Sexual preferences as a TS

[Danika140]

While I was out at the store today, I encountered that semi closed minded person trying to make light of how I was dressed. The obvious question with a smirk on his face came up "are you gay?" I started to say "no, I am not" but as I thought about it more, I answered that I am bi-sexual. Reason I am bringing this up is because when we have intercourse with someone, we are committing acts of being homosexual and heterosexual at the same time. As a genetic male having intercourse with a woman, I am being heterosexual but, emotionally and psychologically I am homosexual because I identify myself as a female.

My question is for those who have been on HRT for awhile now, did your preference and attractions in partners change or become more intense? I am attracted to only women as of now but it's an intriguing thought to consider if that will change after being on hormones. Anyone have any experience with this happening?

[Julia_in_Pa]

Hi Danika,

I had sex and a couple of failed relationships with men.
Their good for using for sex and that's about it.
I've always been bisexual in that regard regardless of HRT.
I've always been attracted to the intellect, compassion and bodies of women and thus gravitate to them.
This also hasn't changed.


Julia

[Aprilrain]

no experience with orientation changing BUT my acceptance of my orientation changed. I'm bi now have a BF and usually only fantasize about men when I bother to fantasize about such things ; ) but women are nice too. Before I just hid from my attraction to men by only being involved with women. Nothing has changed in my head though, sex has always been with men in my head.

genetic male or not if you are a woman and like woman exclusively you are flaming lesbian:heehee:

[Danika140]

Hi Danika,

I had sex and a couple of failed relationships with men.
Their good for using for sex and that's about it.
I've always been bisexual in that regard regardless of HRT.
I've always been attracted to the intellect, compassion and bodies of women and thus gravitate to them.
This also hasn't changed.


Julia

I'm with you for the reasons of being attracted to women. It's a funny conundrum (to me anway) really, I am attracted to women, to their looks, their bodies, their emotions etc etc. However, when it comes to sex, I hate it. I rarely sleep with women because I just can't get into it and I feel it's because I am having sex in a way that is not psychologically right if that makes sense? In that regard I feel that I am heterosexual because I dream of being a woman and having sex like a genetic woman.

I tend to think a lot of the different thoughts, emotions, desires and what not like this. Psychology is definitely much more complicated and gray when you really think about all the nuances.

[Kristy_K]

Even after almost a year on HRT I still like lady's. But also my interests in sex has all but disappear.

[kerrianna]

Seriously? Someone just outright asked about your sexual orientation? I'd have told them it was none of their business and extremely rude to ask.

My sexual orientation feelings were initially an adventure for me not with HRT or anything other than accepting I am female. Therefore how I saw my own ground changed and that's the only thing that really changed self labeling.

It did allow me to overcome internalized homophobia (being raised in the 60's in white suburbia) and realize I was attracted to men sexually. And in hindsight I always was. I just framed it in different ways when I was a kid. I used to crush on girls but I realize I had crushes on boys too - only I wouldn't think of it the same way as I was trying hard to buy into what everyone told me, that I was a boy.

Because of who I am and how I am I have accepted I am bi. I like pansexual actually. If I love someone it doesn't matter what gender they are. I'll figure it out. BUt I have to say that having slept with women before makes it easier for me to be able to do so again. And maybe if I has been born properly I would have internalized homophobia so I didn't want to admit my attraction to women then?

So, partly because of life experience maybe?, I'm good either way. Men arouse my more physical instincts. Women arouse my more emotional instincts. Either way win win lol. :P

[Danika140]

Most of the time I am a smartass and rarely completely serious. My usual response to being asked if I am gay is "nah man sorry I'm not but I'm sure you'll find a nice guy if you keep looking." Usually catches them off guard and deters further questions while I sit back amused at their express of how the situation just got flipped on them :)

[ReineD]

I'm with you for the reasons of being attracted to women. It's a funny conundrum (to me anway) really, I am attracted to women, to their looks, their bodies, their emotions etc etc. However, when it comes to sex, I hate it. I rarely sleep with women because I just can't get into it and I feel it's because I am having sex in a way that is not psychologically right if that makes sense? In that regard I feel that I am heterosexual because I dream of being a woman and having sex like a genetic woman.

