Baby Boomers, when did you first realize you weren't the only one who ...

[ColleenA]

This question is for those here who can remember life before the boon of the internet and the bane of Jerry Springer. When or how did you first realize you weren't the only one who was CD or TS?

Of course, men in dresses had been a comedy staple since forever, with such things as Flip Wilson's Geraldine or "Some Like It Hot." But to see the concept taken seriously? Wasn't that kind of a revelation?

I had heard of Christine Jorgenson, but knew virtually nothing about her, so her story was abstract to me. One turning point for me, though, was watching "West Side Story" on television. In the song "Officer Krupke," one character has the line, "My sister wears a mustache; my brother wears a dress." I cannot recall anything about CDs/TSs that had caught my attention before that moment, the way that single line did.

[Beth Mays]

I really thought I was the ONLY male on earth for a very long time. No joke!

[jillleanne]

Some high profile pro atheletes came out/forced out in the 70's as well. Not sure if I ever gave much thought to anyone else really. I was only concerned with myself and staying focused with who I am. I sure do regret not coming out as a teen though and taken the flack to follow. Knowing now what I know, I could have easily handled the hatred/bigotry that existed and still exists today.

[Karren H]

I remember in 8th grade english class reading a Life magazine article on transvestites of NYC and I was shocked that I was not alone and wasn't the freak I thought I was! @

[Jan Michell Collins]

I can't remmber what year it was but we (mom, dad, and me) went to the drive in move I really don't remmber to much from it but they saw Christine Jorgenson I woke up a few time and was quickly told to go back to sleep and a blanket was tossed over my head lol.

[Connie D50]

this site helped me a lot and I joined in 2006 I knew I wasn't the only one But I didn't think the group was this big :-) And the stories tell me that a lot of us went thru alot of the same growing pains. Connie

[Cheryl T]

The first I heard of another was when I was about 10 and my friend's would always comment as we passed this one house about the "He-She Monster" that lived there. Apparently he dressed and you know what happens when kids find out...
The next was Christine Jorgensen and after that when I was about 18, driving and could go to NYC. There I found all the movies, books and magazines such as "Lady Like" and the "Female Impersonator Newsletter". These told me for sure I was no longer alone and gave me a mode to contact others and finally talk about it with someone who shared my feelings and my concerns.

[Kate Simmons]

The interest never goes away it seems. We created our own opportunities in the old days. I even subscribed to a FI (female impersonator) newsletter back in the early 1980's and they advertised breast forms, femme face masks, femme body forms and padded panties, etc. Nothing is as new as it is old they say. CDing like many things remains eternal and a hope for those of us who want to be like girls.:battingeyelashes::)

[Joanne f]

I always thought that what I done was a little odd so I had to be a bit careful on who I let see it more than told but for some reason never felt uneasy about it as it just felt normal to me so I did not really think about other people doing it apart fro the odd article you would get in a magazine or paper about Transsexuals which I would have a strange fascination in reading , then one night when dressed I happened to see a program on the television about Transvestites and then suddenly thought " Hell I must be one of those" and there are more like me , then came the internet and you then get to realise that there is a hell of a lot like me so i am not quite so odd as I thought I was ( OK still odd but not in cross dressing terms ) :heehee:.

[barbie lanai]

I also pretty much thought I was the only one. Until 64, at age 18 and in the Navy, went into an adult book store in San Francisco and found a whole section on the subject. Being in the Navy, didn't dare buy a book and bring it back to base. So limited myself to buying a mostly fiction book or two (maybe 20-40 pages each with pictures or drawings) and taking it directly home on liberty. After reading it would destroy it, so my folks wouldn't find it.

During the VHS video store rental days in the 80's, found the store near us to have an adult section. And in the that section, they had a number of ******* videos. So it dawned on me there must be some others.

Wasn't on the internet until sometime in 95-96. What a difference.

[kristinacd55]

When I got on the internet.....aol days in the mid 90's

[Tina B.]

I was in about the sixth or seventh grade when Christine had her surgery and came out, they did a big cover story about it in Life magazine, I believe it was. After the family was done with that mag, I took it and kept it for a long time. She was my first hint there was anyone else out there, or that you could really be a girl. I was in my early twenty's when the tennis player, Renee Richards came out, by then there was a lot more written, and talked about on the radio, than when Christine came out.
Tina B.

[Kate Simmons]

Back in the early 1980's also I used to make my own videos of myself dancing to Pop songs using a Sony Betamax video camera. I found one of the tapes I had transferred from Beta to VHS recently and it is remarkably intact. Seems I had many of the "moves" even 30 years ago.:battingeyelashes::)

[Beverley Sims]

When I mimed "I enjoy being a girl" on a "talent night".:)

[ronda]

i was about 18 there was a news paper story about a transsexual that opened a culb on bank st in Phila and that her club was doing very well i then knew there was at least 1 more person like me that was a guy and wore womens clothing

[Lesley_Roberta]

I recall black and white television shows where married straight couples slept in separate beds.

