For those of you with SO's that are aware.

[Wildaboutheels]

A few questions.

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.?

Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that?

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?

[Stephanie47]

It was kind of a mixed bag. I had dabbled with wearing my mother's clothing as a teenager, then stopped for years. When I married my wife and I engaged in 'bedroom play.' I told her the truth. I liked the feel of nylon and sheer stockings. We shopped together for floor length nightgowns for me, and, she bought me garterbelts and stockings. When we had a child she asked me not to wear the nightgowns to bed. OK! No big deal. I slowly progressed to buying panties and slips and finally bras. She could not understand the bras, because I had nothing to pack into the cups. True! With gaining more insight, she and I realized there was more to wearing women's clothing than just the feel. It did not go well with her. Watching Tootsie at the movies was unsettling. We went through the typical discussions, her weeping, us not understanding, cross dressers' hell. Over the decades it has been DADT. She knows. When she finds a garment I may not have sequestered away before she comes home, she folds it and places it somewhere out of sight from others. She'll tell me where it is. I think she finally realized I am not different a person.

[Lorileah]

Well I don't have a SO right now having lost two wonderful women in the last 4 years (sort of answers the question)


Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?

My wife "knew" long before I did and supported me by allowing me to wear what I liked. She even bought me things. When I was talking to my GF before we met I sent her some pictures. It was never an issue for here and we went out together frequently


How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.? Jumped that gun didn't I? :heehee: I don't think it changed. With time my dressing with my GF became almost non-existent and she mentioned how much she missed Lori though


Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that? My wife didn't do much online (and by the time I joined here she was already pretty far along with her cancer...but that is one reason I joined here for the friendship I have gained). My GF knew I was on here but she didn't look I don't think


One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?

I was shocked when my GF said she didn't care but it was what I had hoped for. I let her know early on so she could make her own mind on if she wanted to be with me.

[RainyNightGirl]

I told my wife on our third or fourth date (been married a long time now) and she is very supportive too, always has been. I have shown her the site and sometimes tell her about interesting threads. But she has also said even though she knows the site is there (and she knows my on-line name), she will not go and look without asking. Yep, I am pretty lucky...actually beyond that...my wife is pretty darn special.

[Marcia Blue]

A few questions.

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.?

Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that?

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?

I joined this forum and soon realized being"discovered was a real bad thing. I told her late one night. I was ready for the questions and the long talks.

My wife has known for almost 3 years. Her stance has been of general acceptance wavering at times, but better than I had hoped for.

I showed her this forum and she is a member. She only visits the FAB forum and the Loved Ones forum.

My wife went from almost total acceptance, to full on OMG what have I gotten in to.
She spent time on the forum in the FAB section, long talks, and a some self examination, before settling in a very good understanding/acceptance level., IMHO.

[CdD Janessa]

My so was furious when she found out and her attitude hasnt changed on it either she has come close to allowing it but I ask if I can dress and she gets mad and says give her space and that if I would wait for her to bring it up she might consider it. I got the silent treatment for two weeks when I got caught. I have adkd her to join on here but shr wont do it im hoping with time dhe might reconsider maybe allowingit what do you all think I ought to do. Its extremely hard to not talk of it or mention it in any way to her.

[janet54]

I told my wife from day one. We did alot of talking and alot of tears and she thanked me for being honest after long talks and alot of questions she was fine with it. I know Iam lucky but we are happy. My wife looks at this site with me at times . But really be honest with yourself and your SO or where are you really going if not.

[Stephanie Michelle]

Th ex wife knew about 3 months into the relationship. Was Ok with it, but I never went out in public except for a couple of Halloweens. Divorced 3 years ago due to other reasons. Current GF knows since 3 months into relationship. As I have said before she is very accepting. We have shopped together and she had bought me outfits. She wants to go out with me dressed but I still have issues with that right now. Working on maybe going to a local meeting to start. She is still learning what this is all about an had been on this site with me but hasn't by herself.

[danielletorresani]

I was discovered by some videos I made on my computer. Definitely unplanned! Our stance is that we just don't talk about it.

[Alice B]

I told my wife as soon as I knew and she accepted right away, but with wanting no participation. This was 6 years ago. She gives me all the freedom I need, but keeps the same attitude. She knows about the site and sees me on it daily, but does not wish to join or read the posts. I dressed last night and went out with her OK, but as I said goodby she did not want to look at me. That's OK, as I respect her position.

[Laura912]

Told wife after 20 years of marriage. She has known for 25 years. She knows of the website and sees me using it but does not explore the site. I some times relate discussions. Her response to seeing Laura for the first time was, "Wow! The transition is remarkable!! You look great!" And that, ladies, will keep your motor running for a lot of years. :)

[candicd]

My wife and I kind of grew into the discovery together, although when we were dating 20 years ago she put makeup on me. Should have known back then.

She knows of this site. She is not a "forum" person. I guess we are a lot alike. I know who I am and am happy with it so. She knows who I am and is happy with it.

When Candi was completely out of the closet, and she was completely accepting as long as we have boundaries, yes I was stunned. Mostly because it's a secret that most CDs keep hidden and then after so many years of marriage you don't want to screw that up so she is accepting and I wait for her to blow up about it. Hasn't happened. She is awesome.

