An update and a few more questions (sorry its long)

[April Lyn]

Hi All, First I wanted to share that I went to my first therapy session on the 30th. What a great experience, I really bonded well with the therapist and felt quite comfortable talking, which is quite a rare thing for me, although I’m fast discovering that my Femme side is where 99% of my self confidence and assertion is. The first time really is just a lot of paper work and brief getting to know each other time to determine if it’s a mutual good fit, which I strongly feel that it is, so look for more updates there after the next session.

My other update, and the one with all of the questions, I’m now out to my Mother!!! I’m not sure exactly how well it’s being received, and mainly since I don’t think that she has any idea what exactly imp talking about. She first spoke with my Wife who helped me with breaking that ice after I tried unsuccessfully several times. when she talked with my wife she was very supportive and caring ( and my wife was great about it too), but when my Mother spoke with me it was more of a "do you understand what your doing to your family?" thing, and an "are you just jealous of your sister?" she also said that she never suspected any issues with me growing up at all and this is quite a surprise to her. So my questions; has anyone else here had a difficult time coming out to their mother? I have read a lot of "coming out to Mom" posts here and they all seem pretty positive. Is mine unique? Also is it common for a parent/Mother to have had no idea about a child's TG/TS feelings and be shocked at it, or do they more commonly seem to have known all along? I am 37 and have been like this since roughly age four. I feel that this part of myself has always made me keep my mother at arms length and therefore have not had the close relationship I could have had. Any similar experiences out there?

Hugs, April :straightface:

[PretzelGirl]

There seems to be a lot of people who feel the mother already knows and they also go with the thought that your mother will always love you, so they should be accepting. Well, nothing is all encompassing. I am sure there are quite a variety of experiences out there.

I recently had my mother visit me from about 2000 miles away. This was an opportunity to tell. But I knew right away that I wasn't going to. One reason is the combination of her age and the distance between us. Why tell her if I don't need to and there is no chance of her stumbling into it physically. On-line or word of mouth is always a possibility, but it is no matter what the situation. I do think my mother would still love me and wouldn't turn me away. But I also think that she would have a hard time coming to terms with it and would dramatize it with her friends. She tends to do that with all that us kids do. So why choose to put me and her through that? And I am a person who is willing to tell many, so my closet only holds a piece of me.

What was funny was while she was here. She never said anything about the lack of body hair, so who knows if she paid attention enough. But after some comments about my long hair, necklace, and pierced ears she went "If you come out of your room in a tutu, we are going to have a talk!". It was a joke.

To your other question, my mother doesn't know about me and it is easier for me to say that as I am a latebloomer. Those that think the mother always knows base that on the mother knowing what went on in her house and I didn't do it back then.

[KellyJameson]

My mother had a similar reaction and said similar things. She became defensive because she did not want to be blamed for who I was and am.

In my opinion your mother's reaction is very common.

This is a big generalization so take it with a grain of salt but....

Often relationships between mothers and daughters is contentious and intense where between sons it is more tranquill.

I believe this can carry over to sons born TG because you relate on two different levels simultaneously, one as the innate/born daughter to mother and the other on a more superficial "learned" level as son to mother. I have met many woman who have had very similar relationships to their mother as I have had with mine but almost no men.

Your mother is trying to control your behavior through the application of guilt ( do you know what this will do to your family ?) so the family becomes more important than you, this trivializes your pain and makes you than insignificant in relation to others.

"Are you jealous of your sister" Is to invalidate and minimize reality by saying what you are doing is an act and not who you are.

It would be unusual in my opinion for a parent to understand what they were seeing in childhood as being TG/TS because adults often do not see children as fully formed people. To a great extent we are born the way we will be but because we are not in a position to watch a whole life unfold in front of us from beginning to end we miss the patterns that would show us this truth

Plus most parents are busy just trying to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads and finding their own form of happiness to have time or energy to notice something this complex and so often softly expressed that it's meaning would be lost on them.

Not many children will aggressively define themselves as the opposite sex that they are being told they are, you have to feel very safe before you will stand up to adults in this fashion which is why I think it comes out later as we become more empowered (safe) and self aware.

I lived inside my own mind and kept my truth alive through fantasy but in the privacy of my own mind where it was hidden from adults, of course this kept it hidden from me as well and made understanding much more difficult.