I tend to think a lot of the different thoughts, emotions, desires and what not like this. Psychology is definitely much more complicated and gray when you really think about all the nuances.

Thanks for posting this. Of all the explanations I have ever read, this one makes the most sense to me. And as an outsider who wants to understand, it helps. :hugs:

[Badtranny]

It did allow me to overcome internalized homophobia (being raised in the 60's in white suburbia) and realize I was attracted to men sexually.

I've written about the confusion some TS woman endure when it comes to sexual attraction. I came out as gay a few years ago because I didn't know any better and it was that experience that led me to the path of transition. What allowed me to finally overcome my own internalized homophobia was the act of coming out. Within a few months the whole world of sexual possibilities and attraction blossomed in front of me. It also forced me to confront my own transphobia which I had committed to at a very young age, and developed over the years into a very durable facade of masculinity. The HRT did not make me attracted to men but it totally confirmed my suspicions that my prior attraction to women (I thought I was bi for a while as well) was merely an emotional one and had nothing to do with sex. I love women the way women love women. I crave their emotional support and frankly just their company. I love them like sisters and I could never get through this transition without my girls. I love men romantically and sexually but I sure as hell don't want to go shopping with one. ;-) The problem I had when I was younger was the damn testosterone. When you look like a man and you like spending time with a woman, she thinks you are interested in some bumpity bump and if she is interested as well, ...well once the testosterone starts cranking and the little general gets involved, things happen. I was closeted of course for most of my life so since honesty wasn't on the menu, I had to follow the little general's lead. Coming out was wonderful and to this day I am thankful that I don't have to pretend to want sex with women.

[Michelle.M]

Nope! I was heterosexual before I began my transition and I'm heterosexual now.

[Bree-asaurus]

I accepted that I liked men before transition. Still do. I'm gonna go squeeze mine right now! :D <3 <3 <3

[arbon]

My question is for those who have been on HRT for awhile now, did your preference and attractions in partners change or become more intense?

There was always some attraction to men before, but not as clearly as now. My attraction to men definitely became more intense with HRT. Whether it is a result of the actual hrt or just a psychological change that came about from a different reason I don't know.

I was not overly attracted sexually to women before, now I don't really feel any...but I am in a very committed relationship still with my wife. It is amazing that we are still together everything over the last few years, but we are. What is weird about it is that I think our relationship now is better then it ever was, we still love each other a great deal. Its just not sexual. Despite my attraction to men, I have no need to act on those feelings.

[Lesley_Roberta]

My reasons are unique to me, but I can't think of a single way I'd ever want a man sexually. They don't even get invited into my musings when I think about it.

As I see it, my options are male body male equipment sex with a woman and being mistaken for atypical hetero male, or modified plumbing and essentially lesbian sex with another woman which I suppose to some would be technically homosexual sex.

Bi sexual, never going to happen.

[Stephanie-L]

I have known I am Bi for most of my life, and early on came to terms with it. I used to be more attracted towards women, but also liked men. Now, it has shifted a bit, with a bit more attraction towards men, but still a lot towards women, probably about equal now. Will it change as I continue on hormones and my body changes more? Probably. Do I think that person was extremly rude in asking you that question, Yes............Stephanie

[KellyJameson]

Hi Danika

I usually do not talk about sex because it makes my head hurt just thinking about it
but you used words that are very similar to my own experiences.

And I was wondering.... If you also have this experience as well.

Do you find that your arousal follows the womans arousal otherwise you do not become aroused ? For me this has been the strangest aspect of the way I am and I think what I'm doing is experiencing my female sexuality through a female as if I'm
psychically linked to them and using their bodies as my own and not separate as a male for my enjoyment.

This has caused incredible emotional stress for the woman that I have been with because sex is extremely intense for them and yet I remain indifferent about sex.

[Danika140]

Hi Danika

I usually do not talk about sex because it makes my head hurt just thinking about it
but you used words that are very similar to my own experiences.

And I was wondering.... If you also have this experience as well.

Do you find that your arousal follows the womans arousal otherwise you do not become aroused ? For me this has been the strangest aspect of the way I am and I think what I'm doing is experiencing my female sexuality through a female as if I'm
psychically linked to them and using their bodies as my own and not separate as a male for my enjoyment.