I would be surprised if ANY of us baby boomers grew up with TS TG CD or any other letter combos being known much let alone visible.

I grew up in a time when a black woman in TV in almost any capacity was pushing the boundaries (Star Trek).

The internet has created a flood of information transmission capacity that has affected every last little corner of humanity. The only people that don't know things, are the people currently under rocks. That, and a selection of society that has intentionally denied themselves access to large swathes of human experience.

My first encounter with anything beyond humdrum small town Canadiana would be 1986-1990 when I lived in Toronto. But I moved back home and have been more or less small town Canadian since. I know of one person that is claimed to be homosexual in my community. But he is a long time old friend of the family and myself, and I have never felt like bluntly asking him 'are you gay?'. I couldn't care less if I ever knew the truth from his own voice. He's just an old friend of mine I see periodically on the street and say hello to.

I have never actually direct eye contact wise ever encountered just about any portion of street life. Makes me in a lot of cases horrendously inexperienced in a lot of stuff.
In my own mind, I would be capable of thinking I was the only example of a potential crossdresser in town. I've never seen one at least.

[kimdl93]

I knew there were CDrs and TS pretty much from the time I was a teenager. All one had to do is read a weekly news magazine to learn of the existense of such deviates! Of course, that was exactly how I came to view myself!

[JenniferR771]

An afternooon variety show, Mike Douglas or Geraldo or something. Which one is the wife? Is it a she or he? And so forth. Christine Jorganson, Renee Richards. And finally a few magazines, short fictrion books, and videos at the adult book store. And then the internet--Fictionmania!

[daviolin]

I never thought of being alone on this. Just thought it was so underground I could never be apart of it. Untill the internet. Jennifer just above me. Was my first encounter with a fellow cd'er. Daviolin

[Marleena]

It took me a long while, perhaps too long. I knew none of my friends were TG so I kept myself hidden. The internet changed things, I found out there were many more like me.

[BRANDYJ]

I can remember very clearly, when I was 11 years old and put on the first article of women's clothing and got sexually aroused, that I knew I had to be the only boy in the world to do this wicked evil thing. I remember wondering if I was mentally ill or something...really! That did not stop me from my repeating trying on those items found in a vacant apartment above the garage of the house we lived in. I rarely dressed at that time, orphaned at age 16, married at age 17. (1969...had to forge my birth certificate) and did not give it much more thought until I met my second wife around 1976. She was the very first person that I ever told. She had all the usual questions that I could not answer. So I ordered books I found advertised in adult book stores. One was by Virginia Price, who published Transvestia magazine and started Society for the Second Self for male heterosexual cross-dressers. That was my first conscious effort to find out what and who I was as a crossdresser so I could answer her questions. ( I don't think the term CD was even coined at that time. Everyone used the term transvestite. We then read FORUM magazine, and saw many stories from other men and couples incorporating crossdressing. For those that read that magazine, the stories are real. I know, since they published my story! lol
What I would not have given to have had the Internet back then. It was a very lonely thing for most of us from that era.

[Foxglove]

My answer to this question, when did I first become aware I wasn't the only one, is "I don't know". When I was about 20, I was working in a bookshop and two girls came in dressed. They were both pretty easily read, though they looked good. I remember being really puzzled. I suppose a light should have gone on in my head: "Hey, I'm not the only one!"

I suppose what surprised me was that they actually had the courage to get out in public. I was so deep in the closet I didn't even want to admit it to myself. So when I saw those two girls, it was like I was asking, "Can you actually do that?" As far as I knew, if you were like me, you buried your shame as deeply as you could. I didn't know there was another option.

At any rate, they were the first two of my sisters I ever saw in the flesh. At some time before that I know I must have become aware that I wasn't the only one, but I don't know when or how.

[NV Susan]

I was maybe 8 or 9 years old when I saw a book that said something about men wearing bras and if it would enlarge there breasts. That's when I found out it wasn't just me!!!

[Jenniferpl]

Back in my teenage years, my sister was attending nursing school and had to write a report on something. For that report she purchased a book titled "Everything you wanted to know about sex" or something like that. I remember sneaking that book out and reading it. There was a section about crossdressing and transsexuals. After reading that I no longer felt alone and that there were others like me. It was not until the internet that I really understood what was going on. It amazing how similar our stories are and how young most of us were when we discovered female clothing.