-Candi

[Rebecca Star]

I let her know early on so she could make her own mind on if she wanted to be with me.

I seem to be going around today praising the folk who have had the guts to tell their SO/GF early on. But no matter how many times I say it, I still think whoever does step up to the plate deserves kudos, why? Well IMO it's just the right and honourable thing to do :)

[JessHaust]

Told my wife on the first date. Been married for 32 years. She goes out with me, and my TG friends, so she gets the real thing, not just a few posts hete and there, but yes she has all my log on info for this site.

[TeriAnn]

My wife knows and is supportive. I met my wife to be in 1992 she was seeing someone else and ended up marrying him. He turned out to be a drunk and very abusive to her so she divorced him. We got together as friends and then we married in 1999, I did not tell her until July 2005 when we got back from our vacation. I told her that I was a cross dresser and of course she was shocked. She had no response at the time so I figured I would wait a day or two.. I went to her and ask what she thought, she surprised me by saying she was cool with me dressing as a female. She has bought clothes for me and gift cards from Cato. She is also the one who found this forum for me, help me join the group and then even became a member herself. Since this all happened we are no longer together ,we have been apart for 4 years and I am sad about it. She has a lot of mental problems to deal with so what I do is on the back burner for her right now. I just hope she can find the right doctors to help her. I have been praying to God that He will help her get well. I love my wife and miss her friendship TeriAnn

[Sophia Claire]

My wife found out shortly before she left (unrelated problems). I had been trying to warm up to "the talk" for a couple of weeks, but she's not much for subtleties so she didn't get it. When I told her, she looked at me blankly and said "well, yeah. I kinda figured." Turns out that she was perfectly okay with it. In fact, she had spent some time as a lesbian (by choice), so she actually thought it was kinda hot. So there's that. I find that my experience was... hmm... atypical.

[SusanMarie]

Well, I did 'tell' my SO a number of years ago...and she was and still is accepting, supportive and participates.
Frankly, I think she 'knew' long before I did, so not much of a suprise.
She knows about the forum but has no interest.

[Vanessa_1977]

My SO is totaly ok with my fem side. She found out about a week after halloween when I told her. She had kinda fig it out her self being that I whent out dressed for halloween. After that I could dress as much as I liked. But know we have a doughter thats 5 and my SO and I don't whant her to know about me. Sp I don't get too get out much any more it's rather stressfull. Plse we now have a roommate living with us making it even harder.

[Jacqueline Winona]

1) she figured it out when I liked dressing from Halloween so much, and when I insisted on practicing before the event.
2) I'd say as time goes by she likes it less, and is more vocal about it. She knows where I keep some of my stuff and doesn't speak about it, but she does not want to know (yes, she uses those words) about anything I bring up related to dressing. The good news is that I can dress when I want when I'm alone, and I can get by dressing infrequently (going on six weeks now without even the urge to do it).
3) No, she has made it abundantly clear that dressing isn't something she likes, and showing her this site would serve no purpose. The best I could hope for would be a "hmm, interesting" comment.

I

[Wildaboutheels]

Thanks for all the great responses, ladies.

Any of you with "approving" SOs try to direct them to this site or any other site when you told them?

If it was way back before internet sites like this were available, do you think them being able to come to a site like this, would have made a difference in SOs who "don't approve".

[Eryn]

I definitely wanted my wife on this site after I told her.

I think that access to a site like this is important to SOs simply because it gives them access to other SOs who are in the same situation. Back in the dark ages they were even more isolated than their CDing spouses.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Excuse me jumping on this thread, as i don't have an SO, and the one I'm after doesn't know.

The reason I'm replying is, that i will probably be telling her soon. If, as I hope, we do move into a relationship, I have to tell her before we get intimate. It's just not gonna work any other way. If, on the other hand, I get permanently friendzoned, I'm going to tell her anyway.

Here's why I'm posting, a prediction.

If we are actually going to start dating, she will want tot think about it, ( please don't let it be longer than a couple of days! I'll go insane! ) after which, she'll either accept, currently I only wear panties, or be fully on board, and offer to help me explore it.

If i tell her as a permanent friend, she'll accept it fully, and will probably want to explore the ramifications with me, ( she has training as a psychologist ) I look forward to being pulled apart, she may help me understand where this comes from.

I look forward to telling you all how accurate my predictions are.

[JohnH]

I never hid my unorthodox clothing selections (by male standards) from my wife, ever. I keep my some of my women's clothing in the same closet as my wife keeps her clothing. (I absolutely despise the term "cross dressing" - a woman wearing a flannel shirt, jeans, and hiking boots is "cross dressing" just as much as a man wearing a dress with heels.)

My wife knows about my activities but since she is not much into fashions she does not care. I am the one who wears dresses, skirts, and on occasion, heels. My wife wears only pants and flat shoes for her street clothes.

My wife even suggested I go on M2F HRT, which I took her up on it. That is one of the best things I have done in a very long time.

John

[prettytoes]

My wife discovered my stash of clothing when I was at my cabin for the weekend a little over a year ago. I had it all stashed in a tote in our closet where seasonal clothes were stored. She saw a small bit of pink sticking out of my laptop bag (a sports bra that I forgot to put away). She started to search and found it all. I came home and everything was neatly spread out on our bed. On a side note, I had worn mostly women's panties for years telling her they were more comfortable and fit me better. Mostly gender neutral colors, but women's none the less. There were lots of questions, and then 3 or 4 days of silence.

