What helps you make it through?

[MC-lite]

Hi All,

A friend that I haven't seen in a long time called recently. He's the recipient of two doctorates, both of which are in medicine.

We talked for a while, and He said to me "I am so proud of you, Michaela. With all you have gone through and all you're going through, you always manage to keep a smile. How do you do it?"

Well, He got me wondering...How do I do it every day? Sometimes, things are so bad that I just cry. But I always find a way to get back on my feet and keep going.

So I was wondering. What do You all do to make it through each day? With me, it's my sense of humor. Not everybody finds humor in what I find funny; but for better or for worse it's what carries me through.

Hopefully, the coping skills that work for you will serve some other soul well. Heaven knows it's difficult enough just making it through life without a transition on your plate.

Best,

:Miki.

[KellyJameson]

I have known a number of people who have died unexpectedly. My friend in grammer school hit by a car, four others in high school in a car accident where speed and alcohol were mixed. One a thirty five year old father of two by a heart attack another in a drive by shooting.

Three suicides and one murder during a robbery and this does not touch what I have seen in my travels to people I did not know.

This left on me the impression of how temporary life is so quality instead of quantity became important.

Living as a outsider because I'm not male or female but somethin in-between meant that I needed to learn how to become comfortable with my own company and within my own mind because I did not have the usual methods of escape available to most to distract from the reminder that life does not last forever.

My values were also shaped differently because I was not part of a group that could shape me into their own belief of truth.

Life has kept me humble not in relation to others but in relationship to life and so I have learned to live wanting life but not expecting it and I use what ever time I have to try and become a better human being for myself.

I'm not always happy but I do always have purpose.

[kimdl93]

I have a really solid relationship with my wife and my family. One of the great benefits about growing up as part large, tightly knit farm family in a rural community. The community has changed a lot over the years, and many of the old folks are gone now, but the emotional ties remain strong.

[Bree-asaurus]

What gets me through each day? Being able to smush my 'alternative lifestyle' in the faces of those who are bothered by it :devil:

[Jorja]

These days we live in very negative times. People are always saying you can't do that for one reason or another. I enjoy the challange and do it anyway. My way.

[DeeDee1974]

I have four really good friends that I met my first year of college. They are all very successful, beautiful, strong women who treat me the same way they did when we met almost 20 years ago. They encouraged me to be me. They include me in their group outings as one of the girls. If I didn't have their constant friendship who knows if I'd the strength, but I have them and so I do.

[Kathryn Martin]

Michaela, I have also found humor to be my lifeline in the worst of times, that and the ability to laugh at myself and not to take me too seriously.

Transitioning, among all of the difficult things is clearly also a very funny thing.



Hi All,

A friend that I haven't seen in a long time called recently. He's the recipient of two doctorates, both of which are in medicine.

We talked for a while, and He said to me "I am so proud of you, Michaela. With all you have gone through and all you're going through, you always manage to keep a smile. How do you do it?"

Well, He got me wondering...How do I do it every day? Sometimes, things are so bad that I just cry. But I always find a way to get back on my feet and keep going.

So I was wondering. What do You all do to make it through each day? With me, it's my sense of humor. Not everybody finds humor in what I find funny; but for better or for worse it's what carries me through.

Hopefully, the coping skills that work for you will serve some other soul well. Heaven knows it's difficult enough just making it through life without a transition on your plate.

Best,

:Miki.




I use what ever time I have to try and become a better human being for myself. I'm not always happy but I do always have purpose.

Just needed to say that I love you for this, learning and purpose the great staples of a good life

[arbon]

Well, at work I spend a lot of time fantasizing about different ways I could publicly humiliate, or physically torture, my boss and co-workers because they don't have courtesy / decency to not use my old name constantly.....but I am guessing that is probably not a healthy way to cope :)

[Julia_in_Pa]

Michaela,


During a short period of time when I thought I wasn't able to transition I thought of everyone who had died in the past.
My momma, my grandma, my dog, my cats and my friends who had died and how I was going to see them very soon from putting the gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger.
That was an extremely dark period in my life.
I then decided that I had to transition or really truly face death by my own hand.
I didn't want those that had died before me to be disappointed that I had killed myself so I swallowed hard and walked forward.
That is what helped make me get through it all.

