Support Groups what can they really do?

[Kathryn Martin]

Throughout the various posts on this forum, support groups are being described as a mandatory part of discovering oneself and transition. It is a recurring theme that comes up almost in every thread in which advice is given and discussed.

Well, I have never been a member of a support group simply because there is no support group anywhere close. Most transsexuals and crossdressers have left town after they finished high school afraid that this quite conservative town and county would have no place for them. I did go to several such meetings in Halifax and found them to be not very helpful, mainly because most members struggled, much more than I did, and I often found that my positive outlook on what I was embarking on did not go over well. I seldom found persons that I wanted to look to as role models. Most did not know how to dress their bodies to their advantage and there was generally either a propensity to dress to young or too "feminine" in a not very modern but rather "frilly" way.

So I had was my spouse, my professional partner and some friends as support. I drew all of my transition help from my therapist, my spouse, my professional partner and some friends. All of them except one being women, I had great role models to look to.

Since transition, drawing from my own experience, I have preferred to establish individual relationships with transsexuals both trans-men and women in an effort to pay forward what I was grateful to accomplish. I have found these much more rewarding both in the exchange of ideas and information but also in seeing them flower and grow.

Tell me about your experiences if you like.

[ReneeT]

Kathryn,

While i don't discount the value of support groups for some, i too have not found that they filled a need for me. I don't have a lot of personal or family support ( although that has really started to change recently), but I have found friends thru this site and out in the world who have been tremendously helpful and supportive. To be totally honest, had i not stumbled across this site lo those many years ago i would likely not be where i am today. Wherever that is!

What i have learned from support groups is that, for me at least, a shared history of gender identity issues is not enough to form a firm bond. The friendships that i have with other trans people have fluorished because we share something besides being trans

[LeaP]

I have no experience with support groups. Interestingly, my therapist runs one, but has never invited me to attend. It has been described to me by my doctor in much the same terms as you described the group you attended, though. My doctor (post-op and about my age) has spent hours with me, which is as supportive as you can get. I've also established relationships here that I value for insight and honesty. As with Renee, I gravitate toward like-minded people where there seems to be more commonality.

Based on what I've read of support groups to-date, I have only a mild interest.

[Kirsty_D]

I couldn't see myself joining a support group. Once I came to the realization that I can do this my outlook on transition is generally very positive. I however would like to meet up with similar people etc… My therapist always is surprised at my dress, she always expects me to turn up in six inch heals and mini skirts but I'm 44 and dress in a stylish manner for somebody my age, my wife does help me but I also know what to wear and what not to wear :)

[AllieSF]

There are support groups and then there are support groups. There are support group members and then there are support group members. All that means is that there really are not franchise groups out there striving for content, quality and consistency (except maybe for some Tri-Ess groups and I am not sure if they are even for TS's?). So, depending on the specific group and its members, one's personal experience with them may vary all over the place. Then throw in the person needing the support and their personality, needs, character and ability to interface with others, a good group for others may be totally inappropriate for them. I, like a few others here, am not into big groups. I can have fun, but it really isn't my bag for an evening out. My needs are definitely different from some of the other members.

I have attended the Sacramento, California group, The River City Gems and really loved the spirit, members and activities. However nice that is and the fun that I have had at a few of their functions, they are over an hour away and my needs are not really for support, but rather as a source for social interactions with others. They had a lot of TS's there, with only a few Post-ops,k some with spouses and some single. They also had a lot of members from all across the TG spectrum, with wives and girlfriends there too. So, if someone wanted support in a more informal way, they are a great resource for someone also living relatively near by.

I see that those that seem to get the most out of the groups are those that network well enough to make a good friend or two with whom they can share experiences, talk candidly and privately if needed. If I felt that I needed a good group, I would go to what is available and then try to make a good connection, even if the overall group is not to my liking. I guess you could say that some get out of a group what they put into to. Participation is key.

[arbon]

I really like the one I have been to, which I first went to almost two years ago. I have not been to often since, because of distance, but probably 9 or 10 times since.

When I have been there it is a mix between transsexuals and cross dressers and dual gender. Once some FTM to. It has been very open to SO's as well.

It never got to deep into the real gory stuff of transition though, mostly light, more casual conversation and not a lot of drama when I have gone. It has not been like group therapy or anything like that. More like friends coming together. Good place to get info on things like doctors, electrologists and stuff.

