Using the term "caught"

[Mollyanne]

Has anyone thought about why we use the word "caught" when we describe how we were "outed" by ourselves, our friends, or our wives. I personally feel that "discovered" would definitely be a much better description. I feel that the word "caught" indicates something "illegal" or shameful. How do you feel????

Molly

[STACY B]

How bout BUSTED ,, DISCOVERED is alrite ,, Found out ? Reborn , My personal favorite is ?? FREED ,,, Just released , Becuz ya cant put it back up once it happens . So it needs a realy good name . So everyone should agree on the best on .

[JessHaust]

I vote with Stacy for Freed. Everything else is just kidding yourself.

[NicoleScott]

My [ex]wife caught me, and that's the right word. I was hiding my crossdressing from her. I wasn't outed. I covered my crossdressing pretty well, until I slipped up and got caught. Not being able to be married to a crossdresing husband, she freed me, if that word is preferable to divorced.

[Tina B.]

As Nicole say's if you are hiding, and are found out, you've been caught! And I like her use of the word Free, I've always hated the word Divorced.
Tina B.

[Kelley]

I have to agree with Nicole. Before I was caught it was something I did that I had to hide and believed it was wrong. After my wife caught me I discovered it was who I was and it isn't wrong. Should anyone else find out that would just be their discovery.

[jillleanne]

Caught. Caught because you were intentionally attempting to hide something for one reason or another. Discovered. Discovered because information has been unintentionally revealed for no apparent reason or another.

Caught wins.

[Laura912]

The word one selects will probably depend on the consequences. I am free because my wife knows and accepts. After that, it is no one else's business.

[Lorileah]

One never says you were discovered in a lie. You are caught.

Since the majority of the members here still believe that what they do is illegal, unethical or immoral Caught is what happened. When they start believing taht they are just as normal as the next person Discovered may work

[BRANDYJ]

If this is a lie by omission, then you were caught. If you have done your best to keep it a secret, again, you were caught. The only way it can be a discovery is when you tell them. Then they discovered you are a CD.

[Rebecca Star]

Since the majority of the members here still believe that what they do is illegal, unethical or immoral Caught is what happened.

I don't think it's about that at all. More likely a product of guilt, knowing they should tell their SO but continue to hide their dressing. Hence the term "Caught" - a term which goes hand in hand with hiding the truth.

[RainyNightGirl]

Freed is a great expression. In so many other parts of life other people sometimes force you in a better situation in the long run, like when you are fired from an awful job or boss, the short term maybe emotional and difficult but in the long run is often for the better. I think freed can often be the best way to assign the noting of forced outing of CDing.

[danielletorresani]

Caught isn't just a term denoting guilt. For me, being "caught" (and yes, caught is the right word) is accurate because I didn't want to be outted at all. Caught, in my circumstance, is much more accurate and on target.

[Sophia Claire]

I don't think that "caught" denotes guilt, insofar as you're doing something wrong (aside from hiding your true self from people), but that you were consciously trying to conceal something and someone found out. Same thing with sex, isn't it? It's not wrong by any stretch of the imagination (in most cases), but it's something that most people actively try to conceal from the outside world. And when the outside world invites themselves INSIDE, you say you get caught. Just my take on things.

[RADER]

My first wife "Caught" me in some long leg girdles. WOW!! I can still here the complaining
to this day, Some 35 years ago.
Rader

[Marcia Blue]

I have thought about this all day. I really prefer "discovered"

[lori m crawford]

i have ben cought but i think if you do it long enuf you will so caught is not the right words i thak the words shood be i will some day an fess up to it we all know it it will happen some day un less you quit an we all now wer not going to or cant quit dressing

[Cheryl T]

I've been Busty, but never Busted.
I've been Caught but never Outed.

Caught denotes doing something you don't wish others to know about and that about sums it up.

[NicoleScott]

Since the majority of the members here still believe that what they do is illegal, unethical or immoral Caught is what happened.

I, too, disagree with this. Your statement fails to account for those who are closeted for practical reasons (family, friends, job negative reactions not offset by any benefits of coming out). I'm fine with who and what I am - I just have no need to tell the world I crossdress, and not because I think it's illegal, unethical, or immoral.

To respond to those who like "freed" instead of "caught". There are CD's who want to be freed, so they may sabotage their own efforts to remain hidden until they are finally "caught". Mission accomplished - by getting caught they are freed.

[Julia_in_Pa]

The word " caught " implies that you are participating in an act that is purposely deceptive.
Like using the phrase " being caught in a lie by omitting the truth" .
This describes many here.
Using different words like " discovered " does not change your reality nor does it change the fact that you are being deceptive.


