Trying to go out dressed

[skylance]

Lately my urges to dress have been getting increasingly stronger, and as such, with the support of my wife, I have been. However, the urge to go out dressed has also been increasing dramatically. With the desire to go out, also comes the same anxieties that have been expressed numerous times on the forum such as: "what if someone i know sees me? Or, how will the public in general receive me dressed like this? just to name a few.

I know that the only opinions that should matter are those of my wife and close friends, all of whom know and are at least alright with it, however, these anxieties still keep me from doing what I'm really wanting to do.

So far, my wife and I have come up with 3 solutions:
#1.) start off small, wearing only one piece of feminine outerwear, like shoes, and gradually build up from there.
#2.) Get fully dresses and go to some of the smaller places around town that carry very minimal risk of encountering someone that I know
#3.) Bite the bullet and full speed ahead

Any input on which have been tried and how effective they have been would be greatly appreciated


HUGS
Sky

[Kaz]

1 and 2 work well. For walkabouts I usually go to a different place from where I live and try to blend. I cannot pass enough to go full steam ahead, but I know some people who aren't bothered about passing and so there they are, out there living it. But that takes a strong personality/character... so I 'fudge'. I do like being out though. It is the greatest feeling...

[Shelly Preston]

I agree with Kaz on this.

You do however have one advantage. If you decide to go for option three, full steam ahead as Kaz put it. Your wife will be able to decide if how you look well be suitable for where you are going. It could be you choose to go for a walk around a town or city you would not normally go. Surprisingly daylight is easier as most are going about their own business. You may just decide to go for a drive the first time. to get used to being out. Then you can increase your time out and confidence.

[AshleyScott]

Sky, bonjour from France...

My first experience of going out dressed sort of came by accident, but maybe you could create a similar scenario. :daydreaming:

Firstly, I was “discovered” wearing a skirt and heels in my home by a French girl friend of my daughter. Céline (the friend) had dropped by to say hello, when she knocked on my door, … without thinking I simply called out “Entrez” - and in she came. She immediately put me at ease by admiring my skirt and long legs.

So that was me “out”. :eek:

Céline said that she had no problem with my attire and would be quite happy if I were to visit her so dressed. We both live in the country, so driving over to her house "en femme" is no great adventure. On my 2nd visit to her house, she suggested that we go out in her car to a local village as she needed to go to the bakers.

Now going out in a car wearing a skirt and heels is something that any of us might do, incognito. What I hadn't realised was that she intended that we go to a local village that is also a big tourist attraction. Nor had I realised that once we reached our destination she expected me to get out of the car to help her do her shopping.

Having found a place to park her car, she came around to my door, opened it and hauled me out. Holding me firmly by the hand we marched across the square and into the local boulangerie.

A 6' tall, 60 something, bald headed Englishman wearing a short denim skirt and brown high heels being led (like a child) by a 5' 4”, 30 something, slip of a French girl through all those gaping tourists. Can you picture it? :doh:

She gave me no time to think.., she didn't care what anyone-else might think... for her, it was none of their business. We were out shopping and then for a coffee in the local - 2 friends, similarly dressed, having a good time. :D

[Beverley Sims]

#1 and #2 ok. #3, frought with problems.

[katie_barns]

For the first time 1 & 2. It doesn't hurt to build up. I didn't do it that way. I did 3, but I was 1000 miles away from home and in a safe place. I am also a little crazy. The main thing is you will be doing it together. That alone will make it special, even if you have only 1 item on that could be taken for male clothing.

Enjoy the ride; but make sure you don't out pace your wife's acceptance

[Cheryl T]

First of all the best thing is if you are going out and are worried about someone who knows you seeing you... Do not go out in your town. I was told originally by someone not to go out within 50 miles of my home. That certainly reduces the chance of being recognized.
Secondly, if you are even reasonably "passable" (I personally don't like that term) then you will quickly notice that few people even pay attention to you so long as you dress for where you are going and dress as most others do. My first time out I was scared to death and in a mall and soon realized that no one was looking at me.
Thirdly, the best advice about enjoying your time out is Be Confident. Feel that you belong there as much as anyone else. That confidence will almost make you invisible. People have a radar for those that appear nervous and cautious while those that are confident are overlooked. I don't mean strut about like a peacock, but don't be the "deer in the headlights".

[Sandra1746]

Depending on your choice of clothing you may not even be noticed. Fem jeans or slacks and a fem top can be androgynous. Hair and jewelry and a purse are more pronounced but still well within "comfort zones". A skirt or dress is "full ahead".

