge to dress, particularly when I haven't had a chance to for a while. Is there some sort of biochemical "release" that occurs when one is able to express ones gender freely? I don't know. It sort of fits to an extent. BUT the analogy fails in the sense that one cannot "give it up". Instead of improving ones health and mental wellbeing if an individual denies this then typically their mental health deteriorates. Oh, and CD'ing doesn't give you emphysema and cancer :)

The best I can express it is when I want to dress and I do, I feel comfortable and good about myself. Do you get up some days and think "today I might wear that nice skirt I got last week because I want to" when others you are more comfortable wearing a pair of jeans? It's sort of a bit like that. At least for me. I definitely do not dress to attract other people, the only person I am interested in attracting physically is my wife and she is NOT attracted (sexually) to me dressed! But I think we all dress to impress others when we go out, and if I go out guy or girl mode I'm always a little bit chuffed to receive a compliment.

wow, now I'm rambling. Hope this thread is helping you out. But please don't get super hung up on trying to "understand". Most of us that do it don't. If you do work out the why though please make sure you tell us all ( or a the very least me :)!)

[Lesley_Roberta]

I have yet to wear, and unsure if that is in my future or not.

So many talk about the anxiety of going out in female clothing while in a male body. To me I suffer the reverse effect as I feel like a female cross dressing in male clothing and simply don't need to work on the illusion to look male.

I feel out of place and awkward looking at myself in the mirror. The more female I make myself appear, the more it compares with reduction of female clothing in the minds of anyone looking at me. Wearing just one article of male attire to my mind, is the same as wearing just one article of female clothing in the minds of our community's CD crowd.

Right now I have not one vestige of female anything to me, so I feel like I am cross dressing completely as a man. Going unshaved, that is to me putting on male make up. Wearing a typical male ball cap, that is to me the same as a frilly scarf.

Everything to me, is just the reverse. This morning the wife had my male half do the usual male thing in the morning. As I see it, that was no different than going out on the town en femme to a CDer.

Every time my friends treat me like a guy, I feel the same way a CDer feels when they get treated like a guy. I suppose that is the only time a CDer and I feel the same way.

[ronda]

i have been dressing for over 60 years i dressed as early as 3 it is something that i can not stop doing i have tried many times i quit drinking i quit smokeing both just put it down and did not do it again this i can not stop i was born this way i know it is not easy for you to understand but your husband is the same person you married you just know him a little better now if you can find it in you to except him as he is his love for you will only get stronger this i know from my own experience.

[Sandra1746]

Perhaps using an analogy of eating would be more useful. Yes, eating is a requirement for life so we all must eat; but what to eat? A healthy life could be made with plain tofu and steamed vegetables. However day after day it would get really boring. Add a few spices or some meat and dairy foods and meals get more interesting.

I liked Nathalie's comments on the variety of clothing that women can wear but are generally off limits to men. Skirts and dresses are a good start. Now we get into the old thread of, "if women can wear pants why can't guys wear skirts?"

The real reason we cross dress is as varied as the population here, we all have a slightly different reason. For me it is an enjoyment of the "nicer" clothing with pretty colors and the accessories. I also find that dressing gives me a sense of relaxation and peace. Any sexual connection has long since vanished, I'm 66. As for it being a "destructive behavior"; I fail to see how that happens given any number of other alternative behaviors.

I dress because I enjoy it and I plan to continue.

Hugs,
Sandra1746

[Alayna]

Hi Marie, I hope I'm not confusing things for you but I think framing the answer around a popular misconception helps a lot in attempting an answer to this question - and I do mean "attempt". Basically we as a culture tend to forget that Gender, Sex, and Sexuality are completely different things, and the Gender part gets especially confused with sex because we assume that two sexes means two genders, but if you look outside Western culture that is often not the case - some societies recognize up to five or even more unique genders with specific cultural roles. From a Western perspective gender identity is kind of like a political spectrum. Some dress purely for sexual reasons, some see it as stress release, emotional comfort, a release from feeling trapped in the wrong body, some/all of the above and more...the personal reasons are endless. It's not a perfect answer, or even one that everyone here will agree with, but thinking from this perspective I hope provides a little insight :)

[kristinacd55]

Which came first? The chicken or the egg? For me, there's a desire and a need to cd. Last night, I was at a club dancing and looking at the different relationship types around the dance floor. Lesbians, gay's, tg's and a small token few herero's! I thought to myself, what is their motivation for the way they are?? Everyone's got a story of desire and need that's led them to the point they're at this moment and it's all good!
I started when I was about 5 so it's the desire/need is deeply ingrained in me and part of my makeup....