[Teri Ray]

I believed there were others like me since I was young but had no idea that I was really not the only person who had these desires until I found the internet in 1999. This was the first time I met others who shared this passion on aol chat.

[katie_barns]

Best I can remember; there was an episode of The Time Tunnel [Late 60's] where Tony [Dr Tony Newman] had to put on a wig and dress for something. Maybe hiding from the bad guys? [I think that was Time Tunnel ?]. Anyway it caught my attention. I was so excited that he would do that, just like I did with mom's stuff.

That's when I decided I wanted to be a Time Traveler. lol

[ELIZABETH46]

i didn't find others like me until now, here in these forums, and in other reedings.
i allways felt different and alone.
very few people knew of me TG , like my sister, and a friend's mother in my late teens ( she was a single mother of two girls and boy and she asked me up front ).
but i never even imagine the many many TG people and the willing to help and tell theirs stories.

[janet54]

I was about ten years old and put on my sister's panties and was hooked. Then awhile after sometime I saw Jim Bailey on the Ed Sullivan show and he blew me away. That a man could look that good as a woman.

[sometimes_miss]

I think I was 13 when I first read about Christine Jorgensen; but I knew about gay people when I was about 10 (we had a gay neighbor). I knew I was screwed up when I was 8, because I knew a boy shouldn't want to wear girl clothes, as it wasn't 'normal' because people on TV were made fun of for it.

[Jennifer W]

My cousin and I "dressed up" in the mid '70s. He was very deeply into it then. I just did it for fun. My mother frowned upon it and told me to stop hanging around my cousin because "he isn't right in the head." A few months ago, I got into a pair of women's panties when I grabbed my wife's accidentally (she put them in my drawer) and a whole lot of memories came flooding back as I wore them all day. I did some research on line and ended up here. My wife knows, she even gave me some jeans that didn't fit her any more. We don't talk about it much, I just wear what I wear.

[docrobbysherry]

I first read about CD items advertised in porn magazines. So, naturally, I assumed u were ALL pervs like me!

When I found this site about 5 years ago, it was complete revelation for me! Not only aren't u pervs, you're MOSTLY exceptional people! And, I mean that in a good way!

[Loveday]

About five years ago when I was I was looking for a program on google for a CD Jewel case printout software so I could label all my disk cases and their contents. I came up with this site and realized I am not a freak at all, there is a whole lot of us out there.

[Jeannie]

Well I used to play in some very seedy night clubs and every now and then I would see someone and think wow you are not by yourself after all. That was in the 60's. I would also go to New Orleans occasionally and you would always see someone there for sure. With the internet and this forum I have been able to actually talk about it without fear of ridicule and for this I am truly grateful.

[Frédérique]

This question is for those here who can remember life before the boon of the internet and the bane of Jerry Springer. When or how did you first realize you weren't the only one who was CD or TS?

I’m not a Baby Boomer per se – more like a cross-generational being, since I was never meant to be here in this form, at this point in time. Try as they might, I will not submit to generational labeling. That being said, I never assumed I was the only crossdresser in the Universe, but evidence to the contrary was scanty at best – I set about collecting any and all examples of MtF crossdressing, storing them in my mental scrapbook…


Of course, men in dresses had been a comedy staple since forever, with such things as Flip Wilson's Geraldine or "Some Like It Hot." But to see the concept taken seriously? Wasn't that kind of a revelation?

These days I completely dismiss DRAG for what it is, a comedic misrepresentation of female appearance, done purely for laughs at the expense of women. As such, I avoid these famous public (and thus sanctioned) versions of MtF, for they have done US much harm – as soon as I don my female attire everyone thinks I’m making a joke, and you can blame Flip Wilson, Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmon, Dame Edna, Dustin Hoffman and several others for instilling this idea in people’s minds. I avoid drag like the plague it is, and I had to look in to other cultures for a serious depiction of MtF crossdressing, bereft of absurdity and beautiful in its simplicity…


I had heard of Christine Jorgenson, but knew virtually nothing about her, so her story was abstract to me.

Ms. Jorgenson was a TS, so that’s another matter entirely – people, meaning “normal” people, may understand transsexuals, but when a boy dresses as a girl for pleasure, yet remains a boy in all but appearance, this is very hard for outsiders to understand. There is no joke forthcoming, and there may be no hypothetical “woman inside,” so where do we place our intrepid explorer? It took me many, many years to discover the hidden truth about crossdressing – I knew it had to be there, and, since I don’t believe any opinions or viewpoints that I hear or see in the media, I just kept looking. Conformity hides non-conformist activity, or pushes it out of sight, and we all suffer for it. In the end, I just cultivated my own garden and arranged my thoughts in support of this tactile splendor I call crossdressing. There is nobody quite like me, so I carry on…
:battingeyelashes:

[Foxglove]

Excellent post, Freddy. I'd just like to take issue with one thing you said:


I’m not a Baby Boomer per se – more like a cross-generational being, since I was never meant to be here in this form, at this point in time.


