Have you ever had issues when going out En Femme?

[GinaM]

From everything I've read things almost NEVER happen when dressed En Femme. I just started venturing out and I'm loving it but still in the process of building up the confidence to really get out. My last trip was pretty awesome and I even went into a supermarket and bought a few items which was exciting. I would love to do some shopping while dressed but haven't gotten that far yet. What is your typical experience when out En Femme?

Have you had any bad experiences that you would like to share so we don't get caught in similar situations?

[Jilmac]

I've done it so often it's almost routine now. No hassles, no stares, no gasps and pointing, just friendly people wherever I go.

[RenneB]

I've been out and about for the better part of half a year now and love it. However, it took a loooong time gettin past the butterflies... Many baby steps and practice getting the outfit, shape, makeup, hair, .....yada yada yada to a point where my confidence was high enough to make a 'break' for it...

I started out just gettin' into the store and taking a 'trophy' picture and then headin out as fast as possible. Now, I go to the store, shop a little, buy a few things, browse a little and then drive to the grocery store to finish my errands.... It's starting to be a really cool routine..

Oh I've had a bad experience or two, but that's about it. 98% of the time most people don't bother lookin or don't care... When they do, you just have to deal with it....

Renne.....

[Andy66]

I have seen dozens of lovely CDs in Vegas over the last few years. Only about a week ago I heard of any trouble for the first time - a lady had her purse snatched. She admitted she was very drunk at the time. So just keep your wits about you and you should be fine.

[NathalieX66]

Well, first, I must say that being at the the height of a typical woman ( I'm 5 foot 6 inches, or 153cm tall), that makes it ideal to not draw much attention to me. That being said, it gets to be a struggle and a challenge for someone who is 6' 4", My heart goes out to you tall ladies. I know, it sucks, right?

I think the quality of your presentation, without overdoing it will garner respect.

My experience is men don't pay much attention to me, mainly because they look for attractiveness. I'm not ugly, but I'm no Jennifer Anniston either, therefore their eyes turn away and think to themselves this chick's not doing it for me.

Last week, I was in line at CVS behind two macho looking guys (were probably cops) talking family and shop, who saw me behind them, and they paid no attention. I was dressed p[retty average for a woman: Metallic purple toenails, rhinestone flip-flops, jeans, ruffly womans' top, dangly earrings, etc. Most women don't notice me, and I get treated fabulously nice, but occasionally I get the weird stare if they to size me up.

[ReineD]

We get stared at sometimes. I think that I notice it more than my SO. But this doesn't mean that people who stare are necessarily judging us. They just may be expressing a mild curiosity. Most people are too busy with their own lives to even notice. The people we interact with do know and they are always polite. I don't know what they're really thinking; some may admire my SO for having the courage to be herself, while others may talk about her when she is out of earshot. Some of them have become friends with my SO.

I've noticed a few smirks too, but rarely. Only once, did some teenager open his widow as he was driving by and yelled, "You transsexual freak!". My SO is not TS.

I also want to say that my SO dresses very well, has no beard shadow (laser), has small hands and feet for a GM (my size), has her own long blonde hair with no male pattern hair loss (no wig), does not have overly male facial features, does not have an adam's apple, wears her makeup well (not excessive). She is 6' 1" with low heels, compared to my 6' with 3" heels, so she is not overly tall when we are out together. In other words, she is at the top of her game when it comes to presentation.

[joanna4]

There are times when people will not notice me. I haven't been out tons of times but I have about 8 times. I choose to dress edgy and that's what got the attention. I do realize that I get about the same attention in male mode.

[JessHaust]

I'm out several nights a week, for the last 8 months and have never had a bad experience. Just the opposite, i've gotten so used to good attention, smiles, high-fives, words of encouragement, that an event free evening is disapointing.

[Barbara Ella]

In my wondrous four trips out, the events have been my own making. Dropping the gas card and having the nozzle overflow. That gets attention. Forgetting to transfer cash from wallet to my female clutch in purse, so had to pull out wallet at checkout in Macys - SA didn't skip a beat. No negatives from public, except for the SA at Smashbox who same up to me as I was browsing, and said - Good afternoon, how are you. She took a second look, and made a round mouth OH... Then she recovered and talked a bit, very nice young lady.

Keep your poise, and your smile and people will let you walk by, and smile back.