[Raychel]

Hmmmmm, It it a need or a desire? Very good question.

I guess for me it is a little of both. When I come home from a long day at work, all greasy and dirty. Nothing feels better then to get all cleaned up and get into some nice womens clothes.

Just like my wife can't wiat to get out of her daily dress clothes and get into some Jeans or sweat pants. I spend my day in a work uniform. Can't wait to get out of that into something more comfortable.

So need or desire, can't really say, It is not a matter of life and death that I dress. Although sometimes when I don't get to dress it feels like part of me is dying. So I guess I don't NEED to dress. More desire to be comfortable in how I am dressed.

I guess that about says it.:daydreaming:

[Beverley Sims]

When very young, satisfying a sexual desire.
When in my teens to now I looked like a weedy boy.
There was not much attention from girls.
When I dressed I looked like a blond bombshell.
I got attention from the girls that I desired because they wanted to know my secret.:)
I was not recognized by the boys and I could fend them off with a withering comment anyway.
From about 25 onwards it slowly goes downward. Body shape and facial features changed so now I can get sprung.
There is satisfaction in looking attractive to others wether presenting male or female.
As a male I work for money, as a female I can have a better life.

[sissystephanie]

At age 80, and having been a CD since age 6, I am probably one of the older CD's on this forum. Like a lot of other CD's, I dress simply because I like to! I like the fit, feel, and look of feminine clothing so that is what I prefer to wear! But there is no NEED to do so!!

[Rebecca W.]

Dear Marie,

I dress because I have a deep inner desire to be feminine. Crossdressing exposes that inner desire to be a woman and the sensation of being dressed completes my release of my inner feelings. I have tried so many times to repress my desires to dress and they all have failed. Please embrace her when she dresses as this will create a deeper lasting bond between both of you. Dressing as any gender is and has always been about how you feel inside and it brings out your ability of self expression.
Maybe someday in this world how you dress would be looked upon as someone expressing their true inner feelings not about how non-conforming they appear.
Let her be herself and you will see who she really is.

Hugs,

[S. Lisa Smith]

Hi Marie,

I am 51 years old and have cross-dressed all my life. I am what would be described as the "text book" heterosexual cross-dresser. For us, dressing as a woman is a need not a desire and having our wife's support and/or understanding is crucial for our well being an happiness. It is my understanding that we are born CD and it is not a learned thing as is in the case with fetishes. I have memories of sneaking into my mother's closet to try some of her clothes on that go as far back as when I was about 3 years old. The need to dress has not gone and it was a source of discomfort because I did not know what was going on and used to feel guilty until I learned how things work and accepted myself.

My wife is understanding and has known since before we started dating. She is not thrilled about it but since she knows what it means to me and loves me enough to accept me as I am, she lets me express this need within certain rules that we have agreed on. I understand that it is impossible for other people to understand this "bizarre" impulse and need since it deals with issues associated with sexuality. A heterosexual CD is not gay nor does he wants to become a woman. I guess it would be easier to understand if we fell into one of this two categories but we don't. We tend to be more loving, loyal and faithful husbands.

I hope this sheds some light on you. I have just become a member of this forum but have had over 30 years of experience investigating and dealing with this. Please feel free to contact me if you need me to clarify or elaborate on something that I have said.
I agree. This is essentially my story, except I'm 62 and I told my wife about 18 years ago, long after we were married...but our relationship concerning me being a CD is essentially the same as Cristy's.

[BRANDYJ]

Hi Marie. Let me take a stab at this. Need or desire. Good question. If it was simply a desire, I think many of us would not continue to dress though out our adult life. I think I have a NEED to dress to fill a DESIRE to dress born out of an early compulsion started as a young boy that noticed the differences between girls and boys, or men and women. I looked at girls and women in awe of their beauty. Like so many things we as boys did, we emulated or played pretend. I liked the Lone Ranger, Roy Rogers and other heros from the weekly TV series of the time. So we dressed as cowboys and Indians, strapped on our six shooters and mounted out pretend horses. We also played with the neighborhood girls. Of course they wanted to play house. Some of us were either talked into playing the mom, or wanted to play the mom. We so admired the girls and the dresses they wore, that we wanted to experience house play from their side. We never outgrew that need to role play as one of our heroes. Those "heroes" we wanted to pretend to be, happen to be the girls and women that touched our life. Some how, for some reason that we were to young to understand, we tried on an article of clothing that our heroes wore. For some of us, going through puberty, with hormones beginning to interest us even more in the object of our hormone driven desire, began to have sexual feelings for girls. The feel, the softness and difference in how the clothes fit drove us even more. We pretended to be the object of our desire. Our earliest masturbation experience may have included wearing a slip, bra and dress. So we continued experiencing these new found feelings and became hooked for life with no conscious choice.
To ask if it's a need or a desire is almost like asking if having sex is a need or a desire. So I conclude that it's a desire that controlled deep within our subconsciousness. So we dress and emulate women because we have the desire born out of a need. Or is it we dress and emulate women because we have a desire born out of a need? All I know is, it isn't going away. It hasn't for some 50 years for me.
Funny thing is, that while in pre-puberty, puberty and teen years, early twenties, I dressed so infrequently that in was not much more then an every now and then fetish. Of course back then, pre-Internet days, I thought I was the only one and did not even have a name for what I did.Never gave it a thought as to whether or not it was a need or a desire.