You were meant to be here in this form, at this point in time so that all the rest of us could get to know you.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Lorileah]

I was in college and being the typical 20 something year old I took a Human sexuality class so I could maybe SEE naked bodies (pretty bad really considering I had been married to a Playboy Bunny by then) and the Professor basically told us that whatever we liked or wanted to do was OK (pre-HIV era) and as long as nobody got hurt then it was natural. We covered everything and when he got to the trans part, he discussed drag through transsexuals. Of course I knew about the drag queens, they were silly over the top GAY guys. I knew about the Transsexuals who had surgery (which at that time was basically nullification with very little reconstruction). I didn't know your could be in between. I was still convinced that what I felt would just go away but I also learned I wasn't the only one who felt they had been born in the wrong shell. Prior to that class I only "knew" Tg's were perverts or wackos. Then came AOL chat rooms...and the rest is history

[Stephanie47]

It took a very long time to realize what a cross dresser was, let alone ever see one. Yes, I remember the flap about Christine Jorgensen, but, remember she transformed into a woman. I remember the slapstick comedy about men wearing dresses. You have to remember comedy is comedy. It is not real life. Growing up, cross dressers were perverts. Until the Internet opened up factual material concerning cross dressing, I figured I was in that category. And, it wasn't until this site that I realized I was not alone. Don't ever suggest to your wife or girlfriend to research cross dressers without a good pron filter activated.

[Ressie]

I remember in 8th grade english class reading a Life magazine article on transvestites of NYC and I was shocked that I was not alone and wasn't the freak I thought I was! @

Must have been the same article, but I think I was much younger than 8th grade. In fact, I didn't know I was a CD yet. My mom said, "didn't you know about men wearing women's clothes"? The article in Life must have been the early '60s, but maybe my timeline is off.:) Later in the '70s I found some info on transvestism and transsexualism in a psychology publication that helped me understand more about it. I also saw a few crossdressers in town grocery shopping or in the park during the '70s which made it more obvious that I wasn't the only one.

Oh, and I was surprised when Walter Carlos became Wendy Carlos. Sex change op was hard to comprehend at that time.

[StaceyJane]

I remember back in the 70's when the show Medical Center has an episode about a transsexual doctor. I saw the summery in the TV Guide but was afraid to watch the episode becuase I didn't want anyone to know I had interest in transsexuals.

[Lorileah]

I remember back in the 70's when the show Medical Center has an episode about a transsexual doctor. I saw the summery in the TV Guide but was afraid to watch the episode becuase I didn't want anyone to know I had interest in transsexuals.

and as I remember when they did those shows they used a GG for the part. It always made me think I was never going to fit because after all starlets in LALA land are not what I look like dressed

[Leslie Langford]

Wow, so many examples; so little time...

- Back in the early '60's when I was still a young teenager, and reading about people like former G.I. Christine Jorgensen and French performer Coccinelle (Jacques Dufresnoy) who had both undergone sex change operations. These stories were usually featured in cheesy tabloids of the National Enquirer variety with their shocking, screaming headlines and lurid pictures. They were also among my first indications that there might be others out there with inclinations similar to mine.

- Stumbling across a paperback book entitled "Sex Life of a Transvestite" in the most unlikeliest of places - a "mom and pop" type of convenience store circa 1965 when I was 17. It was a real eye-opener for me. The book is no longer in print, but I've attached a link to the amazon shopping website where a reviewer has provided their opinion of it.

It pretty much mirrors my own recollection of the book, and what I find awesome is how far ahead of its time it was. Not only did the author make it abundantly clear that he was completely heterosexual despite his fondness for female attire and presenting himself as his alter ego "Connie" in public - it provided the kinds of insights into this subject that we are still discussing on this forum almost 50 years later as though they were new revelations:

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-life-transvestite-Larry-Maddock/dp/B0007H9KZ2

- Back in the '60's and '70's, and '80's, advice columnists Ann Landers and Dear Abby would occasionally publish letters from crossdressers or family members seeking advice. At the beginning, neither Ann nor Abby were very conversant with this topic, were either ambivalent or negative in their comments, and simply regurgitated the typical misconceptions. To the credit of both, they eventually educated themselves properly concerning this complicated topic, and did a complete 180 degree turn compared with their previous views. They also ended up apologizing for their less-than-helpful past advice, and actually became very empathetic and supportive of crossdressers once they realized that we were not some type of perverts, but just regular people - albeit with a "special" gift.