Barbara

[sweetvictoria]

The worst I have had is some strange looks in restaurants. I think they were not sure If I was a CD or GG. No one has ever said anything. Numerous sales ladys have known when I have been shopping. They are polite as they are making money off me. Granted, I do not go to places like red neck or biker bars as that could be asking for trouble.

[Lorileah]

I got a run in my stocking once. I had to take it off,

[thechic]

Im out 24/7 ,didnt have any issues out in public and at work all treat me as a woman,i was supprised, but i do have problems with my personal life,ex friends ,some of my family and people that knew me as a guy.

[ChristineM]

The only two instances of any note (I've only been out six times) was at a Denny's and a StienMart (discount shopping store). Everything was good at the Denny's until I went to pay and the hostess did an obvious double-take but didn't say anything. I thought the way she reacted the entire restaurant would have noticed but when I turned around nobody was staring. At StienMart a SA near the door clocked me before I was even in the door. I don't know what was off, maybe I was dragging my knuckles. Anyway, she kept an eye on me the entire time I was in the store. I had planned on getting some a new dress but I knew if I headed for the ladies fitting room she would raise a ruckus. So got some incidentals and checked out.

[Sara Jessica]

I can think of two rules of thumb, both of which will help anyone make the most of getting out in this wonderful world of ours.

1) Go places that are mainstream and well traveled. Avoid midnight walks in the park just to say you've been out. Avoid seedy parts of town. Bottom line, be safe.

2) Understand that in our world, it is extraordinarily rare for one of us to go out and about and be undetected as being trans-whatever by the Muggles. Therefore, accept that you will be read by others, and some may even have reactions of some sort, but it's not the end of the world if it happens. And if you go out and don't detect anyone noticing the trans in their midst, then all the better. Just don't assume it's because you passed because really, one never knows if they truly passed or not. Most people are polite and will keep their perceptions to themselves.

[daarleane]

I have never really had any"bad" experiences while out, even one day at Camping World I was dressed en femme and they wanted to see my ID, no problem. Same thing happened again at Penney's, no problem. We are probably are own worst critics and create more problems for our self than we need to. just try to relax and watch your surroundings. Don't go places that your wife wouldn't go to.

[Jennifer W]

As I've said, I'm not trying to "pass" but I do wear fem clothes without make-up, wig, etc. The only "problem" I would say I've had is a cashier at a local big chain store gave me an "odd look" and sent me to another cashier who "can help you over there." I don't know if it was because of the way I was dressed or because the other cashier had just arrived to work but there were others ahead of me and she didn't send them away. I don't care either way.

On another note: As I was out and about yesterday I saw a group of teens who were all boys except for one girl. The girl was dressed with her hair in a ponytail, long bangs off to one side, green eye shadow, black girly jeans and a "rock band" type t-shirt. Typical teen until the guys referred to her as Josh! Apparently they had no problem with him and the way (s)he was dressed!

[Dana_cd]

went to a lake nearby this morning,, walked down to the lake, there was a man loading his fishing boat into the lake,,thought I would be like just checking out the lake, when this man just started talking to me,,, me thinking hmm this is gr8,,,then out of the blue he asked if I liked fishing and if I would like to go with him out on the lake,,,wow,,thought about it,, but was dressed in a very short skirt,,,didn't have my fishing license with me,, so I declined,,,he just kept talking,so I sat on the launch and chated back with him,, when I noticed ooops my skirt really is kinds short and he could most likely see my panties stood up right away,, he said to me,, if I wanted he would be there all day and I could join him later if I liked,,, WHAT A GR8 MORNING,,,:)

[Tara D. Rose]

went to a lake nearby this morning,, walked down to the lake, there was a man loading his fishing boat into the lake,,thought I would be like just checking out the lake, when this man just started talking to me,,, me thinking hmm this is gr8,,,then out of the blue he asked if I liked fishing and if I would like to go with him out on the lake,,,wow,,thought about it,, but was dressed in a very short skirt,,,didn't have my fishing license with me,, so I declined,,,he just kept talking,so I sat on the launch and chatted back with him,, when I noticed ooops my skirt really is kinds short and he could most likely see my panties stood up right away,, he said to me,, if I wanted he would be there all day and I could join him later if I liked,,, WHAT A GR8 MORNING,,,:)


Did the guy with the boat know that you were a TG person? And if so, he still invited you to go fishing?,. If so, that is so good. It was like a stranger on the street just being nice and accepting of you.
Tara

[Kimberlyfaye]

I wouldn't call it a bad experience but when I went out to a club the first time en femme a couple of guys walked passed the window and stopped as they looked inside the entrance hall. They were looking, and pointing at me! I was so focused on the thought I could do it and enjoy myself I didn't care. They clearly knew I was a guy and they were commenting but the people who run the club and who I had paid to get in obviously knew what was going on and that I was male but they didn't say a thing. And unlike the guys outside, they had heard me talk in a very male voice.
So it was an interesting experience but I think a worthwhile one. Back then I was less experienced with makeup and dressing up. Now I try a little harder.