And as odd as this sounds I'm going to tell you this too; I knew if I killed myself that I would never ever had tasted another Mc Donalds french fry or had another Big Mac and as silly as that sounds it got me through as well.

Sitting in my car and eating a Bic Mac and a large fry after getting off work gave me momentum.
Crazy and delicious!!!!


Julia

[Bree-asaurus]

And as odd as this sounds I'm going to tell you this too; I knew if I killed myself that I would never ever had tasted another Mc Donalds french fry or had another Big Mac and as silly as that sounds it got me through as well.

Sitting in my car and eating a Bic Mac and a large fry after getting off work gave me momentum.
Crazy and delicious!!!!

As if McDonald's isn't suicide... it's just the slow version :D

But in all seriousness, since my post earlier was also just a joke, what keeps me going is this...

I don't believe in any higher power, any afterlife, or anything of that erm... nature. I believe that if I kill myself, I'll simply cease to exist. So I used to think not existing would be better than pain. But what about happiness? What about all the good experiences that I could have? If I only have this one life, I want to live to see every good experience I can. I want to enjoy this complicated, mysterious universe for all it's worth. And luckily, I've had a few amazing experiences during the past 2-3 years of my life that have otherwise been VERY trying. Many times I've wanted to give up. But then I have one of those amazing experiences, or I think back to one I had before... Why would I want to miss out on what the future holds? I've clearly proven to myself that I can survive the worst... so every bad day I have, I just deal with it... because it will pass and after that, I just may have another amazing experience.

[Jorja]

As if McDonald's isn't suicide... it's just the slow version :D

But in all seriousness, since my post earlier was also just a joke, what keeps me going is this...

I don't believe in any higher power, any afterlife, or anything of that erm... nature. I believe that if I kill myself, I'll simply cease to exist. So I used to think not existing would be better than pain. But what about happiness? What about all the good experiences that I could have? If I only have this one life, I want to live to see every good experience I can. I want to enjoy this complicated, mysterious universe for all it's worth. And luckily, I've had a few amazing experiences during the past 2-3 years of my life that have otherwise been VERY trying. Many times I've wanted to give up. But then I have one of those amazing experiences, or I think back to one I had before... Why would I want to miss out on what the future holds? I've clearly proven to myself that I can survive the worst... so every bad day I have, I just deal with it... because it will pass and after that, I just may have another amazing experience.

Just wait until you have lived a lifetime, imagine all the good experiences that you will have to reflect on.

[Bree-asaurus]

Just wait until you have lived a lifetime, imagine all the good experiences that you will have to reflect on.

That's what I'm sticking around for :)

[juno]

I used to never be happy, and only kept living hoping that one day it would be different. I started to think maybe I was wrong. Then I finally figured out why I hated myself, at 45 years old. I like the person in the mirror now, and that is enough to keep me smiling after waiting for so long.

[arbon]

A more serious answer from me, but I remind myself a lot that what negative circumstance or feelings I am going through are only temporary, that eventually it all passes.

[TerryTerri]

What keeps me going and relatively happy. Whenever I contemplate what really is important in this world and how many in this world live, I ALWAYS realise that anything I have to complain about is quite petty in the scheme of things and I usually feel at least a smidgen of gratitude for that. There are so many unfullfilled wants in my life, but, I have it pretty good where my needs and a few of my wants are concerned. Why not be a little joyfull?!

Also, a friend a long time ago shared this with me and I have never forgotten it: "Happiness is a mode of travel, not a destination."

[Xrys]

There are a few things that get me through.

1. My sense of humor. I can find a way of cracking a joke about anything. In fact, I once passed out and gave myself a concussion. Durring my state of simi-conciousness someone asked me where I was. It had to be pure reflex because this was before I regained memory of what happened, I replied "well I'm not in Kansas."

2. My cats. My cats are verry afectionate and have certain times of the day they like to be snuggled. They are verry thereputic. The male, Domino, likes to lay on my shest at night before I go to bed and he just lays there and purrs. I can feel his warmth radiate to the depths of my verry soul. When they are playful, they will chase eachother through the house. They are acrobats, and so entertaining to watch . they especially like to jump through the gaps between the seats and the backs of the dining room chairs and the spaces between levels of the cat tree.