- Seeing female impersonators and impressionists like Jim Bailey starting to appear on mainstream variety television shows such as the Carol Burnett Show (or comedian Flip Wilson's "Geraldine" character, for that matter), and being surprised by the overwhelmingly positive audience response that they received.

- Reading the first newspaper articles about Thailand's "katoeys" (ladyboys") back in the '70's when they were still very much an unknown quantity.

- Starting to see the topic of crossdressing addressed more and more frequently on the '80's and '90's talk shows and generally handled in an informative, empathetic, and non-sensationalistic manner. Phil Donohue, Sally Jesse Raphael, and Jenny Jones were probably the best at this, Montel Williams, Ricki Lake, Rolonda, and Jane Whitney were somewhere in the middle, and smarmy, smirking Geraldo Rivera was dead last (no surprise there!). Sadly, we have gone backwards from those more enlightened days when talk shows treated the whole topic of crossdressing in a more balanced and informative way. We are now left with the likes of Jerry Springer and Maury Povich, whose appeal is primarily focused on the bottom end (read: "redneck" segment) of the viewing audience, and just reinforces their inherent ignorance about this topic. Thank you, television networks, for your current infatuation with "Reality TV".

- Seeing more and more magazines such as "Ladylike", "Tapestry" and "Transformation" devoted to crossdressing appearing in adult bookstores, with the latter actually breaking away from the pack and onto mainstream newsstands because of its overall quality and positive branding.

- Following the Penthouse "Letters" inspired versions of "Forum" and "Variations" magazines throughout the '70, '80's and '90's and reading the letters allegedly sent in by crossdressers describing their experiences and particular turn-ons.

While most of these letters were/are likely made up since so many of them sound the same, what always struck me was the fact that whoever was behind them invariably appeared to be well-versed in the subject, and were therefore likely crossdressers themselves. It seems more than coincidental that they were always so factually "bang-on" in the stories they told, and often mirrored by own feelings, fantasies, fears, and insecurities in that regard. I would expect that only a true "insider" could have that degree of insight into this subject - just like my fellow posters here.

- Then, of course, along came the '90's, together with with the explosion of the Internet and all the information available in it on it. The rest is history...

[NicoleScott]

As a boy, browsing in bookstores in the Psychology section reading about boys who crossdressed and had fetishes. That only let me know I wasn't the only one. I remained alone, acting on those strange desires, pretty much into young adulthood.

[ColleenA]

I really thought I was the ONLY male on earth for a very long time. No joke!

Beth Mays, I'm sorry, but I don't understand your response at all. Can you clarify?





Ms. Jorgenson was a TS, so that’s another matter entirely

Someone who is TS may be another matter from your perspective, Frederique, but in my posting, I posed the question for both CDs and TSs. I did so not only because both are present in abundance on this site (granted this thread is in the MtF CD section), but also because throughout the process of trying to understand themselves, many people who don't conform to society's binary gender standards must distinguish between what a CD is and what a TS is (as well as what a homosexual is) to best sort out where they fall.

As evidenced by many comments and stories on this site, it can take someone a while to sift through these distinctions and come to terms with who they are. That is true even today, but I believe it was so much harder in the "dark ages" before the internet, when we were grateful for any scrap of information that might come our way - ergo, my original question.

For myself, I remember at 15 or 16 considering the question of whether I should be female. After serious reflection, my answer was a very clear "no." And the few times I have pondered that question again, including last year, I've always arrived at the same conclusion. But I do feel it is productive and realistic, as well as important to one's peace of mind, to at least confront the issue.

(Wow. Reviewing my reply, it sounds kind of harsh. Please don't take it as an attack on you, Frederique. I really just intended to use your comment as a springboard into explaining why I posed the question to all.)



Back in the '60's and '70's, and '80's, advice columnists Ann Landers and Dear Abby would occasionally publish letters from crossdressers or family members seeking advice.

Leslie, thank you for this comment. I had forgotten how important each and every one of those letters were during my teen years.

One that I often think back to - although it was printed later, when I was in my late 20s or early 30s - was from a TS who said she hated anytime she had to use the boys' restroom at school. She was embarrassed even just walking in there. Her comment went off in my head like an atomic bomb. I had never imagined such a perspective. That one letter showed me the magnitude of difference between me, who merely played at being female, and someone who truly was female, irrespective of how their body caused them to be classified.

[StaceyJane]

and as I remember when they did those shows they used a GG for the part. It always made me think I was never going to fit because after all starlets in LALA land are not what I look like dressed
Robert Reid, Mike Brady from the Brady Bunch played the transsexual in this episode.

