When did you realize and other questions

[emmicd]

How old were you when you first realized you were different?

When did you realize you were transgendered?

When did you come to terms with it?

When did you start to go out dressed as you?

When did you start to not care what others thought about how you dressed?

Did you ever purge?

Did you ever enjoy being a guy?

As a guy if you have wife and kids do you feel you let them down by being transgendered?

When did you realize you should start electrolysis?

How did electrolysis make you feel when you touched your skin and felt no more razor stuble, just smooth silky skin?

When did you realize you had to start HRT?

Has being transgender been more of a curse or a hope for a better life?

How have you integrated your family, your friends and your work into your TG life?

emmi

[emmicd]

How old were you when you first realized you were different? I was 5 years old.
When did you realize you were transgendered? I was 13 and i read the story of Christine Jorgensen
When did you come to terms with it? I have not yet come to terms with it.
When did you start to go out dressed as you? Just yesterday, seriously at age 51!
When did you start to not care what others thought about how you dressed? Just yesterday!
Did you ever purge? Of course, a dozen times in my life.
Did you ever enjoy being a guy? Of course, when I married and had a son!
As a guy if you have wife and kids do you feel you let them down by being transgendered? Of course! I feel very conflicted about this!
When did you realize you should start electrolysis? This year at age 51!
How did electrolysis make you feel when you touched your skin and felt no more razor stuble, just smooth silky skin? Amazing! I love my electrolygist!
When did you realize you had to start HRT? Still debating about this! Want to do it though! Could start as early as late June according to my doctor!
Has being transgender been more of a curse or a hope for a better life? A curse and a hope for a better life! Still out to court on this one!
How have you integrated your family, your friends and your work into your TG life? Still working on it!

emmi

[Badtranny]

- Must have been around 5ish. Whatever age we become self aware.

- Probably 9ish is when I realized that I wasn't a girl but wanted to be.

- I came to terms twice. At about 11ish I realized I was a boy and that was that, so I started to "man up" The second time I was 42 and I ended up starting my transition that year.

- I started crossdressing in 2008 or 2009, but "dressed as me"? probably not until 2010

- around 2011

- I purged once in 2009, a couple of months later I was on the path to transition

- no

- no wife, no kids

- in 2010, summer I think, should have started sooner

- took awhile to notice any real changes. laser took care of the beard shadow in a couple of months and that was fantastic

- summer of 2010

- been a curse for sure until I accepted it.

- I came out and everyone I know, knows who I really am. The secret I've spent a lifetime trying to bury no longer exists. My secret is now my reality.

[Kaz]

I really want to respond to this, although I have to come clean... I am not looking to have surgery or hormone therapy... but I am increasingly convinced that I may be TS (in my head and always has been) or is that just TG - the lesser person? So I hope that you bear with me and allow me to express my 'confused' story...

How old were you when you first realized you were different? From my earliest recollections... I always felt different...

When did you realize you were transgendered? Difficult to answer as way back when this wasn't discussed or obvious. I remember reading an article about (probably the first) guy to become a woman - and I was obsessed by this...

When did you come to terms with it? I am still coming to terms with it... it never 'happened' it is an ongoing, painful process

When did you start to go out dressed as you? About 6 years ago

When did you start to not care what others thought about how you dressed? I haven't yet... this worries me a lot

Did you ever purge? Many times...

Did you ever enjoy being a guy? Yes... I have had some great times in my life, have kids, etc... did I ever feel like I was a 'regular guy' - no. I have always maintained a different path in thought and deed... But being a father has been awesome...

As a guy if you have wife and kids do you feel you let them down by being transgendered? Yes

When did you realize you should start electrolysis? I haven't but I wish I had the balls to do it (sic)

How did electrolysis make you feel when you touched your skin and felt no more razor stuble, just smooth silky skin? I shave all my body whenever I can and have the energy... Smooth silky skin is one of the best feelings on earth. I don't want hair ever again...

When did you realize you had to start HRT? I am not there as I do not want to lose what I have, but I think about this most days... what if?

Has being transgender been more of a curse or a hope for a better life? Both... I cannot deny the pain and grief I have felt and inflicted on others, but I have to accept the sheer joy of feeling... 'me'... I like who I am and how I feel inside... I wish I could just express it in the outside world and be accepted

How have you integrated your family, your friends and your work into your TG life? With considerable difficulty... friends and work...NO... family... a current difficult area... they know (immediate family) but do not accept...

Kaz

[Noemi]

How old were you when you first realized you were different?
4

When did you realize you were transgendered?
When I was about 8 years old I used to wear my Moms clothes and wonder why I was not born a girl. I used to shout at God and ask why.

When did you come to terms with it?
I am still working on this. But am moving forward as a man who likes to wear women's clothes from time to time. I am hoping that this works out as I do not want to transition or go any further with being trans, I would like to keep things simple as possible.

When did you start to go out dressed as you?
I never have and probably never will.

When did you start to not care what others thought about how you dressed?
I do not care much about what others think anyway, I already know what they think.