[Marie GG]

Hi Marie, welcome to this place. :)

I won't answer your question (I'm a GG), but I want to say that we have a varied membership here, from crossdressers to transsexuals and everyone else in between. Although you've asked your question in the crossdressing section, all of our members are free to post in every forum section, and so if in some of the responses it appears as if the members identify more as women, this is because they are closer to the transsexual end of the spectrum than the crossdressing end. Please keep this in mind as you read all the answers. You're new and although it can be somewhat confusing at first, there is a difference between people who will never plan to transition, and people who do or who might.

That said, carry on folks!

Good point Reine. I did not mean to exclude anyone! I am really interested in everyone's responses. I think that for some reason it is easier for me to understand when someone wants to transition or dress full time than it is for me to understand a part time cross dresser like my husband. For that reason I am especially curious about those who do not plan to transition, if that makes sense. But like I said I am interested in everyone's reasons.

Thanks again to everyone for your responses :)

[Cheryl T]

I wondered that for many years. It took me decades to become comfortable with all this and to realize that this is just who I am. It's not something I do for fun, it's not done to shock anyone. Part of me is just female and the only way I am comfortable expressing that is by being me...

[DMichele]

Why do I wear feminine clothes? Is it a need? A desire? How about it is second nature to my being?

I am no scientist nor do I have a medical background, but I believe as a crossdresser, transexual or transvestite - it is part of who we are (as has been previously stated by others). In essence, we are 'born this way'.

To the best of me recollection, I started exploring wearing girls clothing when I was about 8 or 9 years old - very similar to others. What triggered that exploration - I have no idea.

My technical background asks - what prompted the need to explore? I suspect that part of my need to explore was a natural process. Little is known about the cause of why we crossdress, etc, but there has been some recent research/findings that indicate variations in the brain of transgender individuals. From this I lean towards a theory that we are all customed built from our sex, physical aspects (height, eye and hair color, et al), genetics, and internal 'programming', which includes our gender identity. I believe the latter is reponsible for intiating the exploring of feminine clothing.

Today, some 50 years later, it feels natural to continue to explore or 'do things in a different way' than the typical male. Women's clothes (all of it so far) feels natural and in most cases, fits me better than men's clothing. (Note: I am very statuesque - 6'7" and have a small frame). I wear panties everyday, keep my nails polished, shave my underarms and legs, but I refrain from wearing a bra and women's jeans and tops to work. However, when I arrive home from work and on weekends, I wear women's clothing. It is very doubtful that I'll ever go out though.

So why do I do it? It's a natural extension of my being. Now if only medical science could verify this theory and society could accept it, life would be so much better for the TG community. TG-ism is not the end of the world as there are far worst issues that need to be addressed.

Just my thoughts.

[tiffanythecd2001]

i started at 5 when mom showed the ways of little girl and i loved it ever since, been dressing ever since and i like too give out tips too the newbies too that need help or know's what work's for me hug's Tiffany

[NicoleScott]

Marie, I'm a part-time dresser, and I do it because certain items, as well as the complete transformation, excite me sexually. I like being a man, and all the things men do (hobbies, sports, father, husband, etc.), but I enjoy dressing up occasionally. However, understanding why I dress probably won't help you understand why your husband dresses. I leveled with my wife when I told her, and she knows what drives me, to what extent I dress, how far I want to take it (and not take it), and answered her typically-asked questions: gay? - no, Become a woman? - no, etc. Just a guy who likes to dress sometimes. So, ask your husband to lay it all out for you. If you want to understand him -ask him.

[Marleena]

I find it very refreshing when a GG wants to understand their CD husband. You are to be commended for that Marie!