[Debglam]

Ugh! I had a neighbor, a boy much older than me, that transitioned in the mid-1970's. It was awesome to know that somebody I had actually seen with my own eyes was like me, but she was fired from her job as a teacher and the neighbors in my blue collar neighborhood weren't very nice. Then I remember finding a psychology book in the school library that basically said I was a sick freak. Finally, I worked in a store that sold porn, and any trans portrayals were pervs, ****s, or submissive's! All great for one's self esteem!

The internet is a bunch of crap for the most part, but for giving kids like we were the ability to realize they are OK, it is a blessing.

Debby

[ColleenA]

As a boy, browsing in bookstores in the Psychology section reading about boys who crossdressed and had fetishes. That only let me know I wasn't the only one. I remained alone, acting on those strange desires, pretty much into young adulthood.

Nicole, your comment about remaining alone reminded me of a poignant short story I read on fictionmania a number of years ago about three casual friends in 7th grade. After school one day, the friends say goodbye, then each heads home. We see each one, once at home, pulling out a secret stash or sneaking into mom's closet and proceeding to dress up. The story ends with each regretting the feeling of isolation their "hobby" prompts. After all, who could possibly accept that they cross-dress?

[Amy07]

So I don't post here much, but this chat that i have read is real, and it is nice to read this. I have dressed femme at home for as long as I remember, and the internet is key to chatting with nice people that do that same. However, in the past, rooms existed that we had to fend off the trolls, but that was fun, and we won, which was fun. Us girls used to chat about the win... nice.

[busker]

Must have been the same article, but I think I was much younger than 8th grade. In fact, I didn't know I was a CD yet. My mom said, "didn't you know about men wearing women's clothes"? The article in Life must have been the early '60s, but maybe my timeline is off.:) Later in the '70s I found some info on transvestism and transsexualism in a psychology publication that helped me understand more about it. I also saw a few crossdressers in town grocery shopping or in the park during the '70s which made it more obvious that I wasn't the only one.

Oh, and I was surprised when Walter Carlos became Wendy Carlos. Sex change op was hard to comprehend at that time.

I don't know how in the world I missed that but I did. I was a fan of Her music (and , it goes without saying, BACH as well) but for some reason never made the connection to Walter.

[Cheryl123]

It was a June day in 1958. I'm 12 years old. I'm sitting in the yard reading the afternoon paper. There's an advice column written by an MD. The column headline read "Transvestism". Dear Doctor, my husband likes to wear my clothes ...... That's when I knew (1) I was not alone and (2) I was mentally ill. Knowing I wasn't alone made me feel good, but it took decades before I knew I was mostly sane (although deep inside there's a little part of me that things I'm still a bit crazy... )

[steph1964]

Not until 1994 when I got my first computer and AOL. Before then I only knew of DRAG queens, gay prostitutes, and serial killers, from TV shows and movies. I knew I wasn’t any of these and thought that I was alone.

[Rachel Mari]

For the longest time, I felt very alone, like I was the only one. I kind of knew that were crossdressers/transsexuals out there, but I had no idea how I would have ever met any of them, much less socialize.

It wasn't until Oct 2010 that I got the idea to google crossdresser and found this site that I really realized there were so many others out there and a way to communicate.

[Maria 60]

The internet really opened my eye's before that i would see a trans. downtown but i thought it wasn't the same.

[Carlene]

For me, this forum has taught me that I am not the only one.

By this I mean, many of the people who post here have taught me that there are others who wish to allow a feminine, nurturing aspect of their persona to develop. Further to this, many of you have displayed great success in this area.

I am grateful for this knowledge because it has provided me with a gateway to further development without feeling shame.

There are some wonderful people to be found within this CD forum. Thank you for being here.

:hugs: Carlene

[Sandygal]

I knew from an early age that I loved all the things girls liked. The clothes, make up, even the toys. I used to love playing games with my best friend (female) But somehow, I had blinders on and didn't even realize I was behaving this way. But in the back of my mind, I knew this was taboo, and kept it a secret as I grew up. I always thought there was something wrong with me. I hid it well through my teens and into my adult wife. I never thought anybody was like me until I heard someone say as a joke, that he wished he was a lesbian trapped in a girls body. Boy did that wake me up and I really started thinking about that and how true it was for me. I was about 30. The first thing that told me I wasn't alone was when we went to see Ed Wood at the theater. Every one laughed at Ed when he came out dressed up in that skirt and angora sweater. I thought wow, I wish I could do that. But when I heard all the laughter, I sank farther into my secret. When I hit my mid 40's, I discovered crossdressing on the internet. I had such a relief to know there were so many others like me. But the fear of being made fun of all my life had already done its damage, so I stay in my closet. Since I have discovered this site, I have been a little more brave and told a friend of mine. He even encourages me to dress, I'm not fooling anyone, but he says I seem so much happier. So you young people starting out, don't lock your selves away like most of us older generation. If I had the internet 50 years ago, who knows how my life might have turned out.