I am now able to enjoy my femminine side in many ways that I never could before. First and most important...I no longer need to hide anything....at least at home. I do not go out dressed, I keep it in the house. I usually have my toenails polished, I wear panties 24/7 (much more girly than what I used to wear!), I wear sports bras when I work out or ride my bike, I lounge in women's shorts, capris, or yoga pants, I shave my legs daily, and I sleep in nighties or femme pajamas. I have several skirts (mostly minis, denim and leather, and running skorts), however the only boundry requested by my awesome wife was that I don't wear a skirt or dress in front of her. I am not much into shoes or makeup, mostly clothing, underwear, workout wear, and nightwear.

She has seen this sight, but she doesn't post here, or visit much. I do read some posts to her.

I was surprised in the fact that I can express my femme side freely and she is OK with it.

[Jenniferathome]

I told my wife. She said that she had suspected for some time.

She has known for 1 year and 3 months. Her attitude has been great from the start but now she will go out with me and doe snot care if I dress in front of her. At the very beginning, she was a little scared to see me in girl mode, fearing that she would always see me that way when in guy mode. Turns out that's not an issue.

No. She has no interest. She knows I am part of this group but her only questions are the genetics of this.

Stunned. I suspected she would be tolerate it as I know she loves me but her ability to embrace this part of me is incredible.

[amanda williams]

I told my SO several months into our relationship, we are now living together and have been for the last 2 years. She is totally fine and very accepting and supportive to the point of shopping and encouraging me to go out with her dressed. We have only recently returned from a trip interstate where we attended a Transgendered Formal Ball weekend. Our entire trip was awesome, I still have many nerves and would not venture very far from the venue "dressed".
My SO reads this forum and is a member awaiting acceptance into FAB site.

[PretzelGirl]

I told my wife.... well I never really did "tell her". This all started long after we were married and it was done with her right there all the way. So the fact that I crossdress was never told as it was understood. The parts I told were more about what I felt inside. A lot of the discussions early on were about boundaries and what she was comfortable with. I stuck right to them and it didn't take real long before all of the boundaries just went away one at a time.

After I got on here, she did too. She stayed for a while and then got her fill and hasn't been back for just over 2 years now. I make sure I am straight up with her on every step and kept her in the discussions of how I progress. It has worked well for us.

[Karren H]

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?
Discovered

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? 6 years now....

Softened, hardened, etc.?
same maybe hardened

Have you shown them this site? Hell no!

LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that? Doesn't want to know.....

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? I was surprised she didn't throw me to the curnb!!

whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance? There was a lot of crying and screaming and caring on. She was pretty upset too...

[RachelF]

I never had "the talk" with my wife. I started CDing in 2006, after 13 years of marriage. I started using just plain panties (not too girly ones), and slowly added stuff until I bought false nails this year. For the very beggining I dressed in front of her. She never asked "are you gay?" or anything like that. As she never reacted badly, I just keep adding stuff until I completely dress. She is not a fan, she never bought me anything and just painted my lips a couple of times. I invite her to help me selecting a costume which was my first dress (until that I just underdressed and had some sleepware), she selected a French Maid one. Last year we went to see some wigs, I told her those would be a nice gift for me ... she did not bought one. Now I gave her a list of links of things I would like as Father´s Day gifts, let´s see if she buy something this time. I think she accepted the situation, but is not a fan and never expressed angry about it. As I never dressed outside our bedroom, I think that helped her to manage my CDing. I never presented the forum to her, I do not know if she researched something about crossdressing.

[Babeba]

Hey, I know I am the type of SO in question rather than a CDer, is it okay for me to add in two cents' worth? If it isn't let me know and I'll remove my text if you prefer.

You asked if CDs had literally sat their partners down and showed them this site, or if the SOs were 'even unwilling to do that...' for some people, jumping into research is a good thing, but not for everyone. Just like some CDs need time to be ready to tell others, some SOs need time to process by themselves before they can relate the situation they are in to other people's stories on this site, or even feel comfortable talking themselves on here. It's not necessarily a matter of indifference, but could be fear that something very precious to them is being ripped away - and if they look into it too much it will make it more real or maybe worse and more devastating to their lives.

Sometimes i would not want to be a new SO l here. For example, if a partner felt just rocked by what had been revealed and was afraid they were losing their partner because of it, or needed to figure out what was the 'real' you and what was the facade you, this may be a little too fast- especially if there are a lot of fantasy or 'how do you hide your things' posts up at the moment.


FWIW, Crystal was a member here first before I was, and i only found out about this site because I asked what a reputable place for me to read up on what CDing was and get some questions answered. This was about three months into our relationship, and just shy of three months of me knowing about her dressing. I had had a chance to think about things, and then had a real need to figure out what was happening because of CDing, what was my partner, and what the general expectations of what life with a cross dresser could be like.

[Sophia Claire]

Hey, I know I am the type of SO in question rather than a CDer, is it okay for me to add in two cents' worth? If it isn't let me know and I'll remove my text if you prefer.

