Progress with my SO

[Emily Barton]

It's been nearly 2 years since I first joined this forum, and back then I was young, free and single and about to start university. I had great plans to explore 'Emily', but (and it's a nice but!) these were quickly put on hold when I found myself in a relationship within weeks of term starting.

Thanks to various experiences I've read here I made the decision to tell my SO early, even though this was back when I had little understanding of myself. There was not much discussion, though, and the subject was dropped (partly to my relief, actually) and not mentioned at all for over a year. This was ok at first, but particularly this year when the workload has been tough and i've been stressed out, the inability to dress or communicate my feelings was really getting on top of me.

So several weeks ago I decided that I needed to broach the subject again for both our sakes. I felt that since I'm in it for the long haul with her, I owed it to us to get this out in the open so we could discuss it properly (and so she would know exactly what she had gotten herself into!). Our first discussion was somewhat brief with me doing most of the talking - I made it clear that this was important to me and not something that was going to go away. I was hoping she'd have questions but there were none, although she did say she wanted to do some research into the subject.

A while has passed since then, and for about a week now I've been considering coming out to my mum as well. I'm actually really hoping to come out to more people quite soon, but for now I'm keeping the brakes on because those are decisions I need to involve my SO with, and I want to give her time to come to terms with everything first.

Last night I asked my SO for 'some advice' and revealed that I was considering telling my mum about my CDing. It acted as a great way to reopen communications and my SO was far more involved in the conversation this time. We talked for a good hour, and it felt great to open up about certain things. For example, she asked for the first time what 'stage' I was at with my CDing, and I was able to reveal that I own clothes of my own both here at uni and at my home. I made it clear that I would keep them hidden if that was what she wanted, but that if she ever wanted to see or know where they were kept I would be happy to show her.

She seemed relieved when I said I had never tried make-up or a wig etc, but not wanting to mislead her I did mention that i wasn't ruling those out for the future. She also asked if I had a female name, and after a while curiosity got the better of her and she started guessing what it was. Now she knows the full name as well as its origins, and she even said that she thought 'Emily' sounded like someone who was 'kind and caring' :). She asked what stores I bought from and joked about borrowing my things, although we both agreed that they'd probably be on the large side for her.

It just feels amazing to have finally made positive steps towards bringing my two lives together. I feel all the excitement and anticipation I had when I made that first introductory post, where the idea of properly exploring 'Emily' is perhaps closer than ever, and even better possibly with the woman I love! I'm going to be careful not to push her in any way, and I've now ordered "My Husband Wears my Clothes" for her to read in the way of research (when I mentioned the title her response was "Oh god, you don't do you!?" which made me laugh - I never have).

Thanks for reading - sorry I went on for so long!

[Amy R Lynn]

That gives the rest of the single folk on here hope! This is one area that scares me. What if I really like the girl that I'm with and she just doesn't like Amy.... Its scary. Its awesome that your SO is understanding about it. I think she'll find that you'll both have a LOT more fun with it.

[AllieSF]

Congratulations on being patient, open and honest. I hope it all works out for the best for both of you. I would only offer one suggestion. Unless there is a driving need to tell more people, I would say go slow with that too. See how your SO reacts over the long term and determine why you even need to tell anyone else. I would say if there is no need now, then waiting and learning more about yourself and how this side of you affects you and others that are close to you (SO in this case and at this time), will make further "outings" to others potentially much more successful. Some people like you just the way you are, and if you do not plan to introduce them to Emily in the near future (i.e. no need to do that), than why do it, except to make you totally free. You are young and some things are just better left as is until some later time when there is a justifiable reason to change. Some people do not want complicated issies introduced into a relationship, unless there is a reason for it, like the relationship is very close and the new inforamtion will help them better understand and hopefully relate to the other person. Good luck and thnaks for sharing.

[Jenniferathome]

You did the right and brave thing. So many of us regret the years of hiding and lying. Best of luck to the both of you.

[Barbara Ella]

I am so glad that this is working for you so far. I say so far, because an emotional announcement like this can have some awesome ups and downs. You are doing well to take it slow, and to let her lead the discussions and questions. Good first book for her. Be honest at all times. Do not spring any surprises on her, Be sure to ask her often what things she may not be comfortable with, and encourage her to be very honest and stress that any answer she give will in no way impact your feelings for her.

I must add support about not coming out to anyone else for awhile. If you are not going to be dressing in front of them, there is no reason at present. Get comfortable in your "new" relationship first, and see how it goes.

Hugs, Barbara

[Emily Barton]

I would only offer one suggestion. Unless there is a driving need to tell more people, I would say go slow with that too.


I must add support about not coming out to anyone else for awhile. If you are not going to be dressing in front of them, there is no reason at present. Get comfortable in your "new" relationship first, and see how it goes.

Thanks to you both for your wise words! I tend to be very optimistic about life in general, which means it's helpful for me to be reminded of some caution now and again. I'm definitely going to give it time - my current year of uni ends soon (just a few more exams - the end is in sight!) and so I'll have the whole summer to mull it over. Even then I'll be sure to carefully evaluate the situation and the reasons why I want to tell (if I still do), and most importantly I'll consult my SO.

Thanks to all for the encouragement and positive wishes - it means a lot!

[kimdl93]

You've done well. Its an encouraging start to greater openness about your Cding within your relationship. You've a patient, caring and thoughtful person and something your SO recognizes and appreciates.