I like when I go because I feel kind normal when I am around them. Up where i live I am one of two real visible transsexuals in the community and I always feel like I am Theresa the tranny to most people around here. I don't feel normal, and i am always on guard and that. but when I am with that group I feel like I am just Theresa.

Made one really good friend there who has helped me in a lot of ways.

When I first went it was a good experience, it was my first time out in a serious way. I was super impressed at the strength, courage, and resolve the trans women had to get to where they where. I like being around that when I can still.

[Bree-asaurus]

Well... I don't go to a SUPPORT GROUP, per say... I attend meetings at our local transsexual organization. I guess you could call it a support group, but we don't sit around and talk about our issues or anything like that. We talk business, talk about what's going on in the city and in politics and then the meetings over.

Attending our organization has been amazing for me, not because it's a support group, but because I have made many good friends there. The support of friends going through the same issues I am is what is awesome. None of us attend the group itself for support, but to be there to welcome newcomers. And those newcomers can make friends with whoever they click with. I welcome plenty of young newcomers, that's the main reason I still go. But if I don't click with them, we don't become friends... just like in the rest of the world.

So I guess our organization is only a support group in the sense that it gives people seeking support to potentially make friends that deal with the same issues they are.

I don't think a support group is necessary, and I haven't been to a traditional support group... "Hi, my name is Bree and I'm a transsexual" *clap clap clap*

But I do know that being able to go into battle with somebody is much better than going it alone. And I have to say that 100 fold for having a boyfriend that is living the same struggle I am. It's amazing that we can be there for each other in so many ways.


What i have learned from support groups is that, for me at least, a shared history of gender identity issues is not enough to form a firm bond. The friendships that i have with other trans people have fluorished because we share something besides being trans

I totally agree with you. I tried to do the whole "I'm here for you" deal with newcomers... but they take it as they think I'm their friend when really, we have NOTHING in common besides being trans. I can't be friends with somebody simply because of that. So I welcome newcomers, get them going with how the group works, and then I set them free.


I couldn't see myself joining a support group. Once I came to the realization that I can do this my outlook on transition is generally very positive. I however would like to meet up with similar people etc… My therapist always is surprised at my dress, she always expects me to turn up in six inch heals and mini skirts but I'm 44 and dress in a stylish manner for somebody my age, my wife does help me but I also know what to wear and what not to wear :)

And local "support groups" or transsexual organizations are exactly where you meet people :) Give it a shot. What's the worst that's going to happen?

---

This forum is a great place. I came here before I went to any "support group." While I have gotten a lot of support here and like to be here to support others, online support just doesn't compare to support from friends and family. And support from transsexual friends is just... I don't know where I'd be without it.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

A support group does not have to be organized or run by a professional.

they are most helpful when you feel alone and don't know what to do..when you are searching for answers to something that you haven't been able to solve for decades. for me personally it was invaluable because i had spent so much time investing in crossdressing as my "thing" and i was falling apart inside...when i was able to meet others that went through it and look them in the eye i "just knew" for the FIRST TIME in my life that i belonged ....that's pretty powerful stuff...

my support group happened to be organized and very well run by an accomplished pro..people came from 150 miles away to attend monthly meetings... so they saw value in it..

If there is any way to make it happen, i highly recommend trying ..

if this is not available, you gotta make due like some of you have and used whatever resources are available at the time..this forum can be a good substitute but sitting down and talking face to face is way better

[Stephanie-L]

I have not been to any support groups, though I did apply and was accepted for our local Tri-Ess, I never had a chance to attend. I get a lot of support from my therapist, primary care doc, laser tech, and especially my voice therapists. I have only told two family members thus far, and really don't plan on telling any others at this point. I am not really a group type person, though I have found myself becomming more outgoing as I progress through things. So, I may find a support group, but it is not really a priority for me, I am doing just fine as I am.................Stephanie

[Bree-asaurus]

I have not been to any support groups, though I did apply and was accepted for our local Tri-Ess, I never had a chance to attend. I get a lot of support from my therapist, primary care doc, laser tech, and especially my voice therapists. I have only told two family members thus far, and really don't plan on telling any others at this point. I am not really a group type person, though I have found myself becomming more outgoing as I progress through things. So, I may find a support group, but it is not really a priority for me, I am doing just fine as I am.................Stephanie

Tri-Ess won't give you the support you need unless you are a heterosexual male cross dresser.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Tri-Ess won't give you the support you need unless you are a heterosexual male cross dresser.