Just wanted to share my story :-)
Hugs

[Cheryl T]

I've gotten a few looks now and then, but at 5'12" I expect that.
Otherwise it's been uneventful...had a few nice encounters with women and nothing bad to speak of. We've been to most every mall in NJ and most of eastern Pa., restaurants and movies and last October did a week of vacation in New England. Had a great time with no adverse situations.
All in all it's been wonderful.

[kristinacd55]

My only bad experience was a DUI, and that was nobody's fault by mine......83 days ago. Sober ever since!
Besides that, nothing but positive fun experiences :)

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Every single time I have gone out en femme I have had the same problem, just what to wear! Oh that's not what you were asking is it????
No, never had any problems worth worrying about, as Lorileah said i did get a run in my stockings once.

[ReineD]

One thing I think might be helpful to the OP, is if members responding state whether or not they go to TG friendly places only (support groups, GLBT clubs, etc), or if they are out in the mainstream.

If someone says they've never had a problem and they only go to support groups and/or gay/trans friendly areas with other CDers, it can be misleading to someone who wants to go to a grocery store in their neighborhood. :p

Likewise, there's a difference between living in a small town where the inhabitants aren't accustomed to a diverse population, and living in a major urban area where it's fairly easy to be anonymous. It's all relative.

[Carla Stevens]

"Have you ever had issues when going out En Femme?" Well the few times I've been out, the answer would be yes. BUT the problems have been with me, my own psychological barriers worrying about what other people will think & how they'd react.
The sooner I get over this, the better.

[StaceyJane]

I've gone out many times and have really enjoyed it. I live in Central Texas where there aren't any TG places so I go to regular places.

[Tracii G]

One thing I think might be helpful to the OP, is if members responding state whether or not they go to TG friendly places only (support groups, GLBT clubs, etc), or if they are out in the mainstream.

If someone says they've never had a problem and they only go to support groups and/or gay/trans friendly areas with other CDers, it can be misleading to someone who wants to go to a grocery store in their neighborhood. :p

Likewise, there's a difference between living in a small town where the inhabitants aren't accustomed to a diverse population, and living in a major urban area where it's fairly easy to be anonymous. It's all relative.

This is a great point thanks for posting this.
My city has a population around 300k so not much chance of any one my friends clocking me when I'm out enfemme.
I stay in busy areas to be safe and never do late night strolls alone.
Grocery shopping, going to the mall or out to restaurants has never been a problem.
I dress to blend in not to stand out.If out at night I will dress nicely to match the situation or event I may be going to.
My current GF and I went out and had a great time she really made the night seem more natural.
It was her first time out with me enfemme so a learning curve for her but she did very well and enjoyed it quite a bit.

A few times I have been out in guy mode wearing femme clothes and had some teen boys give me a hard time.
They were talking about kicking my backside for being a freak.I talked smack right back and told them bring it on one at a time or all at once because I love to fight.
I think the smile on my face in anticipation made them think twice.LOL
I learned that day that blending in was a better idea.

[TeresaL]

Back in the day, I visited a wig shop in the mall, run by a guy. I was dressed en femme. When he took off my wig, he noticed my head was shaven and asked if I was a cancer patient. When I said no just a guy with a shaved head, he stopped the sales.

[Kelly Greene]

I have been out dresses enfem to a movie, Walmart, 2 gay bars, and a Syfi convention. For the most part I have had some nice complements on my appearance, a couple of drunks that got vocal about their displeasure on my appearance, and I have been asked to "go out" by a couple of gay men who made it plain they wanted sex ( separate ocasions each time).
For the most part people don't have time to worry a out someone they don't know from Adom. Each time I go out is a gamble the best bet is to avoid places you think could put you in danger.

