Inna
06-11-2012, 07:44 PM
I have yearned for this feeling my entire life since I was aware of my inadequacies in gender.
The weight and importance of arriving true and whole was enormous, and since about 4 years I have done absolutely everything in my power to overcome the short comings.
Today, as I was walking out of major groceries store, it hit me! I was standing there at the curb awaiting the cars to clear the way when feeling of NORMALCY overcame and I just realized I was there!
No makeup, no Hi heels, no fancy shmacies, just shorts, Tshirt, ponytail and canvas flats, just a girl going about food shopping.
For the past 6 months I have assimilated into the mainstream in such way that thought of passability is no longer on the agenda however the thought of looking better then average took over the vanities place, oh well, I never said that I was pure, LOL.
But however beautiful this feeling of normalcy is, it simply is just, well, so normal! Then the thought crossed my mind, geee, such a path to undertake, such a devotion to truth, such pain endured, and yet feels as though I have made a full circle, except arrived, this time in the proper representation of gender.
Life then, it seems is simply just life, but besides the obvious, truth makes it meaningful, love makes it joyful, and knowing of your self makes it whole!
I can't however tell you how mesmerising this normalcy feels from the perspective of former life, that is indescribable, and even though we must pay such price to get there, just as the VISA commercial used to say, such beautiful freedom is priceless!
The weight and importance of arriving true and whole was enormous, and since about 4 years I have done absolutely everything in my power to overcome the short comings.
Today, as I was walking out of major groceries store, it hit me! I was standing there at the curb awaiting the cars to clear the way when feeling of NORMALCY overcame and I just realized I was there!
No makeup, no Hi heels, no fancy shmacies, just shorts, Tshirt, ponytail and canvas flats, just a girl going about food shopping.
For the past 6 months I have assimilated into the mainstream in such way that thought of passability is no longer on the agenda however the thought of looking better then average took over the vanities place, oh well, I never said that I was pure, LOL.
But however beautiful this feeling of normalcy is, it simply is just, well, so normal! Then the thought crossed my mind, geee, such a path to undertake, such a devotion to truth, such pain endured, and yet feels as though I have made a full circle, except arrived, this time in the proper representation of gender.
Life then, it seems is simply just life, but besides the obvious, truth makes it meaningful, love makes it joyful, and knowing of your self makes it whole!
I can't however tell you how mesmerising this normalcy feels from the perspective of former life, that is indescribable, and even though we must pay such price to get there, just as the VISA commercial used to say, such beautiful freedom is priceless!