Want to shop en femme for 1st time - need advice

[Erin Campbell]

UPDATE: Yes, I did it!!! I posted my outing report later in this thread if you are interested.......


So I've finally got a weekend all to myself with wife out of town for the next couple of days. Of course, this means lots of Erin time this weekend and I'm trying to build myself up to go out shopping en femme for the very first time on Sunday afternoon. Before I go though, I want to make sure I am as confident as possible and I can pass and blend into the stores I choose to shop in.

I snapped a couple of pics this evening and this is my current basic look. I haven't decided what I plan on wearing when I go shopping but it would be something similar to what I have on in the pics, since I don't want to stand out by wearing a dress or skirt shopping. What advice or tips can you give me to improve my look, makeup or anything else and be passable?

[Krista Doll]

It dosen't look like You will have any problem so the only thing I can say is CONFIDENCE will take You a long way. And Your beautiful smile.

[RADER]

Erin:
You got it nail down perfect. Most GG's you see shopping are wearing just what you are wearing.
You look great, and keep smiling, O by the way get a medium size purse. Not a real big one.
Rader

[Josephine]

I don't think you will have any problem passing. Just be confident that no one will know anything other than you are just another GG.

[Barbara Ella]

Erin, you will fit in fabulously, and will totally enjoy your trip out. My first shopping trip involved browsing two Dept. stores, and purchasing a blouse without trying it on. It was wonderful. I know you will have a great experience.

Agree, carrying a purse is a critical element. I am going out tomorrow (en drab unfortunately) to get a smaller one to carry across the chest.

Let us know how you do, and if you go out Saturday, what you do to advance your accomplishment on Sunday....Try a DressBarn and try a dress on in the fitting room before buying, what a rush for the first time.

You are going to have a blast girl.

Barbara

[Eryn]

You look great, all you need to do is dial up the courage and confidence and sally forth!

What others said about a bag is correct. Everything goes into it, nothing into your pockets. Well, some GGs carry their cellphone in their pockets. You also need a femme wallet to go in your bag.

Your photo doesn't show your hands, but for me nicely polished nails are a confidence-booster. Nothing says "female" like pretty nails!

When you're out shopping slow down and enjoy the experience. Watch the GGs. They don't dart about. They meander casually. Moving too fast is a male trait that you don't want to display.

Don't sweat your voice too much. Many GGs have deep voices, so just soften yours and pitch it up a bit but keep it in a comfortable range.

GGs sometimes interact with strangers while shopping and that's part of the fun. You might be asked your opinion of a garment or (if you are a tall girl like me) to reach an item on a high rack. Go with the flow! If you need assistance, ask for it! Once you get some experience it becomes much easier.

Above all, have fun!

[Davena Doll]

You look good. A teeny bit of makeup would put you over the top. How do you get your full pic to be under 64kb that is what I want to know.

[jennifer24]

I think you look great for going shopping, blending in is the key, if you gonna dress like a woman the act like one, pay attention to how GG`s carry there self in public, and yes a nice medium size bag will help and painted nails. Let me also add that self-confidence goes along way too. good luck sweetie..... keep us posted.

[Erin Campbell]

You look great, all you need to do is dial up the courage and confidence and sally forth!

What others said about a bag is correct. Everything goes into it, nothing into your pockets. Well, some GGs carry their cellphone in their pockets. You also need a femme wallet to go in your bag.

Your photo doesn't show your hands, but for me nicely polished nails are a confidence-booster. Nothing says "female" like pretty nails!

When you're out shopping slow down and enjoy the experience. Watch the GGs. They don't dart about. They meander casually. Moving too fast is a male trait that you don't want to display.

Don't sweat your voice too much. Many GGs have deep voices, so just soften yours and pitch it up a bit but keep it in a comfortable range.

GGs sometimes interact with strangers while shopping and that's part of the fun. You might be asked your opinion of a garment or (if you are a tall girl like me) to reach an item on a high rack. Go with the flow! If you need assistance, ask for it! Once you get some experience it becomes much easier.

Above all, have fun!

Thank you for the great advice. I do have a purse and a wallet to go with it, so that won't be a problem. I do plan on painting my toes and wearing some flip flop sandals or something casual like that, no heels since I don't often see GG's wearing 3 inch heels when causally shopping. I have some of those stick on nails which I can paint, although now I am thinking maybe I should just paint my own nails even though they aren't very long. Thanks again, I more I hear, the more confident I am becoming.


You look good. A teeny bit of makeup would put you over the top. How do you get your full pic to be under 64kb that is what I want to know.