If they even let you in................as you point out stephanie, if you feel good about your path, its not as important...

just remember that lots of people have done this..and there are good, bad and inbetween outcomes..it never hurts to personally meet people who have done this..

[Stephanie-L]

Tri-Ess won't give you the support you need unless you are a heterosexual male cross dresser.

Actually it varies from one group to the next. The tri-ess group here in the DFW area is much more open to trans folk than a lot of others I have heard of. The person who interviewed me had just come from an electrolysis session and asked my advice on choosing a local plastic surgeon for a BA, and she was an officer in the group. I know a few other local trans girls who have been members and enjoyed it, but I have heard bad things from gals at other tri-ess groups. Anyway, nice as the fellowship would be, I have a lot of other things to do with my time, so it isn't really up that high on my list.......Stephanie

And Kaitlyn, yes, I do find value in talking with those who have been through it, that is why I am here, and enjoy your and others input so much. Thank you.......Stephanie

[Badtranny]

There is no way I could sustain the interest for any kind of group, I apparently have the attention span of a puppy. The only reason I've stayed here as long as I have is because there's no schedule to keep and I can pop in and out as I please. Also I've never been much of a joiner so it would be way out of character for me to ask for acceptance into a group or club or dinner party. I do love meeting people though and I meet great people all the time, but for some reason I do seem to spend an inordinate amount of time alone. I think I'm probably nothing more than the product of a lifetime spent hiding from myself.

[Nicole Erin]

Different groups have different agendas. Some are strictly about TG issues, and some are laid back.
Two we have in my town -
One is some "meat market" ran by some creepy guy. No thanks.

The other one - it is mostly a get-together, just a time and place to hang out, have dinner, chat with friends, and the hostesses will talk a bit about upcoming events for the community. It is good for anyone who is in the closet and needs a "safe place" or someone who is not seeking support but just wants some fellowship and to get out and do something.
It is drama-free, of course we do have one member who is all about drama but doesn't every circle in society?

[Brittany North]

I've been going to a support group off and on for the past almost-a-year, and have found it exceptionally useful in some ways. Enough so that I'll drive two and a half hours each way to do so.

The group is trans specific and run under the auspices of the health care system. It's a bit more like group therapy as opposed to a social get together, although it is social enough.

I find it useful for a few reasons

- at the time I didn't know any trans people, didn't have any friends in the "community", and was still rather unsure of who I was, etc. Meeting the people there, and seeing that they were the same as me in so many ways was great. Seeing "those who have gone before" helps to realize that is, in fact, possible to transition and that I'm not the only one or the first one. Most of the people there are great and interesting, although some are... less so :) Just like every other group I guess.

- it's a great resource about local issues, local health care (hoops to jump through and such)

- seeing all the different kinds of people helps my perspective. I'd never really thought about the trans-men perspective a lot, and realizing that there problems are so similar in some ways, yet so different in others was an eye opener.

[Julia_in_Pa]

I've met some life long friends at support groups but for the most part they are frequented by people I have nothing in common with with problems and issues that do not pertain to me.
This doesn't mean I don't support or am not friendly towards these people but It became apparent that it was the same core group of cross dresser's with the same spousal concerns each week with a satellite contingent of gender fluid people that would change every couple of meetings.
On occasion I would see A TS person but overwhelmingly that was a very rare occurrence.

I felt like the minority that I am at the organization's meetings so instead of each month I would go every couple of month then every few months then I just disappeared all together.

I derive much more connection with my kind here on this forum then at a support meeting that was anything but for TS and IS people.


Julia

[Bree-asaurus]

I guess our "support group" here is a bit bigger and more diverse than other places. From what I keep hearing, San Antonio is actually a really great place for transsexuals to transition... and there are apparently a lot of us here. Nikki Araguz, who has been all over the country these past two years since she has been thrust into the lime light, even said that San Antonio was probably second to San Francisco in terms of community and acceptance (not legally of course... stupid nonexistent anti-discrimination laws. At least we're not in Arizona!!!).

We usually have 15-20 regulars show up, and then 5-10 additional people consisting of those who don't come often and newbies who are just learning about our group. With that kind of rotation of attendees, it's not terribly hard to make new friends you actually like every once and a while.