3. My evening cup of tea. I love tea and it always seems to relax me. I cant explain it, but regardless of what happened that day, I am always happy when it is time for my cup of hot, green tea. Even in the heat of the Arizona summer, I have to have a cup of hot tea before bed. There is something magical about a hot cup of tea, the smell of the steam, the deep mellow flavor, it just melts away my depression, and calms my anxiety.

4. the blooming cacti in spring. I live at the edge of the metro aerea, near the base of the Superstition Mountains in Arizona. There is a lot of desert out here. At the end of summer, before spring, we have a monsoon season. This is a period of entense storms. Each storm is preceeded by a giant dust cloud with heavy winds. When the rain does start to fall, it pours. The ground cant absorb the water fast enough, and near the base of the mountains, there is a lot of flash flooding. There is also alot of lightning during the storms, which often can cause fires, especialy early in the season when the brush is dry in the desert. But after the chaos of the monsoon season, spring comes. The prickly cacti grow buds that bloom into the beautiful flowers. What was a dry dead old desert before has turned into a beautiful landscape of life and wonder. I just know inside that if I can make it through this monsoon storm, that I too will blosom and bloom into something beautiful.

[Noemi]

Thanks for posting this. You are such an intelligent and sensitive lady, I always admire what you have to say.
It has been dark for me these last few days. I know that I am trans gender and the last few days I have tried to run. Deny that I am a woman who is yet a man, or even that I will need to dress up in ladies clothes as soon as I get home in order to relax....

I just need to share that, to talk a bit so please be patient with me.
What gets me through is my career as a musician. The notes go right through me. I am the perfect conduit for the universe to express itself and that is very powerful. I am talking knocking down the walls of Jericho powerful. So that keeps me in focus, but my gender situation is hindering me, well it is difficult to deal with.

I am glad there is this place.

♥♥♥
Noemi

[MC-lite]

Thanks for posting this. You are such an intelligent and sensitive lady, I always admire what you have to say.
@Noemi:If you mean me, just remember: Even the dullest of baubles appears to shine brilliantly when it's in the presence of precious gems. :)

Oh, and I play keyboards, although I don't consider myself a musician. I'm not a professional. But I do enjoy it. As soon as I get a chance, I'll post a pic of my rig (10 Synths, 3 MIDI controllers...Tons -O- fun!). :)

And I too am glad to have found this place. An Oasis in a desert of senslessness it is. :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I only got into 5 years ago, so i don't have any of the vintage gear...
but.....

Korg M3 (like playing an entire band at once)
Novation Ultranova
Roland Micro-X (underrated gem)
Micro Korg
Roland MC-909
Kaosslator
Dave Smith Mopho

Roland PCR 500 Controller

++++
Soft Synths
Spectrasonics Omnishphere
NI Massive
NI Absynth
Rapture/Dimension for Sonar
Reason

you got me beat though!!!

i can't really play them very well...i am learning and i pound away at them all the time..this passes alot of time in a happy way..

[elizabethamy]

Earplugs? (goodness, kaitlyn!)

I have always been gifted with the (often delusional) belief that good things and times are just around the bend. Even when it's not true, I'd rather live in hope than pessimism.

[MC-lite]

My racks, from top to bottom

Virus C,Roland XV-5050, Novation A-station, Korg Triton Rack With MOSS card and 6 ROM boards, Kurzweil K2000RS,Roland JV-1080 with World Card (Great African Percussion) Alesis QSR, Alesis S4-Quadra (-very- old...one of my first synths)
Korg X5DR, and finally, Roland JP-8080

I have a Boss Dr-770 that I use as a MIDI clock source (I can adjust the tempo of the Arpeggiators on the fly)

I have a pair of Roland A-33 MIDI controllers and a Yamaha P-95 Piano action.
Everything's all wired together with a MOTU MIDI Timepiece AV.

My computer is running Cubase 5. I like the Native Instruments stuff, but it's soooo CPU intensive!

