would a change in societal views go a long way?

[emmicd]

Do you think crossdressing and transgender issues are starting to garner more attention today when tg individuals break ground and express themselves as they feel and do you feel it elicits more understanding and acceptance?

If society relaxed its views on dressing and you were able to dress more freely and express yourself as you feel in public and at work would that translate into less pain felt among tg individuals and less of a need to feel compelled to transition?

Do some transgendered individuals feel forced into having to transition because of rigid codes in dressing and self expression?

I realize most tg/ts have no choice today but to transition but is it also due to inflexibilty of societal views?

Personally I feel if I had the opportunity to dress freely and not feel restricted with company dress codes or public views it would go a long way but the reality is that this most likely will never happen. I do not see the day anytime soon where a guy could put on a dress when they wish to, go to school or work and be accepted as a female. I believe this is what transitioning is and that is totally different from freedom of expression.

emmi

[Frances]

No, the answer to your question is no.

[ReineD]

Do some transgendered individuals feel forced into having to transition because of rigid codes in dressing and self expression?

I agree with Frances. And if someone transitions for the hope of passing better, if they are not inherently female, they are doing this for all the wrong reasons. TSs transition in order to align their bodies with their gender and not because they feel forced to.

[Kathryn Martin]

Nuff said no no no no no no no no no no no

[Jorja]

I have not met one person who ever transitioned because of rigid codes in dressing and self expression. I have met several hundred that transitioned because their bodies did not align with their gender.

[MC-lite]

What everybody else said!

[RADER]

I do believe we will never see society change their views on a man wearing a dress.
I just do not see it ever coming out.
Rader

[MC-lite]

@RADER: Unless we were in scotland...Then it's called a kilt. :)

[emmicd]

i am sad every day but i have so much to be happy about. the sadness i carry is that i live a life in pain as being ts. i live in a structured way as a male where i can not express myself to others as i feel inside. i am styfled and it is sapping me of my strength which really sucks! i am tg and ts. i knew from an early age. i have family and i have a life. i need to transition and my doctor and psychologist agree. the thing about it is i am very much afraid though i need to go through with it. i have the support of only a few and i feel i am all alone so much and i wonder how others survive the transition. it would be so nice if society could find a way to be less harsh for those who are like me. why must i always feel alone even when i know this is what i need to do for my own inner peace? it truly is a struggle no matter what.

emmi

[noeleena]

Hi.

This appears to be typical western thinking in some quaters so i wont comment on the U S views,

Here in New Zealand we have a more open view many more people have accepted , now that does not say by laws you must accept those who are different.

Yet for all that & yes you know of my differences back ground life & about our family & how that has impacted on us.
So were do i stand in Waimate Timaru & Oamaru, not includeing Christchurch & Dunedin. our two main bigger cites in the south isl. closer to us

Okay Waimate pop under 3.500 , Timaru 38.000 , Oamaru 15.000 , Those i know some 5.000 people the groups im involved with in our membership 1.000 people & women only groups as well are you getting the idear ,

Iv been accepted, Dspite my flaws looks or what ever eles that could be thrown at me so that i could or would not be accepted as a person & as a female /woman, yes im different far from normal yet all of my fears & any blockads that were in front of my self were not there.

People were open with me talked with me & got to know who i really was /am. wheres the problem or wheres mine yes a few could not take on board this some what different person. yet some 3 millon people found out about me our family & many more ,over one night = on T V so really what did i do not much people just accepted hey im different so bloody what.

as i was told you are who you are , then just get with your life & live it.

Okay im over in Austraila till the end of this week then i fly home to N Z .

Shoping

I meet a talk with staff they interact with me they dont have any issues people i pass on the street we say hi smile both male & female no problems there. banks hey it makes no difference were i go who i see its just normal daily life .
now what about being up real close to people women a hug & its real genuine, not a act & its really neat is this all about being accepted, you can answer that if iv got over whats really going on in my life. i hope so any way...........