The best advice I can give is to talk it out with your SO because all of us are at different places with this. Many things here do not and will not apply to your SO. The ladies in the FAB section will help a lot too.:)

[cassandra54]

everyone has different reasons. i can only speak about mine and it's pretty simple. my makeup as a male is such that my masculinity and femininity are pretty much equal. i was born with male parts and have lived all my life as a male and rather enjoyed it. i don't feel conflicted about my masculinity nor do i feel i am a woman trapped in a man's body.

i've also become aware through this site and other research that there is nothing really unhealthy about dressing. it's not a fetish, or a sickness and really the only thing that may be a drawback is how family members, friend or society view or accept it. but trust me the tides are turning daily and i do believe that one day, seeing men dressed in women's clothing everywhere you go, may be commonplace.

however self-awareness has shown me that i can and do enjoy express a feminine personality and ultimately a feminine appearance. so as a result i get to enjoy my life both as a man and a man who appears to be a woman. and along with that, being passable, and dressing in a way that is appropriate for who i would be as a woman is very important. so i dress completely or not at all. male mode means male underwear and so on.

there's one other benefit that i think is really cool. i have a choice now to look like a middle aged man, or a lady. i think the lady is more appealing and far more attractive.

one last thing. while i have an extensive wardrobe and all the things that go along with it, i don't really feel a compulsion to dress. whenever i have the time to dress and become cassandra, it's all good.

hope this helps.

[Tina B.]

Marie, I'm an old CD, I've been dressing since I was 6 years old, at least the the first memory I'm sure of. I don't know why I did it that first time, to long ago to remember, but after a lifetime, I can say it's not a choice for me, it goes beyond a simple need, it's a compulsion, that demands I dress. if I fight it and try to be a man's man, I wind up depressed, filled with rage, become a very argumentative person, and generally find life very unsatisfactory. If I dress when needed, I am a very happy go lucky kind of guy, fun to be around, thoughtful, and caring. So I not only like me better when I dress, so does my wife. Since I've been retired a few years now, I dress a lot, because I can, and I am happier than I've ever been. Which makes the wife's life happier too.
Tina B.

[Debglam]

Hi Marie,

Reine's post really nails it. We, including your SO, are all different. For me, I know I was born this way. If your SO is just openly dealing with this for the first time, it will probably take her some time to figure out where she fits on the scale and whether it is a need or a desire. I know for me, it was stressful not "knowing" myself and trying to explain all of this to my wife at the same time.

Debby

[Brenda Freeman]

Hi Marie, for me I used to think it was a desire and I thought that I was bad for doing it! as I got older I learned it was both, a desire and need and as I look back it was always there ever since since I was a young boy. Cannot say why but it really makes me feel wonderful and complete. I love my wife and family and hid it until I turned 50, it suddenly hit me so hard my emortions were all over the place and stress levels through the roof. I talked to my wife about it she was scared at first probably fear of what I might do next or that others might find out. We both agreed that neither of us wanted it to change our situation in the community family etc. She has accepted my feminine side and trusts me to enjoy it without outing myself to our friends family etc.. My wife said if it makes me happy then I should do it. I feel so lucky for two reasons First my wife accepted me even though it was a shock after 25 years of marriage, and no I did not keep a secret or lie I really thought I could live with out it, wrong, and second I am lucky in that I am a croosdresser and my need to dress is satisfied with occasional dressing up a couple times a month and we are both happy and comfortable with that. I know the need to dress and everything elses runs from occasional to always to hormones etc. We have as much diversity as any group of people. I think it is wonderful you ask and are on this forum, it means you care and want to understand, I hope this forum helps you! I still don't understand it myself, but I know it makes me feel like a whole person and much happier in life.

[eileendover]

Let's face it: you women have the real of expressing yourselves through any number of things, maybe we want some of that too:...

You girls have all the freedom, and society expects that from you.
I want a piece of it too....without the social stigma.
:iagree: I want to see what it's like in the GIRLS ONLY club. For me, it's less of a need and more of a desire, but I am very frequently thinking about my next opportunity to dress up.

[Jenniferathome]

. I used to be a smoker so that is the easiest way for me to understand a compelling urge to do something even if sometimes you don't want to.

Marie, the difference with crossdressing and your analogy is that we didn't dress and then became hooked. We, most CDers anyway, were born hooked.

Regarding the few comments on "variety" as a reason to CD, I don't buy that at all. While there can be no doubt that women's clothes offer more variety, that only gives a crossdresser more choices but not a reason to CD.