[PrettyFlowingGown]

i go out quite regulerly to a gay pub in brisbane. the only issues i get is drunken men trying to chat me up, but i easily get rid of them. a cuppla times my dress or skirt has been too long and when i've sat down, someone has stood on the hem, but thats it.
one night i was dancing with a guy, and my high heels strap split.

[DAVIDA]

I was leaving a restaurant in Atlanta once and my skirt started to head towards the floor!:eek:
I caught it quickly and made my exit.:heehee:
I was heading out the door when a lady said to me, "Let me hold the door for you.":D

I know that when I go out dressed, which is not that often, I can be perfectly dressed with perfect make-up, and still look like a guy.
I have by no means been perfect anyway. So, when I do get out, I know that I will be "clocked" and then "watched".:heehee:
You have to get to the point of, don't GiveAShit!

[Kate Simmons]

Usually mine are when my underwear doesn't co-operate.:heehee::)

[Beverley Sims]

A bad experience for me is "Oh sir!, er sorry madam." I would love to be called miss:)
Dislike 14 year old girls immensley. I have a Teenage girl alarm that comes in kit form from Radio Shack....
Most places are large, but I visit small towns.
Close to home I am wary of my surroundings.
No real problems, only a couple of stares occasionally

[carhill2mn]

Personally, I have never had a "bad" experience. I have been going out for many years to a large variety of venues. However, I
do not go to places where there might be a possibility of a "bad" experience. I also do not go to such places as a male.

[Nikki A.]

I am careful where I go and if I get a bad vibe I listen to my feelings. That said I have been to restaurants, all kinds of stores either alone or with others. I have yet to have a problem and I know no matter how well I do I will not pass for any period of time. Most people are too preoccupied to notice, and most others are too polite to acknowldge. Of the rest I get usually get complements (from the women) and from the men I usually get very little response if any.

[Eryn]

One thing I think might be helpful to the OP, is if members responding state whether or not they go to TG friendly places only (support groups, GLBT clubs, etc), or if they are out in the mainstream.

If someone says they've never had a problem and they only go to support groups and/or gay/trans friendly areas with other CDers, it can be misleading to someone who wants to go to a grocery store in their neighborhood. :p

The odd thing with me is that I've actually been in more less-than-comfortable situations when out with a CDing group than when I've been out in the mainstream with Mimi or another couple. None of these have been particularly scary, but when you're out with a group, even in a TG-friendly place, you pretty much know that you've been made, whereas in the mainstream I can blend much better. People glance at one tall woman, but they gawk at a group of a dozen tall women!

[KimberlyJean]

My first time out my presentation needed some work and I received some looks and stares, since then I have planned my outfits better and improved my movement. The last few times I went out I felt like I was treated totally like a woman. Sometimes the first eye contact I can see the question in their eyes but after I smile they always return it and are very friendly. I had a cashier at walmart that I thought had read me but I had a heavy item in the basket and she came around the counter and scanned it before I could even try to lift it out. In male mode they always wait for me to do it for them.

[HannahF6]

The only issues I have run into were entirely inside my own head. Everyone else has been just so very nice. I do find it odd that though I've never had any issues with other people when out en femme, I'm still nervous. That is what I mean that all the issues are in my own head.

Hannah

[Dana_cd]

Tara, yes he knew I am tg,,, even tried to guess my age, asked if I wouldn't mind showing some of my real hair (under my wig,), I did so he thought I was about mid 40's,,, what a compliment ,,, :)

[Leila Be]

As someone who hasn't ventured out quite yet, I just want to say I find all of the comments here very encouraging. Thanks!

[GinaM]

I went out again on Friday and it went great. I was more confident and even went inside Macys at the mall but only for about 3 minutes. It was def. a thrill and I'm sure it will get easier as I get out more often. I even made a pit stop at a McDonalds and when leaving a man opened and held the door open for me. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

[Sally24]

I have to say that I remember my nights out by how many good things happen. Compliments, a fun look or wink from a GG, having fun with new people all figure in that. In the hundreds of times I've gone out I had only a handful of minor bad experiences. Check out this thread for those specifics http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?174719-Accepting-places-vs-not&p=2852503&highlight=#post2852503 .

I've never been physically assaulted, arrested, threatened. Those things do happen, just like in regular life, but rarely. I go all sorts of places and people are generally either nuetral, curious, or very enthusiastic. I find a practiced hand at makeup, careful wardrobe choices and a smile are the beginnings of a good outing.

