View Full Version : RLT Question-- how would they know?

11-11-2005, 08:44 PM
How is your therapist supposed to know you're living full time? Not that this is a good idea, but what's to stop a person from lying to their psych and going in femme only when getting counseling?

I've always wondered. Thanks.

BTW, nothing I'm planning on, lol.

11-11-2005, 10:59 PM
i would think that after 100 years of college that they can pretty much weed out the frauds, if there are any. i don't know why somone would try to deceive their psych into thinking differently, after all, why was the choice made to begin with? If a guy is going that far with it, as I am strongly considering, then why not take on the role in its entirety, welcomely and to the hilt if that's a prerequistite to further process. After all, as soon as the painful process has started, you're a woman now.

Kim E
11-12-2005, 12:13 AM
Hi Julie ~
I think Autumn may have hit on something. Why would anyone start on such a difficult road, knowing all too well what lay ahead and then cheat on RLT. Seems like they would be undermining their own progress and their chosen goal. Transition is in various stages and RLT is needed to continue and to achieve the final goal of SRS.

I know where your going with this. Yes, how would anyone really know ? Gosh, Julie, I can't answer that. I guess I really don't have a definitive answer. Hopefully, I can ask one of my friends who have been through it. Sorry, hon.

Hugs ~ Kim

11-12-2005, 07:41 AM
I can not see why you would not want to go full time when ready. I wish I could be full time now but realize that with everything going on and not being 100% passable yet that it is not going to happen so soon...

Oh well... soon enough I guess


11-12-2005, 08:44 AM
I transitioned early, and it was hard. It is VERY important to feel comfortable in yourself, as who you want to be and been known as. The RLT is not something that you should short change, as it reaffirms those who truly want it and keeps those who do not from making a life altering mistake. It has been nearly 10 years since I transitioned, and I am lucky to have figured myself out so early. I do still love sports, and beer and the things that are hard to imagine in the right gender...remember it is about who you are, not what people see you to be. The physical "correction" (if you want or even need it) is for you and only you. If you want to spend even 1 day as you are now, think twice about who you will have to be after GRS.

11-12-2005, 12:53 PM
The physical "correction" (if you want or even need it) is for you and only you. If you want to spend even 1 day as you are now, think twice about who you will have to be after GRS.

Wow great way to put it... certainly does not quite work for me but...

try not being either gender and choosing one...


Jeanette TS
11-12-2005, 03:43 PM
Hi all i have herd about a girl who was see the therapist and never once when in female mode. so what do they do when that happen's?.

I am seeing the therapist now and i feel its still going to slow for me. Is there anyone eles like me?


11-12-2005, 04:35 PM
How is your therapist supposed to know you're living full time? Not that this is a good idea, but what's to stop a person from lying to their psych and going in femme only when getting counseling?

I've always wondered. Thanks.

BTW, nothing I'm planning on, lol.


Lets assume you do as your suggesting. A very simple question - who is the one who's GOING TO - not might - end up getting hurt?

My therapist can see very significant changes in me and I'm sure my psychiatrist can as well, that wouldn't be there if I wasn't living full time and being true to myself - I stress MYSELF, not them.


11-12-2005, 10:02 PM
I agree that it would be self-defeatist to cheat the RLT, and that few would want to cheat who had already made it that far. Still, just a question of my curiosity. Thanks.

11-13-2005, 12:22 AM
While a therapist can tell in some patients who is living full time I'm sure there are those who can successfully fool their therapist. As it's been stated, if you do this you are only cheating yourself.

I know one TS who had SRS only one month after entering therapy. She is totally happy she transitioned and has never looked back. I read of one TS who transitioned but still lead a male life when with family. She didn't want to hurt them. FInally her family told her it was time to stop this and just be herself. She had no idea they knew.

When I went to therapy dressed for the first time, the therapist told me I was a different person. I didn't consciously act that way, I was just more comfortable with myself. I could see a therapist being fooled by a genuine change in a person when in session and taking that to mean she is changing because she's living full time.