And to think that the family that couldn't handle me being trans said I should move to a more accepting city to transition. They have been the only people I've met that haven't been accepting... lol... I'm doing just fine here ;)

[Xrys]

Speaking of Arizona... I think I finaly found a group I want to check out (after about a month of searching). The group seems mostly focused on Lesbian/Gay with a subnote for TS but is the only thing I have found out here so far. It will be a couple more weeks before the next meeting so I will keep looking in the mean time. The main reason I want to find a group is to ask about good doctors and theripists, as I am also not having much luck finding many of those out here either.

[ReineD]

I can only describe my SO's support group that I've attended a number of times with her, in the last 3-4 years.

She began attending over 10 years ago and it provided her with the first opportunities to go out in public dressed. I'm not quite sure about the timeline, but after having attended for several years, we met and my SO began to go out everywhere else. The more she ventured out, the less she needed the group. It is two hours away so it takes planning to get there. Now, we attend only several times per year in order to keep in touch with old friends more than anything else.

The group is quite large and it is comprised of post-op TSs, CDers, and everyone in between. There are no "fetish" CDers as far as I can tell, although there was one such person a few years ago who no longer attends.

The president of the group reminds me a bit of you, Kathryn. She is about your age and beautiful like you, also successful in her career. She transitioned years ago and she is still happily married to her wife, who also helps to organize the monthly meetings. The group's main purpose is to provide outreach and education, and they welcome everyone. I do not detect the same degree of trans-politics as I do in this forum, but admittedly I'm out of the loop. Everyone appears to get along admirably well. If anything, the group provides people with a chance to meet others who may be in similar circumstances and I'm sure the people who live in the city have been a support for one another over the years. I know that many of them appear to be to be close friends.

I have to say that I just love attending the meetings with my SO. I've gotten to know and care for many of the members.

[kimdl93]

When I was going through a very deep depressive period I was invited to participate in a support group. Honestly, it probably would have helped, but I was too self conscious to particpate. I was particularly frightened of having to tell the group that I was a CDr. So, I worked through it all with the help of a psychologist and psychiatrist. In some respects, the very thing that I probably needed to work through with others was the obstacle to seeking support.

[KellyJameson]

For me this is a difficult question to answer because there are so many threads of influence tangled up together.

For the same reasons my brain does not accept a male identity I also have not been
able to accept much of what western civilization has created including it's monotheistic religion and much of it's science that appears to me to be pseudoscience particularly along the lines of psychology & psychiatry.

Usually those who are immersed and accept this culture are caucasian as I am but I have found that I'm most comfortable with people who are more removed from it's influences and so they tend to not be caucasian which most support groups I have encounter were made up of so I avoided the groups because I did not relate to them on a cultural level with it's inherent values and emphasis on rational thinking.

It is not that I'm anti establishment or anti anything it is only that my mind does not work in ways that would make connection possible with most who I share the culture with even when they are trans because of the dualistic thinking that does not come naturally to me.

Where I have found support is with indigenous people in the Americas and their historical beliefs of two spirit people. My spirituality and lack of sense of self as male seem to be bound up together. It has been my time living among them where I found the most relief because to them I am normal and to me they are normal.

This has been my own found form of support and therapy by removing myself as much as possible from western civilization and it's affects that seem to brutalize my soul.

[CorrieK]

I would say they are worth a try, but if it does not work for you then don't do it. I went a few times but largely found out just having a friend or two in my situation helped the most. Someone I could talk to and share ideas and really get to know on a personal level.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Kathryn's transition has been much like mine, in that, my transition has been nothing but pure joy and happiness; and I have loved every step of my journey. I, therefore, have no experience in support groups unless you call my wife, adult daughter, and other family members my support team in which they are.

Because my transition has been so wonderful for me, I get blasted here at times for "painting a rosy picture" in transitioning from transsexual to simply being a woman. I have also been the blunt of criticism and resentment here for not "suffering" or having to deal with "issues" in my transition or for having a feminine body type. It's like how dare one of us have it so easy while everyone else is bogged down in the "quagmire" of transition issues.

We talk about support groups which I would assume just being here on this website qualifies as - but more often than not I see way too much negativism or patronizing on here to be really helpful to anyone.

I am not saying that support groups in and of themselves can not be helpful but in my opinion, I just don't see the value of non-professional (meaning lead by a qualified Psychiatrist or other mental health professional with expertise in this field) support groups that consists of a bunch a transsexuals airing all their "oh is me rhetoric." I would suspect that it would be a gathering of "poor me" folks who feed off each others negativism. I know here comes the "damnation" now.