[JessHaust]

One thing I think might be helpful to the OP, is if members responding state whether or not they go to TG friendly places only (support groups, GLBT clubs, etc), or if they are out in the mainstream.

If someone says they've never had a problem and they only go to support groups and/or gay/trans friendly areas with other CDers, it can be misleading to someone who wants to go to a grocery store in their neighborhood. :p

Likewise, there's a difference between living in a small town where the inhabitants aren't accustomed to a diverse population, and living in a major urban area where it's fairly easy to be anonymous. It's all relative.
There are no 'TG friendly' places, just your own attitude. You can go any place you want. There are 'closet TG friendly' places like closed, seceret Tri-Es meetungs where everyone can hide together.
I've said it before, will say it again and again, the only thing that keeps you from going en femme anywhere you would normally go as a guy, is you. If you believe differently, I invite you to Dallas, I'll take you anyplace you want, I'll go en femme, and you are welcome to accompany me en drab.
Please stop With the TG friendly myth.

[NathalieX66]

There are no 'TG friendly' places, just your own attitude. You can go any place you want. There are 'closet TG friendly' places like closed, seceret Tri-Es meetungs where everyone can hide together.
I've said it before, will say it again and again, the only thing that keeps you from going en femme anywhere you would normally go as a guy, is you. If you believe differently, I invite you to Dallas, I'll take you anyplace you want, I'll go en femme, and you are welcome to accompany me en drab.
Please stop With the TG friendly myth.


I agree with Jess.
My first outing was at a Tri-Ess meeting (chapter Sigma Nu Rho) at a hotel near a major military base. The night ended up with me and some of the girls at the hotel restaurant/bar that was loaded with guys in military fatigues. Was treated great, and didn't have a problem. Now, often we meet at an all night New jersey style diner near a drag strip (the car kind) and it is loaded with the Billy Bob racing crowd on a Saturday night. We've had a few snickety comments by a few patrons once in a while, but the staff loves us. ...still no problems.
I was out this past Friday night at a French restaurant, and an Irish pub loaded with college kids and twentysomethings in a very conservative & and very affluent town with a member of this forum, and still we got treated great by everybody. I was wearing a plum colored dress, and wedge heels.
I do make an effort to be presentable as any woman does. It's actually fun to go shopping to the mall or the supermarket in women's dress-down clothes like a T-shirt or feminine top, jeans, earrings, and rhinestone flip-flops showing my painted nails. It doesn't aways have to be a short dress or heels.

But again, I agree with Jess....most of it is in your head.

[ReineD]

There are no 'TG friendly' places, just your own attitude. You can go any place you want. There are 'closet TG friendly' places like closed, seceret Tri-Es meetungs where everyone can hide together..

And GLBT clubs and bars. And gay-friendly areas in larger cities where it is not uncommon to run into a transperson who is not stealth. That's what I meant. These are the "safer" places that a lot of newly out CDers often feel more comfortable going to, while they work on fine-tuning their presentation and until they develop their sea legs to going out in the mainstream. :)

If someone just goes out to tranny bars and reports no problems, this is misleading to someone who might want to go grocery shopping.

My SO and I have gone out for years everywhere and our experiences mirror everyone else's here, unless they live in Utopia. Some strangers won't notice, most strangers don't care, and most will keep their opinions to themselves if they do notice. And some people are even friendly to the idea. But, some people aren't and they will show it, even though this is rare (whether stares, smirks, or outright insults). Also it's a good idea to stay away from certain places like red-neck bars at 3 AM.

[Vanessa_1977]

I have only been out a fue times whould love to be out more. Just not in a smal town. Everyone knows everything. The first time I when out all dressed up was halloween whent out to the bar my butt is still sor from the gals slaping, and pinching it. I had alot of fun the next time I when out was to a mall to look for some new cloths. All was find at first tell the clurck called the mall cop thay whched me like a halk. I think thay thought I was a shoplifter or somthing like that. But after some time there all was fine. Thay even let me try on the clothing I had picked out and led me to a great pair of boots to go with my new skirt amd top. Even told me of there buy one get one free panties I got 4 :) So realy it was a good exp. Thay just didn't know what to think. The mall is in a bigger town then mine, but not by much.

about 3 mos. after the mall exp. I whent for a walk in my small town. everything whent just fine. Had some guys wisele at me. Other then that it was just a walk.