...noeleena...

[arbon]

i am sad every day but i have so much to be happy about. the sadness i carry is that i live a life in pain as being ts. i live in a structured way as a male where i can not express myself to others as i feel inside. i am styfled and it is sapping me of my strength which really sucks! i am tg and ts. i knew from an early age. i have family and i have a life. i need to transition and my doctor and psychologist agree. the thing about it is i am very much afraid though i need to go through with it. i have the support of only a few and i feel i am all alone so much and i wonder how others survive the transition. it would be so nice if society could find a way to be less harsh for those who are like me. why must i always feel alone even when i know this is what i need to do for my own inner peace? it truly is a struggle no matter what.

emmi


Society is becoming less "harsh".........there is a lot more acceptance and understanding today then there was 10 years ago, or 20 years ago, or 30 years. It is better then it has ever been in the west at least, in my opinion. Not saying it is easy, that there is not a lot of hate and misunderstanding still.

it is still going to be a tough road to transition if you are going to do it. it is still something, in my experience, something that you do walk very much alone with. I had a lot of fears to, still do. I had to face them and get through them. Just have to do it in order to get to the other side. Usually the reality was not nearly as bad as I feared it would be.

you do have a few supporters though, and that is something to hold onto and find some strength in. And are you making any connections with the TG support group you went to? That could be helpful.

[Inna]

I disagree with some of above however not entirely. Complicated issue this transness is, and understanding illusive at best. Societal pressure brought me to 37 years of pain and sorrow, personal discontent of life and confusion. Without such confines, I would have seek to transition long ago, and would find life quite different from my saga. However even though life would had been presumably different and by the emotional stability I experience now, would had been much more happy a place, I would still need to transition my body into congruence with mind and soul. Most of the pain associated with transsexuality was due to lack of ability to transition early on, but what's done is done, and inevitable had concluded.
Seeing how progressive today's society is in regards to yesteryear, I am so happy for the new generations of trans folks who will be able to transition early on. We have a long way to grow yet but don't forget how far we have already come!

[emmicd]

the need to transition is the reality that all transsexual individuals have to face regardless of whether they go through with it or not. there is a road map we are supposed to follow as prescribed by the pioneer, harry benjamin. i am trying to follow all the required steps. i am already at the acceptance stage of being ts and i have been embraced by my doctor at callen lorde and my psychologist for starting this journey. i also have the support of my electoligist who has done wonders with my face. i am dressing in certain situations but it is not consistent. i am not yet free with my dressing in public. i so want to be but i still have fears. i also am not at the stage where i have to come out at work yet but realize i will have to face that very prospect sometime. it is inevitible. i have already been given the green light for female hormones and will be under a doctor's care which will be at the end of june. i have waited for this for what seems to be my whole life and now am psychologically prepared for the physical changes I anticipate. I am very concerned though for my family. i am not selfish but i feel i am self absorbed with my need to start hormones and eventual transition. the sad reality is i have looked upon this as something very necessary and had expected a feeling of happiness and relief. what i am feeling though is that i am tearing my family apart and i am feeling a great deal of guilt. why when i know i have to do this do i feel i am hurting so many others in the process? why do i have to always feel such pain? will this pain ever go away or will it be there forever? i just can not seem to escape it and it troubles me and makes me very sad. i just want to find my own peace and feel that i am ok and finally have someone tell me that it is ok to be who i feel inside. i just want to be me and i want to be accepted. is that too much to ask for?
is it going to be transition or die trying?

emmi

[ReineD]

Emmi, what are your wife's feelings about this? Several GGs here are fully supportive of their husbands' transitions, while others aren't. Do you and she discuss this? If she is not supportive, would she maybe like to join this forum to talk to the GGs who are supporting their husbands' transitions?

[Inna]

Emmi, pain is a inevitable part of the equation we call life, a learning process which takes us further into wisdom of wonders, yet within human condition pain is the brother of sister joy! Life for us is not possible without oxygen, yet oxygen is the gas which promotes death, hence our environment is so life giving and toxic at the same time.