It's so much fun playing. :)

[LeaP]

I can't point to anything external that gets me through difficult times. It just seems that I hit an inner reserve when things hit bottom, or maybe I'm just stubborn (I certainly get the accusation often enough). In any event, I seem to have the ability to keep going through a massive amount of dysfunction. I get withdrawn, angry and volatile, and even aggressive, but I keep going. After the crisis is over ... collapse. I've always attributed this to growing up with a manic-depressive mother and around alcoholism ... you just learn to live through it.

We share music interests here. Among other things, I was a church organist for years. I have a Charles Walter grand at home, a Roland A90 controller, and a Roland jv2080 with several boards. I used to use Sonar, but now use Logic.

[sissy4444]

My daily push is driven by many things. Working hard and being succesful is important for me. I feel like if I finally "make it" Ill have total freedom to dress and be who ever I want to be. "Then no one can tell me how to live" Then no one will judge me" Though I know its not rational Im driven by those thoughts.
Ill never fully transition, nor do I want to. I like being a man, but I LOVE being a women. Cant I have my cake and eat it too? I guess I keep going to meet some goal Ive not yet defined. Maybe Ill know when I get there or maybe not. But at least I know waking up every day ... learn, grow, and share. This site has allowed me to start sharing a part of me that Ive never had before. Thank you all for being a part of it. I hope I can be as supportive to all of you, as you have been to me.

Best.
Chrissy

[Kaitlyn Michele]

hmmmm...it must be something in the hormone wash!!!

Virus C...wow...:daydreaming:...i wish

it was a huge investment but worth it when i bought the creation station for myself at xmas...i'd rather have than than a nice car (and my actions prove it!!)
my daw is ableton live, so that is incredibly light on the cpu and it helps with the soft synths

...the soft synth omnishpere 1.5 is one of the most amazing things i've used...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVcH18VCYZ0

i dare you to watch the whole video and not want it!!..

[MC-lite]

I've looked at the Omnisphere (with longing...or is it lusting. :) )
IMHO, to run VSTi, you need something like this.
http://www.adkproaudio.com/systems/viewsystem.cfm?recordid=118

If you want to get yourself depressed, this is the place to look. I speced out a system, and it came to over $5000.00 USD.:eek:

[ColleenA]

I don't believe in any higher power, any afterlife, or anything of that erm... nature. I believe that if I kill myself, I'll simply cease to exist. So I used to think not existing would be better than pain. But ... If I only have this one life, I want to live to see every good experience I can. I want to enjoy this complicated, mysterious universe for all it's worth.

My BFF does not believe in an afterlife and has much the same outlook, Bree. Before addressing her GID issues, she didn't see any point to life and tried committing suicide a few times. Now that she has transitioned, her long-term goals are to become successful as a doctor and business owner so she can be in a position to help others having rough childhoods as she did - drug-addicted mother on welfare, foster homes, etc.

[Traci Elizabeth]

These days we live in very negative times. People are always saying you can't do that for one reason or another. I enjoy the challange and do it anyway. My way.

BRAVO! I too do it MY WAY! And the OP is to be commended for her perseverance. Many here lack such strength.

[Jorja]

My BFF does not believe in an afterlife and has much the same outlook, Bree. Before addressing her GID issues, she didn't see any point to life and tried committing suicide a few times. Now that she has transitioned, her long-term goals are to become successful as a doctor and business owner so she can be in a position to help others having rough childhoods as she did - drug-addicted mother on welfare, foster homes, etc.

Please let your BFF know that she can do anything she puts her mind too.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I've looked at the Omnisphere (with longing...or is it lusting. :) )
IMHO, to run VSTi, you need something like this.
http://www.adkproaudio.com/systems/viewsystem.cfm?recordid=118

If you want to get yourself depressed, this is the place to look. I speced out a system, and it came to over $5000.00 USD.:eek:

That is a monster!!!.and totally on topic!! because this stuff helps me get through the nite!!

http://www.sweetwater.com/store/detail/CS250/

this is what i got...and its a monster...i can run 3 omnisphere's at with no latency at all....the only thing that seems to slow it down are super heavy long delays

the laptops do cost more though..

[MC-lite]

@Jorja: I remember in my cynical days, the retorts I used to come back with when someone would say something positive to me.

Someone would say "This Too Shall Pass", and I would respond with "Yeah! Like a Kidney Stone!"

