Total acceptance - who really wants it?

[Melanie Sykes]

I've often wished that society would be more accepting of crossdressers: I don't like to be made to feel like some kind of oddity when I go shopping dressed, for example. However, I also feel that if society were totally accepting, and men were openly and routinely to wear the same types and styles of clothing as women, then crossdressing as we know it would cease to exist. I say "as we know it" because there will always be different cuts of clothing to suit the differences in male and female body shapes, but all the categories of clothing which are currently forbidden fruit for men would be considered normal for them to wear in this world of gender equality. (Maybe I actually mean "gender equality" rather than "total acceptance").

I do wonder if such a commonality of what is considered acceptable attire for both men and women might leave many of us without a suitable outlet for our femme selves, leaving us with the same frustrations we feel currently when we are unable to dress for a while.

This is just a musing of mine, as the situation is never likely to occur, but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.

[outhiking]

For me it's not just dresses and skirts. Even if men could openly wear these in public, I'd still want breast forms, heels, wigs. I guess it's not so much the clothing as it is the feeling of being femine. If these were fully accepted, then maybe it would lose some of it's allure for me?

[UNDERDRESSER]

Eh, possibly, but I feel your point would be more accurate for those ( like me ) that generally do it for the fetish aspect, or sexual thrill. I still would dress in sleek clothing, even male styles, because I like the snug feeling. I often spend the whole day in bike clothing, ( today for instance ) when it would be simple to change. I wear panties at all other times, and they have been seen, but not remarked upon, in the locker room. I haven't detected any sniggers, but others may have commented amongst themselves about my "European" choice in underwear. A major part of the reason for the panties is comfort , these days, they simply fit better than the typically available mens stuff. I'd like to able to go to work in a skirt, I've even tried on one that we sell, I think it would actually be acceptable as a mens style, with my typical shirt. I think I would be so much cooler and more comfortable with skirt and light panties.

[Nikki A.]

Just because it was acceptable doesn't mean all men would dress. It is the freedom of expression that I seek. Whether I would wear make-up or heels or breast forms or a wig is still my perogative and if I'm fully accepted so be it. As far as if there are "male" dresses or skirts, if they fit me better and they are of a material and color that I like who would realy care.
Right now I wear "womens" clothes and present as male, I really don't care what the label or size is as long as it fits well.

[Eryn]

I'd take it in a heartbeat! The ability to wear what I want without worrying about danger, disgust, judgment, and their effect on my spouse and children would be heavenly.

Yes, it would ruin it for the folks who are into it for the thrill, but you can get thrills from other extreme sports! :)

[lori m crawford]

well i can say is that back a over a 100yrs a go women had to wear a lot an won the rights to wear what this day an age i know what your saying may a 100yrs from know we will dress as women an women as men will dress as men an we will work as wonen an women will work as men an whos know men will being haveing babys as for as crossdressers an ts have come in the last 30 yrs i think we are doing great

[DeeDeeB]

I crossdress because I've always preferred the styles, variety and look of women's clothes. Before I started buying dresses for myself, I took pride in my spouse being a well dressed woman (with a little help from me). Now I adopt the unisex look for day to day, but much prefer a pretty dress to my usual Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. So put me in for yes, I definately would prefer a world where we could dress as we please without social pressure. I can see where it would be a turnoff for fetish dressers, but I can only vote for myself.

Dee :fairy1:

[ronda]

I don't think that it would change things for me because i enjoy the bra panties heels dresses or jeans that i happen to have on an i am so much more comfortable talking and expressing my feeling when dressed fem. I have one friend that i dress when she is around and she says that i am much more open so i don't think i would have the same frustration as i have now i would feel free to express myself

[Sophie_C]

Mel, it's all the old question of gender identity versus fetishistic crossdressing. Does Ellen DeGeneres dress tomboyish because she gets a kick out of it, or because that's who she is? She dresses because that's what she's most comfortable as. And, I do think those who get their rocks off on dressing would still get it if it was accepted, since it's not like there's any shortage of people to be sexual partners causing people to get turned off by it. I imagine it would be the same way for you.

For me, if there was total acceptance I'd dress casually feminine and finally have this battle in my mind over. YES I really want it, even though it won't happen in my lifetime.

[Kate Simmons]

It's doubtful for me Hon. I always make room for feminine expression regardless of what I'm wearing. The only difference is if I'm going out and want to look especially nice for my friends and menfolk.:battingeyelashes::)

[April_Ligeia]

If there were "total acceptance," I would look like I do in my avatar photo at work, and in every situation. I just think I look better this way, and actually feel a little self-conscious at work etc. when I can't be a little (or very) androgynous. I guess it isn't a fetishishtic thing because I don't typically think "ooh, I'm a woman" when dressed, just "aah, that looks better." I think different people crossdress for different reasons, though, and maybe the thrill would go away for some people if it were no longer "taboo."

[Cynthia Anne]

My definition of total acceptance is ''Let me live my life and I'll return the favor''! Enough said! Hugs!

[christina s]

I guess my idea of total acceptance would sound some what schizophrenic. Because Ideally I would like to be able to walk into my work in femm and if I wanted to , the next day in guy mode without anyone batting an eye.

[Mollyanne]

If ever there was total equality i would dress of the female!!!!! As for me, it seems much more natural for me to wear a bra, panties, pantyhose and everything else that is now "forbidden". I could and would grow out my hair to my "ideal" length, be able to go to a cosmetic salon without the slightest snicker and just be accepted, period!!!!! But until that happens i will do whatever it takes to just blend in!!!!!!