Our condition has been bestowed upon without consent, yet we must deal with the consequences our entire life, why? I have no answer but feel as though we have a chance to teach others less fortunate cis-gender folks about strength of absolute truth and strive towards wholeness and love. We do not pursue truth blindly for the sake of hype but seek our selves amongst the ruin we are, broken and false, pretentious and scared, and when the pain we tool overwhelms and brakes down our resolve to stay put, there is but only one path we need to follow.

When we set out to find the light at the end of our journey we show our loved ones strength and devotion in love and in our humanity, but the choice to stay or go does not belong to us, it is their free will and their purity of love which will decide relations and future with or without us. They do not own us, nor we, own them, such is the most beautiful part of immaculate love, true and unconditional freedom.

So let go if you can, otherwise, all that we hold, are the rights to misery and pain.

[Noemi]

Emmi,

Your best bet is to invest your energy in Transitioning so you are passable as a woman.

It will be emotionally painful as members of your family will not accept you as Emmi probably a few friends too.

But if you transition well enough the rest of society will be none the wiser, those who meet you as Emmi will see you as Emmi and as time continues they will forget about your male identity. You are taking a few years, a small portion of your life, that will redefine you, and put you on the correct course to spiritual fulfillment, being whole.

I see your job being a main concern for stability to see you through.

People do not understand transgender. They barley understand gay and that is as out of the closet as ever, we are rarer.

My point is that while societal views, en masse, are powerful. They still are not as powerful as the truth about why we transition. Your truth will be stronger.
♥♥♥
Noemi

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I second Frances no...

this is the last thing our should be worried about as you start dealing with real steps of transition...

THis is nobodies fault..you have a problem and you are trying to deal with it...


You buried the lede in one of your follow up answers when you said..
"i have waited for this for what seems to be my whole life and now am psychologically prepared for the physical changes I anticipate. I am very concerned though for my family. i am not selfish but i feel i am self absorbed with my need to start hormones and eventual transition. the sad reality is i have looked upon this as something very necessary and had expected a feeling of happiness and relief. what i am feeling though is that i am tearing my family apart and i am feeling a great deal of guilt. why when i know i have to do this do i feel i am hurting so many others in the process? why do i have to always feel such pain? will this pain ever go away or will it be there forever? i just can not seem to escape it and it troubles me and makes me very sad. i just want to find my own peace and feel that i am ok and finally have someone tell me that it is ok to be who i feel inside. i just want to be me and i want to be accepted. is that too much to ask for?

your expectations seem very high from a short term perspective...these feelings do go away, but it takes a very long time... you should be concerned for your family, but you do need to be self absorbed to make this happen for yourself...its just the way it is..its a real conflict and you must try to deal with it as best you can..

its very common to feel very very sad and guilty about hurting other people...its a no win situation that we must each decide for ourselves...they cannot live your life for you...and unfortunatley we can't feel like we are valuable and thriving people unless we transition...if you are feeling guilty, you need to fully accept this, and you need to do everything you can to support your wife and those around you...

pls believe me, the pain does go away...it just takes time and lots of hard emotional work..

[Julia_in_Pa]

Emmi,

Society as a whole is inherently selfish, inherently barbaric and inherently violent.
Nowhere in "civilized " western culture is this more apparent than in the U.S.

The rewards for success and the penalties for failure in any number of endevours in this country including transition are numerous and swift.
This country is many years behind almost every other industrialized nation when it comes to basic needs of it's citizenry such as health care, education, treatment of it's elderly, etc.
How can one expect trans people to be treated fairly when this country fights tooth and nail against anything that certain groups consider " socialism " when it comes to the basic needs of people here?

You cannot expect fair and equal treatment. It is a huge mistake to think that the visible strides being seen in the media will somehow equate to a trans person in the general public being treated more fairly as a everyday occurrence.