One of my all-time favorites was this one:

"When You're up to your neck in Alligators, It's difficult to remind yourself that the initial objective was to drain the swamp."

Another great one, albeit a little more snyde, is:

"Nobody is completely useless...They can always serve as a bad example."

I have often wondered as to whether or not I was being that bad example that the aforementioned quote mentions. :)

P.S. I started another thread about music in the lounge. This is so important, and I'm sorry if I hijacked my own post. :o

[CorrieK]

Doing little things on the internet to make money helps a lot, unfortunately if it is slow it makes it worse. Best case on the internet I could have surgery saved up for by this time next year. Worst case when I am 32.

Hanging out with my friend and seeing a movie or just talking in the car does well, especially when feeling lonely.

Otherwise sleeping! I can't remember the last time I had a dream in a male role and I tend to dream vividly and somewhat lucid. Will take a nap to help reset the emotional counter on bad days.

[ELIZABETH46]

what do I do to make it through each day ?.......the mirror.
i look at the mirror everyday and tell myself that I AM WORTH !!.
my CO is very supportive and understand "me" more than myself, but not with words.
so i am left alone to find my own coping skills.
i am alone, i know, because transition is not in "my plate", but with myself on the other side of the mirror, i make it through !!!

[Jorja]

@Jorja: I remember in my cynical days, the retorts I used to come back with when someone would say something positive to me.

Someone would say "This Too Shall Pass", and I would respond with "Yeah! Like a Kidney Stone!"

One of my all-time favorites was this one:

"When You're up to your neck in Alligators, It's difficult to remind yourself that the initial objective was to drain the swamp."

Another great one, albeit a little more snyde, is:

"Nobody is completely useless...They can always serve as a bad example."

I have often wondered as to whether or not I was being that bad example that the aforementioned quote mentions. :)

P.S. I started another thread about music in the lounge. This is so important, and I'm sorry if I hijacked my own post. :o

As you look back at it now I am sure that 9 times out of 10 the persons positive comment to you was correct, even if you thought it was BS at the time. It is true that Colleen's BBF can do what ever she puts her mind to. It isn't always easy but she can do it.

[Bree-asaurus]

Hrmm... okay... well maybe my previous post was full of s***... Last night reminded me that I still often think about ending it... and my reason for not wanting to was because I didn't want my boyfriend to go through that.

But yeah... I guess I have no idea what I'm talking about so... don't take my advice lol...

Stupid brain! *sigh* hopefully those thoughts stop popping up in the future...

And on that note... YAY I see my therapist today! lol

[MC-lite]

@Jorja: You are so right. In retrospect, I wish I could thank the person who tried to cheer me up, because they cared enough to even say something positive to me when I was down.

@Bree: We have our good days and we have our bad days. I used to kid myself by saying that I saved all of my bad days for the autumn years of my life. I'm finding that I was so wrong.

My mother had a plaque on Her wall that I will -never- forget. To this day, we still laugh about it.

It said:

Somebody said "Cheer up, things could be worse"... So I cheered up and they got worse.

Hang in there. It gets worse! (uhh...I mean better.)

[Bree-asaurus]

@Bree: We have our good days and we have our bad days. I used to kid myself by saying that I saved all of my bad days for the autumn years of my life. I'm finding that I was so wrong.

Yeah... It's just my silly brain...

I'm supposed to be challenging my negative thoughts (my therapist has been trying to beat that into me for a couple years)... they're just temporary but they always seem to come back!

[MC-lite]

I'm supposed to be challenging my negative thoughts (my therapist has been trying to beat that into me for a couple years)... they're just temporary but they always seem to come back!

Yup, but what the therapist forgot to tell you is not to forget to cut yourself a heaping helping of slack.

I don't know how old you are, but for me, I've got at least 40 years of bad learned behavior to overcome. I've had to learn how -not- to hate myself, how to enjoy life to its' fullest without feeling like I don't deserve it, and not to drive away the people who are actually strong enough and compassionate enough to love me.

It Ain't easy. Every day is a fight. And the fight is especially difficult when your opponent is yourself.

Love Yourself! You're definitely worth loving. You have someone who tells you that each day by staying with you.

If you don't love you, who else will?

:Miki.