You asked if CDs had literally sat their partners down and showed them this site, or if the SOs were 'even unwilling to do that...' for some people, jumping into research is a good thing, but not for everyone. Just like some CDs need time to be ready to tell others, some SOs need time to process by themselves before they can relate the situation they are in to other people's stories on this site, or even feel comfortable talking themselves on here. It's not necessarily a matter of indifference, but could be fear that something very precious to them is being ripped away - and if they look into it too much it will make it more real or maybe worse and more devastating to their lives.

Sometimes i would not want to be a new SO l here. For example, if a partner felt just rocked by what had been revealed and was afraid they were losing their partner because of it, or needed to figure out what was the 'real' you and what was the facade you, this may be a little too fast- especially if there are a lot of fantasy or 'how do you hide your things' posts up at the moment.


FWIW, Crystal was a member here first before I was, and i only found out about this site because I asked what a reputable place for me to read up on what CDing was and get some questions answered. This was about three months into our relationship, and just shy of three months of me knowing about her dressing. I had had a chance to think about things, and then had a real need to figure out what was happening because of CDing, what was my partner, and what the general expectations of what life with a cross dresser could be like.

I think we all love hearing from SO’s here! I know I do. It feels to me like it’s closer to being accepted than us having our forums and GG’s and SO’s having their forums and never the two shall meet.

I was absurdly lucky with my ex-wife. She was very understanding and she actually liked that I dressed. But I definitely understand that most SO’s need to get acclimated to the idea. You’re a trooper for hanging in there. There are plenty of women who would have just said “nope, that’s a dealbreaker” and split. I know it’s happened to me. I know it’s not uncommon. It’s important for you to understand that fact because it’s exactly because of that one little piece of nastiness that many of us are slow to tell our SO’s. We love them and we don’t want to lose them, but this doesn’t just go away and there’s really no way to tell how they’ll react until you sit down and do it. It’s a very scary time. And you know what the worst response I can think of is?

“… I need some time to think about this…”

This is bloody unnerving! While in our souls we may be women, we still have some of the genetic… shall we say idiosyncrasies of men. We’re tough, but impatient.

I remember the last time I got the “I need some time to think.”
This was my response: “If you’re going to bolt, will you just do it already?! I’m strong. If you have to go, I can take the pain. But I can’t take being stuck in limbo.” And any small words of encouragement go a long way. Anything at all.

You know, I love looking at the moon. There’s only ever been one side facing us. We know a lot about the moon. But we hardly ever see the other side, and never from earth. Astronomers call it “tidal lock.” Did you know that there are no maria (the dark blotches that make up the eyes and smile of the “man in the moon”) on the far side? The moon used to be mostly molten and as it cooled, the remaining liquid lava was pulled by the earth’s gravity to one side, forming gigantic lakes of the stuff. Then they cooled and formed the dark maria that we see today. I bring up the moon because I think it’s a good (if a bit labored) analogy to knowing your SO. Okay, so he puts on women’s clothes sometimes. That’s just a facet of who they are. That’s the far side of the moon. You still know the person, you just learned something new about them. The person that you are dating/in love with/whatever is still the same person. And I’d be willing to bet that they’re not significantly different (personality-wise) when they’re dressed up. They may go a little over the top trying to be feminine (we all do from time to time), but they’re not substantially different in any other regard.

I don’t know how common my reasoning is, and maybe this doesn’t apply to your situation but I know that I do this partly because I’m a woman in my soul but also because I look at myself in the mirror and I’m an objectively handsome and well built man, but that’s not what I see looking back at me. I see scars. I see damaged goods. I see a person who is so ****ed up on the inside that I can’t help but feel ugly on the outside. And I just want to be beautiful. So perhaps a better question would be “why do you do this?” And don’t let him weasel out of answering. He told you about this, he put you in this quandary, I think it’s only fair that he has to be a little bit uncomfortable too. ;)

For anybody who’s survived to the bottom of this windy bit of nonsense, I want to say thanks for sticking it out.

Cuddles,
Sophie

[Melody Phillips]

My wife had suspected for years that there was something different about me. I had been dressing on and off for years prior to meeting her. After we started dating (and then marriage) I still dressed a bit behind her back. I thought I was being sly. I guess I left enough clues. It was almost 2 years ago when she finally just asked me. She has always supported me since comming out. She has seen this site and encourages me to reach out to others and learn more about my feminine self.

[mscatie85]

My wife discovered my dressing few years ago while we were still dating. She was snooping around my apartment after I had left for work because she had suspected something entirely different (she had trust issues due to a previous relationship). It took a few days before we talked about her discovery. I was a little mad but also relieved, after all I had to tell her some time. She took it upon herself to research crossdressing and approached the subject reasonably although I thought not to push the topic so she could absorb what this meant to our relationship. She has always been accepting since finding out. The real stunner didn't hit me until about a month ago, she suggested I have another professional makeover and that she would love to come along and be apart of this experience with Megan. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a wonderful girl.

[linda allen]

A few questions.

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.?

Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that?

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?

Rather than retyping everything, I'll post a link that answers most of your questions.

I haven't shown her this site and don't plan to.

[Cheryl T]

My wife "discovered" me quite by accident after about 10 years of marriage. All the talking and such didn't help at the time and it was "Back to the Closet", of course all the while telling her that I had quit.
Years later when I could no longer hide I told her we had to talk, told her I had not quit and don't wish to as it's part of me. Again we talked and talked and she became receptive to learning more. I not only showed her this site and encouraged her to read the threads and ask me whatever she wished, I encouraged her to join and she did. We also joined a Tri-Ess chapter and all of this aided her understanding. She is now fully supportive, we go out together frequently anywhere and it has helped our marriage to be stronger and closer.