I am sure there are the "rare" exceptions as in the case of Bree's support group who seem to be transsexual activist group. Which brings me to another point - why on earth do many of you take up the "transsexual" battle flag and use it as a rallying call? I have NEVER understood why so many of you hold on so tightly to that label????????????????????? When in my mind, being considered a "transsexual" is the last thing one of us would want. Therein lye another problem with transsexual support groups - they foster and reaffirm the "transsexual" mantra.

That's just my 2 cents! So go ahead and get it over with :bow2: :bow2: .

[SandraAbsent]

I went to support group meetings for about a year. It was an "Open" to anyone Transgender support group, so we got a mix of all kinds. I largely found that it was the same people speaking over and over again, to the extent that they were talking over other people. The group was sponsored by TransOhio and only when someone from Columbus would come in to moderate, would the meeting be 1/2 way sane. Since that time the meeting has lost it's affiliation with TransOhio and imho is not very well moderated at all. The last meeting I attended I was blasted for saying that I felt fortunate that I have, to a large extent, passing privilege. I was further blasted for making the choice to be stealth in my day to day life. No one seemed to understand why I would be out with co-workers and clients, why I wouldn't want to run up and give one of my "Trans Brothers and Sisters" a big hug, or stand on a corner to protest. Needless to say, it was the last meeting I attended. I do have friends within my local trans community, and I am supportive of others. I am not supportive of anyone who feels they need to "instruct" me on how to be a proper transsexual. So all in all, I would say my experience with support groups has been miserable.

[Marleena]

It really depends on the support group. No two are created equal. The group I'm a member of is run by a TS woman and the main goal is working within Canadian government guidelines to help transgendered people. The group is well connected with health care providers and points members to legitimate and recommended gender therapists, endos, and surgeons. The group leader is also an activist type and well connected with business leaders and government officials that can help. There are also casual group meetings each week where concerns and problems within the TG community are adressed. There are no hidden agendas to this group that I have seen yet. I can email the group leader at any time and get a reply the same day.

[LeaP]

We talk about support groups which I would assume just being here on this website qualifies as - but more often than not I see way too much negativism or patronizing on here to be really helpful to anyone.

I am not saying that support groups in and of themselves can not be helpful but in my opinion, I just don't see the value of non-professional (meaning lead by a qualified Psychiatrist or other mental health professional with expertise in this field) support groups that consists of a bunch a transsexuals airing all their "oh is me rhetoric." I would suspect that it would be a gathering of "poor me" folks who feed off each others negativism.

That's just my 2 cents! So go ahead and get it over with :bow2: :bow2: .

I'm not going to shoot, but do want to respond on the role this site has played for me.

My therapist is a VERY experienced gender specialist, over 25 years. But she's not trans herself. As a result, while she's heard it all, dealt with it all, and has empathy to spare, she doesn't feel the conflicts. There's an immediacy and intimacy to the perspective from the TS members here that makes the exchange different. You can actually see the same thing play out in the forum at times in the differences between CD and TS responses. Sometimes even the best and most empathetic responses of the former miss the mark.

There is noise on this site - people with agendas, irrelevant contributions, the clueless, the lost, the mean-spirited. (Ive been among the clueless and lost ... Hopefully not mean-spirited) I've connected with a handful of people that have been helpful to me in seeing and understanding what I could not on my own. There have been a lot of PMs and a lot of patient repetition. I've contributed my share to the negativity, to the extent that includes stories of depression, struggle, anxiety, and conflict. I was reluctant to do it, to be frank. I did so because I needed to get it out and I needed what came back at me ... and it hasn't always always pleasant.

I have no trouble ignoring the noise or sorting out the advice that is really suited to me and my situation. One comment you made that really resonates, though, is regarding patronizing content. I can't stand patronizing or condescending responses, at least in response to something sincere.

This site has very much been an extension of my therapy. Many of my posts and their themes are discussed in sessions, and many of my posts have content that arises in sessions. I don't think my understanding would have progressed to where it is without the support I find here. I'd be mired down in discovery crisis still.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I'm not going to shoot, but do want to respond on the role this site has played for me.