Thank you Davena, I did have a bit of makeup on, which isn't easy to see in the pictures. My goal was to put on enough makeup to make it less obvious that I am a man dressed like a woman, yet not so much that it looks over the top for a shopping excursion.

As for the pictures, any photo program or even Microsoft Office Picture Manager will compress the photos for you. In my case, I compressed them for an email which takes them down to the size allowed to be posted.

[missyvf]

agree with Barb...try Dress Barn. they are cd friendly. from my experience, i've had the best shopping experiences when i acted demure and above all be humble and polite to sales staff. they will bend over backwards for you.

[Angie G]

Just be sure to keep the shadow covered well. You look great in the pics. You've got the look girl so go for it lady.:hugs:
Angie

[Erin Campbell]

Just be sure to keep the shadow covered well. You look great in the pics. You've got the look girl so go for it lady.:hugs:
Angie

Thank you Angie. The shadow cover is what I think I am most concerned with. I will be experimenting all day today to make sure I get it right!

[Jenniferathome]

Before I go though, I want to make sure I am as confident as possible and I can pass and blend into the stores I choose to shop in.

What advice or tips can you give me to improve my look, makeup or anything else and be passable?

Erin, I debated hard before I chose to send this note in the public forum. I think it is important to get this "out" there. This forum is NOT the place to get objective advice on passing. Crossdressers, in general, are the worst possible source for advice on passability or appropriate attire. The reason is that we all want to be complimented. We all want to "pass" and we want our fellow crossdressers to feel good as we want to. As a result, false praise is rampant. In there are probably less than .01% of men who can pass for women. In other words, be mistaken for a woman upon any kind of inspection. Men and women are trained from our first visions, to notice the difference between men and women. There are thousands of cues that tell us a person is a woman or man, dressing and makeup cover just a few. So, will you pass? No. Not a chance. I'm sorry.

Now, does that mean you cannot "blend" in? Most people don't actually notice others. Blending, with the right clothing and makeup and accessories for the occasion is possible. But any interaction with someone will break the illusion.

So, should you go out? Absolutely! Have fun. Be confident and know that when people notice you, they basically don't care. It is fun to go out. Just have your expectations set right and you will enjoy your time out. You can relax knowing that you will be made so now you don't have to worry about it. When people look at you, smile. Confidence will make others more at ease as well.

Lastly, if you do want an opinion as to your look, ask the GGs to comment and ask for the brutal truth. Only through critique can anyone improve. I do hope you accept this message in the sprit in which it is intended: honest help and concern.

Good luck shopping and have fun

[deebra]

Try coaming your hair down (bangs on your forehead) and a little more color (rouge) on your upper cheeks, just enough to give a little more color to your face but not to make it to red), some light blue eye shadow and don't forget the earrings. You'll pass and enjoy every moment of it and get such a sence of accomplishment and fullfilment. I'll bet you enjoy it so much you can't weight to do it again, maybe to the point of encouraging your wife to do another weekend. With such a beautiful smile when you have some time why not experiment with eyelashes. You look fine in that wig but one in blond and a different cut might give you an even more feminine look. Now all of these suggestions they aren't to discourage you because you look great; you know how women are; try something new and different to give them a new look and make them look better. Let us know......................

[Lyric]

You actually look very nice. In the photos you don't look very made up, but you features are very good. Though faint, I can see some beard shadow, so I suspect it's more noticeable in person and in brightly lit surroundings. So I'm thinking a bit of Dermablend and you're probably ready.

~ Lyric ~

[deebra]

Erin, don't let anything on this thread discourage you or put any doubt in your mind about going out, this is your opportunity with your wife gone to test the waters and pave the way, for many more outings and girl time, go and enjoy.

[PretzelGirl]

Easy. Go have fun. Decide what your want to do and where to go and don't alter your path to get around people. If you try to not engage people, you become more obvious. Smile a lot and then smile some more. Then take pictures and post them here so we can see that beaming smile. :D

[Beverley Sims]

Wear what you have on in the photos, smile and speak softly.
You do look very good.

[Erin Campbell]

Erin, don't let anything on this thread discourage you or put any doubt in your mind about going out, this is your opportunity with your wife gone to test the waters and pave the way, for many more outings and girl time, go and enjoy.

Thank you Deebra! I have to admit my confidence was rattled for a moment but your kind words and the kind words of others has me thinking I can do this again.

[Confetti]

To all who read this and wish to go out get a feel how the genetic women dress shave just before leaving and by all means wear conservative clothes.The sea of humanity is not perfect and quite frankly some real women need some advise from all of you ladies so, no bold jewelry and crazy colors nobody will be the wiser take a look at what is out there and you will be passable.