[cdtraveler]

I too started very young and I asume found soft things comforting and pleasurable. Not sure I'll ever know why - or that it matters, though I understand why you'd want to try and figure it out. I like women's clothing and make up - as most soft things in our society are female oriented and it gives me great pleaure to feel those things on me and see myself in them. I have a need/desire to express myself sometimes as a girl but love most of the guy things about me too. Just got tired of trying to deny one side of me that needed me to love and accept it. Bottom line, I'm a damn fine Dad (others tell me this) and a loving and caring husband ( my spouse tells me) and successful businessman and dressing will never change any of those facts. Am also blessed that my wife loves and accepts me and I love her more than I ever thought possible since she learn of and has been trying too to accept this side of me ....even as she admits she may never understand it. So if you can see enough good in him, can find some boundries regarding the dressing that you can both live with and are willing to periodically be open to negociating those mutual boundries , I think that's a blessing on both of you.

[Karinsamatha]

I am a late bloomer so to speak. over the last two years it has become painfully apparent that I am much closer to the transsexual end of the spectrum. For me dressing helps align my mind - womans to my body male. I have found if I don't do this my stress levels go through the roof. I need to have my body reflect my mind as much as possible.
This only applies to me not everyone else on this form.

[suchacutie]

Great question, and one for which I even have an answer, at least for my situation:

I was a "male" for 55 years before we found Tina. Suddenly we realized (my wife and I) that there was a clear feminine part of me. As you might imagine, our main curiosity was how this femininity had played a role in my life all this time, and how we would go forward knowing that Tina existed, i.e. would like change because she was not longer hidden?

So, I dressed to find out who Tina is, and from that to find out who she has been all this time. Well, we found out we liked Tina (my wife the other day said, "Tina is just so sweet!"). So is it a need? How can someone now want to know who they are, so in that sense it is a need. On the other side of it, we both like Tina, so that is a desire.

Lastly, Tina is clearly her own person with likes and dislikes. She has books she likes and projects she enjoys creatively. She really is generating a life of her own. Stopping that life seems a bit draconian! How could we possibly do that?

tina

[Carla Stevens]

Late last year I gave up asking myself "why?" & decided just to embrace my CD'ing.
I spent years in denial, feeling guilty & trying to find the answer as to why I am the way I am. It just made me depressed & confused.
Now I'm much happier. :D

[Elle1946]

To put it short for me it is both a desire and a need. It is part of my persona. I have tried not dressing and I am not happy with myself.

[TeresaL]

My SO had me promise to stop this nonsense when she found out around fifteen years ago. So we went to pastors, at least ten psychiatrists, and several sexual anon 12 step groups to find the cure. She is still holding out, but I'm done. I just can't continue beating myself up. We've been married forty years, I'm retired, and the charade is over. There is no cure. I can be happy as Teresa. I would be happiest as Teresa with my wife though. I do expect reasonable boundaries as well. Full time isn't necessary, no SRS/GRS, no hormones, no going out in our town would be reasonable for her to set for me. She doesn't have to see me dressed either.

You may find comfort with your SO by building your relationship from that point by establishing compromising direction for where this will go instead of why?

[Julogden]

Because it's a big part of what I have to do to be reasonably happy. It's part of who I am. It's been an important part of me for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a tiny child, I've wanted to be female.

Carol

[shaunamac]

This is one of the ultimate questions, The meaning of life, the universe, god and why we cross dress. There's a billion uniquely correct answers.

[jonitess]

Keep on keeping on. in the words of Bob Dylan. "It aint no use to sit and wonder why girl, it don't matter anyhow"

[Rebecca Star]

This is one of the ultimate questions, The meaning of life, the universe, god and why we cross dress. There's a billion uniquely correct answers.


Keep on keeping on. in the words of Bob Dylan. "It aint no use to sit and wonder why girl, it don't matter anyhow"

Why do some people like chocolate icecream and others like strawberry.

I believe it's human nature to want to know "Why", though for me, it came to a point of not caring about the why &; how &; when, I simply embraced the fact it's part of who I am. From then onwards all those questions disapeared. I was able to enjoy connecting with my feminine side minus the head miles.

[Marguarite]

Maria, In the beginning I dressed because it was a desire.
I dress because it makes me feel good.
I dress to feel pretty.
I dress for the challenge to look good.
I dress to be healthier. ( taking better care of myself now)
I dress to share new experiences with my wife. ( She is very supportive and understands me better than I do)
I dress because my corset feels like a big hug.
As time goes by it is becoming more of a need, because it does feel good, and I like it. I hope this helps, HUGS

[Rachel Morley]

Hello Marie,

In my case, I would say I dress because my gender (the sex of my brain) is more aligned with what is considered typically female. When presenting as a woman my most over-riding emotion is happiness. I also feel somehow liberated, more attractive, I think I look younger, I'm less stressed, and I somehow feel "softer inside". I also happen to believe that many of my best qualities reside with my feminine side, qualities such as sensitivity, tenderness, empathy, helpfulness, and patience. Expressing my femininity makes me feel relaxed, happy and fulfilled, while suppressing it causes me stress, anxiety, and irritability.