Julia

[STACY B]

If you realy dont care if you have been SEEN an you have been dressing for along time maybe you just need to be AFIRMED about your looks an have someone tell you how you look an what can be done to make it look rite ? My SO will tell me if I look like a DINGBAT or something is wrong or dont look just rite an I take her advice an biuld on it . She a lady ,,An she would know ,, Yes ive been caught an I just ran away like a girl screaming an waving my hands ,,But they caught me not far away ,,I WAS wearing HEELS ya know ,,,lol,,, But I was a beginner then let em try now ,,Im lighter on my feet ,,lol,,,

[Lorileah]

I don't think it's about that at all. More likely a product of guilt, knowing they should tell their SO but continue to hide their dressing. Hence the term "Caught" - a term which goes hand in hand with hiding the truth.


I, too, disagree with this. Your statement fails to account for those who are closeted for practical reasons (family, friends, job negative reactions not offset by any benefits of coming out). I'm fine with who and what I am - I just have no need to tell the world I crossdress, and not because I think it's illegal, unethical, or immoral.


OK I will add socially wrong to the list. If yo did not believe somehow what you are doing is wrong in some manner, you would not feel the need top stay closeted (Which is really the unethical part). When you believe that somehow what you are doing is not "normal" then you hide (like even eating a gallon of ice cream in one sitting) and then you are "caught". (with your hand in the cookie jar). And in reality it isn't far off that. "We" have been conditioned to believe that what we do is in some manner a sin or a social faux pas. So many here hide because of real or imagined outcomes.

I don't like the use of the word "freed" unless it was an intentional plan. You can free yourself at any time. All you have to do is be who you are and quit trying to fit into established outdated and narrow minded "norms" that were set forth years ago to allow a certain sector of the population to control the rest.:guns

You don't have to tell everyone what you do but the fact of actually hiding it insinuates that you believe it is somehow "wrong". Thus when someone sees you doing something you believe is wrong you are "caught"

[NicoleScott]

.....wrong in some manner......

We're pretty good (or bad, I guess) here about defining words, and trying to put too fine a point on.......our points. Wrong in some manner, and by whose standard of what's right and wrong? I agree that if my hiding plans fail, and without my intention, I was caught.
Many TG's come out of the closet and believe that what they do is normal for them and should not be considered wrong by anybody's standard. That doesn't mean that those who stay in the closet think what they do is wrong. It just may not be the right time or circumstances for coming out.

I couldn't help but chuckle when reading about getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar for eating a gallon of ice cream.
"Busted! - hand in the cookie jar! You're eating ice cream, aren't you?"

[Lorileah]

That doesn't mean that those who stay in the closet think what they do is wrong. It just may not be the right time or circumstances for coming out.



True, but if society didn't consider it some how "wrong" you would not have to worry about the right time. It isn't always that "we" feel it is wrong it is that we fear that those around us will feel it is wrong. Most of us still acre what the rest of the world thinks about us.

[Stephanie47]

When my wife and I were first married there was bedroom play involving nighties and stockings. As it evolved we REALIZED I was a cross dresser. Perhaps we DISCOVERED what a cross dresser may be. I wasn't caught. My wife did a turnaround (180 degrees) when she DISCOVERED I had purchased a sexy red Vanity Fair bra. That's when she REALIZED there was more to cross dressing than wearing a nightgown. She has not DISCOVERED my increasingly large wardrobe of femme attire, although it is HIDDEN in plain sight. I have not REVEALED my feminine side to others. I have not OUTED myself. My wife has not OUTED me. I have not been DISCOVERED by family, friends or neighbors when strolling in the evening or driving en femme in my car.

I do not think I will ever be CAUGHT because I have not done anything illegal.

[sometimes_miss]

If this is a lie by omission, then you were caught. If you have done your best to keep it a secret, again, you were caught. The only way it can be a discovery is when you tell them. Then they discovered you are a CD.

I've had this argument before. People who use the term 'lie by omission' are the ones who weren't told something, so that they can then claim to have been decieved. However, everyone does this 'lie by omission' because we simply don't tell everyone everything about ourselves, it would take forever. We decide how much we want the other person to know, based on whether we feel it is important for them to know it. For example; Say when you were 6 years old, you stole a pack of gum but never told anyone. Would you be sure to tell everyone you know that you did that? Probably not. But that would technically be a 'lie by omission', branding you a liar. So basically, everyone is a liar, because we don't tell everyone everything we have ever done.

Now then; cought, discovered or freed. You can use any word you like; people will understand what you're saying. I use the word cought because for most people, they will assume that crossdressing is something that I do not want known, so the word is appropriate. Am I ashamed of being a crossdresser? No. But I am concerned about how other people will treat me because of their prejudices, so you could say that the person 'catching' me is cought, themselves, in showing their beliefs that my behavior is any type of danger to themselves or others.

It works both ways, you see.

[NicoleScott]

True, but if society didn't consider it some how "wrong" you would not have to worry about the right time. It isn't always that "we" feel it is wrong it is that we fear that those around us will feel it is wrong. Most of us still acre what the rest of the world thinks about us.

Certainly we can agree that society doesn't always get it right.
Was Rosa Parks wrong when she refused to sit in the back of the bus?

[Eryn]

One can call it whatever we like, but the person doing the catching/discovering/whatever is the person whose opinion counts. Telling them that they're using the wrong term will hardly change the situation for the better.