My hugs to you all

[Daphne Renee]

I think you look fine Erin. Passing is subjective. If you wear what you have on in the picture its unlikely you will have any problems. My only suggestion is maybe to wear a little makeup. Just be sure to enjoy yourself.

[Cari]

You look great shouldnt have a problem at all.

My only tip is on the make up and this is kinda rumour.

I was at a convention and a sales associate met us at the bar later
she said that the only things they didnt like about CD's was that
clothes would get stained by the heavy makeup then they couldnt sell them which is our fault.
Beard cover wont come out easilly.
and the other was that other customers would leave if they read us which really isnt our fault.

I shop in drab allot mainly because thats when see stuff I gotta try, Ive always been treated fairly and well sale is a sale.

BTW I havent found a magic store that is friendly, it seems more about who is working than the policy of the store.
Lets see my first foray out dressed was a drug store for makeup and hair ties, then a big shoe wholesaler. no problems at either.

To be honest I was so nervous the first time I really didnt have to concentrate on the soft voice, but smiling and being confident was hard.
I was so nervous I drew attention to myself; in the drug store it was me and that teenager buying his first condom that looked nervous; we both stood out.
Thinking back buying that first condom is pretty close to what shoping enfemme feels like the first time.
They probably figured I was shoplifting; I was that nervous should have just relaxed and enjoyed it.

[Eryn]

Thank you for the great advice. I do have a purse and a wallet to go with it, so that won't be a problem. I do plan on painting my toes and wearing some flip flop sandals or something casual like that, no heels since I don't often see GG's wearing 3 inch heels when causally shopping. I have some of those stick on nails which I can paint, although now I am thinking maybe I should just paint my own nails even though they aren't very long.

Go with polishing your own nails. Very few GGs have long nails and those that do have acrylics. I keep my nails slightly long for a guy (looking at the palm side of my hand I can see my nails just peeking beyond my fingertips) and they are the perfect length for an active woman. Clear polish in guy mode and nice spring colors when I can go out.


Erin, I debated hard before I chose to send this note in the public forum. I think it is important to get this "out" there. This forum is NOT the place to get objective advice on passing. Crossdressers, in general, are the worst possible source for advice on passability or appropriate attire. The reason is that we all want to be complimented. We all want to "pass" and we want our fellow crossdressers to feel good as we want to. As a result, false praise is rampant. In there are probably less than .01% of men who can pass for women. In other words, be mistaken for a woman upon any kind of inspection. Men and women are trained from our first visions, to notice the difference between men and women. There are thousands of cues that tell us a person is a woman or man, dressing and makeup cover just a few. So, will you pass? No. Not a chance. I'm sorry.

In the words of Col. Potter from M*A*S*H: "Horse Hockey!"

You're not trying to fool a committee of gynecologists and cosmetologists. You're simply going out in public and having a few casual interactions with strangers. They will treat you as you appear. Will one of them occasionally think "Gee, that woman has a really deep voice"? Sure they will, but note that they thought "woman" because that is was their initial assessment of you. It takes a lot of evidence to reverse that initial assessment and if you're confident in your presentation the balance will tip the way you want.

Let's make the assumption that some incredibly perceptive person manages to definitely conclude that you are a man. What are they going to do? Make a scene and point out loudly that you are (gasp!) a man? Not likely unless they are either young or inebriated. Anyone else will simply keep their mouth shut because there will always be a little doubt in their mind and it would be very embarrassing to accuse a GG of being male!

Very few people, even GGs are 100% feminine. Some GGs are downright mannish in appearance. They don't have trouble passing because they have confidence in who they are. If we display the same confidence we won't have any trouble either.

[sissystephanie]

With your looks and that smile you could shop anywhere!! I have shopped publically for female clothing for over 60 years. In many cases I was Stephanie completely. But since my wife passed away, I now go out dressed as Stephanie, but looking like the guy that I am. The reason for that is that I am not good with makeup or fixing my wig, so I don't do either. The SA's in most stores don't care, they just want to make a sale!! Put your clothes on and go out!! You are way too pretty not to!!

[Jodi]

My only recommendation is, if you are planning to try clothes on, to wear a front button-up top so you are not pulling a top over your head to undress.

As was mentioned above, be careful of makeup stains if you pull one of the store's tops over your head.
BTW, the makeup staining is not limited to cd's. When I worked at the store, we consistently had problems with this from gg's trying on.

Jodi

[Erin Campbell]

Thank you very much, I'm getting very excited! I have my outfit, makeup, and accessories all setup in the bathroom so tomorrow morning I can wake up, shower, and probably spend hours getting my look just right haha.

