Childhood Memories

[Kim E]

I would like to borrow an interesting thread from another forum, I belong to. I'll post the same reply here as I did there. So, here it goes.

Question :
What is your earliest memory of childhood, pertaining to thinking you were 'different' than your birth gender or having the urge to dress as the opposite gender ? (good or bad memories)

*****************************

Childhood memories, huh ? Most of mine were bad ones.
I do remember that at about 6 or 7, I used to play with neighbor girls all the time. Never played with the boys, even though I had a brother. We would play house usually out in the neighbor girl's back yard. One day she tied one of her mom's old aprons under my chin so it would look like hair and I could be her sister. Rainy days we played board games in her parent's basement and listened to music on a 78 rpm record player. (that shows my age) We would laugh and dance like fools. I remember those were fun times.

If my father found out where I was, he'd meet me at the door with the belt, I'd take a whipping and be forbidden to play with girls again. I tried sneaking over to play, but he always found out and the results were always the same. So after time, I withdrew into my bedroom and into my own world. He tried to beat into me and force me to become someone I didn't feel I was.

Kim

[KellyCD]

See I don't inderstand why your father forbid you to play with girls. From your story it doesn't seem like he knoew what you were doing but rather you were with girls. What's worng with hanging out with girls? This backwards-ass society!

Anyway my first memory that I can remember was hanging out with my older sister at her house. She had just taken a load of laundry out of the dryer and place it on her bed. She told me she would be back in a few as she needed to run to the grocery store. I went into her room and looked at the pile of clothes on her bed and wondered how it felt to wear her panties. I tried on alomst all of her underwear and it felt great- NO- it felt normal, like that's what I was meant to wear. I've been dressing ever since.

[Helen MC]

I never had that problem but from an early age I realised that the wisest thing to do in life is to keep a lot of things to yourself and that the only human face you can trust is the one you see in a mirror.

Thus I kept my knicker wearing and other cross dressing activities strictly to myself and took careful precautions to avoid discovery. I was always far closer to my big sister and my mother, my father was basicly a "bit player" in my life, and even now I am not particularly close to him. He didn't give me a lot of grief and soon realised that I was not into going to football (soccer) matches etc as he was and left me in peace to follow my own pastimes, although I feel he would have been hostile to my wearing girls' knickers etc had he ever found this out.

I never had many playmates as a kid and teenager, a few close friends both male and female. I was never forced to participate in sports etc against my will by my father and I thank him for that!

[Robertacd]

Whe I was very young there were not any other boys on my block, except for a couple older ones so I mostly plaid with the girls accross the street, and down the street. Later we moved out to the country, there was no other kids around, then the first others to move in the develpoment only had girls. So I was 12 or 13 before there were any other boys around to play with except for at school.

But I don't blame that. I blame my mother always threating to cut off my weewee as she would put it when I was young. I was injured and in the hospital for a few days when I was 10 and thats what she told evey one including all my friends "The doctors are going to cut his weewee off".

[Alexandra]

One thing I remember.....

When I was young, they had a Cosmetic Set for Young gilrs called
"Fresh and Fancy". Where you could Make your Own Make-up colors in Eyeshadow, Lipstick ,and NailPolish!

The think that stick out for me is.....My Father and Mother Sometimes kept asking me if I wanted that Set! of course I kept saying no. When I know I didnt Want it. I was a Boy, Why Would I want it! Little Did I know!

Another ChildHood Memory...

When I was young, and My mother Worked, Sometimes One of her co-workers would pick me up, and take me to her House where she had Two Teenage Girls. One Day, one of the girls took me into the Bathroom, and Brushed, and Put Barrets in my Hair, and put a little Lip stick on me! She then took me down to the basement where my mom's Co-Worker was working in her Sewing room, and The Girl Showed me Off, asking me If I looked like a Girl! The Co-WorkedSaid yes, now Go take those barrets outof my Hair, and Take that lipstick off, I had to be taken home!

[Jonien]

Childhood memories, huh ? Most of mine were bad ones.
I do remember that at about 6 or 7, I used to play with neighbor girls all the time. Never played with the boys, even though I had a brother. We would play house usually out in the neighbor girl's back yard. One day she tied one of her mom's old aprons under my chin so it would look like hair and I could be her sister. Rainy days we played board games in her parent's basement and listened to music on a 78 rpm record player. (that shows my age) We would laugh and dance like fools. I remember those were fun times.