... and although this is how I see myself and my CDing now, it wasn't always this way. My first time wearing girls' clothes was when I was 6 years old. Something happened back then and pretty much after that incident I always wanted to do it. Only in my late 20's when I was trying to reject everything about it did I have problems (mostly emotional problems). However, my most happiest times and how I describe today have happened since I embraced CDing fully and without any shadow of a doubt, my true happiness has come because of my wife (we met on a CDing forum) ... she has supported and encouraged me over the last 10 years and she regularly participates too, as we often go out together as "two girls". :)

Hugs
Rachel

[Marie GG]

Thank you all for your responses!
I had posed this question to my husband this afternoon because I know that everyone's reasons and feelings about dressing are different. It has been so helpful for me to hear other responses as well because even though the motivations may be different it is still fascinating to me. (now that I am ready to discuss it. A year or two ago it probably would not have been the case.)
I know that the why doesn't really matter in the scheme of things I guess I am just too curious for my own good.
What is it they say "curiosity killed the cat?"

[Brittany CD]

I'm not offended, but I do find you question interesting.

It's very different for every crossdresser. For me personally, I have always loved women's fashion. Think of how you feel when you see an outfit you like in a store, that's how I feel as well. The dressing part is a desire, but the female face is kind of a need. I feel that I need to put on makeup and become a girl when I put on the clothes. There's something about it that just feels good

[Chardonnay Merlot]

Why I dress? Because it is release. I don't feel so stressed when I'm all dolled up and feeling feminine. I like to feel pretty, and the certain feel I want when I want that feeling doesn't translate as well as a man.

It's also fun and creative. I can remake myself in a lot of new ways. I can discover and rediscover.

It's also a part who I am. My inner girl goes back to childhood. I've tried to repress it, to beat it back. But I have found rather than trying to make her surrender, it was much better for my spirit to surrender to ger and let her out. It's been healthy for me and has made me immensely happy.

[MichelleH]

I guess I would describe my desire to crossdress as a complulsion. I have been attracted to girl's clothes and makeup as long as I can remember. I don't fully dress up much anymore, but I do think about it. I'm able to mostly satisfy my needs by doing a few feminine things every day. I always wear nail polish and I always do my hair (in a masculine style) with a hot air curling brush. When I get a chance, I go to the beauty supply stores and browse--I get a thrill from going in wearing my normal mens clothes but wearing nail polish and maybe mascara. I guess I have some kind of need to be discovered and embarrassed. Can't explain it--just have to do it. Like Kaz said--it's complicated. I don't want to be a woman, but I feel feminine sometimes--probably not normal for a man. I can't explain it.

[JaniceP]

As a Man, I'm NOT ALLOWED to say certain things like, what a pretty dress, that skirt and blouse would look so cute on me. Feel so much like I'd to be dressed in pretty clothes, Dresses, Skirts, Lacy bra, Pretty GIRDLE with Garters holding up my sheer Stockings, the lace from my pretty slip, peeking out from under the hem of my pleated Pink skirt.
Marie, you may NOT feel it, but I do. The sway of my skirt carressing the calfs of my legs as I walk. YOU, don't need one, but I, not only do, but require wearing a Control, hip and Butt, Padded panty under my Girdle, giving me the Girly curves and Smooth Front.

[LaurenB]

Marie, it feels so right when I can express myself as female. When I'm stressed or anxious it calms me. When I let "her" out it heals me. It feeds my creativity. I feel very female on the inside. I guess it's a need for me. It allows me to not have to be a hard, competitive male. When my wife validates my female side I feel like my world is so balanced. In many ways it is a blessing. I hope you come to appreciate this aspect of your husband. He's truly special.

[Ally 2112]

It is just part of who i am not sure why ? It tapped me on the shoulder over 30 yrs ago and gave me a right hook .I have never been the same since .I need my girl thats inside she keeps me sane i have realized that now if it were not for Ally (sorry for the third person thingy lol ) in the hard times i have faced in the last 5 years who knows what might of happened ?:)

[kimdl93]

That's the $64 Thousand Dollar question. I'm not sure I could differentiate between a desire and a need. One still would have to speculate on where the desire or need comes from. There's ample and growing evidence to suggest that our gender identity and sexual preferences are programmed during development in the womb. Based on my understanding of this research, I suspect that something happened in the womb - either genetic or hormonal - that influenced the way our minds developed.

