Moving forward, slowly but surely

[Danni Renee]

So it has been an interesting last two weeks. My eldest daughter (15) came to stay with me for a week last week and then I am home on leave this week with the kids. Although my ex-wife and mother both know of my dressing I have not told the kids. However I decided I was not going to completely hide things from them and sort of see what happens.

My first step was to keep and use my female wallet in front of the kids. I have only used a female wallet (with hearts) for the last 6 months but typically when I am around the kids I took the important stuff out and hid it. The last two weeks though I stopped hiding it and used it just like I normally do (I still do not carry it out in public but I am working on that too). The first time my eldest daughter saw me get it and put stuff in it she just stared at it. She was shocked but did not say anything. Later on her and a friend went through the wallet so I know they have no doubt it was mine. My youngest daughter had the same stunned reaction when she first saw it but has not said anything and does not seem to think anything about it.

The next step is walking around with my toes painted. I keep them painted and I usually take it off when I am around the girls. But these last two weeks I have walked around with them displayed and nothing has been said. They were painted sparky purple and are impossible to miss.

Lastly, I have been wearing more of my jewelry openly as well and everything is okay.

I may be more busted than I think though. My eldest daughter's friend asked me if I shaved my legs and arms and I told her yes I did because I liked it that way. I think her asking the question made my daughter a little anxious but I have not had time to delve into the issue with her. I also think I am busted by my niece on my toes being painted. I took her and her friends plus my kids to the lake (it was her birthday) and I took my shoes off with polish and all. They are all teenagers and I heard her snicker when I took my shoes off but she never said anything to me. Everything was fine at her birthday party so if she did notice I do not think she cares.

It helps that everyone in the family thinks I am eccentric anyway. If they only new.......and one day they hopefully will :)

Danni

[Kelly DeWinter]

You may wnt to consider more carefully waht your intentons are. You are using terms like"stunned and busted" wih young family members and their friends. The teen years are hard enough without playing the guessing game, especially with their friends and possibly their friends parents. While we someimes want to be free to be who we are, sometimes its prudent to consider others and be prepared with a ready answer. A 15 year old i old enogh to have a heart to heart talk with. A talk will avoid possible probles in the future.

Kelly

[Cynthia Anne]

Danni Renee you are moving forward no doubt! Up or down the street one or the other! Remember being ''busted'' is a oneway! There is no turning back! I hope it all goes well for you! Hugs!

[busker]

So it has been an interesting last two weeks. My eldest daughter (15) came to stay with me for a week last week and then I am home on leave this week with the kids. Although my ex-wife and mother both know of my dressing I have not told the kids. However I decided I was not going to completely hide things from them and sort of see what happens.

My first step was to keep and use my female wallet in front of the kids. I have only used a female wallet (with hearts) for the last 6 months but typically when I am around the kids I took the important stuff out and hid it. The last two weeks though I stopped hiding it and used it just like I normally do (I still do not carry it out in public but I am working on that too). The first time my eldest daughter saw me get it and put stuff in it she just stared at it. She was shocked but did not say anything. Later on her and a friend went through the wallet so I know they have no doubt it was mine. My youngest daughter had the same stunned reaction when she first saw it but has not said anything and does not seem to think anything about it.

The next step is walking around with my toes painted. I keep them painted and I usually take it off when I am around the girls. But these last two weeks I have walked around with them displayed and nothing has been said. They were painted sparky purple and are impossible to miss.

Lastly, I have been wearing more of my jewelry openly as well and everything is okay.

I may be more busted than I think though. My eldest daughter's friend asked me if I shaved my legs and arms and I told her yes I did because I liked it that way. I think her asking the question made my daughter a little anxious but I have not had time to delve into the issue with her. I also think I am busted by my niece on my toes being painted. I took her and her friends plus my kids to the lake (it was her birthday) and I took my shoes off with polish and all. They are all teenagers and I heard her snicker when I took my shoes off but she never said anything to me. Everything was fine at her birthday party so if she did notice I do not think she cares.

It helps that everyone in the family thinks I am eccentric anyway. If they only new.......and one day they hopefully will :)

Danni

well Danni, it looks as though you have done a pretty good job of outing yourself. As has been mentioned here any number of times, if you want to be outed, hang around teenage girls--they can spot an "outsider" in an instant. Because they didn't say anything, it may have been to spare your feelings, since you are NOT a stranger. If your daughter is a bit anxious, it is obviously for a reason, and you probably should treat her now like a grown-up and tell her your "story", in a more fatherly way. anything else would be neglect, IMHO.

[Julia Welch]

Telling your children is one thing, telling their friends in such an undeniable fashion is dangerous to your kids ... you may not care of the possible ridicule you are leaving yourself open to, but what of your children?

I don't understand why you would do such a thing.

[Nikki A.]

I agree with the others, you better talk to her and be honest. You've gone past the point of no return. I also agree you should have said something to the kids before their friends saw what you're doing.

[PretzelGirl]

One more voice to say to talk to them. Think of it this way. If you lay all the hints out, then they know. But what do they really know? Their minds get to race and they may stress out depending which way their thoughts go. Basically, you will have no say into what they are thinking. But if you sit down with them and lay it out, then you do get input into their thoughts. I am all for coming out if you think the time is right and it is right for you and the other person. But do it or don't. Leaving a person hanging can leave a lot of doubt on how the situation goes.

I also don't like that her and her friend went through your wallet. Do you know because things are displaced? Either way, it is a lack of respect for privacy. And this appears driven by her wondering what is going on. Look at this event and see what could be happening. What could happen next while she is wondering what is going on with her father?

This isn't an easy thing to do and doing it with teenagers can be tougher depending on how they are doing. I wish you the best. :hugs:

[Foxglove]

Hi, Danni! I have to admit that I go along with some of the others on this thread: I find your strategy a bit mysterious. If you want your elder daughter to know about you, why not just tell her? As it is, you've been describing the girls as "shocked", "stunned", "anxious". I really don't know why you'd want to put them in that state.

I came out to my son (age 26) a couple of weeks ago. I felt I had good reason to tell him, it was time for the truth to be known, so I just told him. It turned out he didn't actually know anything about TGism, so I gave him a lot of background on the subject. Fifteen years old is plenty old enough to absorb the kind of information I gave my son, so I don't know why you're going about it the way you are. Your family, your call, I just don't understand it myself.

Best wishes, Annabelle