[Melissa Rose]

I live in a major metropolitan area and been in many others and never experienced a problem. I am frequently and very out in the mainstream and this includes flying multiple times. It has been all good and no bad.

I agree with the idea of TG-friendly places is a bit of a mental creation. Every place I have been has been friendly. However, GLBT places tend to be more overtly open and you are less likely to stand out. If I'm taking someone out for their first public outings, we go to the GLBT friendly places since it is more comfortable for them and others tend to more freely talk and interact with you than in more mainstream places. You also run into other t-girls, and they are usually welcoming to the new girls.

[Vanessa_1977]

I live in a major metropolitan area and been in many others and never experienced a problem. I am frequently and very out in the mainstream and this includes flying multiple times. It has been all good and no bad.

I agree with the idea of TG-friendly places is a bit of a mental creation. Every place I have been has been friendly. However, GLBT places tend to be more overtly open and you are less likely to stand out. If I'm taking someone out for their first public outings, we go to the GLBT friendly places since it is more comfortable for them and others tend to more freely talk and interact with you than in more mainstream places. You also run into other t-girls, and they are usually welcoming to the new girls.

Shounds great kinda makes me whanna dress up and go out on the town.

[ReineD]

I live in a major metropolitan area and been in many others and never experienced a problem. I am frequently and very out in the mainstream and this includes flying multiple times. It has been all good and no bad.

I just thought about something else. You look great in your avatar and my SO looks great too. But, (I'm not sure how to say this delicately), not every person who learns to put on makeup, has a great wig, and has impeccable taste in clothing will be able to blend-in to the same degree. Some people have stronger male gender cues in their physiognomy and their appearance won't be as coherent. Sadly, these people might experience more bias than others.

[Nicole Erin]

Just to avoid problems, first try to dress to blend in. If you go out looking like a hooker or wear something over the top like a wedding dress, that is when you can run into problems.

OK so when out with your blending in femme self, the next best thing to avoid trouble is to avoid riff raff. Decent people are not going to start problems or say anything but riff raff is likely to. If you don't know what riff raff looks like, then i direct you to the site peopleofwalmart.com

EDIT - the only time I had any real problems, it was just people talking crap. I had decided to go to the mall on a saturday night wearing a black mini-dress, heels, and black hose.
The mall. Saturday night. The time and place where all the teenagers are at. That was real smart of me.

There have been a few other times people had stupid comments but once again- it was from the riff raff crowd.

[Melissa Rose]

I just thought about something else. You look great in your avatar and my SO looks great too. But, (I'm not sure how to say this delicately), not every person who learns to put on makeup, has a great wig, and has impeccable taste in clothing will be able to blend-in to the same degree. Some people have stronger male gender cues in their physiognomy and their appearance won't be as coherent. Sadly, these people might experience more bias than others.

I agree how well you blend in can make a difference and so does how overt your masculine traits that cannot be disguised or hidden. I tend to use the 80/20 rule or a variation of it a lot, and it seems to work in most cases. Out of 100 cross dressers, 10 are going to present and blend in extremely well, 10 are going to be very obviously male and would not pass at 100 feet (might as well have a flashing neon sign) and 80 are going to be somewhere in between. It is the 10 who are obvious that stand a greater probability of having a bad experience due to the behavior of others. The 80 will be fine except if they draw undue attention to themselves by inappropriate dress or behavior. It is usually a challenge when taking out new girls since they tend to way over dress even when you tell them not to. I dress to blend in which also helps not to draw attention to myself. I know I get read, but as long as your presentation is within general standards, most people will leave you alone or at worse stare a little longer than normal. And you can't forget that is not only about the way you look, it is also secondary factors such as body language and mannerisms. Those will get you read as fast or faster than your appearance in some cases.

If you are venturing out for the first time, I would recommend not doing it alone. Find someone with some experience, go with them, and learn from them. It will also make it easier and you will probably feel safer.