[sandy1975ad]

go for it Hun------Good luck

[Eryn]

OK, the big day is here! We're waiting with bated breath! How did it go? Spill, girl!

[Brittany CD]

The look is very good, so you shouldn't have a problem. By the way, I like that top

[Erin Campbell]

Today was the big day, and first let me say thank you to all my friends on this thread that helped me find my confidence. Forgive the extended post but all the important details follow and the pics are of me before going out and my toes, I was especially proud of my feet today....

So, I woke up this morning and still felt like I wanted to try and go shopping so I hopped in the shower and began my transformation. It's amazing how long it takes to get all dressed up when you obsess over the details and do and redo things. After a bit of time, I finally got my look together the best I thought I could for today, put my touch up makeup in my purse, snapped a couple of pictures to commemorate the occasion, made sure I had everything I needed and headed out the door. Now, this is not the first time I have ever gone out the door dressed, I have gone to a few girls nights out, a wig fitting, but all those were CD friendly and more of a private setting. This would be the first time I went some place that was mainstream like shopping.

The car needed gas and I thought that would be a great way to start building my confidence a little bit. I could simply pay at the pump yet still be outside the car with other people doing their thing. Simple pleasure: standing outside with the wind blowing my hair (wig) all over the place. It was great feeling the wind shifting my hair and although I had spent plenty of time getting it just right, I didn't mind one bit. I filled up my tank, smiled at a few people and I was off to the store.

My first stop was going to be Dress Barn. I had been in it before in drab so I knew my way around and thought it would be a good place to start. After a few extra minutes in the car wondering what I was doing, I looked to see if the coast was clear and the next thing I knew my flip-flops were hitting the pavement. I walked in with my head held high and was greeted warmly by the SA. I wasn't read right away, but the SA did eventually figure it out about midway through our conversation. For me, that was good enough and I was feeling great about myself. I browsed the racks and didn't really see anything that interested me. Once the SA read me, she showed a casual interest in me, which was fine because I had a casual interest in buying something. If I had found something I might like, I planned on trying something on but left without doing so.

I had one other stop planned and that was Payless Shoe Source. This store was next to a busy Target so there was a lot more foot traffic but I was feeling good and confident by now. Again, a small pep talk before I got out of the car and off I went. I smiled at people passing by and blended in pretty well. If people were staring at me, I didn't notice and I soon realized that people were going about their day and I wasn't standing out.

I walked into the shoe store and had a conversation with the SA. Again, I was read within a couple of minutes and the SA had a bit of a surprised look on her face but she was very sweet and didn't bat an eye at all. After our conversation, I winked at her as if I knew she had read me and off to the size 11 shoes I went. Words cannot express how great it felt to be in a shoe store, casually trying on different pairs of shoes without fear of any strange looks like I would if I was in drab. I probably tried on every pair of 11s they had, but I restrained myself and picked out only 2 pairs to take home. The SA was very attentive and was always checking to make sure I was finding what I needed.

I took my pairs of shoes to the register, smiled at a few people walking in the door, paid for my items and left the store. Again, my head was held high and I smiled as I walked out. As I was crossing the street to my car, another car drove up so I stopped. The driver waved me by and as I crossed I looked right at her and did a little girly wave. I was impressed with myself that I remembered to be feminine in that moment when I am so used to just putting my hand up like a guy would do. She gave a similar wave which made me smile, then I was safely in my car and back home.

Full disclosure: Yes, I know I didn't pick the most public of places to go and try to blend in as Dress Barn and Payless are very much known for their friendliness on these boards. However, it was a great day, something I will not soon forget and a huge confidence builder for future outings. I realized that I could blend into a crowd pretty well for the most part, although if asked to have an extended conversation, I could be read fairly easily. The 1st time will definitely be the hardest I am sure and now I can work on my voice a bit more and next time will hopefully be a bit easier and better.

Thanks again for the wonderful help all of you have given me. Yes, the confidence and everything was there all along, but the wonderful ladies here have helped bring it out today in a way I didn't think was possible for me before.

[Debglam]

That is terrific Erin! Good for you girl!

I had a post full of advice all typed up and then I saw that you actually made the trip! All I'll say now is "See?" Nothing to fear. :battingeyelashes: Most people don't even "see" you, those that do don't really care, and the SA's are doing their job. They want to make a sale - period. Some are actually curious about the trans thing and friendly chit chat with them will take you far. I have a girlfriend that seems to know someone (SA) in every store we go to. She always has the inside track on great sales. (See where this is going???) :D

I'll add one thing. Don't worry about the SA's reading you. IMHO, it is a rare girl that doesn't get read. Even if it boils down to the name on your credit card, sometime during the transaction with the SA, you will be read. So what. Be confident (even if you are faking), smile, and be friendly. It will take you far.