If my father found out where I was, he'd meet me at the door with the belt, I'd take a whipping and be forbidden to play with girls again. I tried sneaking over to play, but he always found out and the results were always the same. So after time, I withdrew into my bedroom and into my own world. He tried to beat into me and force me to become someone I didn't feel I was.

Kim

Hi Kim I feel that parents attitude in days gone by could not handle Any thing thy considered not normal.
Have read my threads confused as a child / 1 & 2

[Kimberly]

I remember trying to wear a girl friend of mine's shoes (not SO... a friend.) They didn't fit and she got really pissed off...

But it didn't really accur to me that there was anything different with me -- I told everyone and anyone from the ages of 3 till 5 that I wanted to be a girl. I remember doing that vividly!

[Kim E]

Hi Jonien ~
When I was young it was the dark ages in regard to gender issues. There were very strict social and moral guidelines of what was expected of you. Males were expected to act male, females expected to act as females with no in between. Boys wore pants and girls wore dresses (never jeans).

I don't hate my father, he was only doing what he had to do, so I would conform to society's rules. Had I been allowed to dress as a girl, to act girly or hang only with girls, he would have been severely harassed for having a son who was a 'sissy'. A social black eye, so to speak.

I'm very thankful that society has come so far in understanding and acceptance of gender issues. We're not where we should be, but believe me, we've come a long way. We had no support groups, no internet, no understanding social and medical communities, no one was 'out' and no one was speaking up for those of us who might have been 'different'.

Kim

[JulieNY]

By second grade I knew I wanted to be a girl. I remember the thought calming me down and receiving better marks afterward :).

My father was physically abusive for silly reasons, so I knew getting caught with something serious was a bad idea. Rather than dress as a girl and get caught "red handed" I persuaded my mom to buy androgenous clothes. I danced and used my girl voice when no one was home. I also kept a journal (stupid stupid stupid), which I think my mom found at some point. My mom knew what was up by the time I was twelve or so. She asked if I wanted to have a girls day and go buy clothes. I freaked. I didn't think she had good intentions, but looking back I wonder what would have happened had I said yes. Later she caught me with more of her stuff and kept asking. I think she thought it was a phase.

[Jonien]

Hi Jonien ~
When I was young it was the dark ages in regard to gender issues. There were very strict social and moral guidelines of what was expected of you. Males were expected to act male, females expected to act as females with no in between. Boys wore pants and girls wore dresses (never jeans).

I don't hate my father, he was only doing what he had to do, so I would conform to society's rules. Had I been allowed to dress as a girl, to act girly or hang only with girls, he would have been severely harassed for having a son who was a 'sissy'. A social black eye, so to speak.

I'm very thankful that society has come so far in understanding and acceptance of gender issues. We're not where we should be, but believe me, we've come a long way. We had no support groups, no internet, no understanding social and medical communities, no one was 'out' and no one was speaking up for those of us who might have been 'different'.

Kim

Hi Kim You are so right but the time I was young and did't have the insight to think of what it would do to my perents

[Wendy me]

i thought i was smart i thought i hid my little screate well ....just this year my mom told me she knew that i dress up ...i asked her how long have you known ... she replyed over 40 years..............

[Terri Li]

I was 12 odd years old i would get an allowance and id go down the street to my favorite department store,

well in school i was highly attracted to this black-mexican guy juan and he wore these wonderful silky shirts (in the 70's) that were almost like midrift calypso shirts for guys) and they had 4 of them at the store so when i saved enough money i bought one of those shirts and dressed as close to juan as i could even slicking my hair. I was estatic when some called me juan's twin. Juan also wore leather pants once in a while I was very attracted to him.

later i used to lay in bed thinking about being a girl and what id wear and i'd get my allowance or lunch money together and buy some panties and a curly wig

i had a pack of 3 panties a black pleather mini skirt and my man's midrift blouse and my mom caught me with it in bed and the next day they were gone--and she was burning trash in the backyard.

but i havent forgotten, and im 45 now and i have a cheongsam, panties and two black curly wigs

by the way juan's last name was Terrie so i call myself Teri in his honor...
byron_teri

[Stephenie]

I can remember back in about 3rd grade wondering what it would feel like if I had a girls body. And have been wondering ever since.

[MichelleH]

When I was little, I played most of the time with the three girls that lived next door. I don't remember ever dressing in their clothes, but I do remember wishing that I could wear pretty dresses and have my hair long. I especially remember being jealous when one of them got a permanent and came over showing off her pretty new curls. I really wanted to have pretty hair like that and be able to wear barrettes and ribbons in it.

