Transitioning Frustrations

[Britney Johnson]

Hi all. I suppose I am might just be venting here more than anything. I started my HRT 3 months ago, and am wanting to take it slow, especially since I am still active duty military. Although, I am finding it harder and harder to take it as slow as I am. I have 2 years before I am able to retire, at the young age of 42, but am so looking forward to developing my curves and being the woman I was always meant to be. On top of all of this, I am married for the last 14 yrs. We have talked once about me transitioning, but she just doesn't want to hear me. I have wanted this change since I was 5, putting my name in articles for breast enlargement so it sounded as though mine were growing and all. My mom even made me wear a sequin dress to the dinner table once hoping it was going to scare me. I suppose, it did a little, and the fact that I was afraid for how everyone would look at me. I have ran from myself for all these yrs thinking I could change who I truly am, but now fully understand that I can not continue to hide behind a curtain. Next week is Just You week here in Las Vegas, and will be spending most of the week as the woman I am. I am looking forward to getting out, although a bit nervous about being out in public so much. Hoping my fears will subside. I would post a few pics, but apparently I can't do this on an IPad... Makes no sense... Hugs n Love everyone... Mwah

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It will come around in time!!

YOu seem really smart about how you are doing this...going out and getting used to it is constructive...if it doesn't go perfectly you will likely find that you can deal with it anyway!!

the curves come slow and you might lower your expectations around them...many of us go to other methods (implants) to get them if they are desired...

I hope both you and your wife can get through this in one piece

[Julia_in_Pa]

I'm assuming that since you started on HRT prior to retiring from the military that you won't have any more examinations from a military physician.
The difference in starting HRT at 40 vs 42 years of age really is not worth noting.

In this case I would consider not taking HRT until your military career is finished.
If you think you can conceal growth until your finished then go for it.

Your marriage is another story.

Resistance from your spouse is absolutely common place and sadly if she is unwilling and or unable to understand and accept this then your marriage will be added to the almost infinite number of past unions that did not survive transition.

Enjoy your week as you and continue to keep your head held high.


Julia

[Jorja]

There are days when all goes well and it seems like transition is kids play. Then you wake up!

[ReneeT]

Julia's advice on considering holding off on hrt until you retire is a good one. If your breasts develop at all liike mine,there is no way you will be able to wear a PT uniform without attracting attention. Have you thought about finishing out your military career, taking a couple years off on military retirement to transition, then proceeding with your life? You could certainly get the hair removal you need done while you are waiting. I am assuming of course, that you have already established a therapeutic relationship with a mental health professional, since you are on hrt......

[charla42]

I would not start HRT while still on active duty. Do not take the chance of being Forced out. Get Retired first. From a retired Trooper who did 21 years and retired as a E8. have a great day. Charla

[Britney Johnson]

Thanks everyone for your input. As far as progressing, I am continuing with laser treatments. I have been accomplishing for the last year or so, so far. Suppose I just wanted to feel as though I was taking steps forward to be true to myself. I know and understand it is a long road, but I just hate feeling as though I have waited too long. My dosage is super low, but notice some changes already even though it has only been 3 months. I figured I had started prematurely, but figured as long as I took things slow, it would be ok. Maybe I am wrong on that. Some do progress more quickly than others, I just didn't want to be too old, and my mistake earlier, I will be 44 upon retirement. That is in almost exactly 2 years from now. It won't come soon enough for me. I am gearing up to talk with my wife, which should be interesting..., but with having already spoken to her once about things, hopefully it will go a bit easier. We will see. Again, thanks for listening. I do listen to what everyone has to say.. Ecspecially with everything that goes on in this crazy time. Putting a little sanity into decisions is important.... Thank you again.... Hugz n Love to everyone....