Again, great going Erin!!!!

Hugs,
Debby

[Erin Campbell]

That is terrific Erin! Good for you girl!

I had a post full of advice all typed up and then I saw that you actually made the trip! All I'll say now is "See?" Nothing to fear. :battingeyelashes: Most people don't even "see" you, those that do don't really care, and the SA's are doing their job. They want to make a sale - period. Some are actually curious about the trans thing and friendly chit chat with them will take you far. I have a girlfriend that seems to know someone (SA) in every store we go to. She always has the inside track on great sales. (See where this is going???) :D

I'll add one thing. Don't worry about the SA's reading you. IMHO, it is a rare girl that doesn't get read. Even if it boils down to the name on your credit card, sometime during the transaction with the SA, you will be read. So what. Be confident (even if you are faking), smile, and be friendly. It will take you far.

Again, great going Erin!!!!

Hugs,
Debby


Thank Debby, sorry you had to scrap your other post but I appreciate the thought!

[Eryn]

Erin, so glad that things went well for you! Don't belittle yourself for picking "safe" places to go. It's not a competition and you should go to the places you want. Soon you will be expanding your horizons further, interacting more, and enjoying yourself even more!

Your outfit and pedi are great! Just perfect for the occasion.

Hugs, Eryn

[Jenny Doolittle]

Erin,


Congrats Girl!.

I am a Columbus Girl myself and you choose some great places to start your shopping adventures. May I suggests for your next adventure to try the consignment shops of 5th Ave in Grandview. There are some really nice people that run those shops and some deals as well.

The best part about that first time out shopping is looking forward to the second. If you are ever interested in a shopping buddy let me know. I would love to have an afternoon shopping and lunch.


Oh yea.... the Short North is a nice area to hang out browsing too.

Jenny

[kimdl93]

It looks like you should blend in just fine. Casual top and jeans are perfect for an afternoon at the mall. As for improving your look - you look pretty good in the pictures. You might make a stop at MAC or Sephora and get a make over...thats a great way to get tips to improve your appearance.

[Erin Campbell]

Erin, so glad that things went well for you! Don't belittle yourself for picking "safe" places to go. It's not a competition and you should go to the places you want. Soon you will be expanding your horizons further, interacting more, and enjoying yourself even more!

Your outfit and pedi are great! Just perfect for the occasion.

Hugs, Eryn

Thank you Eryn, great name by the way ;) Again, a sincere thanks to you for the kind words on this thread and helping me find my confidence to do it. I really appreciate the inspiration!

[JaneAshland]

Erin, I debated hard before I chose to send this note in the public forum. I think it is important to get this "out" there. This forum is NOT the place to get objective advice on passing. Crossdressers, in general, are the worst possible source for advice on passability or appropriate attire. The reason is that we all want to be complimented. We all want to "pass" and we want our fellow crossdressers to feel good as we want to. As a result, false praise is rampant. In there are probably less than .01% of men who can pass for women. In other words, be mistaken for a woman upon any kind of inspection. Men and women are trained from our first visions, to notice the difference between men and women. There are thousands of cues that tell us a person is a woman or man, dressing and makeup cover just a few. So, will you pass? No. Not a chance. I'm sorry.

Now, does that mean you cannot "blend" in? Most people don't actually notice others. Blending, with the right clothing and makeup and accessories for the occasion is possible. But any interaction with someone will break the illusion.

So, should you go out? Absolutely! Have fun. Be confident and know that when people notice you, they basically don't care. It is fun to go out. Just have your expectations set right and you will enjoy your time out. You can relax knowing that you will be made so now you don't have to worry about it. When people look at you, smile. Confidence will make others more at ease as well.

Lastly, if you do want an opinion as to your look, ask the GGs to comment and ask for the brutal truth. Only through critique can anyone improve. I do hope you accept this message in the sprit in which it is intended: honest help and concern.

Good luck shopping and have fun

This is the best, and most realistic advice I have seen on this board. When I go out, I know I will be read, but as long as I feel that I look good, that is all that matters. To many of us are concerned about being read, when we should be concerned about being read, then the person thinking, wow, he(she) actually looks very good. We should strive to be tasteful, and blend.

Every time I go out, and enter into a conversation, I will often ask (usually cashier/sales associate) what can I do to improve, and I have always received positive comments.

Erin, You look very good, and as you found out, most people don't really care, and don't even notice. Glad you had such a wonderful experience.