Michelle

[JoAnnDallas]

When I was young, I had an allergy to cotton. If I wore cotton underware, cotton slacks, cotton/denium jeans and cotton shirts, I would soon break out with large red swelts. My parents took me to the doctor and the doctor soon figured out I was allergic to cotton. This was back in the 50's. He suggested that the best thing was to dress me in girl underware, since girl underware was not made of cotton. That way I could ware my boy clothes over the girl underware and no one would be the wizer. He also gave a parents a letter to give the school, so I was excused from PE. So for years until I was about 12-13 yrs old, I wore panties, at first hose and garter belt, later pantyhose, and camsols. At night I slept between satan sheets and wore either girls PJ's or nightgown. Once I got to be 12 - 13 I outgrew my allergy to cotton. Once my parents discovered this, they made start wearing only boy clothes and my sheets became cotton. What they did not know was by this time, I had also started trying on my sisters dresses, skirts, heels, and makeup. It just felt natural but I knew my parents would not approve, so keep it secret. Even after I was forced to wear all boy clothing, I kept on trying on my sister's clothes in secret until she got married and moved out. Then I started wearing my mother's clothes. The only problem was mother's heels were 2 sizes smaller, so did not fit me.

[Lilith Moon]

I have a hazy memory of standing up in my cot with a red rubbery undersheet draped around me as a sort of cloak. I could see myself in a mirror and thought I looked like a girl, which pleased me. I guess I was around three years old.

A year or so later at Christmas I was secretly trying on my younger cousins shiny girly plastic mac when her brother caught me. Even at that age, it felt somehow illicit and I was very embarrassed. He somehow persuaded me to peep through a door at the adults gathered in the next room. As I was crouched at the keyhole, he opened the door wide and shouted, "Look at this girlie!" Everybody looked and grinned. I was mortified at the time, but ever since then I have had a penchant for raincoats. Especially shiny PVC or rubber ones.

And so...I was trying one on in our yard the following spring. It was a raincoat I had found in a cupboard and it was rather too small for me so I was struggling to get into it. I can remember the delicious hot rubbery smell even now half a century later. The lady from next door appeared and insisted on helping me into it and did the buttons, belt and hood up for me. She seemed to enjoy the event as much as I did. This lady was a recluse and she had hardly ever spoken to anyone in our neighborhood before. In hindsight, I think she may have had a "thing" about the situation, or me, although nothing untoward happened.

This raincoat thread in my life has become intertwined with the CDing thread that started off with mother's girdles and hose (usual story) and nowadays I will often complete my femme outfit with a nice shiny raincoat :)

[black leotards]

I can recall in grade school looking at the girls dressed up in their school uniform tunic complete with tights. I knew then that I wanted to wear one too but I couldn't. When I was about ten I can recall playing in our basement with two girls who lived down the street and were about a year or two younger than me. I convinced them to take off their dresses. One wore just a turtleneck and tights and the other had a blouse and tights on. Thought I'd gone to heaven. Boy was I jealous too! :o

[shea]

Back when I was early childhood memories, I was once watching a TV biographies about transgender issue from our country,with my friend, and friend sister. Somehow those picture came directly hit to me, and the woman showed on picture was very pretty and beautiful. My friend sister was saying also samething that she's very pretty. That was my first impression about interested in woman beauty, and that feeling gets stronger then I expected.....

[MarieTS]

I was 2. Yes, that was my first awareness that something was amiss. I remember that almost out-of-body experience as clearly as if it happened yesterday.

By 5-6 I really I began to ID with girls more than boys, even though I played boy games with boys because I was conditioned to do so.

In grade 3 and 4 I began questioning family members incessantly about my uncertainty, causing concerns.

My secondary school years were marked by a constant tug of war between the male hormones begining to course through my pubescent body and the female gender identy map imprinted in my heart and soul.

While in college during my early 20's I finally acknowledged and accepted the gravitational pull of my true self and began the long stoll to becoming the woman I am today.

It was a long, often sad and confusing journey. But the end result was worth it. I only hope that technology will improve conditions for the youngsters of future generations who are predisposed to gender identify conflict.

[Adele 2005]

Hi Kim,

It's not my earliest memory but it is pre-school and a very poignant one at that stage in childhood when you start to become more self-aware. At the risk of sounding like Grandpa Simpson: as I recall it was the winter of 1974, I was three and half years old, with long curly hair, which was the fashion of the time...