[sometimes_miss]

Why do you dress?
Now, that's a loaded question. Long answer is in my biography thread (link below); short answer is because of my upbringing, I thought I was supposed to be a girl for so many years that it became part of my personality, even though I later figured out that wasn't the case, but the desire to behave as a girl remains overwhelming at times.

Is it a desire or a need?
I'm not sure; there's simply this constant feeling that I'm in the wrong clothes, kind of like if you were at a formal affair and dressed in a bathing suit. Sure, you're in 'gender appropriate' clothing, but it's just going to feel quite uncomfortable. That's how I feel when I'm in male clothing. It's not 'physically' uncomfortable, such as it being too tight or anything like that, just psychologically uncomfortable. But just as if, say, you are wearing something that makes you itchy, if you wear it long enough it becomes really, really annoying, when I'm dressed in typical guy clothing and I can't wear what I feel like I'm supposed to wear (girl clothes); I get cranky, short tempered, forgetful, fidgety, etc.. I only feel 'normal' when I'm dressed as a girl, and it has to be clothing that defines me as female; for example, a plain black warm up suit that just happens to be sold in the woman's department for women isn't going to do it. There's a lot more going on psychologically, much more than I should write here. There's a wealth of information about potential causes of crossdressing in my biography in the writers section (which does not apply to all crossdressers or transgendered people) and if you have any questions feel free to write to me directly so I don't clog the threads here.

[cathie pantyhose]

i dress because it relaxes me differently than climbing a 20,000+ foot mountain does or competing in a 100 mile road bike race. Those events full fill me physically and after, I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment. Dressing fem is truly liberating and relaxing. I don't have the need to feel all "manly" all the time and I like that feeling. It helps me truly unwind. My only wish is that I can get the courage to be with others who share those feelings. I know I'm not alone but the biggest challenge is acceptance from others including my wife who knows I love to dress but "prefers" I dont and doesn't understand as well. You love your husband for who he truly is, don't try to fully diagnose why he dresses, just set some guidelines and boundries and you can make it work.

My wife was angry when she found out because she had this image of me as a rough and tumble manly man (albeit sans any body hair anywhere). After all, I climbed Everest a few years back and I just did it while wearing pantyhose under my gear. I can still take anyone up any mountain or ride 100 miles on my bike in a few hours, or run a marathon (well not with these ankles any longer) and I can put on a dress, 4" heels, hair and makeup and believe I'm pretty, relaxed and happy for a few short hours. It's an escape mechanism for some of us. Some of us just are afraid to escape in to the open

[~Joanne~]

Why do you dress? Is it a desire or a need?

I wish I knew. If I did then maybe there would be a way to control it. At this point it's more of a need than a desire. I find I am more at ease when I am enfemme compared to drab. I also wish I had a more complicated and longer answer but this is it in it's simplest form ;)

[Elle1946]

"Curiosity killed the cat," but finding out brought it back to life.

[anonymousinmaryland]

A simple reply: BOTH. Be gentle, be kind, and try to understand. One day, everything will fall into place.

[DMichele]

A need can be defined as 'must have it', while desire is defined as 'wanting to have' Neither one seems to adequately explain my reason for CDing. And it appears that others, who indicate that they do not know 'why' they crossdress may share 'none of the above'.

So why do I CD - impulse. One of the definitions is 'an electrical signal, for example one that is passed from a nerve to a muscle'. So my brain's feminine sector sends a signal to put on panties, bra, makeup, dress, skirt or whatever. Said attire, etc feels like it belongs and is in harmony with my being. When one is comfortable with their being, especially on the inside - happiness, contentment and other positive feelings are a byproduct.

On the other hand, when the impulse(s) are suppressed - the negative thoughts and feelings such as anger, depression, impatience, etc permeate one's being. I have 'been here done that'.

I have stopped ignoring the impulses for some time now, and I have enjoyed life much more. Oh to be 20 again.

Just some thoughts.

[Nichola]

For me, I feel it's a desire & a need. I think about it everyday but if I don't act on it every once in a while I feel unsettled & out of sorts. I need it to balance me out, I certainly have issues with my gender & the best way I can deal with it is to just enjoy being a girl now & again.

[Vanessa5]

For me it is definatly a need. I have been doing it ever since I can remember. I have had guilt, shame and depression go with it until 2 years ago when I came out to my wife. I have purged which drove me waaaaayyy deep into depression and almost pushed me into the psch ward.

Also the clothes have a different cut and fit my body better. My wife has a hard time because male jeans are either too big or too tight for me. Womens however fit correctly. The fact that they also come in different fabrics and prints also piques my brain because I really love fasion.