[NicoleScott]

Nicole, your comment about remaining alone reminded me of a poignant short story I read on fictionmania a number of years ago about three casual friends in 7th grade. After school one day, the friends say goodbye, then each heads home. We see each one, once at home, pulling out a secret stash or sneaking into mom's closet and proceeding to dress up. The story ends with each regretting the feeling of isolation their "hobby" prompts. After all, who could possibly accept that they cross-dress?

Fiction, perhaps. But most certainly has happened often.
As a boy, I kept my crossdressing from everyone. One day when I was about 12 or so, two friends and I decided to get some lipstick and make up as a clown. So we got some red lipstick, and went down to a basement. One of the boys drew red circles on his cheeks and nose. But the other boy and I applied the lipstick to our lips, and not in over-drawn clown style. Nothing was said about that. We all cleaned up and went on our way. Looking back, I wondered if had a potential crossdressing friend who, like me, was too clammed up to suggest it to the other. Colleen, your short story sure hit home with me.

[Donna June]

I also thought I was the only one who felt this way while growing up. About 15 years ago I realized there were so many more like me. Good decent and intelligent people who happened to be CD or TS. Until then all I saw were the folks on the Phil Donahue type shows and they always paraded out those who were outlandish.

[Angie G]

When I started I had no idea I wasn't one of so many. That was about 1959 or so. I kept it to myself until 6 years ago when I came out to my loving and supporting wife. It was way before that that I know there was a lot of us.And without the Internet I wouldn't have all my good lady friends here. Dressing always just felt like it was me who I should be.:hugs:
Angie

[Cindi Johnson]

I do recall, vividly, being with friends at about age ten or eleven and realizing, suddenly, that those other boys really and truly did not desire to be girls. Until then I more or less assumed other boys were like me, only the subject was such that none of them would ever admit it to anyone. But no, finally it became crystal clear to me: I was the only one, the only boy in the whole world that wished he could be a girl. I took it hard and withdrew into my own private world as much as possible. Being of the lower middle class, blue collar, catholic world of the fly-over zone, there was for me a lack of awareness of so many things which young people coming of age today (with internet and 500 TV channels) cannot even imagine.

But eventually, after I got out of high school and then out of the military, I began to spend hours in the public library, where I came across Conundrum, Mirror Image, and the occasional magazine article. But by then I was completely tangled up in my male role, in my life as a man. Wasn't all that bad, but one always wonders what might have been if ...

[LeaP]

It never occurred to me that there weren't other people like me. By the time I had sufficient faculties to reason, extending one to many wasn't much of a leap (no pun intended).

[Joanne Curl]

I knew about Christine Jorgenson when I was young and I was drawn to her story. I read everything I could about her but I knew I didn't want to change genders like she did. I knew I was male but I was attracted to dressing female, mostly as a fetish. When I went to college in the mid 70's I starting going to the college library to try and research why I was so attracted to cross dressing and learned about transvestites. I realized then that I wasn't alone in wanting to dress as the other gender. I even went to therapy in college to try and deal with my "problem" and basically learned that I wasn't crazy or a deviant, I was a cross dresser. Once the internet exploded I learned that there are alot of people like me. I accepted it as part of me and realized that it would always be part of me.

[AKKaren]

:battingeyelashes:The early internet in the 80's was the first positive source of who and why I am Karen. Up until then from age 6 or 7 I saw myself as alone and cursed...a freak. My parents, church, siblings and public in general reinforced this all my young life. Ours and past generations grew up in the shadow of all this ignorance and hate and suffered the impacts that are felt all our lives. Just think what a positive, loving, understanding society or just parents would done to shape all of us!
I/we did not choose to be who we are. "I am who I am"
Karen Elizabeth

[suchacutie]

I'm reversed. I generally knew that guys did wear women's clothing and/or wanted to transition to living as women, but I was never very interested in knowing much about it...until the day my wife and I discovered that Tina existed. Within a week I had visited hundreds of websites and got a real fast education!

So, Tina has always seemed quite normal and surrounded by a lot of similarly-minded girls!

[Sometimes Steffi]

It's kind of hard to say.

I had inklings of it starting in the early 70s.

There were Milton Berle, Flip Wilson and Tim Coway in drag, but they were commedians doing it for laughs.

And Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon in Some Like it Hot (1959).

I read the book "Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex" (1971) shortly after it came out and saw the movie, but you can't believe everything you read.