When she first "discovered" me I was a little surprised by her response. She had found a picture of me taken in our living room and wanted to know who "she" was. It didn't click for me and I kept asking "she who?". Then she showed me the picture and I began to laugh which didn't help at all. When I told her she refused to believe it and wanted only to know who the other woman was (made me feel good that I looked that good). When I showed her the clothes and we talked it was a big surprise to her. Now it's just as natural for me to be in a chemise and panties as it is a t-shirt and jeans and we both enjoy "all of me" being part of us.

[RADER]

My first Wife hated the idea of me wearing a girdle, Divorced after 9 years and 2 kids.
Now 15 years later, met my wife on a blind date. Third date, watching an awards show on TV
when a girl came on wearing this gorgeous gown; I said,"I would wear that in a hart beat".
Mt wife looked at me and said "You Would" Sure I would, if you could get one in my size.
3 weeks later, at a BBQ in my back yard, Holiday, She asked me if I had any dresses to wear.
I said only skirts and tops. About 20 minuets later, she says, "Go and show me"; well I went
up-stairs, and put on a skirt and top. Came down stairs and showed her.
She liked it, we where married about 5 months later, and been together for over 18 years.
The only thing is since I would never pass, I stay in the closet; But I dress anytime I want.
Wife is OK, and even went with me to find a new Wig a few months back.
I am very glad to be married to her.
Rader

[Tina B.]

Five years in to the marriage, I told her. Things have been pretty much the same since I've told her, although she has always been a strong supporter, it got even stronger as time went on and she got more accustomed to it. Back when I came out to her, we didn't have sites like this, we didn't have computers yet, or INTERNET. Since finding sites like this, I've offered to introduce her to, but she is not a cross dresser, and has no interest. As long as I'm happy, she's happy, and has not interest in learning anymore about it than that, because she just doesn't see it as a big deal.
Tina B.

[Babeba]

I think we all love hearing from SO’s here! I know I do. It feels to me like it’s closer to being accepted than us having our forums and GG’s and SO’s having their forums and never the two shall meet.

I was absurdly lucky with my ex-wife. She was very understanding and she actually liked that I dressed. But I definitely understand that most SO’s need to get acclimated to the idea. You’re a trooper for hanging in there. There are plenty of women who would have just said “nope, that’s a dealbreaker” and split. I know it’s happened to me. I know it’s not uncommon. It’s important for you to understand that fact because it’s exactly because of that one little piece of nastiness that many of us are slow to tell our SO’s. We love them and we don’t want to lose them, but this doesn’t just go away and there’s really no way to tell how they’ll react until you sit down and do it. It’s a very scary time. And you know what the worst response I can think of is?

“… I need some time to think about this…”

This is bloody unnerving! While in our souls we may be women, we still have some of the genetic… shall we say idiosyncrasies of men. We’re tough, but impatient.

I remember the last time I got the “I need some time to think.”
This was my response: “If you’re going to bolt, will you just do it already?! I’m strong. If you have to go, I can take the pain. But I can’t take being stuck in limbo.” And any small words of encouragement go a long way. Anything at all.

You know, I love looking at the moon. There’s only ever been one side facing us. We know a lot about the moon. But we hardly ever see the other side, and never from earth. Astronomers call it “tidal lock.” Did you know that there are no maria (the dark blotches that make up the eyes and smile of the “man in the moon”) on the far side? The moon used to be mostly molten and as it cooled, the remaining liquid lava was pulled by the earth’s gravity to one side, forming gigantic lakes of the stuff. Then they cooled and formed the dark maria that we see today. I bring up the moon because I think it’s a good (if a bit labored) analogy to knowing your SO. Okay, so he puts on women’s clothes sometimes. That’s just a facet of who they are. That’s the far side of the moon. You still know the person, you just learned something new about them. The person that you are dating/in love with/whatever is still the same person. And I’d be willing to bet that they’re not significantly different (personality-wise) when they’re dressed up. They may go a little over the top trying to be feminine (we all do from time to time), but they’re not substantially different in any other regard.

I don’t know how common my reasoning is, and maybe this doesn’t apply to your situation but I know that I do this partly because I’m a woman in my soul but also because I look at myself in the mirror and I’m an objectively handsome and well built man, but that’s not what I see looking back at me. I see scars. I see damaged goods. I see a person who is so ****ed up on the inside that I can’t help but feel ugly on the outside. And I just want to be beautiful. So perhaps a better question would be “why do you do this?” And don’t let him weasel out of answering. He told you about this, he put you in this quandary, I think it’s only fair that he has to be a little bit uncomfortable too. ;)

For anybody who’s survived to the bottom of this windy bit of nonsense, I want to say thanks for sticking it out.