This has caused incredible emotional stress for the woman that I have been with because sex is extremely intense for them and yet I remain indifferent about sex.

I get aroused but what stimulates it is very different than a genetic male. Sure I'll get aroused by the touch of a woman, but I don't have any desire to sleep with her. In fact, I dislike sex with a woman so much that I told the last girl I slept with that I wasn't enjoying it and went to bed right in the middle. My most intense arousal comes from imagining myself as a female and how it would feel to be intimately touched and held as one. I can't even masturbate without imagining myself as a woman.

I am not physically attracted to guys but I would definitely say I am bi because the way my male partners and I have had sex. It feels so much more feminine and I am intensely aroused by it.

[AudreyTN]

i was asking a friend this just the other day. If I'm born a man, and i physically become a woman, and i have sex and a relationship with a woman, am i now a lesbian? or since I was born naturally as a physical male, and im still with a woman, am I straight?

of if I'm a man, and then become a woman, and i get with a man, am I straight? or since i was born a man, but just changed to a woman, and I get with a man am I gay? and the other part of our convo, was how does God/religion look at this? it's all confusing, so I just try not to think about it lol. it is what it is.



Hi Danika,

I had sex and a couple of failed relationships with men.
Their good for using for sex and that's about it.
I've always been bisexual in that regard regardless of HRT.
I've always been attracted to the intellect, compassion and bodies of women and thus gravitate to them.
This also hasn't changed.


Julia

lol!!! Julia, great minds think alike darling!.. Boys are like toys...fun to play with them a time or two, then stick em back in the toybox to be discarded and given to someone else less fortunate.


I too am attracted to women in terms of relationships, life partners, and unless he had brinks trucks and brink trucks of money, and I knew I was set for life, I could never love a man, or be in a relationship with a man. They are a hopeless species. But if some very good looking rich guy did manage to sweep me off my feet, I would be faithful to him, love him, and dedicate my life to him and never dishonor him, but the pre-nup would guarantee me at least $10 million if he ever wanted a divorce, and I'd never cheat or ask for a divorce so long as he was good to me (no hitting, no psycho jealousy crap, and no cheating on me)...but I might as well be looking for a contact lens on the North face of Mt Everest between the summit and base camp 1 for that to ever happen.

[kellycan27]

I had my first sexual experience at 15 with a man.. it worked ok for me. I didn't experience sex with a woman until my mid 20's ... I liked both as each brought something different into the bedroom, but my preference is men. I am not hung up on labels, gay, bi, str8, lesbian .. it's just sex no matter who it's with, and .. it washes off. :heehee:

[kellycan27]

i was asking a friend this just the other day. If I'm born a man, and i physically become a woman, and i have sex and a relationship with a woman, am i now a lesbian? or since I was born naturally as a physical male, and im still with a woman, am I straight?

of if I'm a man, and then become a woman, and i get with a man, am I straight? or since i was born a man, but just changed to a woman, and I get with a man am I gay? and the other part of our convo, was how does God/religion look at this? it's all confusing, so I just try not to think about it lol. it is what it is.




lol!!! Julia, great minds think alike darling!.. Boys are like toys...fun to play with them a time or two, then stick em back in the toybox to be discarded and given to someone else less fortunate.


I too am attracted to women in terms of relationships, life partners, and unless he had brinks trucks and brink trucks of money, and I knew I was set for life, I could never love a man, or be in a relationship with a man. They are a hopeless species. But if some very good looking rich guy did manage to sweep me off my feet, I would be faithful to him, love him, and dedicate my life to him and never dishonor him, but the pre-nup would guarantee me at least $10 million if he ever wanted a divorce, and I'd never cheat or ask for a divorce so long as he was good to me (no hitting, no psycho jealousy crap, and no cheating on me)...but I might as well be looking for a contact lens on the North face of Mt Everest between the summit and base camp 1 for that to ever happen.

A gold digger with scruples? What a concept!:heehee:

[Diane Elizabeth]

I am bi-sexual and have been for all my adult life.

[Mistybtm]

I am bi-sexual and have been for all my adult life.

This is the same for me as well :)

[Danika140]

I am bi-sexual and have been for all my adult life.