[Sandra]

That is good news, now just keep going as you have and don't try and rush anything. You may like to mention this place and that there is a private section here for wives/partners which your SO might like to join.

[JamieG]

Emily, you sound like a thoughtful young person. Keep doing what you're doing. I'm glad to hear things you making progress towards your SO's acceptance of this side of you.

[kimmyg]

Emily
You r so blessed in your life

[prettytoes]

Great to hear all is going well. I wish I had told my wife early on, rather than having her discover my stash of clothes 27 years after we were married. This was about a year ago, and things are pretty good now. She has requested a few boundries, but I have pretty much freedom to express my femminine side. I was only asked to not wear a skirt or dress in front of her. I do not wear makeup, but I love keeping my toenails nicely polished! I do keep it in the house and out of sight of anyone other than my wife. I do keep my legs nice and smooth, but I am an avid cyclist, so no-one questions my shaving. I only wear panties, except for Dr. appointments and such, I sleep in nighties and girls pajamas, and I always wear a sports bra when I workout or ride my bike. I also loung in yoga pants or women's shorts, so I do get a lot of space to be me. I have a lot of mini skirts (I like denim best!), and a few dresses; and I don't hide any of my clothes. I have seen many stories on here where things did not go as well as they have for me. We don't talk much about it, and I try not to push things past her comfort level. It is so nice to no longer have to hide in my own home!
I also bought her the same book, and we both read it, and it was very helpful and informative.

Best of luck to both of you! You seem to be off to the right start, and things can only get better from here.

[Emily Barton]

Thanks for the kind words everyone! :D

[TeresaL]

Good for you. You did the right things by telling her early, re-opening the issue when it needed it, and taking it slow and easy. Hope it continues to work well and allows you to grow, Emily.

[Kassandra56]

Well done, it sounds like there is a good possibility things will work. I've also recently had a major change in my personal life, I've dressed on and off and in different degrees since I was 8 years old which is a number of years ago. It's been something that has been good and bad, good when I was dressing but it could be very painful during long periods where I was unable to dress. I re-married 6 years ago and was open to my SO about my dressing from almost our first meeting, we have played with it since we met and over the past year I've been able to wear panties most days and frequently sleep as a girl and my SO has been supportive but recently the pain of wanting more has returned. Last week my SO and I had many discussions and she was basically surprised why had not raised my feelings to be able to dress more with her earlier. Bottom line we have had great discussions, she is supportive wants us to go shopping together and looks forward to outings to CD groups so that she also gets more chances to dress up in the clothes she loves and understand my feelings more. On Thursday we discussed potential girlie names as I'd pretty much killed off my last identity during a bad period in a previous relationship and Kassandra was born which led me to be open to joining communities like this and hopefully building relationships with like minded girls. I love my wife deeply and sharing this part of my life is bringing us closer...I'm more relaxed than I have been in years and life is good but as others have said patience is required - thankfully it sounds like you will not have to be as patient as me.

k

[Beverley Sims]

Your story was not too long and nicely explained.
I have preached go slow and and answer questions truthfully and try not to embellish your replies with what you do.
Acceptance is a slow provess anbrings great joy when you can get it right

[Eryn]

Emily, what can I say? You're doing it exactly right!

Please encourage your SO to join us here. She's obviously a lovely person and we'd love to meet her. She'd be able to discuss issues with GGs in her own position and you'll find that having her read the forum will prompt constructive discussion by allowing her to comfortably bring up things that she wants to discuss.

[Stephanie47]

Congratulations Emily. I see you're twenty. You're young. You're still developing into the person you will become. Presumably your SO is also young. This is a journey you and her will take together. At such a young age there is no need for deception or concealment.

The only recommendation I have is you should proceed with caution with telling other family members until your SO is comfortable with the progression of your relationship. Adding another dimension of stress for yourself and your wife is not wise. Your SO may not be able to deal with the added stress. Your SO is the primary person, and, maybe the sole person, you need the approval of during your adventure in cross dressing.

[Emily Barton]

Emily, what can I say? You're doing it exactly right!

Please encourage your SO to join us here. She's obviously a lovely person and we'd love to meet her. She'd be able to discuss issues with GGs in her own position and you'll find that having her read the forum will prompt constructive discussion by allowing her to comfortably bring up things that she wants to discuss.

I have mentioned that there is a forum, but I don't want to overwhelm her by suggesting she join just yet. Once our exams are over I'm going to give her "My Husband Wears My Clothes" and see where she takes things from there. With regards to the forum, I'm especially concerned that it might be weird for her seeing some of my posts here under the name of 'Emily'. This is especially the case in the photos section as she hasn't even seen any of my clothes yet, let alone me wearing them. Of course, if she mentions that she'd like to take a look I'll happily give her the link!

I actually have an exam tomorrow and after a full day of revision I was feeling pretty stressed out about it. During our most recent talk my SO mentioned that if ever I wanted to go to my room for a while to dress that I should just tell her and she'd be fine with it. Well, I took her up on it today and she was as good as her word - she even slipped a note under the door after an hour or so to let me know it was getting late! I hadn't actually dressed for about 6 weeks until then so it was a really welcome release, and I'm actually feeling pretty chilled about my exam tomorrow too. This is yet another reminder of just how lucky I am.

Stephanie47, just to clarify - my SO and I are not currently married! We're both second year university students :)