Molly

[Karren H]

Personally its kind of interesting living on the edge of society but sometimes I wouldn't mind "total leave the F#*k alone" vs "total acceptance"

[Cheryl T]

When I go out I certainly don't feel like "an oddity".
I feel relaxed, normal and at ease. It took me years and years to reach this point and now I just enjoying being here.

I have total acceptance from my wife and that's all I need to be able to be me. The rest of the world will just have to deal with it.

[kimdl93]

When I go out I certainly don't feel like "an oddity".
I feel relaxed, normal and at ease. It took me years and years to reach this point and now I just enjoying being here.

I have total acceptance from my wife and that's all I need to be able to be me. The rest of the world will just have to deal with it.

As Cheryl notes, all I require is the acceptance of my wife. Beyond that, I don't live for the acceptance of others. If everyone in the world accepted CDing as the norm, it wouldn't change my reasons for dressing at all. I do this to express myself....to be "me".

[suchacutie]

I'm not sure I agree with the premise that crossdressing would cease to exist if everyone had access to all types of clothing.

Tina is much more than just the clothes she wears. I know that some girls here don't see much of a personality difference between their gender presentations, but I surely do! If all manner of clothes were available in both genders I'm pretty sure that I would not change the way I present my "selves", beyond the fact that I might use a bit of makeup in male mode simply for the sake of vanity!

[ReineD]

I do wonder if such a commonality of what is considered acceptable attire for both men and women might leave many of us without a suitable outlet for our femme selves, leaving us with the same frustrations we feel currently when we are unable to dress for a while.

If both genders presented the same way (same hairstyles, makeup or no makeup), and wore the same clothes, the clothes would still be tailored differently to accommodate women's breasts and hips. And so (most?) CDers would still like to buy the clothing tailored for women and use forms and hip pads to fit into them, in my opinion.

[docrobbysherry]

"And, your answer to the question Ms America candidate No. 107?"

"Well, I think everyone should be equal and treated equally and then there would be WORLD PEACE!"
"Oooo! Good answer!", says one judge.

Don't mind me! I must not be in a "Happy fantasies", mood today!

[Janelle_C]

I have the acceptance of my wife which is the most important part for me. That said what I worry about is how my friends and family should accept me if they knew. I don't care what people that I don't know think, but if I knew there would be total acceptance for the people that I love I would be out. Janelle

[sometimes_miss]

We're already allowed to wear a great variety of clothes; yet, we limit our choices to those that will present us in the way we want people to see us. Bikers wear lots of black leather even when not necessary; girls wear lots of skin revealing outfits when going out to dance clubs; businessmen wear suits to appear 'serious' and successful. Women primarily wear things that accentuate their figure to attract men. Men will still primarily wear things that we think will make us look 'cool' (concept attributed to Bobby Slayton). If wearing feminine clothing were more acceptable, some of us (the ones that get a thrill by wearing it due to the forbidden nature) might stop, or decrease it, but others such as myself will continue to wear whatever makes us feel good. Part of my mind is sort of stuck as a 14 year old girl, so that's the type of clothing I feel most comfortable in. Seeing as it's been almost 40 years, I don't think that's going to change no matter how society changes.

[Stephanie47]

I love being en femme because it is a stress reliever. If men were able to wear feminine clothing anytime and anywhere, they wanted would I feel diminished? No! I do the simplest of chores wearing a pretty dress, heels, hosiery, suitable undergarments, etc, because I want to feel as feminine as possible. I will not be caught dead in feminine pants or jeans. Sometimes I want to be a good looking, well dressed guy. It is a matter of how I feel when dressed en femme or en homme. Right now Stephanie and her twin brother share their individual personalities in this mass of protoplasm. I would not expect that to change if I was given the green light by society to wear a dress anytime I wanted. I would still wear that dress and heels, when and only when Stephanie wants to come out and play.

[Foxglove]

Hi, Melanie! Sorry, but I find your question a bit confused. You start by talking about total acceptance of CDing, and from there you go on to talk about all men openly and routinely wearing the same sort of clothing as women. But the one doesn't follow from the other. As far as I know, there is no Western country in which men wearing women's clothing is actually illegal. But very, very few men do it because they don't want to. No one would be more delighted than I if it were perfectly acceptable to go out dressed as I am at the moment. But just because it would be perfectly acceptable doesn't mean that all of sudden guys everywhere would want to start dressing like me.

Towards the end of your post you say that maybe what you mean, rather than total acceptance, is gender equality--and it appears that what you mean by that is both sexes wearing identical clothing. But again you're talking about two different things, and the one doesn't imply the other.

As has been pointed out already on this thread, it's highly unlikely that men's and women's clothing will ever be identical, this because of the different shapes of our bodies. As I myself have pointed out before, women will in all likelihood always wear some form of bra, and more than likely men's and women's briefs will always be different. So come what may, I think CDers will always have these two things to fall back on, and fall back on them they will if there's nothing else.

But your question also sets aside the different motives that TG people have for crossdressing. Some simply like the clothing without aiming at a totally feminine look. For others of us, achieving the best possible feminine appearance is what we're after. So regardless of what clothing is available to us, we'll do other things to make ourselves look feminine--wigs, make-up, jewelry, nail polish, eyebrow shaping, etc. If femininity is what you're after, the actual clothing is only a part of it.

So I think most of us would welcome total acceptance, given that it's not going to be the death-knell of the gentle art of Crossdressing. The exceptions among us would be those who (as some of them have already said in other places on this forum) enjoy CDing partly because it is in fact unacceptable. They get a thrill from living outside the pale.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[NathalieX66]

If men were able to wear feminine clothing anytime and anywhere, they wanted would I feel diminished? No!

I wholeheartedly concur. I feel more whole as a person, not so much less of a man.
Life is a painting waiting to be painted, and my imagination is the palate and brush.