If one is seeking the easier road in transition if there is such a thing that person needs to concentrate their efforts on themselves first prior to any efforts being made to change others opinions.

The reality is if everyone was gender fluid and society accepted that as the norm then this along with countless other conversations concerning transition would have never taken place.

The reality is making the decision to do what you know you need to do whether that is transitioning or not.

Put your best efforts and decision making into your transition and then act upon your decisions.


Julia

[LeaP]

Emmi,

When I dress, and it's LESS often these days, it produces a mix of feelings, but one aspect is inadequacy and dissatisfaction. When I look in the mirror without anything on I hate what I see. When in look at my features and face, I hate what I see. I don't feel right. No amount of dressing is going to change that.

Transition is when *I* transition. Passability and acceptance are incredibly important to me, but acceptance doesn't define transition.

I expect cultural acceptance to continue to improve over the years, but that doesn't necessarily translate into acceptance closer to home, with family in particular.

[emmicd]

it is always nice to know i have sisters here to open up to and air my concerns. i always find the feedback extremely helpful and i am very thankful!

emmi

[Bree-asaurus]

I think a change in social views would make it more likely for transsexuals to transition, not less likely. I am still who I am and I need to be that person. If it was more socially acceptable, then maybe I would have been lucky enough to be able to transition at a younger age.

[Frances]

I think a change in social views would make it more likely for transsexuals to transition, not less likely. I am still who I am and I need to be that person. If it was more socially acceptable, then maybe I would have been lucky enough to be able to transition at a younger age.

I totally agree with this.

I would like to expand on my previous answer a little bit (should not be too hard).

I did not wish to wear a dress and remain a man. I never wear dresses anyway. It's REALLY not about the clothes. It's about communicating the right gender and have the world communicate with me in accordance to that gender. And that should happen regardless of what I am wearing and at all times.

Emmi,
If you are transsexual like you say you are, dressing up is not going to make the pain diminish. LeaP said it in her post. You may be disappointed with the results and feel even more dysphoric. You have to feminize yourself, your body, to make a psychological impact. Electrolysis will heal your psychic pain way better than pantyhose.

[Bree-asaurus]

Emmi,
If you are transsexual like you say you are, dressing up is not going to make the pain diminish. LeaP said it in her post. You may be disappointed with the results and feel even more dysphoric. You have to feminize yourself, your body to make a psychological impact. Electrolysis will heal your psychic pain way better than pantyhose.

I agree right back at ya! :D

Early in life, wearing feminine cloths was a way to express myself when I had no other outlet. When I came to terms with who I was, it was pretty clear why dressing up never fixed anything.

In my childhood and teenage years, the idea of dressing up was exciting! I wanted to! But once I was dressed up, it was kind of... boring... a let down... like... well... what do I do now??? I somehow felt more comfortable, but I also felt kind of ripped off. It was frustrating. I tried doing more... dressing up all the way... getting fake boobs and wigs... makeup... all this stuff I felt kind of silly doing, but I didn't know what else to do. Surprise surprise, when I accept that I'm transsexual and start being myself, getting rid of facial hair, starting HRT, being accepted as a girl by my friends, I started feeling better!

I found the solution and it wasn't cloths... it was being myself and being accepted as myself. And guess what cloths mean to me now? Function and style... that's it. Cloths feel like nothing... because they are just cloths. If everyone in the world, male and female, were forced to wear burlap sacks, i'd be itchy, but I'd feel the same as I do now ;)

[emmicd]

i have experienced gender dysphoria and live it every day. i can't get around it. the clothes make me happy because that is all i have right now. my doctor told me straight out i am a true transsexual and asked me when i anticipate transitioning. i honestly don't know since i have only started electrolysis 2 months ago and only planning to start HRT by end of June. i am struglling with this and to be honest i am also a bit scared! i also have family whom i love in the mix. being ts/tg really sucks!

emmi