My therapist is a VERY experienced gender specialist, over 25 years. But she's not trans herself. As a result, while she's heard it all, dealt with it all, and has empathy to spare, she doesn't feel the conflicts. There's an immediacy and intimacy to the perspective from the TS members here that makes the exchange different. You can actually see the same thing play out in the forum at times in the differences between CD and TS responses. Sometimes even the best and most empathetic responses of the former miss the mark.

There is noise on this site - people with agendas, irrelevant contributions, the clueless, the lost, the mean-spirited. (Ive been among the clueless and lost ... Hopefully not mean-spirited) I've connected with a handful of people that have been helpful to me in seeing and understanding what I could not on my own. There have been a lot of PMs and a lot of patient repetition. I've contributed my share to the negativity, to the extent that includes stories of depression, struggle, anxiety, and conflict. I was reluctant to do it, to be frank. I did so because I needed to get it out and I needed what came back at me ... and it hasn't always always pleasant.

I have no trouble ignoring the noise or sorting out the advice that is really suited to me and my situation. One comment you made that really resonates, though, is regarding patronizing content. I can't stand patronizing or condescending responses, at least in response to something sincere.

This site has very much been an extension of my therapy. Many of my posts and their themes are discussed in sessions, and many of my posts have content that arises in sessions. I don't think my understanding would have progressed to where it is without the support I find here. I'd be mired down in discovery crisis still.


That is wonderful that you have benefited from this site and I am really happy for you. I am not bashing our site, else I would not be here and respond as often as I do. My intent is to speak my mind be it supportive or not; or be it positive or critical. I encourage all of us to do the same. I do not however enjoy the Naysayers, Doomsayers, Gainsayers, Yea-Sayers, Soothsayers, or Prognosticators. All of whom move in and out of our threads.

[Kathryn Martin]

I have no trouble ignoring the noise or sorting out the advice that is really suited to me and my situation. One comment you made that really resonates, though, is regarding patronizing content. I can't stand patronizing or condescending responses, at least in response to something sincere.

I feel the same way when it comes filtering out the noise. I sometimes wonder if I am patronizing people and I am sure some think so.

This site has had a significant impact ion my understanding of myself, and, especially the transition process. For this reason it has been invaluable. The other reason why I love this site, compared to others, is that within this transsexual section the discourse even if heated at times there is a lot of respect for others and their stories and struggles. The discourse is almost always civil and - substantive in a way that suggests that people posting here are not just strewing their unfounded opinions all over the place. I sense both a desire to learn, become informed but also a desire to share weighty thoughts with others on the same path. In this we are supported by the moderators, who in this section have been and are quite outstanding (I am not sucking up here, I just notice the relatively light touch and non-random action.

When I conceived this post however, I rather thought of live face to face support groups which somehow I did not find very helpful. For instance, Elizabeth, who is by any stretch of imagination the most supportive person I could have possibly wished for, was once dressed down publicly without provocation by some self-appointed transgender person styling himself as the transsexual knowledge God, because in referring to me in my pre-transition existence as "he". I don't think this person realized the terrifying faux pas he had committed. I made it abundantly clear to him.

I also have found that there is a lot of "this is how you should be feeling" and "this is how you dress, make-up, behave" statements in these groups. This creates pressures on people attending to conform to the group dynamic which is often directed by a few, often badly presented, lacking in substance persons. That has been my experience. I am very open minded and always willing to learn, but if you sit in front of me with your legs wide open, your hand stemmed into your thighs, a bad or no haircut haircut, stringy unwashed, unkempt hair, badly dressed preaching to me how you are a woman and telling me what it means to be a woman, then sorry, I'd rather not come back to listen to more of the same. I prefer people both cross-dressers and TS that take pride in who they are.

Wow, I guess I had to get that off my chest, and I want to both apologize to well run support groups (because even though I have never encountered one I know they do exist) and the people of wall-mart.

[juno]

I go to support groups to help other people, and to keep things interesting. I am not a typical TS. For example, a few times I asked people to explain to my why I should care about the gender marker on my drivers license. Can't I just tell people I am transsexual?

There are four support groups in my area, and I have been to all of them. Overall, everyone is friendly and positive, nobody is condescending, and they are nice places to make friends. We all resepect pronoun choices no matter what the person's appearance is.

In general, if you have TG/TS friends, you probably can discuss things with them. Groups are best for new people that don't know any other trans people.

[pickles]

I've had the same experience as the OP. Most people at them were too down on themselves, confused, etc. and my positive attitude didn't go over well.