Best way to put it is I dress to be me.

[Tara D. Rose]

Yes Marie, so many people want to understand why we do what we do. Some say a compulsion, need , and just the desire. Some CD's do dress for different reasons. Some can take it or leave it. I think the latter do choose it. But for so many, many of us, we just don't know. It is just with us. It was with us from the time we were born. When we get to adulthood, we look back and can see so many things about us as children that we didn't understand while we were in adolecence. I remember going to bed at night in the first and second grade, and falling asleep, I was wishing that I was a girl, not that I liked boys, but I just wanted to be a girl. But when I got up the next morning and looked in the mirror, I saw a boy, and so with that, I was supposed to play softball and basketball, etc. I never liked any of that.
You have asked a wonderful question. You desire to understand why some of us are this way? If I was a GG, I'm sure I would wonder the same way and I would want to understand, and with that wanting to understand, if I was a GG, I would ask CD's the question you have asked. And looking at all the responses here and as well as thousands of other respones on similar threads, we CD's do not fully understand why we must do this. Back some 15 years ago, the guilt and shame of it forced me to throw everything away that I had by way of CD'ing. The first two or three years were so hard for me. Then it had became 13 years since I had became Tara. During those years, I could sometimes think of Tara and because it HAD BEEN many years, I thought I was cured of crossdressing. But with my wife's encouragement, I delved back into it again, and now the desire is stronger than ever and I cannot stop it ever again. I have asked why do I need to do this thousands of times, even I as being a CD, do not understand why I and many others are like this. So many of us have lived with the guilt of it, we try to put it away, but it haunts us untill we give into it again. I guess it's true to say we are born this way, and then scholars and preachers will tell us, oh no we're not.
If I had the magical ficticious book entited "The Real Truth and Understanding of Crossdressers" and if that book gave all of the real truths about us and left NO DOUBT, to why crossdressers and TG's to do this to the letter and revealed what it really is, and the book left no stone unturned, and that it's contents and text's were the real reason and were undisputable, and the book fully explained WHY, we do this,,I would give you the book.
I do know , as well as many others, of how becoming Tara makes me feel, it makes me feel whole and who I am, I feel joy, contentment, solice, completion and at peace. As other posters on here have said what crossdressing does for them, but not WHY the crossdressing does it for them. Why do men have nipples?, men were never intended to suckle young. We all start out in the womb as female. Is this just an American thing?, of course not, is crossdressing just a modern thing of these times?, of course not. Has this thing that aflicts so many of us been around just for the past couple of hundred years?, of course not. Are we all the same?, of course not. Does the answer to your great question really exist here on earth among mortal men?, I don't think so. Do GG's that are not one of us, but lives with one of us or knows someone like us, understand us and have the undisputable truth?, I don't think so. Will we ever know the real truth of why do we do this? I really don't think so.
If there was that magic pill that has been spoken about on here sometimes, that would take it all away, would I take the pill?, yes I would. Is it a need or desire you ask?, to me it is both. And no Marie, you have not offended anyone.I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I'm being real, we don't know why we do this, we just do.
Love and peace to all of you ,..............Tara

[Marie GG]

Thanks again everyone for your responses.
While I guess no one really has an idea of why, some of you do have some interesting theories.
Based on previous discussions with my husband I didn't really expect anyone had the magic answer - to life, the universe, and everything...
(though I am told it may be 42 ;))
I do feel that all of you sharing your stories and feelings did help me to get to know you better. And that is a nice unplanned outcome. So thanks again :)

[MandyGG]

Based on previous discussions with my husband I didn't really expect anyone had the magic answer - to life, the universe, and everything...
(though I am told it may be 42 ;))


Siri knows all!

I am glad you asked this, it is interesting to see all of the answers. My husbands answer was "I like the tightness of the clothes against my body. Male clothes can never feel that way no matter how tight they are, they just aren't tight enough in the right places."

[cdkateinboston]

Let's face it: you women have the real of expressing yourselves through any number of things, maybe we want some of that too I find myself in the same boat here too. One of the biggest issue's I had with my dressing during my college years was "why do I love being all dressed up as a girl and feeling pretty. Yet I do not identify with feminine traits or looks when I am not dressed. And everyone here is absolutely right, its different for all of us. Every time I dress, I try to wear a different outfit combination, or buy and try a new type of eye liner, different styles to paint my fake nails! Even though "I'm not supposed to be feminine, its not my place", and I do love my male side, I also love being, well trying to be, cute and feminine. So yes, sorry to ramble, that's just one of the many potential reasons he does it :)