Did you ever purge?
Yes every year but am not planing on purging again as the urge(no P) always returns.

Did you ever enjoy being a guy?
I have never been a guy. I have always know that I am transgender. I am no phony, always sincere. Most people think I am a sensitive man, which I am.

As a guy if you have wife and kids do you feel you let them down by being transgendered? No wife and kids

When did you realize you should start electrolysis?
I would like to start electrolysis, and think of it often...but today I am thinking that I am going to cool out for a while as I am needing to be a part of at the moment and Cding is creating a situation in which I am isolating too much.

How did electrolysis make you feel when you touched your skin and felt no more razor stuble, just smooth silky skin?
Oh my this sounds delightful. I do not like my body hair at all.

When did you realize you had to start HRT?
it is unlikely that I will start HRT. I do not want to change my thought process as I need it because I work in a creative field, what I mean is I am reluctant to change anything about my self because, aside from dealing with depression, my mind works very well as it is. Plus I do not want to damage my liver or my health on any level.

Has being transgender been more of a curse or a hope for a better life?
It is better, perfection. I would not hold the experiences I have and would not be me. But it is lonely and frustrating.

How have you integrated your family, your friends and your work into your TG life?
No, not at all.


Thanks for such a well conceived questionnaire Emmi, you are sweet. This helped me tonight.

♥
Noemi

[Princess Jen]

How old were you when you first realized you were different?
I don't really remember, maybe 13 years old?

When did you realize you were transgendered?
When I found my interests were more linked to the person I was when I was dressed up rather than the clothes themselves. I was 16 years old at this time.

When did you come to terms with it?
I thought I had struck a pretty good balance with it around the time I was 18 years old.

When did you start to go out dressed as you?
16 years old but my outings were few and sporadic.

When did you start to not care what others thought about how you dressed?
Probably around the time I was 19 years old and started to feel the strong need to change my outward appearance.

Did you ever purge?
I think three times before I turned 17. By then I realized anything I threw away would need to be replaced later anyway.

Did you ever enjoy being a guy?
I thought I did for a time but then I became ashamed of it.

As a guy if you have wife and kids do you feel you let them down by being transgendered?
I never married or had kids.

When did you realize you should start electrolysis?
After 3 years of laser hair removal failed to make a real difference. I started the laser treatments when I was 19 years old.

How did electrolysis make you feel when you touched your skin and felt no more razor stuble, just smooth silky skin?
It was like a dream come true!

When did you realize you had to start HRT?
When I realized I couldn't keep living the lie my life had become. I was 23 years old.

Has being transgender been more of a curse or a hope for a better life?
I think I would have preferred it if I had been cisgendered instead. But as for transition itself, I have not had a very hard time yet, although I am not full time yet either. And I am always worried on the outside about it, discrimination, being alone in public, especially after dark etc. But inside, this has just been the most natural and freeing force I have ever experienced. I used to be so afraid of transitioning that I KNEW it would be impossible for me, and when you combine that with how it feels like I pulled myself out of the gutter by saying okay okay okay...maybe I will transition, it almost feels like a daydream.

How have you integrated your family, your friends and your work into your TG life?
I still don't have many friends, I never actually did but the ones I have made were accepting from the start, one of them taking me out as Jennifer countless times and even suggesting I DO transition when I thought I couldn't but it was clear I was distressed. Everyone in my family accepts me and is supportive except for two people...but I haven't given up all hope on them yet either. My mother in particular has done more than I ever could have asked for by taking me clothes shopping when I was younger, taking pictures of me dressed up, helping me pay for the laser hair removal treatments (though they weren't permanent for me after all), taking a very active role in helping me get through this in general...to the most recent thing, calling me her own daughter. :hugs:
emmi

I guess I still need 20 extra characters to post this reply! :doh:

[Rachel Mari]

How old were you when you first realized you were different?
I was 5 years old when I found out that the other boys in my class at school didn't think the same way I did.

When did you realize you were transgendered?
Never heard of transgendered until started coming to this site in Oct 2010. I never had a name for it as I was all alone, or so I thought.

When did you come to terms with it?
Still working on that part, but I'm getting much closer.

When did you start to go out dressed as you?
I went out a couple of times 25 years ago, but I stopped and purged and really haven't been out since. I plan to start up again.

When did you start to not care what others thought about how you dressed?
That is my biggest hurdle, not caring what others think.

Did you ever purge?
Yes, several times, but I've stopped because I didn't want to keep buying the same things over again.

Did you ever enjoy being a guy?
I imagine I did at some time, just can't think of anything in particular.

As a guy if you have wife and kids do you feel you let them down by being transgendered?
Yes, not so much with the kids, but for sure about the wife.

When did you realize you should start electrolysis?
Within the last couple of months, but I haven't started yet.

How did electrolysis make you feel when you touched your skin and felt no more razor stuble, just smooth silky skin?
If it's anything like right after shaving, then I'll love it.

When did you realize you had to start HRT?
About three months ago. I haven't started yet because I feel that would be the thing to ensure we will get divorced. In the way that I think we're going to get a divorce now but that will cement it. I still hold out some hope we won't divorce but it's very slim.