I'm actually starting to wonder, is there really such a thing as a straight TS? I honestly believe that all of us who are TS whether we choose to accept it or not because of our unique situation. I for one thing it's great as we have the opportunity to experience both sides of life and not be restricted to only one preference.

[AudreyTN]

A gold digger with scruples? What a concept!:heehee:

lol. he'd have to be one amazing guy, cause my standards are WAY UP there, i'm not sure they can be met. so I probably won't ever have to worry about it.

[Stephenie S]

Sex? Excuse me, what's that?

[Mistybtm]

Sex? Excuse me, what's that?

LOL yeah I know what you are talking about there.

[Rachel Mari]

Do you find that your arousal follows the womans arousal otherwise you do not become aroused ? For me this has been the strangest aspect of the way I am and I think what I'm doing is experiencing my female sexuality through a female as if I'm
psychically linked to them and using their bodies as my own and not separate as a male for my enjoyment.

This what it has been like with my wife and in fact she had said that she felt that I was fulfilling some need through her. I don't know just what all it means and makes me question if I have some deep down attraction for men. I haven't ever felt a crush or an attraction for any man.
But I've never met any man that I felt had an attraction for me, in another words, I've never been hit on by a man. It truly makes me wonder what I would do if a man, that I thought was nice, did have an attraction to me and acted on it.

[Aprilrain]

Here is the rub, unless you're one of those strange woman who like to chase gay guys (they hate you BTW) then you're probably only interested in hetero guys. If you look, sound, act like a guy and date woman other hetero guys will assume your a hetero guy (go figure) and won't show any interest in you what so ever. Throw in a healthy dose of homophobia/transphobia and you yourself might not even realize your attraction to hetero guys.

I knew I wasn't a gay man but yet I couldn't imagine sex as anything other than a hetero woman but I couldn't believe that I was a woman either (confused yet?). Toss in some jucie (testosterone) and a few girls here and there willing to have sex with you and perhaps some bi tendencies anyway and playing the part of a hetero guy is doable.

Life is nothing if not strange.

@ Rachel mari, you live at the Portland international airport??

[Ciel]

Pre-HRT, i never looked at men. I was not attracted to men at all. but several months into HRT, i have started to note some kind of "crush" towards men. still, i am very much attracted to women. i cannot say that sex with a woman is better than sex with a man, since i have no way to compare them. i only had relationships with females of the species. as for saying whether i am bi, gay, straight... its all blurry now. with the biology in focus, i am straight. but putting emotion, and mental states into focus, i am all woman. therefore, being in a relationship with a woman in this context can be lesbian. at the end of it all, i try my best to look past the labels.

[DeeDee1974]

I have always been bisexual, but before my transition I had never been with a man. Since i started my transition I have had sex with both men & women. I still consider myself attracted to both, but the last woman I had sex with was my ex wife.

One thing that really turns me on is being pursued. I am very submissive and this was true even before my transition. With guys all you do is smile, maybe even just to be nice and they go right into pursuit mode. I might not of been interested and the next thing you know he's chatting me up and I'm like "he's kinda cute".

My ex wife and I maybe had sex once a month.

I never even knew you could do it more than once a day until I started dating my bf.

I would say that being intimate with a man is more satisfying for me.

[Bree-asaurus]

I'm actually starting to wonder, is there really such a thing as a straight TS? I honestly believe that all of us who are TS whether we choose to accept it or not because of our unique situation. I for one thing it's great as we have the opportunity to experience both sides of life and not be restricted to only one preference.

Yes... I am a straight TS. I've been with women and men. Never cared for the women (I mean... I WAS in love with one, but not sexually attracted to her).

I am a woman and I like men, so I'm straight.

[Danika140]

Yes... I am a straight TS. I've been with women and men. Never cared for the women (I mean... I WAS in love with one, but not sexually attracted to her).

I am a woman and I like men, so I'm straight.

That's a valid point I had not considered. I suppose my previous comment was geared mostly toward pre-transition and not post. However, I definitely can see your point.

[Bree-asaurus]

That's a valid point I had not considered. I suppose my previous comment was geared mostly toward pre-transition and not post. However, I definitely can see your point.

Well I think about sexuality and sexual attraction from the point of view of who you are, not what parts you have.