Cuddles,
Sophie

Sophie,

I knew the broad stuff - that I really liked this guy a lot, that it wasn't a big deal what his clothes were and I wanted to be with him anyway, and that if he wanted to dress up in ball gowns in the middle of the busiest thoroughfare in London I would be supportive of him. It was all the smaller stuff I needed to process, and to do that I did need to think about it and take time, because these were all new experiences and thoughts to me, and it was important to get them right. Especially because he was so nervous telling me about it, I wanted to get more context. Today I am a full and enthusiastic participator! :)

It did take a while for me to want to know about this site, though - and I know I am not all alone in this With GG SO's. Some come and find this site in their own journey, others are asked to join, and it IS beneficial - but you have to be ready.

[bobbimo]

After I discovered Bobbi, I was petrified to tell anyone about what I felt.
I actually had a dream about being dressed with my wife. and after hinting about wanting to talk about it. I just did it.
I can tell you my heart was about to explode through my chest for weeks as I worried about what all this meant to our future.
But she accepted it and we are reading 'My husband Betty". That scared her more than helped, because she was afraid that one or both of us were gay.
I think she enjoys Bobbi around the house but got upset last weekend when I wore my ankle bracelet out shopping when I was in boy mode.
She didn't notice until I got home and mentioned it to her. Now she is the fashion police. Its been a year since Bobbi came out, and we have lots of fun shopping together, But she is still not ready to let Bobbi out into the real world.
I haven't shown her this site yet, but I will, She is interested in what makes us tick and why we do what we do.
I was relieved to have told her and that she didn't get out of bed and leave. She is an accepting woman and I am very lucky to have her in my life.

[nikki in hose]

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you? I told my current wife of my passion for nylons and crossdressing within the first couple of weeks of going out. She was accepting of it but did not(and still doesn't) want to see it.

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.? IMO her stance has softened a little bit. I have come into a situation where I am in need of wearing heels on a daily basis. I have an issue with my achilles tendon that causes me severe pain if I walk in flat soled shoes. When wearing heels I do not have this problem.

Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that? No. No. And she would not be interested.

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?
I was stunned when I found out about her true reaction to my telling her, which I didn't find out about until a while later. After I had told her, she seemed to be ok with it and after a while we went about our day. Unbeknownst to me she had considered breaking off our relationship. She had fortunately spoken with her sister who had advised her that, in short, it's not the clothes it's the man. If you like/love him be with him for the person he is. We are now coming up on our 7 year anniversary.

[gender_blender]

I met most of my girlfriends while out dressed femininely. Totally skirts the awkward discussions later when you're open about it from the beginning. Nothing worse than attracting someone under false pretenses.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Hey, I know I am the type of SO in question rather than a CDer, is it okay for me to add in two cents' worth? If it isn't let me know and I'll remove my text if you prefer.I ALWAYS read responses from SO's, even negative ones. For me, the only thing that matters is how my partner sees me. If I had a partner who was fully accepting, even liked it, and she wanted to give me a makeover and take me out,... well, I'd be shaking like a leaf in a gale, but I'd do it!


You asked if CDs had literally sat their partners down and showed them this site, or if the SOs were 'even unwilling to do that...' for some people, jumping into research is a good thing, but not for everyone. The girl I'm chasing at the moment would be one of those that would do the research. I can pretty much guarantee, that within a few days, she would come to me with a pile of notes, and questions that I haven't seen on here. Having a background in Psychology, she probably has some knowledge already.
We love them and we don’t want to lose them, but this doesn’t just go away and there’s really no way to tell how they’ll react until you sit down and do it. It’s a very scary time. And you know what the worst response I can think of is?

“… I need some time to think about this…”Arrrghhhh!

+1000 This!

I think this thought is terrifying me more than the actual telling! I don't think she'll keep me waiting, I think I'll get at least a partial response, "well, it doesn't make me want to run away." OR "I'm sorry, I like you as a friend, but I can't deal with that." but she will want to do some research, this woman wants to find out how things work, including the brain, her intellect is in the stratosphere!

If she does "think about it" please, please don't let it be more than a couple of days, I don't think there's enough scotch in the world!
You know, I love looking at the moon. There’s only ever been one side facing us. We know a lot about the moon. But we hardly ever see the other side, and never from earth. Astronomers call it “tidal lock.” Did you know that there are no maria (the dark blotches that make up the eyes and smile of the “man in the moon”) on the far side? The moon used to be mostly molten and as it cooled, the remaining liquid lava was pulled by the earth’s gravity to one side, forming gigantic lakes of the stuff. Then they cooled and formed the dark maria that we see today. I bring up the moon because I think it’s a good (if a bit labored) analogy to knowing your SO. Okay, so he puts on women’s clothes sometimes. That’s just a facet of who they are. That’s the far side of the moon. You still know the person, you just learned something new about them. The person that you are dating/in love with/whatever is still the same person. And I’d be willing to bet that they’re not significantly different (personality-wise) when they’re dressed up. They may go a little over the top trying to be feminine (we all do from time to time), but they’re not substantially different in any other regard. Fascinating way of putting it.

[Beverley Sims]

I had girls wanting to date me when I was younger because I looked good.
Many satisfying relationships and sometimes I went dressed as a man.
Mixing it did not seem to worry the girls.
My wife was not so accepting, being a little on the reserved side.
My past does fascinate her and making minimal reference and going about my normal business when dressed does not phase her either.
Just don't call too much attention to it.