Has being transgender been more of a curse or a hope for a better life?
Sometimes it is a curse, but many times I feel it's a gift.

How have you integrated your family, your friends and your work into your TG life?
No, not yet. I doubt we'll be together. I believe the kids will be fine with it when I come out to them as they're pretty open and accepting of people.

[Aprilrain]

How old were you when you first realized you were different?

I'm different? I was probably 6 or 7 when i told my mom that I was going to wear girls clothes when i grew up.

When did you realize you were transgendered?

I'm not, I'm transexual, realized I was when i found out WHAT that was at 29ish. I KNOW what rock had i been living under??

When did you come to terms with it?

still working on it though I'm well into transition!

When did you start to go out dressed as you?

mid twenties?

When did you start to not care what others thought about how you dressed?

never, I still care what others think about the way I'm dressed only now I dress exclusively feminine.

Did you ever purge?

countless times

Did you ever enjoy being a guy?

there were parts of my life I greatly enjoyed while I was a guy but i don't think that translates to liking being a guy.

As a guy if you have wife and kids do you feel you let them down by being transgendered?

NO, I feel regret that I didn't figure this out sooner so I could have avoided marriage and kids.

When did you realize you should start electrolysis?

last year

How did electrolysis make you feel when you touched your skin and felt no more razor stuble, just smooth silky skin?

its gotten a lot better but there is still hair there can't wait to be finished

When did you realize you had to start HRT?

2 Januarys ago

Has being transgender been more of a curse or a hope for a better life?

definitely feels like a curse sometimes but I do hope life gets better. I think the end result shouldn't be to hope for a "better life" but rather a GID free life.

How have you integrated your family, your friends and your work into your TG life?

I told them this is what i needed to do and waited for the fall out. it ended up being a grenade rather than a nuclear missile. A few people got hurt and it blew my life apart but nothing was disintegrated.

emmi
.................................................

[Julia_in_Pa]

I will answer within the quote for you.


How old were you when you first realized you were different?

When did you realize you were transgendered? I'm not transgendered I'm intersexed. I learned this in the early eighties but knew I was different since four years of age.

When did you come to terms with it? In my late twenties.

When did you start to go out dressed as you? When I transitioned in 2006.

When did you start to not care what others thought about how you dressed N/A

Did you ever purge? N/A

Did you ever enjoy being a guy? At certain times yes mostly when in my teens and early twenties.

As a guy if you have wife and kids do you feel you let them down by being transgendered? I have no children. Being born intersexed I was sterile but never wanted children anyway. My ex wife promised to stay with me during and after transition prior to our marriage but she reneged on her promise thus the reason why we are divorced.

When did you realize you should start electrolysis? I never really had much hair on my face. I mostly had laser remove what was there.

How did electrolysis make you feel when you touched your skin and felt no more razor stuble, just smooth silky skin? Alright I guess

When did you realize you had to start HRT? I began doing research on the internet in earnest in mid 2000 and began HRT St. Patrick's Day 2001.

Has being transgender been more of a curse or a hope for a better life? Being intersexed is exactly that. It's a medical condition. Having to transition is a completely different story I had to transition to avoid suicide. Enough said.

How have you integrated your family, your friends and your work into your TG life? Due to transition everyone in my family walked away. I rebuilt a new life with new family and new friends in a different state 2300 miles from where I transitioned.

emmi

[LeaP]

How old were you when you first realized you were different?

I don't remember. The best I can answer this is that I experienced it as a growing awareness. It hit full force in early puberty, though.

When did you realize you were transgendered?

I thought I might be starting in my teens. I pushed those thoughts away as they came up over the years. I didn't accept the reality of it until last year. The key difference is one of questioning triggered by an event or circumstances, versus being in a crisis where you are forced to confront yourself in a fundamental way.

When did you come to terms with it?

I haven't quite figured out yet what coming to terms with it means for me!

When did you start to go out dressed as you?

About 10 years ago. I would have considered it crossdressing at that point, however, not an expression of identity. And I would have purged immediately afterwards.

When did you start to not care what others thought about how you dressed?

This year, and not completely even now.

Did you ever purge?

Many, many times.

Did you ever enjoy being a guy?

No. Period. I could say positive things about early childhood, but I look at that period as essentially non-gendered.

When did you realize you should start electrolysis?

Years ago, but haven't done anything other than gather information and fees of the local clinics.

How did electrolysis make you feel when you touched your skin and felt no more razor stuble, just smooth silky skin?

Emmi, to be honest, this question sounds a little creepy.

When did you realize you had to start HRT?

I'm not there yet. It has been on my mind a lot for several months, however.

Has being transgender been more of a curse or a hope for a better life?

It was nothing but a curse until recently. You have to accept what you are in order to see potential and hope. Until you reach that point it's all about resistance - and the curse.

How have you integrated your family, your friends and your work into your TG life?

I haven't. Ask again in 6 months or a year (or so)...