Even before transition, when I would feign attraction to women, but really liked men, and I was really a woman on the inside... I was never really gay... I was always straight. Just confused :P

And my boyfriend has female parts... but I don't feel that makes me a lesbian. I'm attracted to who he is inside (and the fact that he's dang cute)... not what's in his pants (and vice versa). I mean, we both wish we had the proper parts. I wish he had the proper male parts because that's what I like, but in the end, they're just parts. We work with what we've got because we love each other.

[Danika140]

Well I think about sexuality and sexual attraction from the point of view of who you are, not what parts you have.

Even before transition, when I would feign attraction to women, but really liked men, and I was really a woman on the inside... I was never really gay... I was always straight. Just confused :P

And my boyfriend has female parts... but I don't feel that makes me a lesbian. I'm attracted to who he is inside (and the fact that he's dang cute)... not what's in his pants (and vice versa). I mean, we both wish we had the proper parts. I wish he had the proper male parts because that's what I like, but in the end, they're just parts. We work with what we've got because we love each other.

Bree,

I like how you put that into perspective. You are absolutely right! Love is love regardless of sexual orientation, body parts etc etc. You have a wonderful outlook :)

Side question, what's the temps like in San Antonio like now? I am suppose to start my pre-deployment training in San Antonio next week and if I remember my three years stationed there before, it's probably miserably hot lol.

[DeeDee1974]

I also think it was less intimidating to date and sleep with women than it was to face what was coming from a man. The first time with a man was very scary and I put it off as long as I could.

[Bree-asaurus]

Bree,

I like how you put that into perspective. You are absolutely right! Love is love regardless of sexual orientation, body parts etc etc. You have a wonderful outlook :)

Side question, what's the temps like in San Antonio like now? I am suppose to start my pre-deployment training in San Antonio next week and if I remember my three years stationed there before, it's probably miserably hot lol.

It's in the low 90's these days. Walking out the door, I start sweating before I can get the AC in my truck on...


I also think it was less intimidating to date and sleep with women than it was to face what was coming from a man. The first time with a man was very scary and I put it off as long as I could.

My first time with a man was awesome! After having so much boring sex with women, being with a man was like... wow.

[Danika140]

It's in the low 90's these days. Walking out the door, I start sweating before I can get the AC in my truck on....

Good ole San Antonio.

[DeeDee1974]

You're lucky Bree. Mine left something to be desired and I never wanted to do it again.

Luckily, I met my bf and gave it another chance. Older men know what they're doing.

[Bree-asaurus]

You're lucky Bree. Mine left something to be desired and I never wanted to do it again.

Luckily, I met my bf and gave it another chance. Older men know what they're doing.

That sucks. The first guy I dated was really cool, even waited a few dates before we did anything. He said he's never waited that long for someone before :P He knew he was my first and wanted to make sure we both had a good time.

Even though I broke up with him and later told him I was transsexual, he's still one of my best friends.

[Rachel Mari]

Here is the rub, unless you're one of those strange woman who like to chase gay guys (they hate you BTW) then you're probably only interested in hetero guys. If you look, sound, act like a guy and date woman other hetero guys will assume your a hetero guy (go figure) and won't show any interest in you what so ever. Throw in a healthy dose of homophobia/transphobia and you yourself might not even realize your attraction to hetero guys.

I knew I wasn't a gay man but yet I couldn't imagine sex as anything other than a hetero woman but I couldn't believe that I was a woman either (confused yet?). Toss in some jucie (testosterone) and a few girls here and there willing to have sex with you and perhaps some bi tendencies anyway and playing the part of a hetero guy is doable.

Life is nothing if not strange.

@ Rachel mari, you live at the Portland international airport??

After reading three times what you wrote, it all makes sense. Kind of in a scary way. It feels like it has been in the back of my mind for a long time (the dusty corner that you plan on getting to some other day).

It surprised me some about what you said about the homo/trans phobias but I tend to believe it. I consider myself to pretty easy going around anyone (and I met a lot of people on a daily basis), but when I was younger..... to say, or express, anything other than what was expected around my "friends" when I was growing up would not have been good for me to do.


Even though I did sleep at the airport one time, I don't live there (but I do live close by). I just write PDX as short for Portland.