[cathie pantyhose]

My wife found my pics I was transferring from one site to another site. Back then I was taking more risque pics of myself dressed en fem. Not sure why but I have since gained more respect for myself dressing so she was quite shocked at some of the poses. If ther pics were a bit more norm as I've taken recently, she may not have been as upset.

That was about 4 years ago when we were living in Atlanta. Since her opinion has softened on the subject. She still asks I dont dress in front of her or the kids but she understands its a part of me. She would also prefer I spend the $ on things around the house or the family and not heels and dresses but again understands for some reason.

Ive never shown her this site. I guess I consider it my only outlet since I too nervous to go out dressed let alone meet anyone dressed en fem.

I wasn't surprised by her response, I guess I understood. I should have told her but she knew I always loved to wear pantyhose. I should have had more respect for her and told her but I was too afraid I'd lose her. She's still around and in fact we've grown from the experience.

[kimdl93]

by now mine is an old story. I came out to my gf about four months after we started dating...it just seemed like the right time. She was very curious, a bit surprised and genuinely understanding. We got married a little over a year later and have been now for almost 13 years.

[suchacutie]

My wife and I discovered Tina together.

Over the last 6 years we have gotten to know Tina better which has generated a better mutual understanding between us as spouses. Tina is completely supported.

I have shown my wife entries on this site and we've talked about many threads here.

It's an understatement to say I was shocked when my wife said we needed to buy Tina a dress, as that was the moment that Tina was "born".

[MarcellaMcNul]

My S.O. and I (we are both late 50's) met through a popular (vanilla) internet dating site. We hit it off from the start and the momentum was undeniable, so.. I decided to bare all to her right after our first meeting.

She asked the normal questions,accepted my answers and was surprisingly unfazed by the whole thing.

A few weeks later she asked to see my wardrobe...such as it is...and that turn out great. She likes my taste in style and didn't hesitate to try on two of my dresses.
Shortly afterward she re-femme-named me to MiMi, designated one of my bedroom bureaus to Gurl stuff and filled in the missing spaces with things she brought from her home.
Last Halloween would have been our first Girl's Night Out to an area LGBT bar (Triangles in Danbury,Ct), but we both worked late, then went anyway endrabbe just to scout out the terrain.

She is a totally accepting and proactive partner-in-crime.

I showed her this site. She checked it out briefly but doesn't have time to become involved.

I am continually surprised AND stunned by this incredible woman on all counts (2YRS this July) including but not limited to her open acceptance. She recently reminded me that she plans to clean out all of her closets and wants MiMi to have first dibs on all give-aways.

[Miriam-J]

I shared this side of my life with my wife about six weeks after we started dating. She was supportive from the start, and shared that she had dated a guy before who was a closet CD. We shopped together for clothes for each other (both masculine and feminine for me), and had a great time with it. She continues to be very supportive and helpful now nearly four years later.

I discovered this site about four months ago, but she hasn't shown a whole lot of interest since she's pretty relaxed about it all. I share occasional gems with with her, and we both read 'Help! My Husband Wears my Clothes' after learning about it on this site.

She's been great, and not about CDing. I think I'll keep her for a few more decades.

Miriam

[Sophia Claire]

Sophie,

I knew the broad stuff - that I really liked this guy a lot, that it wasn't a big deal what his clothes were and I wanted to be with him anyway, and that if he wanted to dress up in ball gowns in the middle of the busiest thoroughfare in London I would be supportive of him. It was all the smaller stuff I needed to process, and to do that I did need to think about it and take time, because these were all new experiences and thoughts to me, and it was important to get them right. Especially because he was so nervous telling me about it, I wanted to get more context. Today I am a full and enthusiastic participator! :)

It did take a while for me to want to know about this site, though - and I know I am not all alone in this With GG SO's. Some come and find this site in their own journey, others are asked to join, and it IS beneficial - but you have to be ready.

Did you tell him that first part when you told him you needed some time? I've never gotten that courtesy. Just telling us that first bit would take a lot of the stress of that "I need to think about this" phase out of the equation. And I am really happy that you are an enthusiastic participator! I can imagine it would take some time to get comfortable with joining here. It's a hurricane of sparkly pink and purple in here ;) Hell, I was intimidated at first and these fine folks are like me!

[a1stephie]

Told wife after 20 years of marriage. She has known for 25 years. She knows of the website and sees me using it but does not explore the site. I some times relate discussions. Her response to seeing Laura for the first time was, "Wow! The transition is remarkable!! You look great!" And that, ladies, will keep your motor running for a lot of years. :)

I LOVE that last comment. My wife has not seen the site. I want to show her, but a little afraid still. She has not seen a pic of me fully dressed ever. Only some early lingerie shots many years ago when I was first caught. I would like her to see at least my avatar on here, and I would guess that day will come soon enough since she buys me my makeup and we discuss it on and off. She knows I use the site a lot though and is supportive of that.

[ReineD]

The vast majority of the posts here are very positive!!!