[Vanessa_1977]

I agree how well you blend in can make a difference and so does how overt your masculine traits that cannot be disguised or hidden. I tend to use the 80/20 rule or a variation of it a lot, and it seems to work in most cases. Out of 100 cross dressers, 10 are going to present and blend in extremely well, 10 are going to be very obviously male and would not pass at 100 feet (might as well have a flashing neon sign) and 80 are going to be somewhere in between. It is the 10 who are obvious that stand a greater probability of having a bad experience due to the behavior of others. The 80 will be fine except if they draw undue attention to themselves by inappropriate dress or behavior. It is usually a challenge when taking out new girls since they tend to way over dress even when you tell them not to. I dress to blend in which also helps not to draw attention to myself. I know I get read, but as long as your presentation is within general standards, most people will leave you alone or at worse stare a little longer than normal. And you can't forget that is not only about the way you look, it is also secondary factors such as body language and mannerisms. Those will get you read as fast or faster than your appearance in some cases.

If you are venturing out for the first time, I would recommend not doing it alone. Find someone with some experience, go with them, and learn from them. It will also make it easier and you will probably feel safer.

I wish I had a friend I could go out with. I have friends but thay whould never undrestend my fem side. Only my GF and I am most happy and lucky to have her. We allmost went to the UK so I could go to a club there. I think we whould have had a lot of fun. But it did not pan out.

[PretzelGirl]

Venessa, the thing to do is to try and find groups within your area. Many will be very supportive in helping another get out for the first time or any successive times. Even if there isn't any groups, then you can just map out a plan of what you are comfortable with and go for it. Your comfort will likely grow and by being out, you stand a better chance of meeting someone that you can go out with in the future. But if you aren't getting out, it is a wee bit hard to be making these kinds of friends.

[leliani]

I have only had four issues that I can remember. 2 are funny, 1 not so bad and 1 rather upsetting. I live in San Diego, CA by the way if that helps anyone.

1) I asked to try on some dresses at Papaya clothing, and the girl let out a giggle when I asked. She was young, so probably just lacked the maturity to be professional, but she was so dang cute about it that I forgave her instantly. She was nice and everything too, and totally helped me out.

2) Some homeless drunk guy passed me on the street and asked me outright if I was a man or a woman. I just kept walking.

3) Some guy pointed me out to his girlfriend whilst I was trying on some shoes in target. No big deal, I just ignored them.

4) This was very sad for me at the time, as it was only my second or third time being out dressed. My wife didn't know about my dressing, so I had to change in my car outside of the nightclub. I was struggling to get into my corset, and with my attention on the corset, I didn't notice a couple walking by the side of the car. The guy just started laughing and calling out at me. It was so rude and upsetting. I still went out that night, in spite of him...and the girls at the club said it happens to the best of us. But it was very upsetting for me at the time.

[JessHaust]

You say ' I wish I had friends...' i now have more friends than ever, but none were there before I came out. Ask the world nicely, and the world will respond in kind. Not a quote, just my real life observations. Never have I been so happy, so confortable, as since I decided to tell people who I was. All the hiding, was just fooling myself, hurting myself.
My friends, are real friends, and they know who I am, and they love me for it, not judge me because if it.

[Carmen]

I have always been very careful out there, yes i've been hooted at or followed but that was long ago.
Now I am not overly concerned with everyone around me, I'm living in my world.

I was having a late dinner in Vegas a few weeks ago at one of the Station Casinos. I parked in the structure and walked thru the main entrance.
Found the resturant, was seated, the waitress was nice, no one noticed me at all with the exception of an older Hispanic gal, she studied me for
quite a while and looked away when I looked at her, that was fun.
I practiced my dining ettiquette...elbows always in, take small bites and enjoy the food. The waitress stopped by to warm my coffee and chat a little
I checked my lipstick, grabbed my smalll purse and headed for the register.
When I was paying my bill, the big Hispanic guy next to me gave me a look over, I never acknowleged him.
I took a stroll thru the casino, didn't have my players card so I skipped the slots.
I made eye contact with many people, most didn't give me a second glance, a few ladies smiled at me, a few guys also smiled at me, including the floor boss and the security guard.
Like so many sisters here have written, a good presentation is essential and it gets easier every time.

I can hardly wait to return.

[Vanessa_1977]

Here in smalltown, MN there is nothing mabie in st Paul but I can't find anything. I did how ever find events in the UK but thats just too far for me to go.

[Melissa Rose]

Search using "transgender" or "lgbt" along with the city name. You have to sort through the results, but you will find a various groups or those with links to groups. It just takes a little effort. Passively waiting around or only hiding behind a computer is not going to be very fruitful when looking for friends.

A quick look at the search results for Minneapolis and St. Paul turned up a number of good possibilities. Small towns will rarely have anything going on due to most girls being stealth for obvious reasons.