... and my parents took me to see my first Christmas pantomime (a UK theatre tradition usually based on fairy-tales, with lots of slapstick humour to entertain children) at the Fairfield Halls in Croydon, South London. It was a production of Cinderella - what else! I remember being absolutely terrified when the ugly sisters (one of them was Michael Aspel!) had a big fight about who was more beautiful, starting to rip each others clothes, and running into the audience chasing each other with custard pies - I took it so seriously!

But it was 'that' classic scene when Cinderella is magically transformed into a beautiful princess and goes to the ball. The actress was so pretty and I was so engrossed in the story that I just absolutely yearned so badly to be just like her. The point is that's my first memory becoming aware of a feeling so strong and deep within me that I wasn't comfortable being a boy: I certainly didn't identify with Prince Charming! That's a desire I've been fighting to suppress ever since. It screws you up.

Oh well, perhaps in another world... !

[jo_ann]

probably 5-6, sitting in front of my parents closet, looking up at my mom's clothes, thinking "wow, her clothes are so much more fun looking than men's"... sticking my feet in her very big shoes.. I don't remember if I ever tried on her shoes when they actually fit right, before my feet got too big (she might have already divorced my dad by then). I do remember at a very early age (perhaps about the time I started pondering wearing womens clothing), that my parents told me something that they shouldn't have (probably screwed with my head). they said "we thought you were going to be born a girl, and were surprised when you came out a boy.. we were so sure that we only had a girl's name picked out, so we had to give you your grandpa's name". Then I started thinking about things like "what if I suddenly decided turned into a girl, what would the kids at school think of me?" amazing I thought of such things at such a young age.

[DonnaT]

I was around 6 or 7. Used to play army with the guys and one day, while hiding from the enemy along side a neighbors house, I glanced into the basement window and caught site of a girl in my class dressed in a party dress. She was pretty, and as I watched her, her brother entered. He too was dressed up. They had a tea party going on. I was fascinated and wanted to change places with her brother.

I didn't get a chance to dress up until I was around 10 or 12, however.

[Amelie]

I was 15 and I had my first sexual encounter with a man, an older man. I would have a few older men before I reached 18 years of age. These men treated me like a girl, I felt like a girl when I was with them. It took awhile for me to understand the feelings that I was having inside of me. But it was during this period that I was thinking that somehow I was different from others. I didn't feel like a boy. It wasn't until I reached about 19 that I realized who I was. I am a girl and always will be, no matter what clothes I wear.

[Colleen]

Dressing up with my sisters white stretch go go boots in the 60s with her panty hose and skirt what a rush back then

[Terri Li]

I have a hazy memory of standing up in my cot with a red rubbery undersheet draped around me as a sort of cloak. I could see myself in a mirror and thought I looked like a girl, which pleased me. I guess I was around three years old.

A year or so later at Christmas I was secretly trying on my younger cousins shiny girly plastic mac when her brother caught me. Even at that age, it felt somehow illicit and I was very embarrassed. He somehow persuaded me to peep through a door at the adults gathered in the next room. As I was crouched at the keyhole, he opened the door wide and shouted, "Look at this girlie!" Everybody looked and grinned. I was mortified at the time, but ever since then I have had a penchant for raincoats. Especially shiny PVC or rubber ones.

And so...I was trying one on in our yard the following spring. It was a raincoat I had found in a cupboard and it was rather too small for me so I was struggling to get into it. I can remember the delicious hot rubbery smell even now half a century later. The lady from next door appeared and insisted on helping me into it and did the buttons, belt and hood up for me. She seemed to enjoy the event as much as I did. This lady was a recluse and she had hardly ever spoken to anyone in our neighborhood before. In hindsight, I think she may have had a "thing" about the situation, or me, although nothing untoward happened.

This raincoat thread in my life has become intertwined with the CDing thread that started off with mother's girdles and hose (usual story) and nowadays I will often complete my femme outfit with a nice shiny raincoat :)


I understand the fetish, mine is primarily for leather and vinyl--if i see a handsome guy wearing thesepants i just want to crawl into his lap and be with him [I keep this clean--but i hope u understand how attracted and willy i get]--I love wearing leather and vinyl too Ive visited various discreet online stores and i have 5 fabulous outfits. I also crossdress. I'm partial to attraction to tall, DARK, handsome guys... and i wouldnt be bothered if he crossdressed either.
teri