There was an outdoor Halloween party at college and I saw my first CD up close and personal. Definitely a guy dressed like a girl, and her bra was stuffed with socks that were pushing out of the top of the bra. I was shocked, because I was primarily a bra and panty guy. I would never dress up completely and go out. Plus, we were right next to an artsy school, and Tweeter was holding a Halloween costume contest with real prizes. There were lots weirder costumes, like the girl dressed as a Roman stutue with a one-shoulder toga (use your imagination).

There were female impersonators in the French Quarter of New Orleans (in 1977), but that was their job.

In 1978 I read a copy of Penthouse, and there were a number of stories in the Forum about CDs. Little did I know that those stories were an early version of Fictionmania.

There were Tootsie (1982) and Mrs Doubtfire (1993), but they had ulterior motives (get a job and see their kids), and besides, it was their job.

There were Christine Jorgenson and Renee Richards (The Second Serve, 1983, 1986), but they were TS.

There were Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze and John Leguizamo in "Too Wong Foo ..." (1995), but they were more DQ or TS.

There was RuPaul (Lettin It All Hang Out: An Autobiography, 1996), but he was a DQ and gay.

There was J Edgar Hoover, but if we knew what he really was, you'd have to shoot me.

So, call me naive, but I'd say around 2000 with the popularity of the internet.

[Meghan]

I was watching an episode of a show called "Bizarre" on Showtime with my parents.

There was a crossdresser on there, clearly playing the part...talking with some fake senator or something like that.

I watched for a little while then got scared, and went to my room for the rest of the night...

Meghan

[Thera Home]

Not until 1994 when I got my first computer and AOL. Before then I only knew of DRAG queens, gay prostitutes, and serial killers, from TV shows and movies. I knew I wasn’t any of these and thought that I was alone.

Yes, sounds very famaliar

[RebeccaLynne]

When or how did you first realize you weren't the only one who was CD or TS?

At the tender age of five, I was lucky enough to share the exhilarating experience of wearing panties and a dress belonging to my childhood friend's older sister, while he did the same.

We spent hours dressing as girls on numerous occasions, playing with his sister's dolls, pretending we were girls.

So I knew right away I wasn't the only one who enjoyed CD'ing... afterall, my friend was the one who suggested it! :)

[Jenny Gurl]

Like many here I had seen in on television or in a movie but it was always portrayed as a comedy. I knew I had a desire to dress and wear makeup but not to make a mockery of women. I had a stash of old cloths my mom and sister never wore anymore but were too lazy to throw out and stored them in the garage. I loved the feeling of the cloths but was scared to get caught. I knew I was different, but didn't have access to any information to clear things up, and certainly wasn't going to ask anyone. When the internet came out, it was a blessing for me in this area of my life. I was able to read on many sites like this one to learn the truth about cross dressing. So the answer is I never really understood it until the internet was developed. I found a lot of misinformation out there. I knew some parts of it rang true, but until I found this site I really didn't understand it. Crossdressers.com is the first site I found where people understand cross dressing and are not afraid to discuss it for what it is.

[Kate's at home]

Growing up in the '60's I remember the Enquirer-like, but more "racy", newspapers that my grandfather bought, which occasionally included articles about "transvestities". Very sensationalized for the time. I somehow understood then that everything in the newspapers were over the top, and from that I at least knew I was not alone in my dressing urges, even as all the daily evidence around me suggested otherwise. From the '70's on, as discussed here, I've witnessed the opening up gradually. I would also agree with what many have written here in the power of the internet radically changing the pace of change and opening up. And, this site has been critical in finally providing a safe place to "be" and talk about our experiences in a shared community of hope and understanding.

Kate

[Janine cd]

I spent all of my adolescent years thinking that I was the only weird one who suffered from this "obsession". It wasn't until I was in college and in an abnormal psychology class that I came to realize that I was one of many who experienced the same desire to dress in feminine clothes. Ironically, crossdressing was considered a sexual deviation then LOL.

[SusanQ]

I'm a baby boomer (born in 1948) and I never actually thought about it. I knew that wearing female garments felt good to me, but it never really caused me to check if other males did the same thing.

I just knew that this was a part of me that I should probably keep secret from other people.

[vijay]

i have natural breast since i am 14. i realized my feminity after i weared skirts when i am alone.

[joanna marie]

Junior High
I read a book titled 'everything you wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask"
it had a section on transgender issues
that is when I realized that there were others like me

[Anneliese]

I too have read and been aware of most of the books/issues/people mentioned above my whole life, but I don't think it all really hit home with me until I saw a staged version of "La Cage". I was them. They were beautiful, even the ones who couldn't pass. It was brought even more to my attention with the release of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", just as I was in the middle of the most stressful job I've ever had. I decided to go shopping for the first time. (My earlier experiences were mostly with the clothes my ex left behind). "Hedwig" remains an all-time favorite, and I dress every day in some manner.