I had discussed with my therapist the possibility of SRS w/o thr RLT. I wanted to transition by correcting my genatilia first. I felt very strongly about this. After having known me for some time and asking pertinent questions, my therapist laid out a plan for doing so. She said following the SOC (http://www.altsex.org/transgender/benjamin.html) wasn't the only way to transition. I know she felt strongly I was an excellent candidate for transitioning. I decided against transitioning because of my family and my age. Had I been a lot younger I most likely would have transitioned.

So there are definitely a lot of holes in the SOC (http://www.altsex.org/transgender/benjamin.html) but by exploiting them you may be doing yourself a disservice.

Follow your heart. Only you know what's best for you.

11-13-2005, 07:24 AM
I've seen a lot of posts about the consequences of "cheating" on RLT by not living full time, but no one who actually answered the question of "How would the therapist know?"

Well, for starters, how about the paper trail? Living full time includes, working, driving, borrowing books from the library, etc; ie, a legal name change, changed driver's license and social security card, paycheck stubs, library card. One could conceivably spend part of their time presenting as one's birth gender after all of this paperwork, but would run the risk of humiliation or worse.


11-13-2005, 09:10 AM
Thanks again for all the replies, ladies.

11-13-2005, 06:06 PM
I've heard you have to think death or transition, but I don't agree because I've read stories of people who've said that and then kill themselves after transitioning. It's all up to the individual. You can only look at all of the examples of the variances out there and wonder if you fit in there somewhere. I hope everyone who does think they should transition take their time. It's ok to be wrong where you can change your mind. It's not ok to be wrong and live with a regret.

What you say here is so true,

I have long said my situation like most others is a bit different, mainly because I am intersex and have different medical issues that a "normal" transexual. I am in the unevitable posistion of "choosing" my sex, i.e. I am somewhere in the middle and if I don't choose one or the other I will die, and not by suicide. Most transexuals are biologically functial men or woman and are changing their sex, that is different.

I am relativly comfortable in the state I am in now, asexual, without real sex (no hormones, not functional either way). I am 99.9% sure I am a girl, I always have been. I have tried choosing being a guy but everytime I do it I realize that I start getting into gender dysphoria, anger, etc that is not me. Sure when I start on estogen I am sure things will be more clear but based on how I feel now (having nearly 3x the estrogen in my body vs testosterone) adding estorgen is just going to reinforce how I feel, and I like that (emotional, caring, etc).

Will I one day not regret the one of two things I get now being percieved as a guy...? Sure, there will always be regrets, I have the advantages of both sexes, I can be caring, yet since I look like a guy the world looks better. Does me deciding to lean towards the female side make me any different... no, it just means society will let me be ther person I have always been.

As I indulge in my feminine side (with clothing, makeup, ect) I find out what stuff works for me. It is not about the clothing, makeup, etc, it is about finding inner peace inside of me. I am loosing something by choosing a side if you will, but I gain so much more... will there be regrets... sure... like peeing standing up. Will there be benefits... 100 times over... and when I find my husband someday that will be the best...

I used to think the world would be best if they could make me a girl, functional (because I am not functional as a male intersex) in most ways, and live the life I do now. I have realized what my mind is really saying is you want to be a girl but still do the things (and activities) you do now. I have learned through self searching that girls can do all the same things guys can do... and finding that out has finally made me accept who I am.

It is all about finding yourself and understanding your posistion in the world... acceptance is the key to a happy life. Just take your time coming out. I can see that if you were undecided going into therapy there could be problem, and kind of force you into what you feel. I went into therapy knowing I would transistion, the therapist has helped me find the most happy way to do it.

And yes I am scared.


11-16-2005, 11:17 AM
Some of the GRS surgeons only require a passport or driving licence in a female name that is at least 6 months old (Dr. Suporn for example). *shrugs*

Personally, I have no desire to go full time before FFS anyway - man-in-a-dress = ick. Sorry gals. ;)

I am actually tempted to to change my name prior to the FFS and just carry on living androgenously though in order to give myself the option of obtaining GRS less than 6 months after going "properly" full time (ie. getting -everyone- to call me Kate not just various friends etc).

Not that I'm in a hurry or anything :P