I regularly go out dressed fully en-fem but it is "plain stuff" like jeans or shorts with a top. Some of the colors are really bright but I haven't tried lace trim yet, nor gone out in public in a skirt. That may come in time.

So far I have had only good encounters when out dressed. This certainly includes shopping for routine items but also lingerie so my "venues" pretty well cover the map. I think few people really notice because they are more concerned with what you think about them. Be polite and smile a lot.

Enjoy life,
Sandra1746

PS: Ashley, I loved your post.

[Tina B.]

Well all three will work, being in the closet myself, I've taken to wearing a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, with a pair of ladies socks, and a pair of shoes that I bought that could pass as male unless you look real close. toss on a sweater (guys) and out the door, just the sweater is male, the rest of what I have on is female, skip the forms, wig and make up. do it a time or two, and then add a pc. of jewelry, if you want to get out, after awhile you will expand on it, until you are out there dressed just the way you want to be.
Tina B.

[Jenniferathome]

I think partially dressing is a mistake. It is rather obvious and will draw unwanted attention. Dress to blend in the best and go to a different town or area of your town so your concern of being made by acquaintances is diminished.

[Jennifer W]

I'll tell you what I've done. I wear clothes that "blend in" with where I'm going. I've worn fem jeans, a plain cami and sneakers to the mall and no one noticed or if they did no one cared! I don't wear a wig or make-up or a bra that might show. I have a mustache that I'm not willing to part with. I have very short hair. I've worn a pink tank top to the beach and you can plainly see I'm a guy. Believe me, no one will give you a second look and if they do it's ok. At least it is with me.

[JenniferR771]

Option number 2 is best, Sky.
Its easy. Just dress to blend the first time--and go a distance from your home area. To a mall. Walk around the parking lot. A bit of shopping. You need a way to get out of your neighborhood so neighbors don't notice you or recognize your car. Early in the morning perhaps. Once you realize it is not as scary as you thought--it gets easy.

My local cd friend and I went for a bit of shopping, dressed. Our favorite thrift shop--what can I say--they had a sale. Everything half-price on the last Tuesday of the month. We were barely noticed among the busy shoppers. Clerks were nice as we have shopped their often in drab. We stopped for some gourmet catfood at a pet store. Got a big grin from cashier. We went to H & K Beauty products at 730 28th st SE, Grand Rapids. They treated us very well. The clerk said, "Hey its 2012. I don't care what you wear." She was helpful. We looked at a few wigs and my friend bought a nice one.
Give it a try!

[JessHaust]

Go with #2

My first time out was to the movies with my wife. It changed my life.
BTW, there are no 'CD safe places there are only 'Places', you are as safe anywhere as your mind will let you be.

[kimdl93]

I tried #1 and #2. Personally, 2 seems better option of the three. Partial dressing, as a friend pointed out, can create a dischordant image. I wore some light make up, a bra and small forms, and a womans top and heels, but men's jacket and slacks. I will be the first to admit that I neither looked male nor female and I felt like I was trying to disguise the feminine items with some male trappings.

One day, I decided to go all the way...with the addition of a wig. I felt genuinely transformed. While I realized that I had a number of male attributes that would probably give me a way at close range, I felt justifiably confident in being able to mix with a crowd of people and not "stand out" as a CDr. My first ventures out were to small venues and TG friendly establishments, but it didn't take long before I was shopping at the mall, dining at restaraunts and enjoying other public places, fully en femme.

[Eryn]

Some have mentioned it, but not as a full "option":

Option No 4: dress fully and go somewhere distant from home. The chances of running into someone you know goes way down and you are free to relax and experiment with your presentation. I go to the next valley over, about 20 miles or so from home.

The chances of you being recognized by an acquaintance of your male self depends upon your presentation. I doubt that any of my male side's friends would recognize Eryn in passing. They would, however, recognize my wife, so that requires discretion in choice of venue.

[Alice Torn]

My first and all times out, were #3, and 4. All out, completely dressed, in $" heels, making me six foot ten in heels! Needless to say, there was some unwanted attention, all by myself, and a cop pulled me over the second time out.

[RenneB]

If I were writing a letter to myself at the place that I'm at being comfy out and about in the comfy clothes, I'd tell myself, to dress to the audience...that is bit the bullet on wanting to go out dressed to the nines and throw on the pads, forms, corset and cover it all with blending.... jeans skirt, blouse and quiet (non-click clacky) heels. Hair and makeup along with accessories to top it all off and hit the mall. Through on some dark shades to give you that aire of animinity and you're set.....

After a few times, the butterflies will leave you and the time will fly by....

Renne.....