This is so good to read. And it explains why there are fewer wives here than husbands. The wives with no questions or no issues don't need the support. :)

[Tracii G]

My GF I have known for 25 years or so she was a younger sister to a male friend of mine.I was married back when we all hung out together.
She knew both my ex wives thru the years so we never dated.
I started a FB account because my daughters wanted me to and I saw her on there so we started chatting.I told her right off how I felt and that I would bend the genders sometime.
She asked me to send her some pics so I did and was surprised she said wow you look great! Of course she had all kinds of questions too.
She was very accepting and curious.I told he about this site if she wanted to join and gain info and learn she said no need you are the way you are and thats fine.
We have gone shopping together me in drab or "pumpkin" mode as she calls it.I pick out things for her and she does the same for me.Pretty cool IMO.
We put on make up together before my trans support group meeting and had a very good time at the meeting.
She was intrigued and said she had never kissed a girl before and said she would be glad to kiss me whatever I was wearing.LOL.
Actually showed one of my ex wives a pic and she said well doggone if you don't look pretty as a woman.

[Jenniferpl]

My wife suspected something for years and never said anything. While watching a show on TV about crossdressing, she was able to make me realize I was a crossdresser. That night we talked about it for while and she said ok with it. We have certain boundaries but overall she has been very supportive. Her continued support, I believe, is result of staying within those boundaries and not violating her trust.

Being out in the open has it benefits. It is a relief to no longer be leading a life of denial or the stress of leading a double life.



Having a supportive spouses has opened up a new realm of understanding. Since accepting who I am, the journey of discovery has been amazing. Oh ya and a lot of fun.

[JamieG]

I told my wife almost ten years ago. You can find the story posted in other threads, so I won't repeat here.

She has generally become more accepting over time, but we have had hiccups. As recently as a few months ago, we had a huge fight because I shaved my legs. In fairness to her, I knew I should have discussed it with her first. Fights usually occur because either I try to push the boundaries or because I do things that makes her think that crossdressing is more important than her and the kids (which couldn't be further from the truth).

She has seen this sight by looking over my shoulder once or twice. She's never (as far as I know) sat down and read the posts. I tried to get her to join, but she says she is a member of enough forums (none of which are CD-related).

I was surprised with the swing in her initial response. The night I told her, she was like "Cool. Maybe we can go out to Rocky Horror with you in drag." The next morning she screamed at me and threatened to leave me. It took a couple of weeks for us to resume a normal relationship.

[Jennifer W]

My wife knows and has set some boundries. Don't let the kids know. No shaving of body hair. (I don't have a lot anyway) She doesn't discuss it at all. Once in a while she mentions an article of clothing that I have, but never suggests anything for me when we are out shopping. She doesn't come here that I know of. She had asked for time to think about it a couple of months ago when she found out, but has said nothing so far. I don't push the issue. I buy my own clothes and we both do laundry and she has seen new stuff, but never says anything. The only positive thing she ever said is when we went to our friends house and I was underdressed, she said I seemed more relaxed than any other time we went to visit. Not that I don't get along, she just noted that I seemed very comfortable and relaxed.

[Kiva]

A few questions.

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?

I told her one evening when we were drinking

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.?

This happened in 1986. She was really cool at first, then wasn't, then ignored it, then wasn't, and now, pretty much tolerates it.

Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that?

No

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?

I was suppriesd at her acceptance in the beginning.

[Savannah]

I told my gf about 4 mo after meeting. i was away alot work and trips. she told me from the start that she really liked gay guys. i think that was part of my coming out to her. so while i was on an extended trip. i told her in a text, i figured she would run away. But infact she asked all the questions and i assured her i wasn't gay.. but this was apart of who i am my whole life. But really never went very far with it... To my amazement she was ok with it and in fact encourages me to be me. She says its who you are. some times i think she thinks i want to make the change. but i assure her like many if i could flip the switch i would, but in fact that will never happen and i do love being a man.
Any way now 2 yrs into our relationship. she totally encourages me has bought me a lot of clothes. wants me to dress as much as i like.
I have been out and about a few times. But do really want to go out on the town. hopefully some day soon.. I am so blessed with someone to share the Whole me with. and someone that loves and encourages me to be ... '' the real me''...
But open and honest is the best way to be. and let the chips fall where they may....

[Emily Barton]

A few questions.

Did you tell them or did they "discover" you?

How long have they known and has their stance changed at all over the months or years? Softened, hardened, etc.?

Have you shown them this site? LITERALLY sat them down in front of a computer? Or are some of them even unwilling to do that?

One last question. How many of you were were surprised or perhaps even "stunned" by their response when you told them? Whether you got the silent treatment for a week or because of their enthusiastic acceptance?

Ok I guess I'll join in! I told my SO rather than her "discovering". She's technically known pretty much since we've been together (so over a year and a half) but I brought it up a lot more recently and this has been when we've had proper discussions and made progress with it. So far she has been incredibly accepting and supportive, but for now she is not at all involved and that's absolutely fine with me - I wouldn't want her to be uncomfortable. Her initial reaction didn't "stun" me, but I am increasingly surprised at how calm and supportive she has so far remained about the whole thing. There's not even been a hint of uncomfortableness or a change in her opinions on it which I guess can only be a good thing!

I've mentioned this site but haven't shown it to her just yet. I'm concerned that my online persona would be a whole other hurdle for her to deal with and I want to give her time to come to terms with what she already knows first!

[sami1952]

I came out to my wife when she found my female clothes and that has been 21 years ago. she took it better than i expected, the next day we went shopping for my own clothes. I told my sister about 5 years ago and she accepted me too. She knows about all the sites i visit and i show her my pictures as well. i glad she found my clothes,now i don't have to hide anymore.